Nocturnal Excursions / Diurnal Escapades

2011-10-28T11:53:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone.

I am back .

:P

My Adventure of Saying Goodbye (to Blogger)

2008-01-14T12:52:00.000+08:00

The hardest part of any friendship is when it is time to say goodbye. As much as much as we want things to stay the same, in life, change is an inevitable thing. Thus;

There's a place called Far-away Meadow
We never shall mow in again,
Or such is the talk at the farmhouse:
The meadow is finished with men...
-Robert Frost

I will see you at Nocturnal Excursions.

My Adventure During MyCat's "Race Against Time"

2007-12-19T12:06:00.001+08:00

It was bloody tiring and stressful at times, but loads of fun. The sky decided that it would desist with its daily afternoon torrential downpour, took a rain check (pun intended) and allowed the sun to come out. Although, the heat was nothing like Raptor Watch's as the Zoo's foliage gave us some reprieve from the heat to a certain extent.

It was indeed a success of sorts, as we were able to reach out to the visitors of Zoo Negara on Tiger conservation as well as introducing to the public the new Tiger hotline.

While the missus was at the "Art Adventure" station, painting the kid's (young and old) faces, hands and other appendages, I was at the "Tiger Threat" station, showing how scientists make plaster cast of a wild tiger's pug mark.

Tiger ambassadors; Susan, Corrine, Chelsia (behind), Xandria
Ning, Maple, Rina, Aishah, and Yassin

The crowd at the opening ceremony. I'm somewhere
in there, I think

Roar!

Our tiger threat station

Ahmad Zafir, WWF Tiger 'Expert' showing the way

This is a box.

When I was young, back then we didn't have handphones
or DVD players

Wot? What do you mean it's doesn't look like a pug mark?

I get to play with plaster of paris and dirt. Bliss

The Missus promoting the Tiger Hotline

My Adventure of Being More Bored

2007-12-14T12:05:00.001+08:00

I got tagged. Oh well. Here goes.

#1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.
Some delusional Manc Scum on Football Crazy who said they were going to win this Sunday.

#2. What were you doing at 0800?.
Still asleep. Don’t ask.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
On the Crapper. Must be those Chicken Curry I had for dinner last night.

4. What happened to you in 2006?
Got married and is now being smug about it, especially with Lily.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Wei.. Kita nak Solat Jumaat kat maner ni.. ke nak lepak KLCC je?"

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Ihadabout5cupsofcoffeeandnowI'mhyperactivealready.

7. What color is your hairbrush?
I do not comb my hair. I just pat them down into place.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
A pack of Ciggies.

9. Where were you last night?
Footy Futsal in Taman Megah.

10. What color is your front door?
Grey. The anatomy of my door is Grey. Geddit? Heh. Ok. Moving on.

11. Where do you keep your change?
In my piggy bank, which does not look like a pig but is hexagon in shape with colourful cartoon characters on it. I just ignore the grammatically erroneous poems written on it.

12. What’s the weather like today?
Sunny, but I'm suspecting it is going to rain later Coleens and Rooneys later in the evening.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Walls' Moo ice-cream. Vanilla and chocolate. So, Ok. I'm not a big ice-cream devourer.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Yes, I need one. It’s sticking all over the place. I look like a bad-boy. *winks at Mellyboo*

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Depend on who's asking.

17. Do you talk a lot?
No I don’t. The voices in my head do though. "You want me to what? Sharpen my Axe?"

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
Hell No. Why the frack do I want to do that?

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
“Oh, when I’m feeling blue, Stevie G runs past me
Passing the Ball with wisdom, Stevie G
Stevie G, Stevie G, Stevie G, Stevie G
Local lad turned hero, Stevie G”

Sung to the tune of "Let Her Be - Beatles"

20. Do you make up your own words?
No, the Albanian language has already been discovered.

21. Are you a jealous person?
Yes, I am. I'm jealous that Jessica Alba is back with that twat again.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Alonso (Xabi.. Not Fernando)

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kuyt. (Hey Lily, we have the same friend).

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
The Missus.

25. What does the last text message you received say?
"Sayang, balik kul bape?"

26. Do you chew on your straw?
All the time.

27. Do you have curly hair?
Yes. Depends on which part of the body though.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
I think to the Crapper again. My tummy has been acting up lately.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life
Shebby Singh. He's even more rude with that new haircut of his.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Beskot Munchies. Swiped them off my colleague. She doesn't know it yet, and I'm not telling. Heh.

31. Will you get married in the future?
I am married now, unless you’re referring to the 3 other empty quotas available. Heh.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Saving Private Ryan. The best ever opening 15 minutes of any movie.

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
Mellyboo. Heh.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Dishes? Whats that?

35. Are you currently depressed?
That will depend on Sunday’s result.

36. Did you cry today?
Frack.. No.

37. Why did you answer and post this?
I'm Narcisstic and I want the whole bloody world to know that I was on the Crapper today. And because Lily tagged me and if I didn't, she'd steal my hubcaps.

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
Ok. Right. I’d like to tag;

Hayden Panetierre;
Jolene Blalock;
Tricia Helfer;
Eva La Rue; and
Emily Procter.

My Adventure of Being Bored

2007-12-10T16:20:00.000+08:00

When the KL skyline looks ominously bleak, especially on a Monday morning, work is the last thing on one's mind. And the office's uber-efficient air-conditioning does not help in any way either.

But then again, a little drizzle outside won't stop an enterprising chap like me to waste away the day with some productive work. As such I surfed the net for some ideas on how best to do this. Lo' and behold, there is a website or forum to be exact on this, which just proves to you that I'm not the only slacker in the world.

Unfortunately, not all could be utilised though for a number of reasons (i.e. I still need a bloody job at the end of the day). So, from 8.30am this morning, till about 4.53pm, I have accomplished the following;

#1. Make paper airplanes and fly (more like spin and crash) them across the room.

#2. Mess about on Facebook.

#3. Make a jug of coffee and finish it on one sitting. I now blink every 10 minutes.

#4. Switch off the department's lights and make shadow puppets with my headlamp and my hands on the wall. I know know how to make an orang utan. *smug*

#5.To signal the end of a conversation, I clamped my hands over my ears and grimaced.

#6. Walked sideways to the photocopier.

#7. While riding in the elevator during lunch time, I gasped dramatically every time the doors opened.

#8. Didn't use any punctuation in all my conversations.

#9. Called I.T. helpdesk and told them that I can't seem to access any porno web sites.

#10. For an hour, referred to everyone I spoke to as "Dave".

#11. Then in the next hour, after every sentence, I said 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "Who left their original documents on the photocopier, Mon?".

#12. As often as possible, skipped rather than walked.

God, I am bored, aren't I?

My Adventure of Being a Couch Potato

2007-11-21T16:38:00.000+08:00

Our reliability to a certain monopoly-based local satellite TV channel is astounding. So much so that I’m still wondering how the bloody hell we survived back in the days when all we had was the 2 main terrestrial stations. Our reliability extends to the fact that even though they’ve messed about with the channels by introducing the annoyingly confusing 3 digit channel system, we didn’t moan all that much.

Like most couch potatoes, I do have my favorite series ranging from sports, to the educational as well as to the entertainment genre. For example, it is of no surprise too see me in front of the telly when Rafa’s Redman are playing, nor is it a shock to find me hogging the idiot box when the host is about to get eaten by a 10 foot estuarine Croc. In retrospect though, my inclination towards certain series is mostly derived NOT from its gripping, suspenseful storyline but is mainly due to the hotties that appear on it.

So, in a tribute to the hotties that have made me more obsessed for the telly, here are the Top 5 Hotties whom I like to ogle at on a weekly basis but pretend that I’m engrossed with the storyline instead because I don’t want the wife to suspect.

#5. Hayden Panetierre, “Claire Bennett – Heroes”

If they haven’t already, someone should be given a medal for writing and making her wear that ridiculously short cheerleader outfit throughout the first season. Fair enough, her powers of rapid cellular regeneration are blatant plagiarism of a certain Mr. Logan, (minus the Adamantium claws and thankfully without the excess hair) but she’s a central character in which the whole series is revolves upon.

The series’ script is nothing special as we’ve seen the plot a dozen times in the comics. But Heroes is different as we get to see Hayden run around in that cheerleader outfit whilst trying to save the world.

Did I mention about her outfit?

#4. Jolene Blalock, “T’ Pol – Star Trek: Enterprise”

I am not a Trekkie. Nor do I know how to speak Klingon. But I was hooked on the series simply on the basis of Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One, often shortened to "Seven of Nine" or simply "Seven", portrayed by the insatiable Jeri Ryan, from Star Trek: Voyager.

The producer continued to employ this shameless method of boosting up their ratings by introducing T’Pol as the Sub-Commander on the USS Enterprise. Chicks with long ears are hot. It worked with Arwen in LoTR didn’t it? And it worked perfectly here too.

#3. Tricia Helfer, “Number 6 - Battlestar Galactica”

Number Six is a seductive, Cylon spy. The key word here is ‘seductive’.

In the series, she is one of the many copies of the new generation of Cylons, capable of adapting to human form and emotions, rather than the shiny metallic toasters, with the vertically flashing red lights for eyes.

Oh, Tricia Helfer used to model for Victoria’s Secret. ‘Nuff said.

#2, Eva La Rue “Natalia Boa Vista – CSI Miami”

Those tree huggers have got it wrong, global warming is not a result of environmental decline. The Earth’s temperature is rising (especially in Miami) because of Eva La Rue. It is damn worth suffering through Horatio’s constant fiddling with his shades and inclination to pause at every word in a sentence.

Natalia is the latino hottie, who joined the show in Season 5 and is the team’s DNA expert, initially assigned only to work on unsolved or cold cases. What Horation didn’t know was that she was a mole for the FBI, planted in the CSI office to build a case against Horatio and his team.

However, seeing as how cool Horatio is with his shades on, she told the FBI to bugger-off and is now a permanent cast member on the series. Booyah!

#1. Emily Procter “Calleigh Dusquene – CSI Miami”

Calleigh plays the southern belle with the southern charm and drawl. Although she is not drop dead gorgeous, she makes it up by being coy and demure in one moment and a total kick-ass in the other.

She is the ballistics expert for the CSI team, which means that any crime involving someone getting shot, she’ll be the one conducting the trace on the bullet slugs. Nothing is hotter than a chick who loves guns and the only girl I know who makes ballistic testing look so "hawt".

Disclaimer: Now, before any of you start to moan about why Katherine Heigl or even Jennifer Garner isn't in the list, well.. TOUGH!. I do not ..repeat... DO NOT watch either Grey's Anatomy or Alias. Period.

My Adventure of Using an Anology

2007-11-05T17:09:00.000+08:00

Did you know that the hyena can virtually eat their entire prey or to be more exact, the carcass, as compared to other predators which can only eat about 60% of theirs. Its powderful (sic) jaws allow it to demolish and consume the normally indigestable materials such as horns, hooves and tusks of their prey.

Much like women in shoe stores. Chaos, anarchy, disarray, pandemonium and commotion all in one package. Yes, I'm making an analogy here. Or is it a simile? What then is a metaphor?

No worries though. I have another adventurious (?) opportunity for those of you who was demn lembap for the afore-mentioned event.

I did tried to lobby with the good people of WWF if one of the options could be named as 'Happy Hurnain' or 'Hurnain Hensem' but nooo.. Some people clearly lacks creativity and forward thinking. Ceh!

My Adventure of Rambling About Nothing..... and Something

2007-10-31T12:39:00.000+08:00

Find the brown beneath the white;
But whate'er you do to-night,
Bathe my window, make it flow,
Melt is as the ice will go

….So says Robert Frost.

Here, it seems that Mr. Frost is penning about the end of winter and the introduction of spring. If we care to delve further and read try to understand the gist beneath the poetic ramblings (you need to read the whole lot of it first though), we can assume that he was not really implying on the annual northern hemispheric change brought on by a tilt in the Earth’s axis.

To put it quite simply, Mr. Frost is writing about a catalyst, carrying forth a change for the better...but then again, I’m not really sure if this is indeed the case as I’m really just making this up as I go along. Heh.

Where am I going with this? Nowhere apparently.

But then again, on 16 December 2007, the Malaysian Conservation Alliance for Tigers (MyCat) is organizing an event at the Zoo to CHANGE the mindset of the public by raising more awareness on tiger conservation……. and they need volunteers.

So if those causes I see in your FB pages are bona fide, then call the pertaining number to sign-up and I will see you there at the Zoo on that date.

My Adventure of Becoming 30

2007-10-09T15:44:00.000+08:00

Here's to another adventurous 30 years. :p

My Adventure During Ramadan

2007-10-05T10:55:00.000+08:00

Mark Twain once said that the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Mr. Twain, the twat has never met my stomach.

To date, my gastronomical crisis brought about by the endless variety of food I have scoffed down like it’s nobody’s business, has resulted in an extended and recurring stay on the crapper. Not a very ideal place to be, mind you.

In addition, the company’s panel clinic doctor has increased my dosage for my flu medication and antibiotics. This has inadvertently turned my vision into a hi-resolution color scheme, much like the 1024 x 628 Windows true color.

Deteriorating personal health and vision notwithstanding, I then had the testicular capacity ( or in other words.. “balls”) to take up an offer to do a follow-up report on the marine life of Glenmarie Cove.

No, wait. It gets better.

I was required to carry out was an assessment and identification of both inland freshwater fish as well as the estuary saltwater fish of the Langat river estuary. There's the kicker! The things is, when it comes to reptiles or amphibians or mammals or even avian, I wouldn't have much a problem with but I have absolutely no bloody idea about fish.

My knowledge are only limited to the three main type of fish that I know off; sweet and sour, broiled and fried. Not only are riverine fish species are less photogenic than their reef-dwelling cousins, there is a lack of a detailed species report of them lying around. Might as well try to figure out the formula for cold-fusion while I'm at it, why don't I?

My Adventure of Giving an Update on Current Events

2007-09-04T16:44:00.000+08:00

End of the year.

We all know what that means, don't we?

Work just piles up, with so little time to do it. Plus, it is that time of the year when the weather starts to get a wee bit wonky and will lead to an outbreak of mutated evil viruses.

Mutated evil virus with a shorter spawning time. Much like Stephen's King'The Stand', but without the annoying Molly Ringwald in the movie version.

My deadline for the Federal Hill survey is on the 15th of this month. We were informed that some representative from a housing development company has inquired with the Malaysian Nature Society on the availability and conduciveness of the area. The cheek!

Which makes the survey even more important now.

The problem is Trusty Assistant is busy streamlining Genting's jackpot machine, and Shepherd is back home in British Columbia, probably eaten by a Black Bear by now. I have no idea where Moggie is. I sure hope he's not still lost in the jungles of Kerling.

On a brighter note, I've received the cheques for the Pulau Carey survey as well as the initial payment for Federal Hill's. Yummy.

The greatest football club in the world is steamrolling everything in its sights. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Manure and the Gooners are pwn-ed themselves. The FA was nice to give the EPL a week's break to allow the rest of the premiership to plan some way of stopping the Red Juggernaut.

Have nice viral week ahead, Ladies and Gentleman. :p

My Adventure with the Action Heroes of Yesterday

2007-08-29T10:49:00.000+08:00

During the late 80s, my grandfather, when he was in town, would never fail to take me to the local cinema and most of the time, the genre would always be of the action kind. Back then we didn’t have the age rating like we have now and those type of movies was easily accessible to this 10 year old.

Being the nostalgic sort, I notice that there is a stark difference between the action stars of today as compared to those who entertained us by smacking the shite out the bad guys, 20 or more so years ago.

For one thing, action stars of days yonder were your average, anarchic, anti-hero type with a brutal sense of justice. They were mean, tough-as-nails, and were walking, arse-kicking machines. You would not have wanted to run into any of them in a dark alley, nor a brightly one either, Especially if you're a Commie/Nazi/Cultist, drug-dealing scum who likes to molest white girls in said alleys.

Those were the days when women knew their roles well and the likes of Jennifer Garner would be where they should be; at home, in the kitchen with a bun in the oven.

In addition, the heroes of these great films are men, who, in real life could actually beat the living shite out of you. Say what you will about his acting and political career but back in 1983, Arnold Schwarzenegger could have ripped your head-off with one hand.

These days, more often than not, Hollywood tries to make you believe that the likes of Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Colin Farrel are action stars.

I mean, come on. Matt Damon? Colin Farrel maybe, but Matt Damon?

In real life, I could take him with both my hands and feet tied together. He can bring his pussy-friend Ben Afleck to help him out, and the outcome would still be the same.

So as a tribute to the most underrated Action Heroes of the silver screen in the 70s and 80s, here is the Top 5 Most Underrated Badass-ess of the Action Genre.

#5 Charles Bronson

The late Mr. Bronson was a walking OSHA violation. He was the epitome of the ‘tough guy’ character and mostly starred either as a western gunfighter, boxer, vigilante, brutal police detective or a Mafia hit man.

However, he is most fondly remembered for his vengeful rampage on the Death Wish sequels. In the first installment, he played an architect (yes, architect!), whose wife was murdered, and his daughter raped. So being your average liberal tax-paying American citizen, Paul is then transformed into a walking, talking, trigger-happy killing machine, with a Smith & Wesson Pump Gun because of the tragedy.

If he had ever been offered the role of a divorced Neurosurgeon, who likes to have illicit affairs with his co-workers and interns, Mr. Bronson would have clubbed his agent to death.

It was the tough guy roles that he relished. This is justifiable for the fact that he worked in a coal mine when he was 10 years old. When he was 21, he joined the Air Force during WW2’s pacific theatre and served as a B-29 Superfortress’ tail-gunner.

And what did Ben Affleck do when he was 21? Pbfft!

He sadly died in 2003 from Pneumonia while suffering from Alzheimer’s disease at the ripe old age of 81.#

#4 Michael Dudikoff

He is not your familiar household name now as he only starred in a limited number of action movies in the 80s, namely Avenging Force and Platoon Leader but it is as the American Ninja that he will most be fondly remembered. .

In Standard 5, while my other classmates wanted to be Doctors and Lawyers, I stunned my teacher by stating that I wanted to be a Ninja when I grew up. My friends found it amusing; my teacher however, did not.

And it was all because of Michael Dudikoff and American Ninja. Come on, if given a choice between an underpaid and overworked government doctor, which would you choose?

Thought so.

Why? Because Ninjas are cool. Wearing black looks cool, running silently on rooftops look cool and garroting your enemies in the middle of the night is cool.

Driving around Prague or any other eastern bloc country in a beat-up Mini is NOT cool, nor running for your life from the police and any other federal government covert agency staff.

If it was Micheal Dudikoff, he would’nt need to run. He would have killed his pursuers, in their beds, with a roll-up newspaper and the tv remote.

#3 Jean- Claude Van Damme

His Belgian accent unmistakable, we give thanks that he's more animated than Steven Seagel. He was given the name of "The Muscles from Brussels", and this was not because of his affinity to seafood. His affinity, is in actual fact, was to kick-your-arse.

And Mr. Van Damme didn’t win the 1978 European Karate Middleweight title just for kicks (pun intended). That paved his way into Hollywood. He may have played the bad guy in Bloodsport but it was in 1989’s Kickboxer that he made his mark in the ass-kicking genre. And who can forgot the classic turkey; Street Fighter, where Mr. Van Damme played Colonel Guile with a foreign accent?

Say what you will about his movies and acting credentials but if you’d put Mr. Van Damme and let’s say...... .Patrick Dempsey in a ring together, the most probable outcome would be that McDreamy would then require a REAL neurosurgeon because Jean-Claude would have kicked McDreamy's brains out through his nose.

He admitted that he took ballet lessons to enhance his kicking style, but don't try to take the piss out of him for that. Why?He would crush your feeble skull, along with your Grey's Anatomy Season Two DVD collection, by using only his pecs.

Mind you, the initials for the deadly and embarassing ‘Venereal Disease’ are ‘VD’, the same as Jean’s surname initials. Coincidence? I think not.

#2 Clint Eastwood

It is a wonder that at 77 years of age, Mr. Eastwood is still producing and directing award winning movies and productions. Most of you would know him as the gritty boxing coach, Frankie Dunn in Million Dollar Baby, in which he won the Oscar’s Best Director award for.

But his role as the Man with No Name, in Sergei Leone’s spaghetti westerns defined him as what he is today. Yes, he was such a badass that he didn’t need a name. Most people wouldn't know this but he acted in a whole lot of westerns earlier in his career.

Then, in the 70s, as if gunning down outlaws in the old west wasn't enough, Mr. Eastwood, then armed himself with the world's most powerful handgun, and started wasting San Francisco's criminal element when he became the iconic ‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan in the Dirty Harry movies.

His famous monologue in Dirth Harry has been immortalized, and is now the standard arresting protocol, (apart from the Miranda rights), for police officers in San Francisco.

"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk? "

Then they would proceed to blow Colin Farrel's head off.

#1 Chuck Norris.

George Dubya had it all wrong. There are no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Dallas.

In 1969, 'Carlos Ray' Norris won the International Karate Tournament, and held it for the next 6 years. In 1997 when he was the first Westerner in the documented history of Tae Kwon Do to be given the rank of 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master. In 2000, he was presented with the Golden Lifetime Achievement Award by the World Karate Union Hall of Fame.

That Badass enough for you, punk?

Through the years he has thrilled viewers with the Missing-in-Action and Delta Force sequels. And who can forget Walker, Texas Ranger series. The storyline would be the same; Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking everything and everyone.

Wikipedia wrote this in its site;
In late 2005, Norris became the object of an internet phenomenon known as Chuck Norris Facts, which document fictional, often absurdly heroic feats and characteristics about Norris himself.

A few days later, the writer for that article was found dead, with his skull caved in. Post-mortem reported that he suffered severe hemotoma brought on by a roundhouse kick.

Never mess with the Chuck! The Chuck Norris facts are not fictional nor are they absurd. They are facts. None more so than the ones below.

10. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity... twice.

9. Chuck Norris does not get frost bite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

8. When Chuck Norris falls into water, he does not get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

7. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

6. Once, Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. He got one.

5. Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendent's now have white hair and are called Polar Bears.

4. There is no such thing as global-warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.

3. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

2. At first you don't succeed.... the you sure as hell not Chuck Norris.

1. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

We can only try to comprehend the awesome-ness these individuals exclude. Now, we can only hope and dream that one day, Hollywood rid themselves of these wannabe action stars and find themselves a diamond in the rough, so that the glory of the action genre can be restored.

My Adventure of Working for the Government (long pause) Not!

2007-08-14T12:26:00.000+08:00

The Seri Paduka Baginda Pemaisuri Agong a.k.a my mum, has been pestering me to leave my current day job and seek employment with the Government. And she has kept up the constant pressure as far back as I can remember. You see, my parents have been government servants since the Cretacious period. Although, in my dad’s case, ‘was’ would be the correct term, considering that he’s now retired and is currently frolicking in JB with his Masjid Kolam Air peeps.

Being faithful servants of the administration, they have served their time in the trenches of civil servtitude from day one, and thus it is only logical, that they request that I too follow them in their footsteps and sell my soul to the dev.. err.. government.

And they are wont to promote this campaign by various methods. One way is to provide the examplary actions of my UiTM friends, who have successfully joined the government service, after a brief stint with the corporate world, and are apparently now living happily ever after.

Friends like my ex-classmate Zariff* a.k.a. ‘Almari’, who used to visit our bachelor pad in Shah Alam to selongkar our almari kain in search of our Porn stash (hence his nickname) but is now the Assistant District Officer of a famous sleepy town down south.

Lest not forget Shahruddin* a.k.a ‘Jalok’, the professional skirt chaser, who would chase a bloody lamp post if you put a skirt on it, and is now working with Biro TataNegara as a Protocol officer.

Well the list goes on for quite a bit of which my mum has no qualms of reminding me... constantly. I’m not really sure whether Pak Lah is paying her some sort of recruitment commission though.

If he is, I sure as hell haven’t seen any of it.

And always her reasoning caters along the same lines; the perks are better, better allowances, housing loan, living quarters, car loan, pension, sampai mati medical benefits etc, and of course not forgetting the chance to serve the best interest of the people.

However, my reluctance is borne NOT from the perks that the government agencies provide to their mindless zombie sla... err, servants, but it is more centered more on the mentality of the people who are currently working there.

Since 'Nocturnal Excursions' is a non-prejudicial (silly people exempted), educational as well as being the honest, fair, good looking and charming blog that it is, I decided to gauge my level of paranoia with various members of the public.

*Winnie, 23, Personal Assistant, USJ 8, whom I met at the Stabaks outlet in Putrajaya said,“ Seriously .. what irks me the most, is like, when they all sebok-sebok wanting to know who's earning how much, especially like, when you are not from the JPA pay scheme. Like seriously?".

After more fiddling her compact and after checking her make-up for the umpteenth time, she rolled her eyes and added, “Oh, and don’t get me started on the condescending attitude of PTD officers, like we all KNOW that you are the ‘selected’ few, but whatever!".

"Like Euwww, especially the younger batch, who like, think they are the cream of the crop in the country, as compared to those who are not off the PTD scheme. They're such spaz, okayyy”, she added, waving her compact around while I tried my best to avoid being hit by the Revlon contraption.

Hazlin, 36, IT administrator (moonlights as a lounge singer on weekends), Bukit Jalil said,“Eh, Akak tengah training ni. Minggu nih ada show kat Saujana.”
But after promising a minus-one copy of the Cranberries 'Zombie', she was willing to spare a moment of her time to answer my questions though, “Orang Gamen ni semua status-conscious, kalau you high-ranking officer, you will be queried (unofficially) on what car you drive. You kena pakai a car of certain model/standard/make, which must corresponds with your gaji.”

“Kalau tak, diaorang kutuk2 you. Keji kan? Kejiiii," she lamented. "Ini yang akak tengah cari duit lebih ni. Lagi sebulan lagi mampu la akak beli Naza Ria,"

Cyrus, 41, Entrepreneur, Kenny Hills, “You knowww ah,Lengchai, all this PTD officers always complain, salary low lar. But you know,they foget, they got many allowances. Housing, car, wife, dog, goat, even the mistless olso cover mah. Walauweih! Syiok man.” explained the businessman, slurping his Wan Tan mee when I met him at the Beach Boys cafe in Taman Megah.

“Some more they get living quarters, car loan, pension, and medical benefit until they die wan. Still want to complain? Tiuuuu," he added, shaking his head in disbelief whilst shoveling another good helping of the noodles.

Lisa, 11, Unemployed, Keramat Dalam had this to say after I bribed her with a Mat Kool Ice cream, “Mama said that if we want to go shopping, we don't have to go to OU. We can go find the nearest akak keja opis kerajaan. Because they are like a moving Pasaraya Jaya sek 14. We can buy kain, kuih, kerepek, brooch, aromatheraphy soap, and branded handbags and purse," the little girl explained.

“But my mama said that the branded stuffs are not really original, " smiling at me with her toothy grin.

"When I grow up I want to work with the gavmen. I can sell kaler pensel. Then when I'm rich, I can buy lots and lots of barbie dolls. And my Mama kenot say anything because it's my money, " she ended with a flourish.

I didn't even try to ask why her rambut is senget and who cut it for her.

Right. Join the government? With this sort of feedback, I guess I'll be happier with a profit-oriented organisation. I don’t think I can handle the government people. Anyways, I’m a narcissist. I cannot have some PTD officer stealing my thunder, now can I?

*Nama telah ditukar untuk tidak memberi kemaluan kepada orang sebenar.

My Adventure of Finding Myself

2007-08-13T14:17:00.000+08:00

No shit. This is bloody news to me. And here I thought that I was only charming and good looking. Heh.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

It seems that I'm a narcissist as well.

Cool.

My Adventure of Not Having an Adventure

2007-08-06T10:36:00.000+08:00

My Reptile and Amphibian survey for the Federal Hill conservation project will commence next week, thus things have been really slow and quiet these past few weeks.

Wait a minute. Unless you consider the fact that I ate a whole tin of baked-beans yesterday and am now farting as if it's going out of style?

How's that for a bloody adventure, eh?

My Adventure Of Not Having to Stand in Line at 5am

2007-07-23T17:22:00.000+08:00

I had originally made plans to rush Kino at KLCC on the morning of the 21st in order to get my grubby hands on the latest edition of JK Rowling's 7th book. I had even planned with a fellow accomplice on where and when to meet.

Suffice to say being a nocturnal creature of the night, mornings have an acute distaste towards my well being. I woke up at 11am and oblivious to the sms my fellow accomplice, whom I assume to be nocturnal in nature, sent at 7am to inform me that she had overslept as well.

'Sod it', I had told myself when I realised the time but not feeling too dissapointed about it, considering the fact that I am a 'non-morning' person and abhor crowds in general, it was very unbecoming of me to have thought up of the plan in the first place. Therefore, I had concluded to purchase/steal/borrow a copy at a later date.

So, It was later in the afternoon that I was informed by my sister-in-law of the pricing debacle between the major bookstores and the hypermarkets. This time, even though I again told myself to 'Sod it', it was focused more on the ethical question of which moral ground to stand; the bookstores which were the victims in this incident or the unethical business accord of the hypermarkets.

Just like the sorting hat, my wallet chose for me.

I am happy to say that Deathly Hallows was an entertaining read. Well sure, Rowling could've wrote it shorter than the 600+ pages but then that would affect the book price and her commission. Clever woman.

Harry was not that annoying, fortunately, unlike in Order of the Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince, it seemed that he had matured to a certain extent in the final book. Ron and Hermione still played second-fiddle to the Boy Who Lived as most of the other characters did but thanfully it was suspense from start to finish. The climatic ending was worthy of even Tolkien's Return of the King. Unlike the snore-bore of Book 5 or 6, Rowling takes you on a rollercoaster ride throughout.

One gripe that I have with the way Rowling handled it is with how she started the whole bloody Harry Potter adventure in the first place. You had Sorceror's stone; humorous, innocent and focused mainly with child readers in mind, to Deathly Hallows; dark, violent and catered more towards mature readers. Yes, money IS the root of all evil.

So, did Harry die as foretold by many? Well, you have to read for yourself. I'm not telling. All I can say is the casualties are indeed high. Apart from the cheesy epilogue at the end, I would really recommend the book.

And thus concludes my review. If you were looking for more in-depth reporting, than I suggest here or here. But if you do happen to hate it, "that dumbass 9 told us it was good', hey.. don't blame me. I don't read that much and the last book I bought was 'Monitoring Amphibian Diversity in Borneo'. So go figure.

Nox!

My Adventure of Watching Malaysia Get Bashed

2007-07-17T16:30:00.000+08:00

One day, a bunch of Form 3 students had the brainless idea of asking the Form 6s for a football match. "No worries", the Form 3s thought. "This should be a walk in the park". Well, ok. those buggers were twice their size but the Form 3s had numbers on their side.

14 of the Form 3s to 8 of the Form 6s if I remember the line-up correctly.

The reason of the sudden testerone-enlarged-testicle idea was that they thought the Form 6s, being in Form 6 and all, were your classic geeky bookworms. Furthermore, the Form 3s had been training in the best-paddy-field pitches in their local housing area and surau kickabout for years now.

The only problem is that the Form 6s didn't send their classic geeky bookworms. They instead sent in the ones who were not geeks. 2 of them were from some football project school. Suffice to say the Form 3s got stuffed. Stuffed like a VJ by a political youth wing member.

What the Form 6 had that the Form 3s didn't was the experience and brain matter to play. Although, technical skills are at best, on par, the Form 6s, passed the ball, played the flanks, found space with chips, flicks and nutmegs.

The Form 3s on the other hand were running all over like headless chickens.

Fast forward to the present, the severe buggering of our lads in the Asian Cup reminded me of that infamous incident in 1992. It's easy to point fingers and play the blame game but the fact of the matter is that the Malaysian players were not good enough. Just like the Form 3s back then, Akhmal and co. had gone up against better prepared, technically efficient, and tactically astute opponents.

So, before anyone goes overboard in criticising our nation's performance, spare the thought for me, who was playing in midfield, exasperately trying to pull that team of Form 3s together.

My job would have been much simpler if most of my teamates knew how to pass and not attempt to dribble half of the opposing team when their individual skills are somewhat suspected.

My Adventure With the Concept of Complementary Principles

2007-07-04T11:36:00.000+08:00

There are some concept of complementary principles which are not expected to succeed in this world, much less the inherently opposing ones.

Forget the Ying. Forget the Yang. Some entities or concepts are just not able to co-exist with each other, lest the destruction of humankind and cessation of all life on Earth.

For example, Timothy McVeigh and C6H2(NO2)3CH3, or;

Lyndsay Lohan and a bottle of Jim Beam, or;

George Dubya and a Brain (although, it is still debatable whether he has one in the first place).

Closer to home, two entities which do not exist well in the same context, room or situation is a dumbass and a shotgun.

As such, when you put these two together, you get incidence such as this:

A female sun bear, which was injured after being shot by a hunter, died while being treated at a state wildlife facility here on Sunday.

The bear was found by a villager in an estate in Kampung Sungai Pas, in Kuala Krai, and handed to the district wildlife officers.Wildlife conservation centre head here, Muhammad Ismail, said the animal was weak when it was brought to the facility last Thursday.

"We believe the bear was shot several hours before it was found by the villager, and it had serious injuries on the back. We gave the best treatment," he said.

He said they had intended to release the bear after it recovered. The department is investigating the case.

They didn't even had time to give her a name.

My Adventure of Giving You Lot a Warning

2007-07-03T15:54:00.000+08:00

Oi.

This chap here is under CITES Appendix II, which means that her and her friends, although not neccesasrily threathened at the current moment, may face extinction, unless trade is closely controlled.

There-bloody-fore, without special permits, your shipment, as in the case on 12 June 2007, when a shipment of 76 leopard tortoises contained in two parcels labelled as “claypots” flown from Tanzania to the courier services section of the Low-Cost Carrier Terminal, would be bloody confiscated.

Oh, did I mention 2 individuals died due to stress and poor handling?

Not surprising when they've all been found strapped down on their shells and their heads were also tied back to prevent further movement.

Where were they heading?

None other than to your local neighbourhood poache err.. pet store.

Here's the bloody deal. No matter what that poacher at your pet store says; they have not been captive bred. More of often than not, they were smuggled-in. When you lot start buying these animals under the pretense of being a bleedin' animal lover, you are promoting an increase in demand for the trade.

No, don't give me that excuse of wanting to be a bloody hero and trying to breed them, with a yet another false pretense of one day re-introducing them into the wild bla bla bla. You bloody can't pull in a bird for yourself much less trying to force-breed another species. Let the experts handle it.

So stop buying them. Or any other 'imported' exotic animals from your local poacher for that matter. Allow them to live and die in their habitat as nature intended them.

Under your care, it's going to die in 6 months anyway.

My Adventure of Forgiving and Giving Thanks

2007-07-02T16:17:00.000+08:00

Michael Bay, you are forgiven.

I forgive you for Pearl Harbour.

I forgive you for stating that they were a stupid toy cartoon.

I forgive you for your mullet.

It was those death threats wasn't it?

I understand you had to change and revised a few areas of the movie for reasons of practicality and logic, but we could've done without the exessive dry humour.

But overall it was a worthy effort on you part.

Thank you for giving life to Bumblebee, Ironhide, Jazz, Ratchett and most of all; Optimus Prime.

Thank you for making Megatron a baddass, and Starscream, the bully and coward that he is.

Thank you for your re-imagination of Bonecrusher and Scorponok

Thank you for and introducing us to Blackout, Barricade and that little-shite of a Decepticon, whathisname.

I will be watching it again this weekend and promise to purchase the original DVD when it comes out.

Thank you, Michael Bay.

My Nocturnal Excursion in Bukit Gasing

2007-06-25T11:05:00.000+08:00

I did say that I needed to go home, didn't I?

And journeyed home I did.

After several weeks of being absent from my amphibious friends, I finally returned to the place where it all started. There were some concerns prior to the trip as I had received news that a number of friends had been absent for a while.

Thus, it was to my relief that they were all there, safe and sound.

Voicerous.

Innumerable.

Especially this chap here;

Rana malesiana; "Yes, Capt . 9, I am well. Where the
frack have you been"?

Am I the only one who makes it such a bloody drama of not going on one my nocturnal excursions for an extended period of time?

Don't answer that. Heh.

My Adventure of Being Annoyed

2007-06-20T15:41:00.000+08:00

I am somewhat pissed. Again.

No, it is not because yet another species of wildlife being singularly wiped-out by humans.

I am well aware that the world is royally screwed and all life will cease to exist by 2010 due to inexplicable climate change or a natural disaster.

Or the Earth being taken over by the apes by 2009

No, that is not what I am pissed at.

Pissed is a strong word though. ‘Annoyed’ then.

I am somewhat annoyed on the insolence of certain ‘unqualified’ bloggers who has taken the liberty to advise people on a variety of issues ranging from relationships to err.. well, mainly its relationships.

I am well aware that it is their hereditary right (or so they assume) to post whatever issues their shallow brains dictates them to, but at least please have some tactfulness.

You will note of this trend of providing wanton advice throughout the blogging community, and it is annoying.

Being engaged for only 2 months or lesser does not allow you to professionally provide people with the relevant advice on how to sustain a relationship much less a marriage.

It is akin to receiving advice from Paris Hilton on road safety procedures.

Or receiving advice on humility from Jose Moanrinho.

Or receiving advice on celibacy from KJ.

Utterly bloody unqualified.

Or maybe the fact that you had resorted to cutting and pasting the article from some female magazine and failing to provide the identity of the end-reader in your post, and as such, this weak attempt at blogging has lead to your readers making assumptions.

Hence my tirade.

In my humble but yet again outstanding opinion, any advice or views on relationship should be avoided like Wayne Rooney. There is no correct or wrong answer to this and don’t be too much of an insolent pup to claim to know the answer.

You don’t.

I have been married for 1 year and 4 months now and I’m still playing at husband. I have no bloody idea of what I’m doing but the wife is not complaining that much so I may be so bold to assume that I’m doing fine at the moment.

I am not impudent enough to assume that my marriage is going to be rosy for the next 20 or so years nor am I that pessimistic to say that this matrimonial institution of mine is going to collapse along the same timeline.

I just keep my mouth shut. Take away the thrash when I’m told and take it one day at a time.

I do have one advice though; marriage is not like as what is painted in your romance novels. Life is unfortunately not a bed of roses, so don’t try to make it one.

You’ll be disappointed with the results.

So, do us all a favour and just shut the hell up.

My Adventure With Our Favourite Robots In Disguise: Controversy

2007-06-13T12:38:00.000+08:00

It is with amazement and incredulity that we find a cartoon with reference to giant transforming robots laying the smack-down on each other, captivating the attention of millions, none more so than the current 30 year olds who remember fondly the animated series during their childhood.

Over the years we have seen the advancement of technology in the animation industry, particularly in terms of animation and design, yet we still muse with fondness, these characters we adored and followed religiously.

Each character was unique with their personality and mannerism and indeed it was almost impossible not to have personal favorites.

Then the unthinkable happened.

In the 1986 animated Transformers movie, our favorite characters died.

In controversial fashion.

The controversy and subsequent anguish that followed still lingered20 years on and although we have somewhat mourned and moved-on, the cruel matter for the motivation of their demise was unknown, until now.

Flint Dille, the animated movie’s consultant revealed;

“ In the next season (3), we were going to have all these new characters, and people are going to be wondering what happened to the old characters that they liked so much. What we knew, in a business sense, is that they had been discontinued, because they were the 1984/1985 (toy)line – but, we needed to tie them off. So, we had this one scene where the Autobots basically had to run through a gauntlet of Decepticons. Which basically wiped out the entire '84 product line in one massive charge of the light brigade”.

Capitalist B*stards!

The shattered bodies of Wheeljack and Windcharger

It is inconceivable and moronic even, the methods in which the old characters were dispatched, and this issue is still heavily deliberated by the fans. In the series, the robots are often shown to sustain multiple shots without consequence, and yet this is inconsistent with the movie's depiction of characters falling so readily to laser blasts.

Brawn is felled by Megatron

The logic is rather astounding when you deliberate on the fact that Optimus Prime and Brawn (two of the fallen Auotobot during the siege of Auotobot City) are felled by only minor laser blasts, while Ultra Magnus was practically blown to bits by Galvatron, then was repaired to mint condition in short order.

This was perhaps the main reason on why the majority of our favourite characters were missing on the episodes preceeding the film. Now, although their fates were not explicitly explained onscreen, we can only assume that they died during the battle in the movie.

Therefore in a tribute to the victorious dead and the bravery shown to defend humanity against the Decepticons; I give honor to the fallen brave.

Oh stranger, go tell in Lacedaemon,
That here we lie, obeying their behests.

My Adventure With Our Favourite Robots in Disguise

2007-06-12T17:08:00.000+08:00

On 4 July 2007, the worldwide premier of the long awaited live-action Transformers movie will finally be out and fans wait with crossed-fingers for the end-product from director Michael Bay.

Of the many comic or cartoon adaptation made over the last few years, no other project had received so much flak quite like the Transformers. From the choice of director to the designs, storyboard and actors; every single aspect of the movie was finely scrutinised. None more so that the choice for the director’s chair.

Fans have been critical when Bay was named as director by producer Steven Spielberg, as the former’s speciality of big-budgeted, special effects-driven, pop corn movies have been one dimensional. Furthermore, Bay has been known to sacrifice the story-line for the sake of action, and has a tendency to make actors with great ability as believable as B-movie extras.

So, it may be precisely for those reasons that producer Steven Spielberg thought Bay would fit-in perfectly as the director for the Transformers movie. In any case, it’s hard to argue with that decision as Bay does have a good-track record and his movies has made millions, even the razzies-inclined ones. Furthermore, we all know Michael Bay for his trademark action shots, and which other director can give some justice to a movie about giant transforming robots laying the smack down on each other.

Although, you would think that nobody is taking an importance of the story depth and character development in a movie based on huge transforming robots?

Well, apparently everyone is.

It is not a surprise that those of us making the biggest noise are the G1 (or Generation One, episodes which ran from '84 till '87) fans, who currently now are in their late 20s and early 30s who had grew-up watching the cartoon.

It is the G1 fans who now hang the guillotine precariously over Bay’s neck. Whether he has the ability to do justice to our beloved robots in disguise still needs to be seen. Failing which would be almost tantamount to blasphemy. Memories are none too limited to remember the controversy when in the 1986 Transformers animation movie, Optimus Prime was killed-off together with a number of other favorite characters.

To the G1 fans, these robots are more than just animation, they had character, personality and fans are hoping to see that at least the major similarities will be kept; the voice, character words or mannerism intact in- line with its comic and animated series.

So, till 4/7/07 comes around;

"Autobots... transform and roll-out!"

My Adventure of Reciting Poetry

2007-06-08T11:30:00.000+08:00

My Pretty Rose Tree
by William Blake.

A flower was offered to me,
Such a flower as May never bore;
But I said "I've a pretty rose tree,"
And I passed the sweet flower o'er.

Then I went to my pretty rose tree,
To tend her by day and by night;
But my rose turned away with jealousy,
And her thorns were my only delight

Lads, trust me... screw the stuff you learnt from FHM or your pervy neighbour who can't even pull a bird, even if he lived all his life next to the KL Bird Park.

This one gets the girl everytime.

My Adventure of Having a Conundrum II

2007-06-07T13:56:00.000+08:00

These faces and places are getting old.

I need to go home.

My Adventure of Having a Conundrum

2007-06-06T15:26:00.000+08:00

Is life a straight path or a massive circle?

Does our life's voyage, diverge in a spherical manner to the exact identical spot, recurring similar consequences, faults, associates, compulsion and commitments.

Or does it persists with a uniformed consistency, repudiating all proverbial associates, without even the customary glance behind.

If life is indeed a loop and on that instance, when we find ourselves at the same, identical location and occassion, do we have the strength to breach that habit. If indeed it is the contrary situation, do we then have the strenght to maintain the solitary & secluded existense.

Two paths. One alternative.

Which do you choose?

Liverpool's Greek Tragedy

2007-05-24T09:11:00.000+08:00

Oh stranger, go tell in Lacedaemon,
That here we lie, obeying their behests.

Hail, King Rafa and his brave 11!

Liverpool's A-Kop-Alis Now

2007-05-22T11:43:00.000+08:00

Athens is the largest city and capital of Greece, located in the Attica periphery of central Greece. Named after goddess Athena, Athens is one of the oldest cities in the world with a recorded history of at least 3,000 years.

Ancient Athens was a powerful city-state. Center of the arts, learning and philosophy, home of Plato's Academy and Aristotle's Lyceum, Athens was also the birthplace of Socrates, Pericles, Sophocles and many other prominent philosophers, politicians and writers of the ancient world.

It is widely referred to as the cradle of Western Civilization and the birthplace of Democracy, largely due to the impact of its cultural and political achievements during the 5th and 4th centuries BC on the rest of the then known European Continent.

Athens has been a popular destination for travellers since antiquity. Over the past decade, the infrastructure and social amenities of Athens have been radically improved, in part due to the city's successful bid to stage the 2004 Olympic Games.

Ok. Whatever

On 23 May 2007, Liverpool, deemed to be lacking in quality, guile and overall strength-in-depth of Chelsea, Bayern Munich, Juventus and Real Madrid, and the technical brilliance of Barcelona, will be travelling to the Olympic Stadium in Athens for the European Champions League Final.

The others look on, green with envy.

To the Rossoneri, in the words of King Leonidas to the Persian King, Xerxes before the battle of Thermopylae,

Mono Labe

('Come and Get Them')

My Adventure in Saving the Tigers

2007-05-17T15:16:00.000+08:00

China is proposing to end their 14 year tiger trade ban by legalising the internation trade on tiger products by introducing tiger farms.

WTF?!

Currently, tiger trade is prohibited internationally as well as domestically in many countries, including China. But now, there is a proposal to set-up tiger farms which will provide the supply for the high demand on tiger products.

The logic behind this hare-brained idea is that by having these tiger farms, there will be a decrease in poaching and demand for wild tiger parts. Since it's being farmed, the tiger parts would be much cheaper and not as expensive as illegally hunted ones.

Niamah!

I don't know about you but farming-out tigers as if they were chickens or cattle is bloody freaky. It's just wrong. And the reasoning behind it is a bloody joke.

The demand for tiger parts has DECREASED with the 14 year ban. There are lesser reports of poaching and the population of tigers in China, India and Russia have increased to a certain exent. By lifting the ban, it undermines the work done for the last 20 year. And furthermore, with the introduction of these farms, there is a danger of an increase in the sale of ILLEGAL parts which can be easily mistaken with LEGAL parts.

Logically speaking, to save tigers, we DO NOT sell them. They are too bloody few tigers in the wild to risk re-opening trade of any kind. The worst-case scenario would be having our own Malayan Tigers being shipped out like our other exports to foreign countries.

In summary, irrespective of the logic behind it, keeping tigers in farms for meat is just wrong.

My Adventure to Save Belum-Temengor

2007-05-15T16:53:00.000+08:00

The Perak State Government finally saw the light of reason as they announced on 10th May 2007 that the Royal Belum State Park has been officially gazetted. This means that a total of 117,500 hectares has been put aside as a permanent forest reserve with no further logging activities or any of that sort of hanky panky going on.

Looks like the politicans there have to try to find somewhere else to make a fast buck.

The State had been under increased pressure especially after the Belum-Temengor postcard campaign, and it quickly announced that logging in the Temengor Forest Reserve would come to a halt in 2008, late last year.

But still, like the pepatah, "dapat betis, nakkan peha pula" , we tend to further pursue with the state government with additional requests:

1) The extension of the Royal Belum State Park to include the Temengor Forest Reserve.

2) Protection of the natural forest stretch flanking the East-West highway from conversion to plantation.

3) Developing a site conservation management plan for the State Park Together the Royal Belum State Park and Temengor Forest Reserve (here after referred to as Belum-Temengor Complex).

The last time I was there was in 2005, logging was still evident and you could see the detrimental effects of the logging to the area . Let's hope we can preserve whats left our our natural heritage before the shit hits the fan.

My Adventure Getting Hooked on Bleach

2007-05-08T12:50:00.000+08:00

This Anime has caught me, hook.. line and sinker.

Suffice to say, I spent last weekend stoning-out on the Anime. This particular series is highly recommended for you Anime freakoids out there.

Being the artsy type bloke, I'm usually into serious fantasy type Animes; Gunslinger Girl, Basilisk, Ghost in a Shell, to name a few, where the animation is much more errr.. artistic. Although, not to be too poyo, I have previously followed the exploits of Goku, Gohan then Gotenks from the Dragonball series, with relish. Oh, and not forgetting that Naruto chap as well.

So, last Friday, my boss (yes, no shite) passed me his avi. format Bleach series, from episodes 1 to 103 after he had endlessly promoted it to me the entire week. He told me if I liked Naruto, then then I should seriously check the series out.

The wife wasn not too pleased about it.... especially when I took the mop and waved it at her while shouting, "Zangetsu!!!" when she yelled at me for going on a 4-hour marathon of the the series... and didn't help her with any of the chores like she asked me to.

Fortunately, the mop didn't unleash my Spirit Power though, which I'm kind of glad as I would foresee that I would be sleeping outside if it did.

60 episodes down. 40 or so to go.

My Adventure of Being Overjoyed

2007-05-03T15:31:00.000+08:00

After a week long holiday, frolicking in Cameron Highlands with the Missus, our win was a bloody nice thing to come back to. It was fortunate the hotel carried ESPN but a bit unfortunate for our neighbours who had to adhere to the curses, screams of joy and rendition of 'You'll Never Walk Alone' coming from our room.

A 'Dagger' straight through the heart of Chelsea. 1-1 in aggregate.

Bolo, of all people, hits the target for once. 1-0 to Liverpool on pens.

"I still remember the time when you got me sent-off.

How do you like this you Dutch tosser?"

Easy by our Spanish Matador. 2-0 to Liverpool

Fat Franks' been practising it seems. Chelsea gets one back, 2-1

You didn't really expect HIM to miss, now did you? 3-1 to Liverpool

Wot? Jose put you in during E.T. for the pens?

He shouldn't have bothered. Liverpool lead 3-1 on pens.

Dirk send us into the finals. Yay!

Chelsea buried.

The lads were happy because Rafa promised Fish & Chips on the bus home.

And so Greece beckons in three weeks' time. For those Reds who still haven't ceased their celebrations in Istanbul it's just a short trip across to an adjacent country.

As for the cup only being on loan, here's hoping that it's swiftly brought back home.

My Adventure of Getting MORE Pissed

2007-04-23T12:29:00.000+08:00

The elephant calf which was rescued from a theme park by Wildlife on February 6 of this year, was found dead in his paddock at 7.30pm on April 10.

Amid was 3 months old. He was neglected, malnourished and cruelly tied-up when he was found by the Wildlife officers.

F*ck!

F*cking poachers.

F*cking Mini Zoos.

...and f*ck you if you continue to support any these f*cking establishments.

Amid, getting a bath at Malacca Zoo
after his recscue.

The Adventure of Our Local 'Hero'

2007-04-18T10:28:00.000+08:00

I've been following the series 'Heroes' for a couple of months now. Damn, I enjoy it! Some people have gone to the extent of downloading the series from the foreign networks so that they can claim to have watched it earlier than those who only rely on our favourite sattelite TV channel.

The cheats!

Yes, not only have we followed the series religiously, we all have our favourite characters, based either on their personality, powers or general hottiness (Claire - Yummy). But the show is just an adaptation of the comic book industry pheneomenon. They're just fiction... or is it?

I have been recently informed that we here in M'sia have our very own 'Hero'. Oh yes, we do. I shite you not.

His name is Mokh.

Now Mokh is an ordinary bloke, your average family man, nothing remotely spectacular about his social life. He works a 9-5 job just like your average joe. But one thing different about Mokh that he is indeed special.

Very, very special.

He has powers. No, no.. he doesn't have any super-powers like Hiro or Peter, Mokh's powers are more deadlier.

Mokh has the power and authority but no common sense or a brain to use it! Oh, and apprently he can turn people into donkeys too!

How does his powers work? Let's take one example of Mokh's heroic escapade.

Now, Mokh's job allows him to maintain the welfare for a bunch of villagers. So one day, Mokh decided to give the villagers a place to live by promising the construction of a new village. Fair enough. He had promoted his new sprawling village-ship by dangling the nearby forest reserve (which is a gazetted forst reserve since 1898), as a carrot in front of the 'donkeys'. Thus the villagers, who had now turned into real 'donkeys' by Mokh, then bought the houses or pieces of land, because the newly-turned donkeys wanted to live near a green lung, totally believing that Mokh and his friends would be committed to protecting the 100-year-old forest.

What does Mokh do?

Using his power of severely 'Lacking a Brain', he decides to bulldoze, yes literally to bulldoze through with a series of plans in a high-handed manner without any respect for the views of the affected 'donkeys'. Wow, amazing.

First, the 'donkeys' were told that a cemetery would be created next to their land and now, to their horror, they found that the Petaling Jaya Structural Plan 2020 has bigger plans to develop the forest reserve.

It was already bad enough that the cemetery issue has divided the community – one group of 'donkeys' that wants the cemetery but most of whom DO NOT live in the area while the other group is the one affected and is understandably against it. Tempers have even flared at meetings between both groups of 'donkeys'.

No sh*t. Using his powers of 'No Common Sense', he didn't previously mentioned or discussed the cemetary project to the resident donkeys of the area but had acted on the decision made by the donkeys living from outside of the area.

Now the resident villagers are upset because they found out that Mokh's bosses have powers themselves. The power of degazetting a forest in a suspicious way that smacks of non-transparency.

The affected villagers, who are now were-donkeys (donkey by-day, human by-night) have stated that they are NOT against the cemetery but are against the de-gazetting of the forest and the manner it had been carried out. Sadly, some of Mokhs rivals has entered into the picture and has been using the issue to rally support from some misinformed constituents by using the race and religion card.

So, Hiro eat your heart out. Bending time and space? Pbfffft!

Trying to save New York from getting blown up is easy. Let's see you and your friends try to create awareness in nature conservation as well as to promote transparency in the local legislative methods and procedures. Hah!

The villagers have turned to the Justice League of Nature Society for help. Yes, I now have to reveal my secret identity and use my extraordinary powers of Good Looks and Charming Personality to help out those who are in need.

I just need a phone booth to change. Where to find ah?

My Adventure of Being Fickle

2007-04-11T10:00:00.000+08:00

Yes, I know.

This is the 3rd time I've changed my template in a short span of time.

Blame it on my mood swings.

Anyways, on a conservation note;

Help save the Malayan Tiger by buying MYCAT T-shirts. Don't be fickle. You'll be changing your blog template again and again like a complete git. Profits from the sale of the t-shirt will go towards supporting MYCAT, the first-of-its-kind conservation partnership focusing on saving the Malayan Tiger.

Wear MYCAT T-shirts… and spread the message that the tiger is a totally protected species that cannot be consumed... or kept in your backyard.

Sizes:
The round-neck cotton T-shirts come in:
XS (34"), S (38"), M (40") and XL (44"). The XS works well for kids too!

Price:
RM25 each.

Announcement:

I was informed that "Man" cannot be contacted and most probably eaten by a Tiger. If you want to get your hands on the t-shirt, please make your way to the Nature Owlet at MNS HQ in Jalan Kelantan.

How to get there? It's along Jalan Istana (heading towards Jalan Duta/Jalan Tun Razak). Before the turn-off to Carcosa Seri Negara, there is a small road on the left.

HQ is the old-looking building.

My Adventure of Getting Pissed... Yet Again

2007-04-02T17:13:00.000+08:00

Leopard cats in tiny, constricting cages at the 'mini zoo' in Klang.

Why do we jail criminals?

Why do we hold them in cages, locked away from the public?

Right. Then tell me now what these animals have done to deserve such treatment? Rob a blooody jewelery shop did they?

As I was busy being pissed-off on the fate of the 300+ Sea Turtles last week, another of these so-called mini zoos opened in Klang.

These establishment are a bloody laugh. Caging wildlife for public display is inhumane and unethical but we still see plenty of it here. Is it acceptable by our society's standards?

The answer is unfortunately; Yes.

This new zoo in Klang is another sad part of our society's apathy, cruelty and somewhat lack of compassion. How many of these bullshite establishments have we in this country?

Too bloody many!

All over the country, so-called 'mini zoos' are sprouting up. Most of them with deplorable, constricted, binding enclosures. These are the sad sights which greets visitors to these hell-holes. To make it worse, some animals are trained to perform mindless, silly shows because the public gets their high from an Orang Utan riding a bloody bicycle.

Now, you would be asking, "Isn't Perhilitan doing anything to adress the problem"?

They are, but they might as well be pissing in the wind, considering our outdated, narrow and loophole riddled Wildlife Law... and oh, lack of common sense and judegement on the part of Wildlife to sum it all up.

Wildlife and National Parks Department’s (Perhilitan) oft-cited excuse is that it has little clout over these places because the Wildlife Protection Act 1972 (WPA) is glaringly silent on them and does not mandate their licensing.

And although cruelty to wildlife carries a penalty of RM5,000 or five years’ imprisonment under the Act, Perhilitan enforcement director Misliah Mohamad Basir contends that “cruelty” is difficult to prove. “When you say a cage is too small, it is subjective. People will ask ‘what is the right cage size for that species?’ This is not spelt out anywhere.”

-The Star, 27 March 2007.

Maybe I should organise a fundraising event to collect money in order to purchase the Wildlife officers some common sense... or a new brain while we're at it.

Lack of legislation or to be more exact; ineffcient and out-dated laws is the main problem here in this country. The only other legislation which highlights animal abuse is the Animal Act 2006 (which succeeds the Animal Ordinance 1956), but it is inefficient as it comes under the Veterinary Service Department, which have no resources to conduct enforcement work.

So, Perhilitan might as well be playing with their balls as even if they do take action against these wankers, the fine of RM200 or jail term of six months is too paltry for an organisation which rakes in a shite-load of money every month.

Please, we can be more sensible in this matter. We can use our common sense to know whether the animal is suffering or otherwise.

Do not support these establishments, tell your friends and families, even strangers on the streets not to do the same. Maybe, just maybe we can be the caring society that we always say that we are.

Keep them in the wild and protect their habitat. I shit you not.

It *is* that simple.

My Adventure of Getting Pissed

2007-03-29T15:31:00.000+08:00

I got pissed this morning.

I was pissed two days ago too.

2 trawlers within 48 hours.

338 sea turtles and only 25 found alive.

Mahai!

I didn't break my back excavating turtle nests and relocating them to designated hatcheries so that a bunch of tossers can come along and net them all.

Shite. I'm writing to all every bloody major newspaper in the country and tell them how I feel. Yes, even to Nanyang. If only I knew anyone who can translate it into Mandarin as the only words I know are the swear ones.

Dear Editor,

Sea turtles are beautiful, unique and wondrous creatures. Of the 7 known sea turtle species in the world, 4 call our waters their home and have been swimming in these waters for more than 100 million years.
In other words, these animals are our natural heritage.

Therefore, it was most alarming to find out that another foreign-based trawler had been seized with 260 protected sea turtles (most of them dead) in its cargo near Pulau Mengalum in Sabah, only 48 hours after another trawler, had been seized for poaching Hawksbill and Green Sea turtles.

Over the last 30 years, there has been a decline in the population of Sea Turtles of more than 65%. This is not only due to the exploitation for their meat, hide and oil but also, to the harvesting of their eggs for human consumption.

It is our responsibility to protect our natural heritage at all cost, unless we want our children, and our children’s children to only be acquainted with the Sea Turtles only from magazines and books in the future.

We would like to take this opportunity to commend our ever-dependable and constantly-vigilant Sabah Marine police for making the arrest. In addition, we recommend that more patrols be increased near the waters of Sabah and Sarawak, not only by the police and Sabah Fisheries but also by our Royal Malaysian Navy.

This incident not only deals with encroachment by foreign ships into our sovereign waters, but also the exploitation of our endangered wildlife ‘citizens’.

Herpetofauna Special-Interest Group
Malaysian Nature Society

I'm sending the letter to the relevant authorities and the press stating our dismay on the recent rampant poaching of our beloved turtles of the coast of Sabah.

Please help me make an impact with this letter - lend your support with your name. Please email me and include your name and NRIC.

Update:

As of Monday, 2 April 2007, I have received 55 signatures for the letter.

Keep 'em coming.Let's hit the 100 mark by the end of the week and our voices heard with the "powers that be".

My Diurnal Excursion during Raptor Watch 2007

2007-03-14T14:20:00.000+08:00

The highest number of volunteers we ever had.

Well, what can I say?

The conditions were hot and humid. We had a somewhat overcast sky on Saturday morning but come afternoon, the sun came out and it stayed that way till Sunday evening. But we didn't care. The blazing sun and the cloudless blue sky meant that there is enough thermals for the Raptors to glide over Tanjung Tuan.

Even though a majority of the volunteers were roasted alive; not a word of complaint was heard. It was fun and we enjoyed every bloody minute of it.

As the missus was comfortable shaded under the Arts & Craft tent, your favorite adventurer here was out in the mangroves, leading the public out on a guided tour. This was indeed the best Raptor Watch weekend as the final count for the attendance was around 5,000 bleedin' people.

Even so, I couldn't decide which was the best thing that happened during the event; Having my explanations translated into Mandarin by Adeline Choo, Miss Malaysia/World 2006 during the mangrove walk or trying to blab incoherently the answers to Datin Seri Normala 's queries about the Mangroves.

No worries, the Missus was around so I had to behave myself. Heh.

Not forgetting the raptors though, hundreds flew overhead as they left their summer home in Sumatera to make their way back to their breeding site in Siberia, China and Japan. The final tally was;

Oriental Honey Buzzards: Sat 1835/ Sun 1666
Other raptors: Sat 3/ Sun 63

The overall counts for the WEEK: more than 20,000 raptors - and is expected to hit about 40,000 by the end of the count period (this Sunday).

Bird Board; Updated every hour on the hour

Now, If you'll excuse me, I need to scavenge for more pictures for this posting. Shite, I must get my hands on a camera one of these days.

Nature Guide Girls

Only a Herpetolgist would find a snake in a bird-oriented event

The sun wasn't the only thing HOT there. Heh.

Liverpool's Adventure of Stuffing Barca II

2007-03-07T10:13:00.000+08:00

A job well done lads... and yes I have been a good boy. :p

How's that Lils? Is that good enuff for ya?

Your Adventure in Port Dickson

2007-03-06T09:30:00.000+08:00

There's only one place to catch the annual Raptor migration. I will be there. Will you?

Sun, Sea, Sand, and Natural Born Killers with talons and claws. What more do you want?

My Adventure of Praying to the Almighty

2007-03-05T15:27:00.000+08:00

Most Merciful God,

I know I haven't been a good boy lately in fact I have been quite notty.

I have been missing too many prayers, especially the morning ones. My fasting hasn't been fastidious (no pun intended, oh Ruler of Heaven and Earth) and those which I have missed, intentionally or otherwise, I have yet to replace, as per your instruction.

I haven't been paying the zakat (except for the fitrah but that was only because the Zakat Chap was sitting right beside gaming store) even though you have provided me a crapload from your endless bounty over the years.

Oh, Most Compassionate. I am ashamed of the fact that even though I have lacked my duties towards You, You still find it in your infinite wisdom to still grant me my health, good looks and charming disposition. You have granted me a hottie wife in which I am not deserving. You have made me a babe magnet which has resulted all the hottie chicas, inlcuding the not so hottie ones converge upon my blog.

However, I promise to be Your most humble and bestest servant if you could return Liverpool FC's English and European domination, in which You bestowed unto them during the 60's, 70's and 80's. Currently, us Scousers, Your most humble servants, have noticed that you are more inclined towards that scum team from Manchester (you, in your infinite wisdom would know which one).

I gave You thanks for the treble in 2001. I am so grateful for that night in Instanbul. A miracle in which only You can bestow as well as the other various cups you have allowed us to win during the new millenium.

I still give You thanks for those blessing above now.

I am sorry that some of us have taken to give a nickname to one of our own as 'God', even though he is old, not very good looking and is not a heavenly being or control the fate of the universe at his whim, much like You. Those who have done so have strayed from your path, they know not of what they do. I know that you are the only One in our hearts and in our mind. Do not punish the rest of us for the transgression of a few.

Oh, and I'm so sorry too for having that infidel water as our main sponsors.

I am sorry for that Scouse hottie, Lily the Liverbird as well. For reasons I know not but still... sorry just in case.

Therefore, if it's not too much to ask and I know there are other people in this world who are more in need of your attention, but could you, upon your compassion, please bestow upon Liverpool FC your baraqah and its players the ability to score and defend well for the rest of time. Have us win the Championship another 18,000 times and the European Cup another 500 times. We are not greedy, Oh Most Glorious. You can toss the other Cups for the rest to scavenge upon.

Furthermore, please turn your back upon that other team from Manchester, or smite each one of those gay buggers with your thunder... or swallow them up into the very pits of hell during a game. Either one should be fine, we're not choosy.

As a measure of respect and goodwill to your Greatness, I will promise to be a good boy and do thy bidding from now on.

Amiiin.

Gimli9's Adventure of Cleaving You With His Battle Axe

2007-02-27T15:52:00.000+08:00

Och Ay! I’ve gone & tied up Nain in the bleedin’ closet. Quit yer worrying. He’s all right and he’ll be back sooner than yer can say, ‘Torin’s Balls’. Although, why yer want to be saying that is beyond me.

So yer having to contend with me, Gimli9, 'the protector of illegaly traded wildlife and urban forest reserve'. Before any of you softy elvan-lovers start to question why a dwarf is loving nature, shut yer pie hole before I will cleave yer in two with me Battle Axe!

I don’t usually leave me Dwarven stronghold fer nothing unless it’s really bleedin’ important. Dwarves don’t say much. We growl most of the time and cleave filthy Orcs once in a while, so yer better pay attention of what I have to say.

Recently, yer had been celebrating yer Chinese New Year. I have nae problem with that but I’ve heard from some hobbit friends of mine of disturbing news. The wee lads had told me that you lot have been enjoying yer feasting a bit too much. Yer have been naughty little Orcs, haven't you? Feasting on dishes made from endangered animals, and it's not just the Chinese either, the other races in the country are gettin' into it as well. Aye, talk about racial harmonisation.

Aye laddie, those dishes yer been gobbling down, are they made from sustainable or legal produce? Tsk Tsk Tsk, I have gouged an Orcs eye out for lesser reasons. Since yer all Nain's friends, I'll give yer another chance. Make sure yer be more careful in the future, especially when you're hosting a feast. If yer ignoring me advice,

"I will cleave yer in two with my Battle Axe! "

So before yer start buying, think of my axe and remindr yerself;

Abalone – If yer buying, buy carefully. It may be popular, but watch out. Illegal harvesting and trade could have a severe impact on the survival of the species, and could result in the closure of legal fisheries and the loss of hundreds of jobs.

So before yer be buying it, yer better interrogate the merchant if their abalone has been legally sourced . If it is not, yer can proceed to cleave him with your Battle Axe!

Shark’s fin – Be yer very careful with eating shark’s fin soup. In fact yer don’t have to eat it at all. Nowadays it is not only the Chinese are eating, the Malays and Indians have started liking too.

Finning, involves cutting the fins and then throwing the rest of the shark back into the sea, is widely practiced. We only do that to Orcs and other Mordor scum, not sharks. If this continues, Gondorian alchemists are fearing shark populations will disappear entirely.

‘Health’ tonics containing endangered species –Yer to make sure that whatever potions yer buying does not contain or made out of endangered species such as wild ginseng, Asian freshwater turtles, seahorses, saiga antelope, pangolins, geckos, tigers and all of these species are subject to overexploitation and uncontrolled trade.

Those sea-horses on the hand, it is estimated that 24 million seahorses are taken from the wild every year, for use in traditional Chinese medicine, or sold live for the aquarium trade.

Yer not helping the tiger as well, laddie. With only around 5,000 tigers left in the wild, all international trade of tiger products is illegal, thus wines or tonics containing tiger bone are strictly prohibited.

Yer better be careful laddie. The least of yer worries would be having a Rider of Rohan striking you from behind with his spear. ....

The worst? You might end up like this. *Gruff*

What!? You ate Shark's Fin? Die Moria Scum!

Liverpool's Adventure of Stuffing Barca

2007-02-21T14:39:00.000+08:00

Typical Scousers.

After their headline-grabbing, boozy excursion to Portugal last week, the lads redeemed themselves by tearing apart the current European champions. Barcelone's demise was ironically, delivered by none other than the two who were at the center of the (alleged) fracas; Bellars and Riise.

Typical Scousers.

Even if one of you is Welsh and the other Norwegian. It must be the air in Liverpool. If not then how could you explain how after bashing each other up (allegedly), they went of and bashed Barcelona; Ronaldinho et all.

So, how does one prepare for an important European match, especially when your balls are against the wall? Let us count the ways.

First just run around lazily like you're jogging in the parks and not scheduled to get stuck-in with some of the best players in the world. Yes, like so....

Then have a nice stroll through training, try to outdo each other through ball-juggling, doing the hokey-pokey and making irellevant but funny faces.

One, two, thre.. oops

You take your right foot in, right foot out, and shake it all about...

All this stretching is making me constipated

After training, the gaffer will give a bit of time-off from training, because you've been stuck in the small town of Vale Do Lobo in Portugal for about a week when back home, the other clubs are trying to steal your FA Cup from you. You will then proceed to paint the town Red (pun intended).

During the this little excursion it is advisable to go off for a little bit of drink-up followed by a karaoke session. It doesn't matter if you can sing, you lot sound terrible anyways. Drunk on booze, proceed to bash your mate with either a kitchen appliance, sporting equipment or with his own kidneys.

Of course you will find yourself in the tabloids the next day but then again most of your fans have boycotted The Sun so no worries of your M'am finding out.

Of course the Gaffer is going to be pissed and will fine you for about RM0.5M but hey, thats just loose change for you. Now, this is where it gets interesting. The papers are going to have a field day with the story, citing crisis in your team and these problems will possibly effect your performance the following evening.

Bollocks! Please, at your own convenience to, obtain a win at the Nou Camp of all places.

Fooooreeeeee!

Are we going for a karaoke, after this John?

Oh and If you're wondering where my previous accounts of the boozing shenanigans, I've changed it allright. Actually it wasn't an official report. I made it up. Heh. Apart from the lads trying to nick Jose's grannie. That was true. Honest.

My Adventure of Embracing American Entertainment Culture

2007-02-16T15:45:00.000+08:00

In consideration of us Scousers who had just ripped off the two American tycoons out of their ice hockey money, I thought I'd post a U S and A-inclined (Wawa Weewa!) topic.

Hey, we need to keep our victims.. er, investors happy. :p

Hollywood week for American Idol has ended and the judges have finally selected the final 24. Hands up who have been following the early auditions. See? You lot don't have a life. Heh. 40 contestants remained with 16 set to be eliminated during the hour. Cue anguished contestant shots, sobs of despair or screams of excitement, and endless segments of the judges toying with the singers’ vulnerable minds before mercifully telling them they had made the final

Anyways, the final 24 of American Idol. 12 guys and 12 girls. The best of the best.... or are they? Certain selections for the final 24 had the Missus and I not only fuming, but confused as well.

None more so of these two; Sundance Head and Leslie Hunt.

The judges' affinity to the mediocre resulted in two of the more decent contestants to be sent home; Thomas Whatisname and Marisa Rhodes.

Seriously mate, Sundance (Yes..Sundance!) and Leslie can't sing for shite. I mean they sound decent but their voices were average. Don't let me start on their charisma. I mean the Head Hantus of Hantubola are more interesting than these two... and thats really lowering the standards.

Since American Idol 3 was shown to us, I have continued to be pissed of not being able to vote for my favourite contestants on the show. If I did, Kat McPhee would have won hands down last year, because she is a hottie.

It is my humble yet outstanding opinion that since American foreign policy dictates and effects the lives of every other people in the world, especially George's war OF terror campaign, shouldn't we be allowed, to vote or at the very least have a say in their enterntainment culture? I think we should.

Next week are the finals, where the fate of the singers are in the hands of the American public. Americans will now decide who is to be their next Idol.... and I'm still pissed I can't vote.

My Adventure of Giving a Talk on Sea Turtles

2007-02-06T10:22:00.000+08:00

How do you spend a cold, drizzly monday evening? By giving a presentation on Sea Turtles, that's how!

I was having a bit of the flu since last weekend, but decided not to cancel the talk as it was my first at the MNS auditorium. It was quite a modest turn-out for the talk, considering that most members would only receive their newsletter later in the week.

The talks went quite well, even though I was bit blur from the medication. Fortunately, I did most of the presentation in English as compared to the last time I presented the same talk in Aquaria. there, I had to do it in BM which led to my the now legendary gaffe of, "bayi-bayi penyu".

I don't know whether its the medication or not but during the talk I made another gaffe by stating that Amphibians belong to the Reptile family. Oops.

Now kids, if you remember your Standard 5 Alam dan Manusia lessons, you would know that Amphibians are under a totally different Class altogether. You have your Inverterates and Vertebrates; those with backbones and those without.

Then, under Vertebrates, it is further divided into 5 main classes, Amphibia, Sauropsida, Aves & Mamalia. Sea Turtles fall under Sauropsida (Reptiles). Amphibians, like Anttyk, belong under their own Class. There's another Class which is Synapsida (mammal-like reptiles) which are the dinosaurs but they're extinct (except for Barney).

My bad.

See, I can touch the board with my finger. Wheeee!

This is all Greek to me

I'm making things up as I go

My Weekend Nocturnal Excursion in FRIM

2007-01-29T11:24:00.000+08:00

If you noticed, the greatest football club in the world has been taking up much of my blog space lately. The absence of any of my usual weekend nocturnal excursions may be due to ESPN's practice of carrying a live telecast of each and every one of Liverpool's matches.

Considering that this blog had been created to detail my exploits with our local wildlife, I had dusted-off my herp kit and proceeded to one of my excursion sites with my trustee assistant right after the M'sia v Singa-poo game on Saturday.

Who did I meet?

No, these are not the lads and lasses of HantuBola nor are they pics of Anttyk on a bad-hair day. These are the usual suspects found during one of my nocturnal excursions.

So, any takers for the next trip? Heh.

A Kopite's Adventure in Putting His Foot Down

2007-01-26T10:56:00.000+08:00

Our win over Chelsea and our subsequent celebrations of Man United getting their fillings knocked out of their proverbial stockings had been the centre of a certain controversy lately.

Some Mancs (not all mind you, only certain sections) had been really miffed (miffed?) at the thought of us Liverpool fans celebrating their loss to the Arsenal, digressing specifically that we Liverpudlians had suddenly suffered an overnight amnesia attack, a sudden loss of memory to the fact that that Arsenal had stuffed us out of two cup competitions over the last month.

All I can say is that it seems that certain fans could not cope with the pressure of being on the receiving end of the barracking, especially after they had so joyful gave us tons of crap before.

Being the typical Scouser I would just like to say;

Pbfffffffft!

The fact of the matter is even with the recent loss, Man United is still on top and Chelsea is second.

No need to go sensitive.

We do not hate nor do we love Arsenal. We respect them.. because we are like that.

We dislike Man United, but only for the simple reason that people from Greater Manchester and those living in the Merseyside area have never gotten along well.... and because of Phil Neville.

We still believe that we could win the title this year. As long as it is mathematically possible to do so, we will be behind the Mighty Redsall the way. No matter what anyone say…. because we are like that.

Of course, to do so, we need others to fall.

When the last game is played and we find ourselves out of the equation, we would still stand up and applaud the newly-crowned Champions as well as our closest rival for a great season played.

No hard feelings… because we are like that.

So, say what you have to say. Tell us we’re shite. Tell us that we stole our anthem from you. Tell us that everyone hates us. Whatever.

We’ll just smile and proceed to belt out a rendition of 'You’ll Never Walk Alone'…. because we are like that.

Liverpool's Adventure of Stuffing Maureen-Ho's Men

2007-01-22T13:39:00.000+08:00

This scoring lark is pretty easy, innit?

Dirk: Nice goal, but pity 'bout the haircut though
JP: Hah! At least its better than Mark's
Stevie: *Growl* Where's Bollocks? I'm off to kick him some more.

To all Chelski and Manure fans out there who have been giving us some hard time these past few weeks. Especially when we lost that Carling Cup tie with the Gooners. Completely hopeless were we? You lot had a good laugh about it didn't you? Well, here's to you lot.....

Pbftttttttttttttttt!

Anyways, heckling aside, what made last Saturday's result even more special was that it was Rafa's 100th game in-charge, and what did he do? He gave us a win over Chelski. Not bad, considering we have never beaten those tossers in the league before, not since Maureen-Ho took over at Chelski.

The lads played some of the best football this season. Carra was magnificent at the back, Pennant looked like the winger which Rafa had hoped him to be, Kuyt ran his pants off like he usually does and Gerrard bossed the midfield as if it was his own backyard.

Special rendition of 'Stamford Bridge is Falling Down' is over at Lily's page. Heh. Knock yourself out. I know I did.

My Adventure of Staying Calm

2007-01-11T12:44:00.000+08:00

Looked like a tennis score, eh?

I am not treating this as the end of the world and although I did abstain from looking at the back pages of our national dailies today, I'm not going to start by slagging-off Rafa or the lads. We just need to see it as what it is; our youngsters are not as good what the Gooners have at their Shenley U.N. refugee camp. End of story.

What bloody crisis? We still have that date with Barca at the Nou Camp in February and are currently 3rd with Manure's 14 point lead to overhaul. Easy. :p

However I hope Senor Benitez realises that although we may have a big squad, we severely lack depth. That is why we got stuffed. Sort it out, Rafa!

Mind you, I pity Watford because they're the ones we're going to vent our frustrations on this Saturday.

My Adventure of Seeking 'The Truth'

2007-01-08T13:22:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday morning during the Liverpool-Arsenal 3rd Round FA Cup tie at Anfield, you would have noted that the opening 6 minutes of the tie was played against a backdrop of fans sitting on the Kop terrace holding up a mosaic spelling 'The Truth'. To those of you who are absolutely clueless about it, do not fret, I will explain.

On 15th April 1989, thousands of the travelling Kop visited Hillsborough stadium for the Semi-Final FA Cup tie between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest. 96 did not return.

So, last Sunday, singing their hearts out, and chanting incessantly, ‘Justice for the 96’, the Liverpool supporters were appealing for the justice they felt for those who lost their lives during the Hillsborough tragedy, but never received any. The inspiration for the idea came from the organisers of the newly launched “Reclaim The Kop” or RTK for short, campaign.

You see, part of Liverpool FC’s uniqueness is its famous Spion Kop, which is steeped in history and tradition. For the past few years, it was noted that there was a decline in the high standards of support at Anfield. Alarmed by this the fans decided to form an action group in a bid to help re-create the famous Anfield atmosphere of old by reminding the latest custodian and younger fans of some of the Kop’s basic principles.

With the campaign steadily gathering pace, the first ever Kop Charter was drawn -up and on - 1 January 2007 – it was officially declared that the campaign to 'Reclaim The Kop', well and truly open. To have a better look at the Kop Charter, go here. Yes, even you Man Yoo fags can go and have a look.

The call for justice for the families of those who died is under Charter #6.

We may have lost the tie to 3 soft goals as our defence went to sleep on each occasion but as I’ve mentioned before; the Kop is unique. It is one-off. We innovate, and the other supporters follow. If there is one thing that sets us apart as fans, it’s this battle-cry and ritual, our hymn of triumph, and occasional defiance of pain. It is our anthem; You’ll Never Walk Alone.

3-1 down in a cup tie, with barely a few minutes left on the clock, we continued to proudly sing, we sang it slowly & loudly and with heartfelt emotion, right to the end, scarves held high.

I am proud to call myself a Liverpool supporter for the last 21 years.

My Adventure of Spreading the Cheer.

2006-12-15T11:04:00.000+08:00

Rafa's Redmen took the time-off from their busy schedule of English and European domination by doing their bit for the community by visiting the Alda Hey Children's hospital in Liverpool. They handed out gifts, posed for photographs and signed autographs for the children.

Hoi, Bolo & Dirk... where's your santa hat?

Not everyone has the chance of having "God" by their bedside when they're sick. :p

Hyppia & Finnan spreading the joy.

Garcia doing a Mariachi, while Finnan & Dudek look on with anguish at this guitar skills.

Bellars showing his soft side.

You'd smile too when you have two of the European Cup heroes dropping in on you.

So, to whom it may concern, have a jolly christmas and considering that Eiduladha (Raya Qurban) arrives soon after, Selamat Hari Raya Haji. Hopefully a win against Watford, Balckburn, Spurs & Bolton during the annual end-of-year fixture congestion, would make it a season to cheer.

My Adventure of Growing a Beard

2006-12-05T11:07:00.000+08:00

I've finally done it.

After careful deliberation upon the request (more like harassed) by my loyal admirers on how to attract more readers to my blog (especially those of the opposite s*x), I have decided to conform to their (my loyal admirers) wishes. Seeing as how they are inclined to pout, whine and moan about it if no effort is taken on my part.

Anyways, I think they have my best interest at heart, even though they have a funny way of showing it.

The whole idea started with these harrasments;

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

itu aje? cheh!

come on now, simpan janggut.

i'm sure you can be a good-looking gimli.please? for me???

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

wei boogerface, trust me,

you'll get more girls coming in here if you post your picture that has your facial hair looking scruffy and 'sexy.

'i now christen you Gimli of the Equator.

9 said...

i still hv girls coming in here already, even without the beard.

thank u very much.

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

but you get the same old ones coming in here and we all know the real truth behind the so-called "handsome" face.

princesswaffzonkle said...

so why DO we come here again and again then eh?

mandrem ni ;p

9 said...

u lot are a tough crowd to please. fine.. i'll grow a beard then... and i'll start to carry an axe around as well.

u wnt the scottish accent as well?

"and they call it a mine, a miiiiinnnee"

So now, as promised, is the result of my painstaking beard-growing efforts. A heartfelt Scouse thanks to Anttyk for helping me grow it.

I am now Gimli9, 'the protector of illegaly traded wildlife and protector of urban forest reserve'.

"Poachers, taste my axe!"

My Adventure in Saving One of My Excursion Site

2006-11-23T11:40:00.000+08:00

How nice. It seems that developers have started to move in by felling trees in the KL side of Bukit Gasing. Currently, they have just finished conducting soil testing and it's just a matter of time before the bulldozers come in. Another hillside development. Another case of cutting down a prefectly good hill to build, according to news on the grapevine, luxury bungalows.

140 mansions for who? The people? How are the people going to afford a RM1.5 million bungalow? Once again, greed has overcome common sense. So blinded are we to the terms of being a developed country, that we tend to overkill on that aspect. As a result, another hill is sacrificed.

Pertandingan placard tercantik.

How much are we earning from this, Datuk? Did we receive a big fat commission in approving the Developement Order? Did we not promise that there would be no more developement there, but then, you're stepping down, aren't you? It wouldn't hurt in putting some extra dosh into that retirement fund of yours, would it?

Or maybe, you're just plain stoopid.

Well, the point is that you had made a promise.

Lying weasel.

Leave my hill alone. Leave my frogs alone. Leave my snakes alone. Leave my lizards alone.

Go ahead with the development if you dare, but please do remember... that Payback is a Bitch with PMS.

For a bunch of protestors, they don't look very angry, do they?

Go here to fight the good fight.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a lighter note;

Activity: Nocturnal Excursion
Time: 8.30pm
Date: 2, Dec 2006
Site: FRIM, Kepong

The forest research complex has always been and will forever be Herpetofauna SIG's most idealistic site for studying reptilesand amphibians. The time has come for us to once again venture into the Herp-friendly jungle of FRIM to seek and study these wonderful and elusive creatures.

Members who are interested in participating in the excursion, please send an e-mailto mns_herpetofauna@yahoo.com.my

Anyone interested? Ladies, I hear the guide is quite cute. Heh.

My Adventure with a Weird Attempted Break-in II

2006-11-15T09:17:00.000+08:00

Just as I was about to fall asleep, the Missus shook me awake. "Bunyi lagi la", she told me, and yes, I could hear the tapping again. The same bloody window. The same bloody tatoo.

Tap Tap Tap. Silent. Tap Tap Tap. Silent. Then it stopped.

Remembering what the policeman had mentioned, I signalled the Missus to stay calm while I went to the adjacent window and slowly peeked through there.

Nothing.

I asked the Missus (who had armed herself with a hammer from my toolbox) to stay in the room while I sneakily crept into the room next to ours (currently empty as the Missus' uncle is in KT for work), and took a peek from the window there.

Still nothing.

"F**k this", I told myself.

When I went back into our bedroom, the Missus looked at me anxiously and pointed at our twin french doors.

The tapping started there.

Dia main-main pintu lah pulak.

In a poignant flashback moment, I tried to remember what actually DID I see? Was it really an electrical wire tapping on the glass pane. It looked long and pointed, yes. Why did I not see the person or maybe his shadow? And why did I not see any footprints outside our window if it was a robber? Why did I not hear any footsteps or the sound of running feet when I shouted at the window previously?

We tried to sleep afterwards but it was a bit hard when the tapping, slow and barely audible, continued every hour until morning.

What was it then? Tree branch? There are no trees nor any foliage outside our window. A gecko perhaps? Eh, harlo. This is me. I'm the best person to recognize if it was indeed an animal of any kind.

Whats interesting to note is that the Missus and I went out at 12.30am that night for drinks and only came back an hour later. The malay culture is very sensitive of this and does not condone the practice of going out of the house too late at night, for facing the risk of something 'following' them home.

Being the adventurer extraordinaire and good looking chap that I am, I would usually take a bath immediately upon reaching home (as required from the petua) after a night's out of Frogging or Herping.

We went straight to bed that night after the mapleh outing.

Fortunately, there were no disturbance last night and we were able to get a good's night sleep. I am still in the dark over what the bloody hell happened that night, but suffice to say that there is no chance in hell of me going out of the house after 11pm from this day onward.

Those box of ciggies can bloody wait till tommorow.

My Adventure with a Weird Attempted Break-in

2006-11-14T14:27:00.000+08:00

We had a bit of excitement at the house last night. It was about 1.30am and I was tucking in for the night. The Missus was doing her cross-stitch, like she does every night before going to bed. Me, being the penidur profesional will usually fall asleep before her.

We suddenly heard a tapping on the window. Very softly at first but it became louder as the seconds wore on. We both looked at each other in a confused manner, mind you, the same look I gave Senor Benitez when I saw his formation for last sunday's game against Arsenal by the way.

"Tap tap tap", it went.

It stopped then started again, this time even louder.

I pulled the curtains back a few inches and sneaked a peek at the window. I saw a white electrical wire tapping on the window but did not see the person nor his shadow/sillhoutte , just the wire. Now, our house had been the subject of various attempted break-ins previously but due to a good (and very loud) alarm system and a nutter with a machete in the house (aku la tuh, heh) those incidents remained only as 'attempts'.

Since white electrical wires should only be part of an electical cabling system, and are not used to tap at people's windows, I concluded (o.o1s to be precise, just like our friend the Space Cop) that it was some wanker trying to test the sensitivity of the alarm system by tapping on the window panes.

I gave a shout at the window, "Hoi, B*bi! Nak mampus ke?" or something to that effect and banged the window, which automatically set-off the alarm. I quickly went for my machete (good for cutting foliage whilst jungle trekking and disemboweling robbers) and started for the door but the Missus, who was clearly scared and frantic by now, stopped me from exiting the house and doing an 'Aragorn' on the culprit.

I then called the nearest Police Station to have them send a car to the house. We are currently staying with the Missus' family so by this time everyone was up, and we spent the next minute trying to calm everyone down. When the police came, they made a sweep of the garden but as I suspected, found no one. The police did not find any footprints outside our bedroom though, which to me was a bit strange considering that it was raining outside and the bugger's wet footprints should be clear on the dry pavement.

The two coppers advised me that next time when we were aware of an attempted break-in, to try not to scare off the culprits but to quietly call them in so that they could catch the bugger in action rather than setting off the alarm prematurely and scaring him/them off. I thanked them for coming, went back inside and re-armed the alarm.

It took us a while to return to bed as the Missus was clearly shaken by the ordeal. By the time I was snug underneath the duvet it was already 3am and I gave the incident no more thought. However, it was just when I started to fall asleep that the weird stuff started to happen....

Ooops, the climatic ending will be posted tommorow. Watch this space.

My Adventure of Slagging Off Arsenal

2006-11-10T14:18:00.000+08:00

The bloody server administrator is still blocking my attempts at Hantu Bola and as such, I am devoid of the wonderful world of insults, derogatory remarks , puns, sarcasm, back-stabbing, and all around drama swasta (not necessarily in that particular order).

I might as well do a posting of my own then, by walking down memory lane. I'm sure any Gooner fan would remember this particular incident, because any Scouser worth his salt wouldn't.

...but i was only giving 'im back his penny.

Why do you have a first name as a surname, son?

You would notice that in true Scouse fashion, young James Duncan Carragaher there didn’t take it lying down when he was affronted by a flying monetary trade implement. He was subsequently SENT OFF because he retaliated (as a Scousers are wont to do) by returning the same gesture back to the Gooner git who threw it in the first place.

Alan Hansen, Anfield legend and former captain of Liverpool and currently pundit extraordinaire made the now famous quote of ‘You won’t win anything with kids” after Manure lost their opening game to the Villans in Seasaon 95-96. Unfortunately, Manure and ‘Sir’ proved him wrong by winning the bloody double that year.

Fair enough, but am I insolent enough to mention that in actual fact the quote was wrongly directed and 10 years to soon?

Yes, I am. It should’ve been, ‘You won’t win anything with babies’.

Ref: Wot happened? Did big Andy Johnson elbow you in the head?
Van Pu$$y: Boo Hoo, no. Someone threw a coin at me. Waaaah..

------------------------------------------------------------------

I think the whole team needs to mandi bunga to get rid of the suweii. Losing 3-0 to a shite Arsenal team is unacceptable. Yes, Arsenal were shite, which means we played even shite-er. Lacklustre, to the point of being cowardly (yes marc, you!), Arsenal were playing 4-5-1 for f**k's sake, and you lot still allowed them 3 goals. F**k you!....

.... but then again, the lads weren't entirely at fault as there may be a possibility of Arsene playing dirty again;

Hallo Africa, tell me how you doing?

No wonder the lads were shite. Adebayour voodoo-ed the whole team, well except for Pepe of course. He's shite all the time.

My Adventure of Being Nostalgic

2006-11-03T15:38:00.000+08:00

To those who remembered the good old days when life wasn't as complicated and hectic as now. Yup, it's that chap who can change his togs in about 0.01s.

Go on, admit it, you're singing along, aren't you? :p

My Adventure During Eid Celebrations II

2006-11-02T11:00:00.000+08:00

Remember this from last year's Eid holidays? For those of you lazy buggers, who are too errr.. lazy to click the link, it was this time last year that I'd set some resolutions for this year's Eid celebrations. I did it because I realised that Raya wasn't as 'enjoyable' for a couple of years now. Let's face it, Raya has not been the same since we were kids, innit?

The said resolution was hoped to provide me with a more meaningful and fun Syawal. Well, pertaining to my resolutions, let's see how did I fare this year;

6 Things to Remember for Next Year’s Eid Celebrations

Resolution #1: Ensure that at least one Baju Melayu consists of its complete set.

Yup, I was pretty sorted with my attire for 1st Raya, considering it was the Missus who ironed them out and prepared them on Raya Eve had something to do with it. We even colour- coordinated our attire and looked so poyo that it made everyone menyampah. heh. :p

Resolution #2: Sleep early.

How could I with all those malay movies, artist AF4 in whatever concert they were in this time and old re-runs on the telly? The missus was helping mum in the kitchen so it was couch-potato time. Yay.

Oh, by the way, Farhan has put on a bit of weight since the AF final, don't you think?

Resolution#3: Wake-the-bloody-up at least before 9am so one will be able to perform the Eid prayers. To do so, see #2.

Considering that I didn't comply to #2, I still had the wife to wake me up that morning before the stipulated time period. I went straight to the kitchen, before going off to the mosque.

Resolution #4: Pace one-self whilst stuffing one’s face.

As if it is remotely possible, mate. I did no such thing. How could you say no to our annual Raya morning Laksa Johor binge? Then there's Ketupat, Nasi Himpit with Kuah kacang and rendang at my grandma's place. I stuffed my face silly with all those nice food. It screwed up my digestive system but it was bloody worth it. :p

Resolution #5. Try to watch more Malay movies.

Heh. Let's see now;

Sepet
Bloody nice. Now I know why those old fags at the Censorship banned it initially. They couldn't understand it. Heh. A very 'Malaysian' movie.

Gubra
Bloody nice too, but lagi slow. It was only halfway through before I realised that it wasn't really meant to be a sequel to Sepet but more of a re-telling using the same characters of the above-mentioned movie. ... or something of that sort. I'm very 'duh', so please excuse me. :p

Pontianak Haram Sondol Malam
Oi, can u not try to be annoying? Sikit2 'pulangkan!' , wei! rilek la.

In terms of horror movies, we're still not there yet.

Pontianak Haram Sondol Malam 2
It became merapu, this one. Dude, what's with the flying kuda kepang?

Lady Boss
WTF?!? The gardener's her father?

Jutawan Fakir
You know that you're going to be blind simply by watching it but unnervingly, find yourself unable to pry yourself away from doing so. Spooky.

Gangster
Giler la, Abg. Castello. Now, every 10 yr old will want to become ' hero No. 1 Malaysia' when they grow up.

KL Mencirit
Rosyam can't pull of a rempit lah, he's too cultured, and you wondered how Lisdawati could be so naive-ly annoying in this.

KL Mencirit 1
They replaced Lisda with Erra and introduced Que Haider (who?). Yes, we have Rosyam as a rempit and Erra as a minah rempit. Totally believable, mate (Not!).

Resolution #6. Foreign workers sightseeing in the empty streets of KL are not potential road kills and must not be mowed down indiscriminately.

One Burmese, 3 Indonesians, 2 Bangladeshi and bus-load full Cambodians..... Kidding, the missus wouldn't let me. Spoilsport.

So that makes it 3/3. Alamak, draw lah.

Our Adventure of Celebrating Eid

2006-10-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

Saya, Hurnain Abdul Hamid, dengan hensem-nya ingin mengucapkan, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri kepada semua pembaca blog yang cemerlang. gemilang dan terbilang ini, terutamanya bagi yang beragama Islam. Jika saya pernah terkasar bahasa, menyakitkan atau mengecilkan hati, ataupun sengaja mendatangkan kemudaratan dari segi fizikal atau mental kepada pembaca2 yg dihormati (ya, termasuk penyokong kelab Man Ure juga), saya dengan tulus ikhlasnya meminta maaf, zahir dan batin.

Pembaca-pembaca yang menganuti agama katolik, protestan, buddha, hindu, konfusius, saintologi, wiccan dan kerajan langit 'ultra pin', janganlah bersegan-silu untuk memeriahkan hari lebaran ini bersama rakan2 yang beragama Islam kerana Agama kami sesungguhnya tidak men-diskriminasi terhadap penganut agama yang lain.

Kepada yang memandu pulang ke kampung semasa perayaan ini, berhati-hatilah di jalan raya serta mengikuti peraturan2 lalu lintas supaya selamat sampai ke kampung bersama keluarga tersayang. Jangan sesal di kemudian hari.

Selamat Hari Raya! Yay!

My Adventure of Getting Blocked

2006-10-16T09:49:00.000+08:00

One fine monday morning, while I was to begin my obligatory blog surfing session to find out what my friends in cyber world have been up to during the weekend; I was met by the following message.

"Forbidden by rating check.

You are not permitted to access the URL http://liverbirdforever.blogspot.com/ due to the policy of your organization.

If this is an error, then you should contact your security gateway administrator."

"Eh, WTT?!?", I thought to myself. then I started to go through my links in quick sucession. I found that the HantuBola blog and Fireangel's suffered the same fate.

So Lily's rants and raves about men in general, the constant sniping of the head hantus and hantu keciks at Hantuola as well as Fireangel has been deemed bad for my cyber health and general mental sanity. As if the censorship is going to help. A bit of too little too late, lah.

Lily mentioned that it was probably due to all those swearing in her comment box but I think it's just that the system has suddenly took personal insult with all her men-bashing and 'i-haven't-gotten-laid-in-ages' posting

Hantubola I can undertand. It's footie related so a lot of testosterone flying around , especially from those Mancs who are always inclined to blow their own horns, as well as each others'. Heh. Furthermore, I think the Firewall just became too disgusted with all the lies the non-Liverpool fans are spreading about the greatest team in the bloody World.
Now Fireangel is a another story; her blog is quite safe... or maybe not. There was that time when she mini-cammed herself drunk on ther blog, whilst promoting this particular beer of hers or it may be that time she stuffed herself into a boot of a car, just to say if she could fit in it.

Heheheh. Bodoh punya Firewall, itupun nak block ke? Camner nih..?

Looks like it's down to the local cyber cafes for me to join those noisy litle brats playing whatever MORPG which is IN right now. Hmmm.. wonder if my Ragnarok account is still active?

My Adventure of Being a Year Older (Again)

2006-10-09T16:01:00.000+08:00

Remember the Birthday Cake of last year? Well, it's back. :p

'29'..... 'Twenty Nine'....... '2-9'....... 'Dua Puluh Sembilan'...... Yay!

My Adventure in Blogging Incoherently II

2006-10-03T13:49:00.000+08:00

In continuation with my Top 5 list of movies; this week, we'll be looking at movies which have won something at the Oscars, that shouldn't have really. Maybe a best cinematography here, a best screenplay there but not the main award for best Film or Best Actor/Actresses, when you know that the other team should've won it in the first place.

Top 5 Award Winning Yet I- Think- It’s- Bollocks Movies.

5. Shakespeare in Love

What’s it about?

It’s a dramatic comedy/romance and William Shakespeare is portrayed as a young, struggling playwright, plagued by money shortages, problems with women, and a bloody writer’s block. If you’re into his work, you would recognize some of the characters and their lines are references to lines and characters in real Shakespeare plays -- implying that these people or events was to inspire the film's Shakespeare later in life.

Oh yeah, he falls in love or something.

Why I Bloody Hate it?

It’s a really nice movie actually but it’s only in this list because it beat Saving Private Ryan for Best Picture in 1998. How dare they!

4. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

What’s it about?

It had Chow Yun-Fatt and Datuk Michelle Yeoh. Played your hopes up didn’t it?

So these two are lovers (fair enuff), but feel they cannot act on their feelings because of Michelle’s marital commitment years ago. She was betrothed to Chow’s "Brother in Oath" and although he is dead, the two's relationship is still constrained by commonplace propriety. Sucks huh?

Why I Bloody Hate it?

The shit hits the fan with Zhang Zhi Yi. She’s bollocks! What do they see in her? Isn’t this supposed to be a kick-ass Kung Fu movie? She’s a bloody spoilt brat in the whole movie. The best part of it was when she took a bungee jump, minus the cord and killed her annoying self at the end.

I had thought it was going to be another ‘Swordsmen’. Chow Yun Fat should be taking on the dreaded Iron Mountain Skull Clan or something, but no, they had him chase that little shite, Zhang all over Northern China, while she goes off throwing tantrums in bars.

It's not any lower because they made Chow Yun Fat looked really cool in it... and killed off that annoying tart.

3. Sideways

What’s It About?

It’s about this recently divorced, unpublished writer, eighth-grade English teacher named Miles (Paul Giamatti), who takes his soon-to-be-married actor friend and old college roommate Jack (Thomas Haden Church) on a week-long road trip through Santa Ynez Valley wine country. Miles wants to drink wine, eat great food, play golf, and send Jack off in style. However, Jack is more interested in "sowing his wild oats" and having one last bonking session weekend (who doesn’t?).

Why I Bloody Hate it?

It has Sandra Oh in it. I really hate to admit it, but Zhang Zhi Yi is much prettier than this trollop. I mean she just ruined the whole bloody movie. It’s a movie about one guy’s efforts in trying to bonk a girl before this wedding. What’s not to love about it?

Unfortunately, the script made him bonk Sandra Oh.

Shite.

2. Titanic

What’s it About?

Leo DiCaprio (before he atoned himself in Man in the Iron Mask) and Kate Winslet play Jack Dawson and rose DeWitt Brubaker. One is a ruffian and the other is a member of high society. They fall in love, proving that money is not really everything and Leo can get the chicks by charm alone, aboard the 1912 maiden voyage of the RMS Titanic.

The Titanic hits and iceberg, sinks into the freezing Atlantic and most of the people die. Simple enough eh?

Why I Hate About It?

No straight guy, for the life of him, will have anything good to say about this movie. Oi Cameron!, we can do without the love story, thank you very much. The only good bit about the movie was when the ship began to sink and everyone started to die. That was bloody hilarious. Hilarious not because I’m an insensitive git, but hilarious because I’ve gone bonkers due to the excessive annoying love scenes, “If you jump, I jump” shite.

If the movie was not bad enough, you then had all this merchandising glut. Titanic t-shirts, Titanic shorts, Titanic slippers. WTF?! Back then, these were in-fashion.

1. Brokeback Mountain

It’s a bisexual-themed movie (not gay, because these two wankers had wives in the movie) of Ennis del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) two young men who meet and fall in love in 1963 on a shepherding on Brokeback Mountain (hence the name) in Wyoming.

Why I Hate About it?

It’s a movie about two men bonking each other. It’s a bloody faggot movie. The gay community was raving about how this movie was liberating and non-prejudicial and all that shite.

It's Sci-Fi actually, and not to burst your bubble or anything you gay farks, but how can anyone focus on anything other than Ann Hathaway and Michelle Williams. Ang Lee, you wanker, it's a bloody science fiction because any sane person would give their left nuts to have a go at Ann Hathaway and their right testicle for Michelle Williams.

Unless of course its Sandra Oh or Zhang Zhi Yi. But then again, you still could cover their faces with a paper bag and not go gay.

Disclaimer: Please let it be known that I have nothing against lesbians or women who are bi-sexuals. Such tendencies /acts should be supported, nurtutred and flourished. Heh. :p

My Adventure in Blogging Incoherently

2006-09-27T13:18:00.000+08:00

I'm currently suffering from nicotine and caffeine withdrawals. Food I can go without. Water is not a problem. It sucks to be a coffee drinker and smoker during Ramadhan. I'm guessing that the main symptoms of this particular problem is to blog incoherently; and post a fav movie's list. No, don't worry. It's not a meme and I'm not tagging anyone.... yet. Heh.

Top 5 Personal Favourite Yet Awesomely Bad Classic Movies

5. Commando

What’s it about? :

Colonel John Matrix (Arnie) has retired and is living with his 10 year old daughter (a very young Alyssa Milano) in a nice cabin in the middle of nowhere. Long story short, some South American kidnaps Alyssa and is holding her hostage. The rebels wants Arnie to assasinate the president of a their country so that big-boss rebel can take over the country. Why Arnie? Dude, do you really need to ask that question?

It’s obvious that the rebels have yet to see Terminator or Conan yet, else Arnie would be the last person on earth for them to piss off. It's just not healthy. So, being rebels and not being very bright, they managed to piss our hero off and it’s not long before Arnie gets angry and goes on a killing spree.

He kills his minder on the plane and then finds himself in a race against time i.e. He has to find out where the scumbags are holding Miss Milano, before the plane of his lands and rebels find out that he's flown the coop. With the aid of a stewardess he befriended/kidnaps (?!?), he raids a gunshop for suppliers and steals a plane to get to the rebel's hideout.

The movie's concept then takes on a consistent pattern.

Arnie killing everything that he sees.

Why I love it? :

It’s just brainless violence. This was Arnie at his best. Don’t try to figure out on the logic though, just accept the fact that the rebel's aim sucks big time, and Arnie is bullet-proof, and just sit back and enjoy as this walking gun store punishes the bad guys for laying their grubby hands on Alyssa Milano.

4. NICO: Above the Law

What’s it about? :
Before he became obese and started to make movies with rappers, he was the Man! This was his very fist movie and did he kick some serious arse! This is when the world was introduced to Aikido. Screw the roundhouse kicks, Steven showed us that it’s cooler to meet your opponents in close-range combat… and proceed to fracture their fibulas.

Steven plays Nico Toscani, a cop who used to work for the CIA (don’t they all) during the Vietnam War. He gets into some tough shite with the bad guys when he finds out that someone is smuggling C4 explosives, which is kinda worse than drugs.

Surprise! It’s his old pals from the CIA who’s been cashing in the drug trade and they have friends in all the right places. Suddenly, he finds himself being thrown-off the case and none of his cops pals want to help him.

No worries, being the bad-ass that he is, he tells everyone to go stuff it and proceeds to lay some Aikido smack down on the bad guys.

Interestingly enough, Sharon Stone (pre Basic Instinct) plays the "Man's" wife in this movie.

Why I loved it? :

It’s Steven’s first movie and we are introduced to a new style of martial arts. Practically ends Chuck Norri's carreer and his roundhouse kicks. Oh, and if your Aikido instructor informs it otherwise tell him to go stuff it!

Aikido was indeed created by Steven Seagal. Where did you think that Morehei Ueshiba learnde Aikido. He bloody watched this movie.

3. Waterworld

What’s it about:
The polar ice caps have melted, and the earth is covered by water. Well, serve them right for not taking care of the planet properly. Reduce, Recycle and Reuse!

So anyways, the surviving people live and travel on the seas, because dry land is now practically a myth. The people are living on man-made atolls and calling themselves Drifters. The bad guys are led by the ever menacing Dennis Hopper, who has adopted the Exxon Valdez * as his official residence.

Kevin Costner is the Mariner, a mutant freak (not to be confused with Freak & Geek) who has webbed hands and feet which makes him a bloody good swimmer. His ride? A very cool Trimoran. He minds his own business most of the time but due to some unforeseen events finds himself being the guardian of a little girl, who by chance, happened to have a map of dry land on her back tatooed on her back.

Now, Dennis wants the directions to dry land because let's face it, living on a rusty oil tanker sucks big time. So then it becomes a chase, whereby Kevin tries to protect the little girl and her hottie minder as well as trying to find dry land before Dennis gets his filthy hands on them.

Why I like it? :

I’m a sucker for post-apocalyptic themed movies, the idea of a post-devastated earth because mankind has screwed-up the planet and now the animals are in charge.
* 1989 Prince Willian Sound, Alaska. Ring any bell?

2. Dark Angel

What’s it about? :

Dolph Lundgren works vice in the city of Houston, ridding the city of drug dealers. His previous partner died during a drug bust and they’ve replaced him with a geeky, pencil-pushing FBI agent to investigate some mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead.

The culprit is actually an alien drug dealer from outer space! WTF?! He goes round and pumps alien narcotics into the body of his victims and then extracts the by-product from their brain. WTF?! Apparently, that stuff is some good shite there. The alien bloke doesn’t say much though, only ‘I come in Peace’ a lot, before killing his victims. WTF?!

Oh, and he has a big freaking gun which, from the looks of it fires artillery shells while those tossers at the PD only provide our heroes with only a 9mm. No fret, as it turns out, alien drug dealer is being chased by an alien cop. When the former gets killed off, Dolph was able to get hold of the alien cop's cool gun. We're all even now? Good, let the smackdown begin.

Why I loved it? :

It’s a murder mystery in itself, and it’s original. You’ll be exclaiming” WTF?!” throughout the movie but it’s quite entertaining. The movie takes the concept of your usual Cop v Drug Dealers scenarios and SCI Fi-ed it. Furthermore, how on earth can you not love the dialogue?

Alien baddie: I come in peace
Dolph: …and you go in pieces (Ratatatatat!)

1. Universal Soldier

What’s it about? :
What happens when you take two bad-asses, namely Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren and have them duke it out?

An Awesomely Bad Classic Movie!

Jean Claude and Dolph are two soldiers serving in Vietnam. Dolph is a bit mental because he likes the killing a bit too much and starts a hobby by taking trophies off the bodies of dead Viet Cong, ears, nose, and such. Both are killed during a village raid when Jean Claude tries to prevent Dolph from massacring the whole population.

Listed as MIA, they are actually flash-frozen and shipped to a top-secret facility where a team of scientists turn the two, along with other select specimens, into super-soldiers known as "UniSols”; reanimating the dead bodies of its dead soldiers to create a more a powerful and unique form of weapon.

Obviously, someone has forgotten to remind the military the shit always hits the fan when you screw around with the natural order of things.
Well the shit does hit the fan when Jean Clause starts to have flashbacks and suddenly he remembers who he was and goes AWOL from his chums. Dolph also remembers that he was a complete psychopath in his previous life, takes over UniSols and chases after Jean Claude to finish what they started years before.

Why I loved it? :

It has Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren! What more can you ask for. The acting is shite of course but it's an action movie about zombie soldiers, what do you expect. It has Dolph and Jean Claude beating the crap out of each other. Ahhhh.. bliss. :p

My Adventure Doing Some Charity Work

2006-09-18T15:21:00.000+08:00

Young Reef Explorer 2006 @ Aquaria KLCC, 9th September 2006.

It was probably due to the fact that most of us were broke and couldn't afford to go off on a dive trip somewhere, or it could be that we were bored and had nothing better to do. Thus, we decided to do a bit of charity work. Not any charity work, but something interesting that would benefit us financially as well.

We decided to take some underpriviliged kids and introduce them to SCUBA. We also decided to have someone else bear all the expenses. Clever eh? *wink*

Therefore, under the banner of the Malaysian Society for Marine Sciences (MSMS) we approached Aquaria KLCC and pitched the idea to them. The powers-that-be at Aquaria thought that it was a bloody good idea and promised us the use of their facilities as well as sponsoring us with the expenses. We then approached Yayasan Bakti Khidmat Masyarakat of Malaysia to provide us with 20 kids, aged between 12-15 years, to introduce them to SCUBA under Aquaria's Dive with Sharks programme.

Well, to cut a long story short, the kids had tons of fun, eventhough the basis of the event was chucking them all into Aquaria's main tank with the sharks, and err... manta rays. I had the dubious honor of taking the kids on a tour of aquarium but unfortunately, I was only able to provide them an explanation on the herpetofauna species while the fishes were limited to, "ikan nih goreng pon sodap".

Aquaria was so pleased with our contribution in making them look good that they pledged RM50K for our future scientific projects. Currently, we have one Reef Check Project off the waters of PD slated for the end of the year, and a Crown-of-Thorns clean-up in Tioman next year when the season opens. Our financial quandries are sorted out as both projects are fully sponsored. Aren't we all a bunch of clever buggers, then. *wink*

The project committee members and participants.

"Really.. I AM a babe magnet!".

"See how they try to bite my fingers off everytime".

The universal sign while having your pic taken.

See what I mean?

My Tribute to a Fallen Comrade

2006-09-12T11:29:00.000+08:00

(Steve Irwin, 22 Feb 1962 - 4 Sept 2006)

He started the whole TV wildife conservationsist phenomenon; common sense-deprived, hyperactive individuals who chased after animals which were more than inclined to bite your head-off based on general principles, and they all did this in the name of conservation. Steve Irwin shared his excitement about the natural world through his exploits on TV. He was concerned with conservation of endangered animals as well as the threats to them, most notably on the loss of habitat for these animals.

Even before Animal Planet brought his infectious enthusisasm to the couch potatoes the world over, Steve was already knee-deep in his conservations efforts and had already boughta a crap-load of land in his native Australia, Vanuatu, Fiji and US. He turned them all into nature preserves. He had urged people to take part in considerate tourism and not support illegal poaching through the purchase of items such as turtle shells, or sharks-fin soup. He built the Australia Zoo to be one of the most famous zoo in the world which concentrated in educating and creating awareness amongst the public.

His death on 4 Sept 2006, was a massive blow to the wildlife community, however he had already built the foundations in which his work can be continued, not only by his family and friends, but by ordinary folks like you or I. As such, we should not mourn his death far too much but to celebrate what he did in his life and to take up the work in which he left behind. I never met the man personally. Now, I never will. However, I believe he still lives on, in the hearts of those who carry on the torch of wildife conservation.

Crikey! *wink*

My Adventure at the Turtle Hatchery

2006-09-11T12:17:00.000+08:00

The WWF/Malacca Fisheries Turtle Management Centre (26-27 August 2006)

MNS volunteers posing for a grop shot.

Sarah's entourage, Me and the Centre's Caretaker (chap in white)

The rescued Hawksbill & Green residing in the Centre's Pool.

The Turtle Hatchery itself.

We released about 113 Hawksbill hatchlings during the 2 day stint, with the hope that these unique & wonderful creatures will continue to survive. We were joined by 20 from Taylor's college to add to the 10 MNS volunteers I brought along with me.

Unfortunately, there were no nesting females that night, but we did receive 90 hatchlings in the early hours of sunday morning. The massive thunderstorm prevented us from releasing them that night. We had to wait till 6am till the rain stopped before releasing the current batch (the 90 was joined by another 2o or so late 'diggers' ).

We're probably going again after Hari raya, so any of you out there who are keen to help out and do your bit for conservation, drop me a line then. Let's save our natural heritage before it's all gone.

My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged IV

2006-08-25T09:41:00.000+08:00

I saw this meme at absolutely-fuzzy's blog, and thought it has been bloody ages since I did a Meme, so here goes. I would very much like to tag eveyone who reads this but I couldn't be bothered.

I'd very much prefer you lot giving me money.

Can you name 21 people (immediate family exempted) you can think of right off the top of your head? Don’t read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people. Ready, Start!

1. Fiza
2. Os
3. Ruby
4. Zuardi
5. Ene
6. Izeman
7. Reena
8. Loretta
9. Sheema
10. Lillian
11. Chris
12. Nissa
13. Lizzie
14. Zamwal
15. Anna
16. Selena
17. Ajan
18. Shariz
19. James
20. Ahmad
21. Sarah

THE QUESTIONS:

How did you meet 14?
We met in UiTM Melaka in 1995 . We were best mates right up till our graduation from UiTM Shah Alam in 2000, he left for the UK for further studies and communication was lost every since.

What would you do if you never met 6?
I probably shoot myself in the head or something to that effect as life wouldn’t be as colorful and lively as it is now. Village idiot and Court Jester rolled into one.

What would you do if 20 and 9 (the no. on the list) dated?
Oh, this is interesting. Well actually, at one point, I was egging them both on but No. 9, for some reason, said that it could never work out. It didn’t help when No. 20 was chasing this other particular skirt at that time.

Did you ever like 5?
I had a thing for her once, all for the wrong reasons, especially when she alrady had a BF. :p We’re best buddies now. She was the one who introduced me to the Missus.

Yes.. the irony amazes me too.

Would 3 and 12 make a good couple?
I’m sure they would. I have certainly not against any girl-on-girl action but It’d be weird though *Oh crap, now you’re giving me ideas.*

Describe 8:
Dedicated. She buggered off from her nice, cushy job as an NST reporter to go freelance and save the Malayan tigers.

Do you think 13 is attractive?
As much as I adore her to bits, she’s quite plain looking, more so with No. 15 around. *Sorry Liz!*.
Furthermore, she’s more like a little sister to me. Yup, a younger sister who’s 6 foot tall and bigger than you. Heh.

Tell me something about 17:
The typical old-fashioned, family man. He could also be a pain-in-the-arse as most of the time, you wouldn’t know whether to strangle him or laugh at his jokes.

Do you know any of 4’s family members?
I once met 2 of his devil nephews. Suffice to say that I never came back for another visit.

What’s 21’s favorite color?
I have no bloody idea.

What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she liked you?
Well, he should. I was his best man at his wedding.

What language does 20 speak?
Malay & English and occasionally, the language of love…. or so he thinks. Wanker! :p *Wei cepatlah khawin*

Who is 9 (the no. on the list) going out with?
Eugene. Futsal buddy and currently with an organisation that monitors illegal wildlife trade in the region. So unfortunate he’s a Gooner.

What does 16 do?
Marketing officer at Zoo Negara.

When’s the last time you talked to 13?
Ages ago, before she went to New Zealend to study Whales. Did I mention that she has her own boat, which was used in an ice-cream commercial?

What perfume does number 2 use?
I haven’t the faintest clue. *Oi, What wanking perfume do u use, mate?*

Would you ever date 7?
I could but for some reason it never happened. She lived a couple of rows from my rented apartment in Shah Alam. We became best of buddies , but the chemistry for romance was mysteriously absent.

Would you ever date 1?
I’m married to her, so … Yes? :p

Is 15 single?
No, she’s not… and all the men of the world can mourn. Your typically hottie Swedish babe, blonde, blue-eyes, and bloody gorgeous.

No. 11 and I have been plotting the BF's death for ages now. *kidding!!*

What is 19’s last name?
Rice.

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 11?
Fark! No thanks mate, even if he was a girl.

He has a hottie sister though.

What school does 3 go to?
I haven’t the faintest clue.

Where does 10 live?
Tropicana apartments, PJ.

What’s your favorite thing about 10?
Trusty frogging assistant, until she buggered-off and joined the MNS Committee. Looks hot in a bikini? Heh. :p

Have you seen number 13 naked?
No, but I wouldn't mind. Heh. :p *sorry Liz*

My Adventure with the Croc Doc

2006-08-11T10:58:00.000+08:00

Dr Barr doing what he does best on Nat Geo channel

Dr. Brady Barr, is an expert on the modern crocodilian species and has conducted field research on crocodiles and alligators on four continents. He is the only known man to capture (for scientific purposes of course) all 23 species of crocs and alligator in the world. He is the resident croc expert of Nat Geo channel and has hosted serveral shows i.e. Croc Chronicles, Reptile Rules, on the channel.

Last week, he was in town for a few days on his asian road trip to talk about his experience in chasing crocs around the globe. So, in the capacity of the Herp Group Coordinator of MNS Selangor, I dragged 2 of my volunteers to the zoo, where he was giving his talk. I could see he was knackered from having 3 shows a day for the last 2 days so wasn't able to really sit down and chat with him. I was only able to introduce myself to him, and stopped short of trading bite scars or crazy stunts done with dangerous reptiles. Furthermore, I didn't want to impose myelf on him seeing how tired he was. (3rd rudest city in the world, my arse).

We stayed for his show, and I could see why he was so exhausted, seeing as how animated he was in giving the talk. Here's hoping for his next visit, where hopefully we would be better prepared to receive him.

9, Dr. Brady Barr, Yanti & Khatijah at Zoo Negara

My Adventure of Saying Goodbye

2006-08-10T10:39:00.000+08:00

As we travel Life's weary journey,
And plod through the gathering years,
With our burdens of care and sorrow,
O'er a pathway bedewed with tears.
If, perchance, for a fleeting moment,
Our hearts should with rapture swell,
We have added but one more sorrow,
When we bid the glad time "Farewell".
- Thomas E. Spencer

You had been there with me, through the thick of it. You were my companion, friend and confidante. I realize now that it has been to many sunsets that we've shared together. Now it seems that it has been one sunset to many. Too many times of seeing the red sun descending to its home in the glowing west and too many times have I welcomed the stars appearing in the night sky with you (wtf?!?). Our destination was anywhere and everywhere. We have journeyed together, laughed and cried. It had been a long road to get here.

You had been with me in Sydney. You were with me in Royal Belum and Temenggor. You were with me when I got married, (although, I had we had to be discreet about it). You enabled me to blog, to express my ramblings, thoughts, sorrow and care to the world. .

We have arrived at the crossroads of our lives. Greener pastures awaits. You were never mine, and never will be. This is where we part company. We had played together, but those days have their end, 'this why I bid goodbye to you and farewell Amanah Captital Partners Equipment Tag: COM 0025.

Sekadar gambar hiasan. Bukan model sebenar.

My Adventure In Light of PM's Warning

2006-08-02T10:51:00.000+08:00

KUALA TERENGGANU: The Prime Minister has issued a warning – those who spread untruths and slander on the Internet will face the law.
If information in blogs, websites and online portals were incorrect, bordered on slander, caused disturbance or compelled the public to lose faith in the nation’s economic policies, their authors would be detained for investigation, said Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi…..

Now, let’s do a checklist on the whether Nocturnal Excursions conforms to the rebellious conducts which the government is trying to stamp down.

#1. Online portals are incorrect

“There you have it, I wish you, my brothers the very best of luck in your quest to pick up the chicks and become a babe magnet like yours truly”..... Excerpts from My Adventure of Giving Sound Advice

I AM a babe magnet. Seriously, I am. Kenapa? Tak Percaya ka?

#2. Caused disturbance

“Please be informed that any future attempts of trying to get either me, or the missus, to join your shite downline , will be met with a swift back-handed slap” .... Excerpts from My Adventure of Disclaiming Two-Legged Parasites.

It’s those damn MLM salesperson who are the ones causing all the disturbance. Where’s the FRU when you need them? A healthy dose of that stinky yellow water from that cannon of theirs should do nicely. Eh, how do I know that its yellow and stinky.. oops!. :p

#3. Compelled the public to lose faith in the nation’s economic policies.

“Saya memohon kebenaran untuk membawa ahli-ahli Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia, Cawangan Selangor untuk sebuah lawatan ke Padang Kemunting Turtle Management Center”.... Excerpts from My Adventure in Corresponding In My Mother Tongue.

See, I compel the public to support the various government agencies which are involved with wildlife and the environment. Unless the policies themselves are detrimental to Mother Nature, then we'll see how controversial I can get.

So, suffice to say, this blog is pretty much Cemerlang, Gemilang and Terbilang.

My Nocturnal Excursion Invite To Babe & KA

2006-07-27T11:56:00.000+08:00

Excerpt from the MNS monthly newsletter for Aug 2006;

Sat, 5 Aug: Night Walk @ Kota Damansara Community Forest Park, Selangor

This is a Herpetofauna Group activity organised for Selangor Branch members and residents of Kota Damansara (and the Coordinator’s blog buddies -9). The park offers an easy trek through the forest trail. You will search for herplife, namely frogs and snakes.

Meet in front of SMK Section 10 Kota Damansara. Wear suitable outdoor clothes and hiking shoes. Bring insect repellent and torchlight. Refer to the May issue of the newsletter for the map to the park (I’ll post it up later when I figure out how to use the office scanner thingy -9)

Time: 8pm
Please contact the Group Coordinator; Hurnain Hamid at mns_herpetofauna@yahoo.com.my

Attention: Since both of them only want me for themselves, this invite is only in exclusive for Babe and KA. (Pssst.. the rest of you are invited as well but don't tell these two that I invited you guys as well.... make it like you're there by accident .. heh)

My Adventure of Breeding Rodents II

2006-07-25T11:31:00.000+08:00

It has been almost 3 months now since I ventured into the rodent breeding excursion. Much has happened and almost akin to an episode of one of those South American (SA) soap operas, it has had murder, death, heartbreak, cover-ups etc. Remember the two hamsters we had, Bart & Ene? Remember I mentioned that we had suspected that Ene was pregnant. Well, our suspicions were true. She was.

Then Bart died.

How Bart died was a mystery in itself. I woke up one late Saturday afternoon to find Bart dead, half his body trapped between the cage-door. Now, we had made it habit in leaving the cage outside our room because hamsters being nocturnal, would be making a bloody racket around 3am – 6am, playing on their wheel and such. We suspected foul play. The suspects were the Missus’ nephews, whom her mum baby-sat for on weekends. Further investigation revealed nothing. No one was talking. Everyone denied knowledge. We smelled a cover-up.

I buried Bart outside our bedroom window.

We were worried that Ene might die of heartbreak as it is the norm for hamsters of this particular species but fortunately, she gave birth the very next day. And thus, for the next 2 weeks, she had been a single mother, raising 5 children on her own. We watched them grow up, hand-fed and tamed them till the point that they’ve recognized our voices.

Then the owner wanted them back. The initial agreement was to breed them and we would get one hamster as service fee. Demmit! We had to return them, minus one. We stalled the owner as long as we could, for almost 3 weeks in fact but the day came when we had to face the reality that we had to be parted from the whole family.

So, now we’re left with only one. The Missus had grown attached to on hamster, a male and the largest in the litter. We aptly named him Chubby. Chubby was the most tamed, and closest to the Missus and thus we had negotiated to have him.

So, today the Missus and I are going to look for a girlfriend for Chubby as well as new accommodations. We intend to breed more cute 'lil hamsters but this time round, the hamsters will be ours… and our alone.

My Adventure of Being a Petaling Street Hooligan

2006-07-21T18:13:00.000+08:00

picture courtesy of Hantu Bola & S-kay

Yesterday, the resident surfers of Hantu Bola blog, Petaling Street Hoolies came together to play Futsal in our very own, 1st Futsal Meet at the Sports Barn in PJ, to finally put our money where our mouth were.

Try being the first one to arrive and going to the Sports Barn staff,

“Boss, ada booking untuk Hantu Bola tak pukul 7 nih?”

Fortunately, he didn’t take it as strange and was rather non-committal in hearing such a weird (and funky) name. Either the blog is reaaally famous or most of his customers use weirder names to book the courts. So here’s a bit of observation from last nite’s futsal session;

#1. The lads were polite. Which is quite strange if you think about it really, considering that we give stick and tear into each other, prominent individual players of various clubs and a certain local footie pundit on TV? It was all, ‘How do you?’, ‘Looks like rain, old chap’ scenario.

#2. Naz is bigger in real life.

#3. S-kay is thinner in real life.

#4. Anttyk plays right midfield, gammy leg and all.

#5. KY is a guy and not a chick.

#6. KY always tries for a screamer (even passing to a teammate 3 yards next to him)

#6. Eyeris has the skill and stamina but couldn’t hit a cows’ arse with... you know the saying. :p

#7. That was Scorkes last nite!?! Duh!

#8. That was Suanie last nite?!? Duh!

#9. I’m out of shape and my fitness is koyak.

#10. Din’s fitness is more koyak than me. Heh.

So, here’s to our next Futsal meet, where I’ll try to play up-front, being ‘9’ and hopefully remember to bring along my contact lenses. I was partially blind for most of the time last night. *cheh, last shot at excuse for being koyak*.

My legs hurt, and my back is killing me. I need a back rub from the Missus. Now, where’s that minyak gamat of mine.

My Adventure in Writing About Sex

2006-06-23T11:51:00.000+08:00

One of my loyal and avid readers of my humble yet extraordinary blog, namely the Babe (who actually started all this emo closure of personal blogs), complained that I should start writing on juicy, illicit, erotic sex stories in here. Being the nice, accomodating (not forgetting good-looking) person that I am, I have decided to adhere to her lucid requests.

I'm sure everyone has a mate or two who are more inclined to brag about their shagging conquests. In fact, any man worth his salt will occasionally blow his own horn on how good he is in the sack and on the countless of women he had pleasured. The women, though less vocal than the men, are not exempted. In any group, you will always find a character of such sort.

Bloody annoying, innit? Especially for those of you who are phallus-challnged or can’t even score in a bloody brothel (this includes you, Crouchy), much less at the very least get someone who’s either, blind, mute and plain stoopid to sleep with you. No worries as the next time Mr. Brag-a-Lot starts sharing his sordid sexcapades with you, sort out his sexual ego by giving him some of these animal facts. These will sure bring him back down to earth as he, or she will find out that there are others whose sexual prowess and habits eclipses theirs.

Wild Sexual Habit #1.

Tens of thousands of red-sided garter snakes emerge from their underground hibernation dens and engage in “mating balls.” The male red-sided garters emerge first and wait patiently for the females to follow. Each time a female appears, the males surround her. The ball of snakes will writhe and sometimes even roll over land, until one male finally mates with the female.

Wild Sexual Habit #2.

Male Bottlenose Dolphins have been observed working in pairs to follow and/or restrict the movement of a female for weeks at a time, waiting for her to become sexually receptive. The same pairs have also been observed engaging in intense sexual play with each other. Studies that have shown the dolphins later in life are bisexual and the male bonds forged from homosexuality work for protection as well as locating females to reproduce with.

Wild Sexual Habit #3.

It has also been recorded that certain species of mole will impregnate newborns of their own species, the biological advantage to this is that when those moles mature and become fertile, they will become pregnant with the sperm of the mole that had mated with them at a very young age. Not sure whether this is forceful though.

Wild Sexual Habit #4.

This one is a cut above the rest. The Bonobo monkeys are found exclusively in the humid forests south of the Zaire River, sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, as it is being used as;

#1. A greeting (“Good morning, Boss” *shag*),

#2. A means of conflict resolutionn (“Aper? Perempuan tuh mintak you hantar dia balik umah? Tak boleh naik teksi ke?” *shag*),

#3. Post-conflict reconciliationn (“Ok, ok, I janji tak contact minah tuh lagi” *shag*),

#4. Favours traded by the females in exchange for food, (“Abg 9, mintak French fries you skett”? *shag*).

Interestingly, Bonobos are the only non-human apes to have been observed engaging in: face-to-face genital sex (most frequently female-female), tongue kissing, and oral sex.

Soooo... there you have it. If this doesn't shut Fabio up, nothing will, well, except for a good bloody thrashing.

My Adventure During the FIFA World Cup 2006

2006-06-21T17:34:00.000+08:00

This is the only animal I'm interested in this month

Apologies for the decrease in postings of late. The greatest show on Earth has occupied much of my time. I understand that most of my loyal readers can't get enough of this blog, and I don't blame them. Sometimes, I can't get enough of myself as well.

Be rest assured that I have no intention to stop blogging, unlike some emo bloggers out there. Therefore, for those of you who terribly miss my ramblings, you can click yourselves to chitchatbola.blogspot.com in order to melepaskan rindu yang terbuku di hati selama ini.

You can find my ramblings there for the time being. Yes, the World Cup is first priority, as it always have been in the past, in the present and will continue to be in the future.

My Adventure of Giving Sound Advice

2006-05-25T17:03:00.000+08:00

The sexual struggle is of two kinds: in the one it is between the individuals of the same sex, generally the males, in order to drive away or kill their rivals, the females remaining passive; while in the other, the struggle is likewise between the individuals of the same sex, in order to excite or charm those of the opposite sex, generally the females, which no longer remain passive, but select the more agreeable partners. --Darwin, 1871

Hobo had lamented his poor luck with the opposite species. You have to admit after reading his luahan hati of crashing out again and again; it is a surprise that National Geographic has yet to give him a special documentary piece on their Air Crash Investigation series.

Being the ever so helpful blogger buddy of his (aren’t we all a happy family in blogwerld?), I thought I’d share some interesting observations I had made from my experience and knowledge of the animal world. My analysis is made by identifying the common dating behavior of men with the traits of certain animals during their mating rituals. It is hoped that Hobo, as well as Jules and Awang, could use this guide to successfully pull up a bird.

Animal fact v Human Behavior #1.

The male peacock is elaborate and showy, mustering its physical resources to woo potential mates with its enormous, colorful and gaudy, fan-like tail plumage. This is apparent with most birds whose males are of different, more beautiful color than the females of the same species.

Notice those flashy buggers in their flashy cars*, attired in their sharpest Armani silk shirt and D&G pants. Their habitat would vary between the mating grounds of Jln. Telawi as well the watering holes of Jln P. Ramlee, on Saturday nights. The more expensive they look, the better their chances of attracting a mate (for mating, not a mate for sat nite footie).

So, now you realize why your faded Lois jeans, and t-shirt bundle aren’t attracting more attention from the ladies? About bloody time to mortage-up dad’s kebun durian, and get fitted with the latest fashion accessory. If you have friends, who are fashion models (maybe you’re not a sodding loser after all), try calling them up and ask for tips. In addition, try switching on Channel 8’s Lakme to see whats hip and happening at the moment (doesn’t hurt to look like John Abraham).

*Not to be confused with Ah Bengs or Mat Keta, who are not classified under this as they are more willing to hump their cars than their girlfriends.

Animal fact v Human Behavior #2.

Male frogs showcase their incredible vocal sac ability, as their cacophony of calls and chirps fills the night air to attract a mate. The call is unique to the species, and will attract females of that species.

This explains the existence of groupies. I’m sure Steven Tyler has lost count on how many times he’s had knickers (of varying sizes and types) thrown to him while he’s performing (luckily we’re too conservative to be pelting that chap Mawi with our undergarments).

Unfortunately for you lot, AF’s (Akademi Fundek) auditions have closed (better luck next time, losers!) but do not fret. I’m sure there is some vocal teacher out there stup err... willing enough to take you in as a student. Before long, you’ll be belting those ballads as well as Yusry or that masked bloke from Amuk (Yey Yearghh!).

A chick digs it when you sing to her soft, romantic ballads and it’s just a matter of time before she sings into your ‘microphone’.

Animal Fact v Human Behavior #3.

The bowerbird's most notable characteristic is the extraordinarily complex behaviour of males, which is to build a bower to attract mates. This bower is a complex structure of sticks and leaves - usually shaped like a walkway, a small hut or a maytree -, into and around which the male places a variety of objects he has collected.

Any chick who says that she can never be bought or doesn’t like presents is either pulling your leg (when you wished she was pulling some other part of your appendage) or mental. Your ability in providing for her by buying expensive gifts will adhere her to you. Never underestimate the power of a Tiffany bracelet. The downside is when your salary is peanuts like mine right now, then you’re screwed (in the negative sense).

Animal Fact v Human Behavior #4.

The North American elk are big-shouldered beasts with majestic sets of many-tined antlers. During breeding season, fight rituals occur between males in order to determine who is entitled to breed with the available females.

Fortunately for us, we don’t have to go ala Royal Rumble just to get the girl. The above-mentioned behavior is only applicable when a rival male tries to move in on your lady.. However, at times like these, you are expected to be the gentleman and not treat the lady like an object or an item to be squabbled over. To make it worse, the bugger has read this blog and utilised the 1st 3 guides mentioned above. Shite. What do you do?

Playing fair and square are for tossers. All is fair in love and war, remember. This is where those voices in your head which you’ve been hearing come into play. Go on, listen to them . Go clean that shotgun of yours. If you’re severely lacking in fire arms, don’t worry, remember that tyre iron in your car boot.? A few good shots to the back of the guys’s head when he’s not looking should do the trick, and for heaven’s sake don’t tell the girl. They’ll be pissed for some reason.

There you have it, I wish you, my brothers the very best of luck in your quest to pick up the chicks and become a babe magnet like yours truly.

Disclaimer: The above posts should be read in jest, with a pinch of sarcasm to it. For heaven's sake don't go clobbering some mate of yours in the back of the head just because he was checking out your girlfriend. In addition, I would like to add that I have no prejudicial personal agendas with the bloggers mentioned in the above. I am sure that Hobo, Jules & Awang are strapping lads who can woo a girl only by winking at them.

My Adventure on Sea Turtle Conservation

2006-05-18T14:43:00.000+08:00

The Green Sea Turtle, Chelonia Mydas is listed under Appendix I of CITES (Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species). This means that if you were an animal species listed under this particular category, you're royally screwed. Only animal species which are critically endangered and about to be buggered are placed under the 1st Appendix. You are allowed certain protection once you're under the 'about to be buggered' category though, as those pesky human gits are only allowed to trade, either you or any of your species only in exceptional circumstances. This basically means that there shall be no trade (read: capturing you in the wild and sticking you in their backyard) of your species (egss included) whatsoever, unless of course some of those gits are conducting scientific research on you.

Life for a sea turtle nowadays look pretty bleak. Not only there are threats to the species' survival like habitat destruction on their beaches, being accidentally tangled in fisherman’s nets, some wanker poaching their eggs, trash pollution in the oceans and getting whacked by muppets on watercrafts. Then there is also the danger of artificial lighting on nesting beaches, which confuses the hatchlings and lures them toward roads instead of toward the sea where they should go.

Again, if you were one of the Chelonia species, it would take you about 30 years to mature. 30 loooong years, or about 7 world cups to pass before (if you're a hot chicas adult female sea turtle) to return to the same beach from which you hatched originally to lay your eggs. Furthermore, this can take place every two to four years in maturity which produces on average about four to seven nests per nesting season. Being a little juvenile turtle is no easy kickabout in the park either. Your mortality rate is very high as only, at most, 1 in 100 of you will be successful in making it to adulthood. Shite, half your siblings would get picked off one by one from the sand by seagulls as they try to reach the ocean after hatching. Then there's sharks and morays and whatever else is waiting to gobble you up in the ocean.

SEATRU (our local Sea Turtle Research Unit based in Redang) reports that the nesting density for green turtles in Terengganu showed year to year fluctuations. Average annual nestings shows a decline of almost 62% from 10 year ago. Nonetheless, the size of the green turtle population in Terengganu is the most significant, compared to the other species.

Therefore, it was only apt that last week, during my honeymoon-cum-dive trip, we were holed up at Turtle Beach in Pulau Perhentian, a secluded yet quaint stretch of beach overlooking a little cove. The beach is in actual fact gazetted as a turtle nesting site by Marine Parks and yet a resort had been in operation for the last 2 years. Another proof of government apathy at its best. Considering that it was not the operator’s entire fault as they were not informed by the government of the gazette, they are now working closely with SEATRU on how best to mitigate the risks.

Marine Parks had even opened up a turtle hatchery site on the other side of the island and so each night, some of their staff patrol the beach to collect and transfer the eggs to the assigned site for better protection against poachers and predators.

However, even with the strict efforts done by the respective government agencies and NGO alike, there were still incidents which showed that turtle conservation in Malaysia has a long way to go.

Case #1.

On the first night at about 11pm, we heard the unmistakable sound of a Chelonia dragging its heavy body up the beach. She was huge, the snout-to-vent length alone was about 1 metre. The width was half of that. We spied it from afar. No lights and no sound.

Together with the Marine Parks staff, we tried as best as we could to cordone the area off in order to give the animal some personal space. Since poaching is still a major problem even with the existing regulations, we had swept the beach to hide the tracks of the turtle. (Poachers spotlight the beaches to look for tracks which would indicate a turtle landing had taken place.).

Then came the problem. During the nesting, a boat operator from the local village came in with a boatload of tourists and started to converge on the nesting site. The culprit who had brought in the tourist was a local, much influential it seemed as the Marine Parks staff didn’t dare to raise a finger to stop him. Stopping short of getting into a fight with the Wanker, I tried to explain how disturbing a nesting mother would deter it from ever landing on the beach for nesting ever again. My argument fell on deaf ears. They had surrounded the poor creature and were taking pictures of her, flashes and all.

Case #2.

Whilst in Kuala Terengganu, the Missus wanted to visit the local flea market to do a bit of shopping, and there, even with strict CITES guidelines and Fisheries legislation, were rows upon rows of turtle eggs, being openly and blatantly sold.

In conclusion, common sense and logic dictates it simply that if an animal is being threatened by extinction, the best thing that people can do is to stop all activities which can reduce its population even further. It was fortunate enough that the nesting mother was able to finish the job and return to sea, even with a bloody mob around her. I mean, you wouldn’t like it if someone stuffed a bloody camera up your arse while you’re giving birth, would you? Will you return to the same bloody hospital for your 2nd birth? I should think not.

Consuming the eggs of an endangered species wouldn't help it's critical situation either. it's not like it tastes good anyway, very bland and minging (hey, I was 6 years old). Remember, stop the demand and the supply will follow suit too.

My Adventure of Breeding Rodents

2006-05-09T11:41:00.000+08:00

A hamster is a rodent belonging to subfamilyy Cricetinae. The subfamily contains about 18 speciess, classified in six or seven generaa. Most have expandable cheek pouches, which reach from their cheeks to their shoulders. Because they are easy to keep and breed in captivity, hamsters are popular pets. Oh and they're also nocturnal by nature.

Exactly two weeks ago, a friend of mine, Bart, had asked the Missus to take care of his two pet Campbell's dwarf hamster (Phodopus campbelli), with the main intention of breeding them. Apparently the missus, before meeting God’s gift to women, had been a rather succesful hamster breeder. She was so good that at one point, she was putting up hamsters- for- sale- signs around the neighbourhood because she was running out of space to put them all up in her house.

Bart, who has had some experience over the years in keeping hamsters, has nominal success in propagating his hamster popluation. As such, he had asked whether the missus was interested in adopting them for a while, with the hope that his two babies, Papa and Kecik, would produce a large number of offsprings.

Bart supplied us with all of his hamster-ing equipment and the two rodents have been at the house for the last 2 weeks. One thing about this particular species is that, unlike their larger cousins, Dwarf hamsters are very unfriendly towards strangers. Unless a person has been handling and taking care of one since it was a juvenile, their reponse to any fool (ini this case, the fool would be me) would be with extreme prejudice.

It so happened that the Missus was ill the first week when we received the two and so it fell to me to do all the washing, feeding and playing (read: getting my fingers bitten off). My first task had been renaming them, much to the chagrin of Bart as I had named the larger male, Bart, after its owner and the smaller female, Ene, after Bart’s RL girlfriend (also a good friend of ours).

Due to the risk of severed digits I face everyday, I noticed that as of yesterday, the two little shites have started to show some affection towards me. More so with Ene. Although Bart still tries to remove a finger or two , I’m now able to hand feed him without too much trouble.

I have also noticed that Bart have started, and I quote; “mengejar si kecik dari belakang dengan rakusnya sekali”. After a few days of chasing, I further noticed that Ene have been easily lethargic and spends most of her time inside her small plastic house. A quick with Bart’s (human version) hamster handbook revealed that the females, during gestation, would not allow the male to copulate with her and is very passive. Ditto.

Ene, (the hasmter) if pregnant, would gestate for about 16 to 18 days. Therefore, in about 3 weeks time, hopefully we would hear the tiny patters of hamster feets running around the cage.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to replace the bandages on my fingers.

*until Ene (the human) sends me the pics of the hasmters, we will have to make do with a plagarised version from Wikipedia's.

My Adventure of Corresponding in My Mother Tongue

2006-05-04T16:00:00.000+08:00

If you're wondering where the hell are my new postings, well I've been very the busy. Work, Life and MNS takes a heavy toll on my creativity to write. Even more so when I had letter to a government agency to write too. Till now, I have no idea how I got an A2 for BM during my SPM.

Pengarah
Jabatan Perikanan Negeri Melaka,
Batu Berendam,
75050 Melaka.

2 Mei 2005

Tuan,

Per: Lawatan ke Padang Kemunting ‘Turtle Management Center’
________________________________________________________________

Saya memohon kebenaran untuk membawa ahli-ahli Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia, Cawangan Selangor untuk sebuah lawatan ke Padang Kemunting ‘Turtle Management Center’.

Butiran lanjut mengenai aktiviti tersebut adalah seperti berikut:-

Tarikh : Sabtu, 22 Julai 2006 – Ahad, 23 Julai 2006
Bil. Peserta : 20 orang
Tujuan : 1. Mempelajari dengan lebih mendalam mengenai usaha-usaha ‘Turtle Conservation'
2. Membantu pegawai Tabung Hidupan Liar Sedunia (WWF) dengan tugas-tugas
harian beliau.

Saya amat berbesar hati sekiranya permohonan saya dipertimbangkan.

Terima Kasih.

Yang benar,

Hurnain Hamid
Penyelaras Kumpulan Herpetofauna
Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia
Cawangan Selangor

It took me about 2 hours to write the bloody thing, I shite you not.

My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged III

2006-04-25T12:27:00.000+08:00

I would be lying if I said that nothing's been happening lately. There was the Frogging trip in FRIM last Saturday and my trip to the Aquaria the Saturday before that. However, I've decided to save those write-ups for a rainy day. For the time being, you lot have to be satisfied with this particular tag which is going around, created by people who have nothing better to do;

My ex and ‘Paybacks’ have something in common…. their both a BITCH.

Maybe I should grow up because I’m driving the missus crazy with my immaturity.

I love it when Liverpool scores. Especially in big-arse games like the one on Sunday morning. So, thank you Messrs Garcia & Arne Risse. You two made a lousy weekend so much bearable.

I don't understand why the Missus thinks that playing the PS2 is a waste of time, when I’m perfectly going to cut the grass after I finally beat that annoying Level 8 Boss. When? Dunno yet. Maybe in one day, or a week or two or even a month. Hey, you really can’t plan these things.

I lose my temper easily, especially during rush hour traffic. Thus, the excessive use of a certain appendage as well as the colorful language utilized.

People say that I can be selfish at times. I easily burn bridges only to regret it later. I’m sure that my life would be richer if I didn’t have done that.

I could've borrowed money of them.

Love is when you wake up to a disheveled-looking missus, air liur basi et all and still think that she’s a total hottie.

Somewhere, someone is cutting a perfectly good tree down.

I will always perceive David Beckham as a twat. Not because he's an ex-Manc.

No, really.

Forever is my love for my wife.

I never want to go through another of our wedding reception. Three…. yes, three receptions were enough. Any more and I’ll have to commit myself to one of those established mental institutions, which is going to suck because I don’t think they have internet facilities there.

I think the current US President is a tosser. The US foreign policy has never been worse since the 60s. His decision to invade Afghanistan and Iraq were unjustifiable, but then being the tosser that he is, he wouldn’t give a crap of what I think anyway.

When I wake up in the morning, I wished that I could go back to sleep again.

My past was filled with ups and downs. More ups than down, and I’m not talking about the time when I went on that roller coaster in Genting.

I get annoyed when the missus sulks. Sulking should be banned or made illegal. It doesn’t matter if I had initially spilled that glass of iced Coke on her favorite carpet. Unjustifiable, I say.

Parties are for yuppies. Why waste a perfectly good Saturday night in Jln. P. Ramlee, spending it with drunken Mat Sallehs when I could go off on one of my nocturnal excursions, chasing wild animals in the jungle.

My dog would be a hybrid between a Bull Terrier and a Shitzu. I'll name it Bullshitz.

My cat is in Sg. Petani with my family. I miss the little shite a lot.

Kisses are an important relationship tool and always should be accompanied with roses, especially when one has spilled that glass of iced Coke on wife’s favorite carpet.

Tomorrow Never Dies is a title of a Bond film which I caught on satellite TV last two weeks.

I really want to snog Kat McPhee. She’s hot. She’s not as hot like the missus is, but still hotter than your mum.

I have low tolerance for minah gedik-gedik. One of these days, I’m really gonna lose it and run one over with a Caterpillar. Except for Kat McPhee of course. She can gedik-gedik all she wants.

So, I'm tagging Kat Mcphee and The President of the United States of America. I'm sure they read my blog all the time.

My Adventure of Being an Eejit II

2006-04-12T11:03:00.000+08:00

With an audible groan, I reached out and switched off the annoying alarm clock. Groggily, I opened my eyes and saw that it was already 6.30 am .

Rising quietly as not to disturb the missus, I shakily made my way to the bathroom. I was still not fully awake and spent at least one minute staring at the shower head. After suffering the freezing waters, I towelled myself dry, and went to claim my working attire from the cupboard, where the missus had hung them after kindly ironing them the night before.

After performing the Subuh prayer, (express version as usual), I collected my laptop, various other office documents and started up the car. I let the car warm up a bit before making my way out. It was still dark, and the housing area was deathly quiet. I thought none of it as I continued to the Bukit Mahkota toll booth and on to the KL-Seremban highway.

10 minutes later, I noticed that the traffic was lesser than usual. Still, I thought none of it.
I became suspicious when I reached the Sg. Besi toll booth when I saw PLUS had only opened up 2 ticket booths. I thought that it was highly inefficient of them to do so due to the heavy load of traffic entering KL on weekdays. I had driven about 1km past the toll booth, when I definitely knew something was amiss. There was absolutely no bloody cars on the road that morning. Usually, this particular stretch would be choc-a-bloc full of other commuters. Immediately, I ejected my CD and switched on the radio. I managed to catch 'public holiday' at the end of the DJ's sentence.

Ah.. sudah.

I quickly called my mum up, and asked her the most stupidest question I have ever asked her......

Ma, hari ni Malaysia cuti ke?

She replied by laughing her head off.

How in the hell did I not know that it was Maulidur Rasul yesterday? Suffice to say in my defence that I had a 3 day seminar last week, and I was on Annual Leave on Monday. In addition, I had one of those stupid calendars which did not show the public holidays in Malaysia. But still....

Agak terasa bodoh la jugak semalam.

My Adventure of Disclaming Two-Legged Parasites

2006-04-04T15:01:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer:

All MLM agents, please be advised.

I would like to make known that I, Hurnain Hamid, along with the Missus, have NO intention in joining a Multi-level marketing program. Furthermore, after Friday nite’s events where we were ambushed by representatives of such an organisation, we are of the opinion that Mutli-level Marketing companies are parasites and an annoyance to the general public.

We are also of the opinion, in response to your annoying and consistent bullshite effort that;

#1. Sitting at maplehs in full office attire at 12am and calling it ‘going to work’ is not to my liking. There is another term for it. We call it, ‘being a LOSER’.

#2. Please do not regale me of how you bloody used to ride a Kap Chai and now you drive a Merc C class. Yes, I am aware that you have parked it in the middle of the bloody road for the whole world to see. It is called ‘POYO’ and is a catalyst for my disinterest, and my foot down your throat.

#3. Please do not start a conversation with, “Apa beza kau dan aku?”. Statements such as these and many more implies that you think that you are better than me. I am well aware that you have a big fat car. You receive tens & thousands of ringgit in a month (as seen from the cheques that you showed me) as compared to my own pathetic salary.

So fucking what? I am not as materialistic as you.

#4. Please do not assume that I am stupid by trying to convice me that your organisation is not an MLM and you are not a salesman. The fact that you tried to rope me in as your downline just adds fuel to my fire of suspicion, that your company is indeed an MLM company. Furthermore, you were trying to sell me pills of unknown origins. What do you call that then? A bleedin' pharmacist?

#5. Getting a total stranger to sit for 3 hours and making them listen to you and your colleagues drone on and on about your wonderful company, is not advisable to your health. Just know that I was giving my friend ‘face’ by pretending to listen to the all the bullshit your were talking about.

Perhaps the hints which I did, i.e. playing with my phone, reaing that magazine & watching the footie match on the mapleh’s telly, was clear indication that I was not at all interested.

In summary, I can only conlude that;

#1. You lot only live on other people’s efforts. Your company, pays you a shitload based on how many people you can bloody recruit. Your only effort for the business is tyring to convice people at maplehs in joining your damn organisation………and annoying the shite of me.

That is not what I call a business. That is NOT the method in which I would like to get rich.

*2. I am heavily invloved with wildlife conservation. So is the wife. Therefore, I have no time to go off and do your MLM shite. Tak paham ke bila aku cakap aku takde masa? Bodoh ke apa kau ni?

#3. Please be informed that any future attempts of trying to get either me, or the missus, to join your shite downline , will be met with a swift back-handed slap.

You can throw yourself out of a tall building for all care. In fact, please do.

Our Adventure of Finding Graffiti

2006-03-30T11:39:00.000+08:00

Graffiti.

One of the endearing trait of a selected number of Malaysians is the ability to scribble/deface public property. Usually, any public edifice (usually secluded and away from the athorities' eyes) would be fair game for these artsy individuals.

Of course, we all know about the fanciful artwork which can be found behind the cubicle doors of our infamous public toilets. Not contended with being an OSHA violation, it also provides a venue for these aspiring public artistes to express their talents as well as providing us with reading material whilst on the crapper.

As I found out last Sunday, it seems that our repressed art-loving society have not limited themselves to the khazis. It was in Bukit Gasing whilst on my hike with Babe and KA, that we chanced upon a watch tower, which had fell 'victim' to these artsy individuals. The tower’s main objective of providing a scenic view of the surrounding hills and valleys, was literally eclipsed by the amount of graffiti adorning it. Every bloody inch was covered in artwork.

Most of the scribbling were amorous in nature; it seems that Malaysians are wont to announce their feelings towards their other-halves in a literary manner. It’s not enough to just verbally express such feelings; one has to inscribe one's undying love, preferably at a public place for the entire world to see.

"Hu Ling *heart* Syamsul"

A more jiwang karat version would have an arrow through the *heart* . We did notice however, that some of the 'love pledges' had one of the names cancelled out. The weird thing was not of the break-up itself but the obvious fact that one of the couple had actually remembered to come back to the watch tower (in which they had originally expressed their love) and had cancelled his or her name off.

The scribbling weren’t limited to amorous couples though; it was also the venue for one to express anger. Why, in the first place, would someone, who is obiously pissed off with something, take the effort to climb all the way up Bukit Gasing (armed with a liquid paper, the essential tool of graffiti artiste ), and express their angst on the tower?

“Mati kau Cikgu Razlan botak!”

Now, I have no idea what Cikgu Razlan to deserve such accolades, but suffice to say it may have been something really, really horrible. This particular announcement was followed by a request to burn the follicle-challenged person's car. This particular artiste was helpful enough to include the car’s plate number.

Finally, there's our favorite graffiti. The sex offers.These are offers made by some aspiring p.i.m.p. daddy who, I suspect, after soliciting the wares himself, was kind enough to share it with his fellow Malaysians. Berkongsi amalan mulia indeed.

“Kong**k free, sedap giler”

According to KA, one of the numbers was the infamous 017 errr… services. I was tempted to ask how she knew about it.

However, the most hilarious and I believe deserves to be in a genre of its own is the services providing a free punch-up.

“Kalau nak gaduh, anytime boleh”

This was followed by a list of names of the wannabe kaki pukul, ( no Messrs Norton or Pitt though) ever ready to kick your arse at a time and place of your choosing. Included in the graffiti was the contact numbers, and methods in which you would like your arse kicked.

Malaysia is a nation of multi-ethnicity, religiously diverse and culturally wealthy. From the cries of Malaysia Boleh in support of the nation’s struggle for sporting excellence to the annual haze filled days, courtesy of our neighbors, Malaysia is indeed unique in its own right. Chuck in the crappy graffiti culture in and you will find that there is no place like home in Malaysia.

Think of how much this lot save on advertising fees.

My Adventure of Being a Married Man II

2006-03-22T16:09:00.000+08:00

Strange things have been happening around the house recently. Incidents which I cannot explain but strangely enough, resulted in the same, exact response from the wife. After a few days of deliberating on it, I have finally come to the conclusion that it might be from my own doing.

Though I don’t see the problem in the first place, the wife has been getting annoyed at me for actions of mine, which I find to be normal. Maybe someone out there could tell me what & where I did wrong here because I just don’t see it.

Incident #1.
Me: Do I look good in this tie?
Wife: Yes, very handsome.
Me: All the chicas mesti tergolek-golek caiir nengok I smart camni
Wife: *snarl*

Incident #2.
Wife: Sayang, tolong sidaikan baju yang I baru basuh tu.
Me: Ait.
Later..
Me: Shite! *after dropping one of the wife’s pants on the muddy ground.*
Wife came to check..
Wife: Eh, apa pasal kotor ni.
Me: *with innocent look on face* Eh, bukan memang macam ni ke?
Wife: Jangan nak menipu, you jatuhkan tadi ke?
Me: Heheh
Wife: Nak cuba tipu I pulak! *snarl*

Incident #3.
Wife: What are you doing with that? *pointing at my bantal busook*
Me: I can’t sleep without it la.
Wife: Dah besar2 macam ni pon, nak pakai bantal busook lagi. Dah khawin pulak tu. Peluk la je I.
Me: I peluk dua2 la.
Wife: Meh sini bantal ni, I buang malam ni jugak! *making a grab for it*.
Me: Nooooooo… *trying to save my pillow but to no avail*

I still don't see whats all the fuss is about. :(

My Adventure of Being A Married Man

2006-03-20T13:22:00.000+08:00

When you make a sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. - Joseph Campbell (1904-1987), American professor, writer and orator.

I’ve been playing husband for a month now. I say ‘play’ because I have no bloody idea of how to be a husband. I do have references with my friends who have been married for the last couple of years but their advices are more to the lines of how to effectively and effectively shag the wife. In other words, they’re advise for me are all but completely bloody useless on other matters which relates to having a successful marriage. This has somewhat resulted in me, making things up as I go.

Previously, all I knew was that my days of frolicking and galavanting with other multiple female species, were over (YM notwithstanding). That being said, I had expected that I’ll be more domesticated, to which I was prepared for.

However, there were several other issues which I wasn’t.

The first issue we had to tackle was our financial quandry. The missus can be considered ‘in-between ‘ jobs right now, so at the present moment, she’s a full time house-wife, which makes me the sole bread-winner of the family. I was never known to be a follower of budgets, which is ironic really, considering what I do for a living.

First week-in, the missus had us compiling a family budget which had me sacrificing a lot of stuff. There went my Magic: The Gathering trading cards budget, had to wave goodbye to my monthly ‘subscription’ to DC/Marvel comics. Even my membership at the Gym had to go. We also had to cut down on our travelling, which releates to fewer nocturnal excusrions.

Living in the middle of nowhere did not help the cause that much. With the government conspiring against me by reducing their petrol subsidiary, I had to find alternatives to get to the office. The petrol and toll cost was bloody murder.

In summary, we had to sacrifice a lot of stuff, things which I had enjoyed duing our bachelor/bachelorette days. I am so fortunate that the wife is a great cook. To quote my mum, “Fiza ni campak batu dengan kayu dalam periuk boleh jadi sambal tumis”. At the very least, we’ve saved a lot on food and groceries. Most of the time we eat in. Which also explains the sudden increase in the girth of my tummy.

*sigh* To think that I’ve cancelled my gym subscription.

My Adventure During Raptor Watch III

2006-03-14T10:53:00.000+08:00

Being the jolly, observant chap I am, I could not fail to make some interesting observations while at Tanjung Tuan the other week. I thought I was barfing mad at first but after 3 events, and having a repeat of the same premise of observation, I was able to come to some sort of conclusion.

Humans tend to flock together, much like antelopes would when they knew that they were being stalked by a pride of lions in the african savannah. Most notably;

#1. Hardcore Birders

These are the individuals who wake up at 5 bloody am on a Sunday morning to drive 50 bloody kms (give or take a few km) in order to go for bird-watching. The experienced ones are walking bird-dictionaries, able to precisely identify the species of a bird from sight and sound.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Have the ability to fly.

How to spot them:
Can be found sporting camo fatigues, the mandatory towel around the neck and their RM8,000 Swarvoski scopes.

#2. Volunteers (Specialist)

Then you have those specialising in certain areas like Marine, Botany or Caving etc. They tend to chip in once in a while when they themselves are either; not indisposed with their own activities or not being quick enough to come up with an excuse when asked to assist.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Depending on their speciality, has the ability to walk on water, sprout ferns from the ears or generate stalagmites out from the ground.

How to spot them:
Being experienced has it downside as most are asked to man the booths or take charge of a particular activity i.e. nature walk, lucky draw, selling the t-shirts or being the MC for the day.

#3. Volunteers (Ordinary)

Every event need cheap labour. If Rock & Roll bands have roadies, well we have the volunteers. People, who, when instructed run around like, and I quote, ‘demented avian-flu inflicted chickens’. One good thing about this lot is they they require not a bloody much to maintain. You don’t have to feed them or better yet, pay them. They feed on enthusiasm and get their energy directly from the sun.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Powers still yet to develop.

How to spot them:
Since someone has to do all the dirty work, can usually be spotted being ordered to carry out the odd jobs.

#4. Herpetofauna Coordinator

By golly, the most charming and good-looking chap at the event. During his bachelor days, spent most of his time chatting up the cute volunteers and visitors. Once believed that the female visitors are there to see him, and not the raptors.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
He has the uncanny ability to avoid work at all times.

How to spot him:
The chap sitting under the tree with a glass of drink in his hand.

* Yes, he knows that he missed much of the action this year but is even now making preparations for next year’s event so that he can yet again bum off.