My Adventure of Praying to the Almighty

Most Merciful God,

I know I haven't been a good boy lately in fact I have been quite notty.

I have been missing too many prayers, especially the morning ones. My fasting hasn't been fastidious (no pun intended, oh Ruler of Heaven and Earth) and those which I have missed, intentionally or otherwise, I have yet to replace, as per your instruction.

I haven't been paying the zakat (except for the fitrah but that was only because the Zakat Chap was sitting right beside gaming store) even though you have provided me a crapload from your endless bounty over the years.

Oh, Most Compassionate. I am ashamed of the fact that even though I have lacked my duties towards You, You still find it in your infinite wisdom to still grant me my health, good looks and charming disposition. You have granted me a hottie wife in which I am not deserving. You have made me a babe magnet which has resulted all the hottie chicas, inlcuding the not so hottie ones converge upon my blog.

However, I promise to be Your most humble and bestest servant if you could return Liverpool FC's English and European domination, in which You bestowed unto them during the 60's, 70's and 80's. Currently, us Scousers, Your most humble servants, have noticed that you are more inclined towards that scum team from Manchester (you, in your infinite wisdom would know which one).



I gave You thanks for the treble in 2001. I am so grateful for that night in Instanbul. A miracle in which only You can bestow as well as the other various cups you have allowed us to win during the new millenium.







I still give You thanks for those blessing above now.

I am sorry that some of us have taken to give a nickname to one of our own as 'God', even though he is old, not very good looking and is not a heavenly being or control the fate of the universe at his whim, much like You. Those who have done so have strayed from your path, they know not of what they do. I know that you are the only One in our hearts and in our mind. Do not punish the rest of us for the transgression of a few.



Oh, and I'm so sorry too for having that infidel water as our main sponsors.

I am sorry for that Scouse hottie, Lily the Liverbird as well. For reasons I know not but still... sorry just in case.

Therefore, if it's not too much to ask and I know there are other people in this world who are more in need of your attention, but could you, upon your compassion, please bestow upon Liverpool FC your baraqah and its players the ability to score and defend well for the rest of time. Have us win the Championship another 18,000 times and the European Cup another 500 times. We are not greedy, Oh Most Glorious. You can toss the other Cups for the rest to scavenge upon.

Furthermore, please turn your back upon that other team from Manchester, or smite each one of those gay buggers with your thunder... or swallow them up into the very pits of hell during a game. Either one should be fine, we're not choosy.

As a measure of respect and goodwill to your Greatness, I will promise to be a good boy and do thy bidding from now on.

Amiiin.

Gimli9's Adventure of Cleaving You With His Battle Axe

Och Ay! I’ve gone & tied up Nain in the bleedin’ closet. Quit yer worrying. He’s all right and he’ll be back sooner than yer can say, ‘Torin’s Balls’. Although, why yer want to be saying that is beyond me.

So yer having to contend with me, Gimli9, 'the protector of illegaly traded wildlife and urban forest reserve'. Before any of you softy elvan-lovers start to question why a dwarf is loving nature, shut yer pie hole before I will cleave yer in two with me Battle Axe!

I don’t usually leave me Dwarven stronghold fer nothing unless it’s really bleedin’ important. Dwarves don’t say much. We growl most of the time and cleave filthy Orcs once in a while, so yer better pay attention of what I have to say.

Recently, yer had been celebrating yer Chinese New Year. I have nae problem with that but I’ve heard from some hobbit friends of mine of disturbing news. The wee lads had told me that you lot have been enjoying yer feasting a bit too much. Yer have been naughty little Orcs, haven't you? Feasting on dishes made from endangered animals, and it's not just the Chinese either, the other races in the country are gettin' into it as well. Aye, talk about racial harmonisation.

Aye laddie, those dishes yer been gobbling down, are they made from sustainable or legal produce? Tsk Tsk Tsk, I have gouged an Orcs eye out for lesser reasons. Since yer all Nain's friends, I'll give yer another chance. Make sure yer be more careful in the future, especially when you're hosting a feast. If yer ignoring me advice,

"I will cleave yer in two with my Battle Axe! "

So before yer start buying, think of my axe and remindr yerself;

Abalone – If yer buying, buy carefully. It may be popular, but watch out. Illegal harvesting and trade could have a severe impact on the survival of the species, and could result in the closure of legal fisheries and the loss of hundreds of jobs.

So before yer be buying it, yer better interrogate the merchant if their abalone has been legally sourced . If it is not, yer can proceed to cleave him with your Battle Axe!

Shark’s fin – Be yer very careful with eating shark’s fin soup. In fact yer don’t have to eat it at all. Nowadays it is not only the Chinese are eating, the Malays and Indians have started liking too.

Finning, involves cutting the fins and then throwing the rest of the shark back into the sea, is widely practiced. We only do that to Orcs and other Mordor scum, not sharks. If this continues, Gondorian alchemists are fearing shark populations will disappear entirely.

‘Health’ tonics containing endangered species –Yer to make sure that whatever potions yer buying does not contain or made out of endangered species such as wild ginseng, Asian freshwater turtles, seahorses, saiga antelope, pangolins, geckos, tigers and all of these species are subject to overexploitation and uncontrolled trade.

Those sea-horses on the hand, it is estimated that 24 million seahorses are taken from the wild every year, for use in traditional Chinese medicine, or sold live for the aquarium trade.

Yer not helping the tiger as well, laddie. With only around 5,000 tigers left in the wild, all international trade of tiger products is illegal, thus wines or tonics containing tiger bone are strictly prohibited.

Yer better be careful laddie. The least of yer worries would be having a Rider of Rohan striking you from behind with his spear. ....

The worst? You might end up like this. *Gruff*

What!? You ate Shark's Fin? Die Moria Scum!

Liverpool's Adventure of Stuffing Barca

Typical Scousers.

After their headline-grabbing, boozy excursion to Portugal last week, the lads redeemed themselves by tearing apart the current European champions. Barcelone's demise was ironically, delivered by none other than the two who were at the center of the (alleged) fracas; Bellars and Riise.

Typical Scousers.

Even if one of you is Welsh and the other Norwegian. It must be the air in Liverpool. If not then how could you explain how after bashing each other up (allegedly), they went of and bashed Barcelona; Ronaldinho et all.

So, how does one prepare for an important European match, especially when your balls are against the wall? Let us count the ways.

First just run around lazily like you're jogging in the parks and not scheduled to get stuck-in with some of the best players in the world. Yes, like so....



Then have a nice stroll through training, try to outdo each other through ball-juggling, doing the hokey-pokey and making irellevant but funny faces.


One, two, thre.. oops


You take your right foot in, right foot out, and shake it all about...


All this stretching is making me constipated

After training, the gaffer will give a bit of time-off from training, because you've been stuck in the small town of Vale Do Lobo in Portugal for about a week when back home, the other clubs are trying to steal your FA Cup from you. You will then proceed to paint the town Red (pun intended).

During the this little excursion it is advisable to go off for a little bit of drink-up followed by a karaoke session. It doesn't matter if you can sing, you lot sound terrible anyways. Drunk on booze, proceed to bash your mate with either a kitchen appliance, sporting equipment or with his own kidneys.

Of course you will find yourself in the tabloids the next day but then again most of your fans have boycotted The Sun so no worries of your M'am finding out.

Of course the Gaffer is going to be pissed and will fine you for about RM0.5M but hey, thats just loose change for you. Now, this is where it gets interesting. The papers are going to have a field day with the story, citing crisis in your team and these problems will possibly effect your performance the following evening.

Bollocks! Please, at your own convenience to, obtain a win at the Nou Camp of all places.

Fooooreeeeee!


Are we going for a karaoke, after this John?

Oh and If you're wondering where my previous accounts of the boozing shenanigans, I've changed it allright. Actually it wasn't an official report. I made it up. Heh. Apart from the lads trying to nick Jose's grannie. That was true. Honest.

My Adventure of Embracing American Entertainment Culture

In consideration of us Scousers who had just ripped off the two American tycoons out of their ice hockey money, I thought I'd post a U S and A-inclined (Wawa Weewa!) topic.

Hey, we need to keep our victims.. er, investors happy. :p

Hollywood week for American Idol has ended and the judges have finally selected the final 24. Hands up who have been following the early auditions. See? You lot don't have a life. Heh. 40 contestants remained with 16 set to be eliminated during the hour. Cue anguished contestant shots, sobs of despair or screams of excitement, and endless segments of the judges toying with the singers’ vulnerable minds before mercifully telling them they had made the final

Anyways, the final 24 of American Idol. 12 guys and 12 girls. The best of the best.... or are they? Certain selections for the final 24 had the Missus and I not only fuming, but confused as well.

None more so of these two; Sundance Head and Leslie Hunt.

The judges' affinity to the mediocre resulted in two of the more decent contestants to be sent home; Thomas Whatisname and Marisa Rhodes.

Seriously mate, Sundance (Yes..Sundance!) and Leslie can't sing for shite. I mean they sound decent but their voices were average. Don't let me start on their charisma. I mean the Head Hantus of Hantubola are more interesting than these two... and thats really lowering the standards.

Since American Idol 3 was shown to us, I have continued to be pissed of not being able to vote for my favourite contestants on the show. If I did, Kat McPhee would have won hands down last year, because she is a hottie.

It is my humble yet outstanding opinion that since American foreign policy dictates and effects the lives of every other people in the world, especially George's war OF terror campaign, shouldn't we be allowed, to vote or at the very least have a say in their enterntainment culture? I think we should.

Next week are the finals, where the fate of the singers are in the hands of the American public. Americans will now decide who is to be their next Idol.... and I'm still pissed I can't vote.

My Adventure of Giving a Talk on Sea Turtles

How do you spend a cold, drizzly monday evening? By giving a presentation on Sea Turtles, that's how!

I was having a bit of the flu since last weekend, but decided not to cancel the talk as it was my first at the MNS auditorium. It was quite a modest turn-out for the talk, considering that most members would only receive their newsletter later in the week.

The talks went quite well, even though I was bit blur from the medication. Fortunately, I did most of the presentation in English as compared to the last time I presented the same talk in Aquaria. there, I had to do it in BM which led to my the now legendary gaffe of, "bayi-bayi penyu".

I don't know whether its the medication or not but during the talk I made another gaffe by stating that Amphibians belong to the Reptile family. Oops.

Now kids, if you remember your Standard 5 Alam dan Manusia lessons, you would know that Amphibians are under a totally different Class altogether. You have your Inverterates and Vertebrates; those with backbones and those without.

Then, under Vertebrates, it is further divided into 5 main classes, Amphibia, Sauropsida, Aves & Mamalia. Sea Turtles fall under Sauropsida (Reptiles). Amphibians, like Anttyk, belong under their own Class. There's another Class which is Synapsida (mammal-like reptiles) which are the dinosaurs but they're extinct (except for Barney).

My bad.

See, I can touch the board with my finger. Wheeee!

This is all Greek to me

I'm making things up as I go

My Weekend Nocturnal Excursion in FRIM

If you noticed, the greatest football club in the world has been taking up much of my blog space lately. The absence of any of my usual weekend nocturnal excursions may be due to ESPN's practice of carrying a live telecast of each and every one of Liverpool's matches.

Considering that this blog had been created to detail my exploits with our local wildlife, I had dusted-off my herp kit and proceeded to one of my excursion sites with my trustee assistant right after the M'sia v Singa-poo game on Saturday.

Who did I meet?

No, these are not the lads and lasses of HantuBola nor are they pics of Anttyk on a bad-hair day. These are the usual suspects found during one of my nocturnal excursions.

So, any takers for the next trip? Heh.

A Kopite's Adventure in Putting His Foot Down

Our win over Chelsea and our subsequent celebrations of Man United getting their fillings knocked out of their proverbial stockings had been the centre of a certain controversy lately.

Some Mancs (not all mind you, only certain sections) had been really miffed (miffed?) at the thought of us Liverpool fans celebrating their loss to the Arsenal, digressing specifically that we Liverpudlians had suddenly suffered an overnight amnesia attack, a sudden loss of memory to the fact that that Arsenal had stuffed us out of two cup competitions over the last month.

All I can say is that it seems that certain fans could not cope with the pressure of being on the receiving end of the barracking, especially after they had so joyful gave us tons of crap before.

Being the typical Scouser I would just like to say;

Pbfffffffft!

The fact of the matter is even with the recent loss, Man United is still on top and Chelsea is second.

No need to go sensitive.

We do not hate nor do we love Arsenal. We respect them.. because we are like that.

We dislike Man United, but only for the simple reason that people from Greater Manchester and those living in the Merseyside area have never gotten along well.... and because of Phil Neville.

We still believe that we could win the title this year. As long as it is mathematically possible to do so, we will be behind the Mighty Redsall the way. No matter what anyone say…. because we are like that.

Of course, to do so, we need others to fall.

When the last game is played and we find ourselves out of the equation, we would still stand up and applaud the newly-crowned Champions as well as our closest rival for a great season played.

No hard feelings… because we are like that.

So, say what you have to say. Tell us we’re shite. Tell us that we stole our anthem from you. Tell us that everyone hates us. Whatever.

We’ll just smile and proceed to belt out a rendition of 'You’ll Never Walk Alone'…. because we are like that.

Liverpool's Adventure of Stuffing Maureen-Ho's Men

This scoring lark is pretty easy, innit?


Dirk: Nice goal, but pity 'bout the haircut though
JP: Hah! At least its better than Mark's
Stevie: *Growl* Where's Bollocks? I'm off to kick him some more.

To all Chelski and Manure fans out there who have been giving us some hard time these past few weeks. Especially when we lost that Carling Cup tie with the Gooners. Completely hopeless were we? You lot had a good laugh about it didn't you? Well, here's to you lot.....

Pbftttttttttttttttt!

Anyways, heckling aside, what made last Saturday's result even more special was that it was Rafa's 100th game in-charge, and what did he do? He gave us a win over Chelski. Not bad, considering we have never beaten those tossers in the league before, not since Maureen-Ho took over at Chelski.

The lads played some of the best football this season. Carra was magnificent at the back, Pennant looked like the winger which Rafa had hoped him to be, Kuyt ran his pants off like he usually does and Gerrard bossed the midfield as if it was his own backyard.

Special rendition of 'Stamford Bridge is Falling Down' is over at Lily's page. Heh. Knock yourself out. I know I did.

My Adventure of Staying Calm

Looked like a tennis score, eh?

I am not treating this as the end of the world and although I did abstain from looking at the back pages of our national dailies today, I'm not going to start by slagging-off Rafa or the lads. We just need to see it as what it is; our youngsters are not as good what the Gooners have at their Shenley U.N. refugee camp. End of story.

What bloody crisis? We still have that date with Barca at the Nou Camp in February and are currently 3rd with Manure's 14 point lead to overhaul. Easy. :p

However I hope Senor Benitez realises that although we may have a big squad, we severely lack depth. That is why we got stuffed. Sort it out, Rafa!

Mind you, I pity Watford because they're the ones we're going to vent our frustrations on this Saturday.

My Adventure of Seeking 'The Truth'

Last Sunday morning during the Liverpool-Arsenal 3rd Round FA Cup tie at Anfield, you would have noted that the opening 6 minutes of the tie was played against a backdrop of fans sitting on the Kop terrace holding up a mosaic spelling 'The Truth'. To those of you who are absolutely clueless about it, do not fret, I will explain.

On 15th April 1989, thousands of the travelling Kop visited Hillsborough stadium for the Semi-Final FA Cup tie between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest. 96 did not return.

So, last Sunday, singing their hearts out, and chanting incessantly, ‘Justice for the 96’, the Liverpool supporters were appealing for the justice they felt for those who lost their lives during the Hillsborough tragedy, but never received any. The inspiration for the idea came from the organisers of the newly launched “Reclaim The Kop” or RTK for short, campaign.

You see, part of Liverpool FC’s uniqueness is its famous Spion Kop, which is steeped in history and tradition. For the past few years, it was noted that there was a decline in the high standards of support at Anfield. Alarmed by this the fans decided to form an action group in a bid to help re-create the famous Anfield atmosphere of old by reminding the latest custodian and younger fans of some of the Kop’s basic principles.

With the campaign steadily gathering pace, the first ever Kop Charter was drawn -up and on - 1 January 2007 – it was officially declared that the campaign to 'Reclaim The Kop', well and truly open. To have a better look at the Kop Charter, go here. Yes, even you Man Yoo fags can go and have a look.

The call for justice for the families of those who died is under Charter #6.

We may have lost the tie to 3 soft goals as our defence went to sleep on each occasion but as I’ve mentioned before; the Kop is unique. It is one-off. We innovate, and the other supporters follow. If there is one thing that sets us apart as fans, it’s this battle-cry and ritual, our hymn of triumph, and occasional defiance of pain. It is our anthem; You’ll Never Walk Alone.

3-1 down in a cup tie, with barely a few minutes left on the clock, we continued to proudly sing, we sang it slowly & loudly and with heartfelt emotion, right to the end, scarves held high.

I am proud to call myself a Liverpool supporter for the last 21 years.

My Adventure of Spreading the Cheer.

Rafa's Redmen took the time-off from their busy schedule of English and European domination by doing their bit for the community by visiting the Alda Hey Children's hospital in Liverpool. They handed out gifts, posed for photographs and signed autographs for the children.

Hoi, Bolo & Dirk... where's your santa hat?

Not everyone has the chance of having "God" by their bedside when they're sick. :p

Hyppia & Finnan spreading the joy.

Garcia doing a Mariachi, while Finnan & Dudek look on with anguish at this guitar skills.

Bellars showing his soft side.

You'd smile too when you have two of the European Cup heroes dropping in on you.

So, to whom it may concern, have a jolly christmas and considering that Eiduladha (Raya Qurban) arrives soon after, Selamat Hari Raya Haji. Hopefully a win against Watford, Balckburn, Spurs & Bolton during the annual end-of-year fixture congestion, would make it a season to cheer.

My Adventure of Growing a Beard

I've finally done it.

After careful deliberation upon the request (more like harassed) by my loyal admirers on how to attract more readers to my blog (especially those of the opposite s*x), I have decided to conform to their (my loyal admirers) wishes. Seeing as how they are inclined to pout, whine and moan about it if no effort is taken on my part.

Anyways, I think they have my best interest at heart, even though they have a funny way of showing it.

The whole idea started with these harrasments;


A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

itu aje? cheh!

come on now, simpan janggut.

i'm sure you can be a good-looking gimli.please? for me???

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

wei boogerface, trust me,

you'll get more girls coming in here if you post your picture that has your facial hair looking scruffy and 'sexy.

'i now christen you Gimli of the Equator.

9 said...

i still hv girls coming in here already, even without the beard.

thank u very much.

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

but you get the same old ones coming in here and we all know the real truth behind the so-called "handsome" face.

princesswaffzonkle said...

so why DO we come here again and again then eh?

mandrem ni ;p

9 said...

u lot are a tough crowd to please. fine.. i'll grow a beard then... and i'll start to carry an axe around as well.

u wnt the scottish accent as well?

"and they call it a mine, a miiiiinnnee"

So now, as promised, is the result of my painstaking beard-growing efforts. A heartfelt Scouse thanks to Anttyk for helping me grow it.

I am now Gimli9, 'the protector of illegaly traded wildlife and protector of urban forest reserve'.

"Poachers, taste my axe!"

My Adventure in Saving One of My Excursion Site

How nice. It seems that developers have started to move in by felling trees in the KL side of Bukit Gasing. Currently, they have just finished conducting soil testing and it's just a matter of time before the bulldozers come in. Another hillside development. Another case of cutting down a prefectly good hill to build, according to news on the grapevine, luxury bungalows.

140 mansions for who? The people? How are the people going to afford a RM1.5 million bungalow? Once again, greed has overcome common sense. So blinded are we to the terms of being a developed country, that we tend to overkill on that aspect. As a result, another hill is sacrificed.

Pertandingan placard tercantik.

How much are we earning from this, Datuk? Did we receive a big fat commission in approving the Developement Order? Did we not promise that there would be no more developement there, but then, you're stepping down, aren't you? It wouldn't hurt in putting some extra dosh into that retirement fund of yours, would it?

Or maybe, you're just plain stoopid.

Well, the point is that you had made a promise.

Lying weasel.

Leave my hill alone. Leave my frogs alone. Leave my snakes alone. Leave my lizards alone.

Go ahead with the development if you dare, but please do remember... that Payback is a Bitch with PMS.


For a bunch of protestors, they don't look very angry, do they?

Go here to fight the good fight.

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On a lighter note;


Activity: Nocturnal Excursion
Time: 8.30pm
Date: 2, Dec 2006
Site: FRIM, Kepong

The forest research complex has always been and will forever be Herpetofauna SIG's most idealistic site for studying reptilesand amphibians. The time has come for us to once again venture into the Herp-friendly jungle of FRIM to seek and study these wonderful and elusive creatures.

Members who are interested in participating in the excursion, please send an e-mailto mns_herpetofauna@yahoo.com.my

Anyone interested? Ladies, I hear the guide is quite cute. Heh.

My Adventure with a Weird Attempted Break-in II

Just as I was about to fall asleep, the Missus shook me awake. "Bunyi lagi la", she told me, and yes, I could hear the tapping again. The same bloody window. The same bloody tatoo.

Tap Tap Tap. Silent. Tap Tap Tap. Silent. Then it stopped.

Remembering what the policeman had mentioned, I signalled the Missus to stay calm while I went to the adjacent window and slowly peeked through there.

Nothing.

I asked the Missus (who had armed herself with a hammer from my toolbox) to stay in the room while I sneakily crept into the room next to ours (currently empty as the Missus' uncle is in KT for work), and took a peek from the window there.

Still nothing.

"F**k this", I told myself.

When I went back into our bedroom, the Missus looked at me anxiously and pointed at our twin french doors.

The tapping started there.

Dia main-main pintu lah pulak.

In a poignant flashback moment, I tried to remember what actually DID I see? Was it really an electrical wire tapping on the glass pane. It looked long and pointed, yes. Why did I not see the person or maybe his shadow? And why did I not see any footprints outside our window if it was a robber? Why did I not hear any footsteps or the sound of running feet when I shouted at the window previously?

We tried to sleep afterwards but it was a bit hard when the tapping, slow and barely audible, continued every hour until morning.

What was it then? Tree branch? There are no trees nor any foliage outside our window. A gecko perhaps? Eh, harlo. This is me. I'm the best person to recognize if it was indeed an animal of any kind.

Whats interesting to note is that the Missus and I went out at 12.30am that night for drinks and only came back an hour later. The malay culture is very sensitive of this and does not condone the practice of going out of the house too late at night, for facing the risk of something 'following' them home.

Being the adventurer extraordinaire and good looking chap that I am, I would usually take a bath immediately upon reaching home (as required from the petua) after a night's out of Frogging or Herping.

We went straight to bed that night after the mapleh outing.

Fortunately, there were no disturbance last night and we were able to get a good's night sleep. I am still in the dark over what the bloody hell happened that night, but suffice to say that there is no chance in hell of me going out of the house after 11pm from this day onward.

Those box of ciggies can bloody wait till tommorow.

My Adventure with a Weird Attempted Break-in

We had a bit of excitement at the house last night. It was about 1.30am and I was tucking in for the night. The Missus was doing her cross-stitch, like she does every night before going to bed. Me, being the penidur profesional will usually fall asleep before her.

We suddenly heard a tapping on the window. Very softly at first but it became louder as the seconds wore on. We both looked at each other in a confused manner, mind you, the same look I gave Senor Benitez when I saw his formation for last sunday's game against Arsenal by the way.

"Tap tap tap", it went.

It stopped then started again, this time even louder.

I pulled the curtains back a few inches and sneaked a peek at the window. I saw a white electrical wire tapping on the window but did not see the person nor his shadow/sillhoutte , just the wire. Now, our house had been the subject of various attempted break-ins previously but due to a good (and very loud) alarm system and a nutter with a machete in the house (aku la tuh, heh) those incidents remained only as 'attempts'.

Since white electrical wires should only be part of an electical cabling system, and are not used to tap at people's windows, I concluded (o.o1s to be precise, just like our friend the Space Cop) that it was some wanker trying to test the sensitivity of the alarm system by tapping on the window panes.

I gave a shout at the window, "Hoi, B*bi! Nak mampus ke?" or something to that effect and banged the window, which automatically set-off the alarm. I quickly went for my machete (good for cutting foliage whilst jungle trekking and disemboweling robbers) and started for the door but the Missus, who was clearly scared and frantic by now, stopped me from exiting the house and doing an 'Aragorn' on the culprit.

I then called the nearest Police Station to have them send a car to the house. We are currently staying with the Missus' family so by this time everyone was up, and we spent the next minute trying to calm everyone down. When the police came, they made a sweep of the garden but as I suspected, found no one. The police did not find any footprints outside our bedroom though, which to me was a bit strange considering that it was raining outside and the bugger's wet footprints should be clear on the dry pavement.

The two coppers advised me that next time when we were aware of an attempted break-in, to try not to scare off the culprits but to quietly call them in so that they could catch the bugger in action rather than setting off the alarm prematurely and scaring him/them off. I thanked them for coming, went back inside and re-armed the alarm.

It took us a while to return to bed as the Missus was clearly shaken by the ordeal. By the time I was snug underneath the duvet it was already 3am and I gave the incident no more thought. However, it was just when I started to fall asleep that the weird stuff started to happen....

Ooops, the climatic ending will be posted tommorow. Watch this space.

My Adventure of Slagging Off Arsenal

The bloody server administrator is still blocking my attempts at Hantu Bola and as such, I am devoid of the wonderful world of insults, derogatory remarks , puns, sarcasm, back-stabbing, and all around drama swasta (not necessarily in that particular order).

I might as well do a posting of my own then, by walking down memory lane. I'm sure any Gooner fan would remember this particular incident, because any Scouser worth his salt wouldn't.

...but i was only giving 'im back his penny.

Why do you have a first name as a surname, son?

You would notice that in true Scouse fashion, young James Duncan Carragaher there didn’t take it lying down when he was affronted by a flying monetary trade implement. He was subsequently SENT OFF because he retaliated (as a Scousers are wont to do) by returning the same gesture back to the Gooner git who threw it in the first place.

Alan Hansen, Anfield legend and former captain of Liverpool and currently pundit extraordinaire made the now famous quote of ‘You won’t win anything with kids” after Manure lost their opening game to the Villans in Seasaon 95-96. Unfortunately, Manure and ‘Sir’ proved him wrong by winning the bloody double that year.

Fair enough, but am I insolent enough to mention that in actual fact the quote was wrongly directed and 10 years to soon?

Yes, I am. It should’ve been, ‘You won’t win anything with babies’.

Ref: Wot happened? Did big Andy Johnson elbow you in the head?
Van Pu$$y: Boo Hoo, no. Someone threw a coin at me. Waaaah..

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I think the whole team needs to mandi bunga to get rid of the suweii. Losing 3-0 to a shite Arsenal team is unacceptable. Yes, Arsenal were shite, which means we played even shite-er. Lacklustre, to the point of being cowardly (yes marc, you!), Arsenal were playing 4-5-1 for f**k's sake, and you lot still allowed them 3 goals. F**k you!....

.... but then again, the lads weren't entirely at fault as there may be a possibility of Arsene playing dirty again;

Hallo Africa, tell me how you doing?

No wonder the lads were shite. Adebayour voodoo-ed the whole team, well except for Pepe of course. He's shite all the time.