My Adventure on Sea Turtle Conservation

The Green Sea Turtle, Chelonia Mydas is listed under Appendix I of CITES (Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species). This means that if you were an animal species listed under this particular category, you're royally screwed. Only animal species which are critically endangered and about to be buggered are placed under the 1st Appendix. You are allowed certain protection once you're under the 'about to be buggered' category though, as those pesky human gits are only allowed to trade, either you or any of your species only in exceptional circumstances. This basically means that there shall be no trade (read: capturing you in the wild and sticking you in their backyard) of your species (egss included) whatsoever, unless of course some of those gits are conducting scientific research on you.

Life for a sea turtle nowadays look pretty bleak. Not only there are threats to the species' survival like habitat destruction on their beaches, being accidentally tangled in fisherman’s nets, some wanker poaching their eggs, trash pollution in the oceans and getting whacked by muppets on watercrafts. Then there is also the danger of artificial lighting on nesting beaches, which confuses the hatchlings and lures them toward roads instead of toward the sea where they should go.

Again, if you were one of the Chelonia species, it would take you about 30 years to mature. 30 loooong years, or about 7 world cups to pass before (if you're a hot chicas adult female sea turtle) to return to the same beach from which you hatched originally to lay your eggs. Furthermore, this can take place every two to four years in maturity which produces on average about four to seven nests per nesting season. Being a little juvenile turtle is no easy kickabout in the park either. Your mortality rate is very high as only, at most, 1 in 100 of you will be successful in making it to adulthood. Shite, half your siblings would get picked off one by one from the sand by seagulls as they try to reach the ocean after hatching. Then there's sharks and morays and whatever else is waiting to gobble you up in the ocean.

SEATRU (our local Sea Turtle Research Unit based in Redang) reports that the nesting density for green turtles in Terengganu showed year to year fluctuations. Average annual nestings shows a decline of almost 62% from 10 year ago. Nonetheless, the size of the green turtle population in Terengganu is the most significant, compared to the other species.

Therefore, it was only apt that last week, during my honeymoon-cum-dive trip, we were holed up at Turtle Beach in Pulau Perhentian, a secluded yet quaint stretch of beach overlooking a little cove. The beach is in actual fact gazetted as a turtle nesting site by Marine Parks and yet a resort had been in operation for the last 2 years. Another proof of government apathy at its best. Considering that it was not the operator’s entire fault as they were not informed by the government of the gazette, they are now working closely with SEATRU on how best to mitigate the risks.

Marine Parks had even opened up a turtle hatchery site on the other side of the island and so each night, some of their staff patrol the beach to collect and transfer the eggs to the assigned site for better protection against poachers and predators.

However, even with the strict efforts done by the respective government agencies and NGO alike, there were still incidents which showed that turtle conservation in Malaysia has a long way to go.

Case #1.

On the first night at about 11pm, we heard the unmistakable sound of a Chelonia dragging its heavy body up the beach. She was huge, the snout-to-vent length alone was about 1 metre. The width was half of that. We spied it from afar. No lights and no sound.

Together with the Marine Parks staff, we tried as best as we could to cordone the area off in order to give the animal some personal space. Since poaching is still a major problem even with the existing regulations, we had swept the beach to hide the tracks of the turtle. (Poachers spotlight the beaches to look for tracks which would indicate a turtle landing had taken place.).

Then came the problem. During the nesting, a boat operator from the local village came in with a boatload of tourists and started to converge on the nesting site. The culprit who had brought in the tourist was a local, much influential it seemed as the Marine Parks staff didn’t dare to raise a finger to stop him. Stopping short of getting into a fight with the Wanker, I tried to explain how disturbing a nesting mother would deter it from ever landing on the beach for nesting ever again. My argument fell on deaf ears. They had surrounded the poor creature and were taking pictures of her, flashes and all.

Case #2.

Whilst in Kuala Terengganu, the Missus wanted to visit the local flea market to do a bit of shopping, and there, even with strict CITES guidelines and Fisheries legislation, were rows upon rows of turtle eggs, being openly and blatantly sold.

In conclusion, common sense and logic dictates it simply that if an animal is being threatened by extinction, the best thing that people can do is to stop all activities which can reduce its population even further. It was fortunate enough that the nesting mother was able to finish the job and return to sea, even with a bloody mob around her. I mean, you wouldn’t like it if someone stuffed a bloody camera up your arse while you’re giving birth, would you? Will you return to the same bloody hospital for your 2nd birth? I should think not.

Consuming the eggs of an endangered species wouldn't help it's critical situation either. it's not like it tastes good anyway, very bland and minging (hey, I was 6 years old). Remember, stop the demand and the supply will follow suit too.

My Adventure of Breeding Rodents

A hamster is a rodent belonging to subfamilyy Cricetinae. The subfamily contains about 18 speciess, classified in six or seven generaa. Most have expandable cheek pouches, which reach from their cheeks to their shoulders. Because they are easy to keep and breed in captivity, hamsters are popular pets. Oh and they're also nocturnal by nature.

Exactly two weeks ago, a friend of mine, Bart, had asked the Missus to take care of his two pet Campbell's dwarf hamster (Phodopus campbelli), with the main intention of breeding them. Apparently the missus, before meeting God’s gift to women, had been a rather succesful hamster breeder. She was so good that at one point, she was putting up hamsters- for- sale- signs around the neighbourhood because she was running out of space to put them all up in her house.

Bart, who has had some experience over the years in keeping hamsters, has nominal success in propagating his hamster popluation. As such, he had asked whether the missus was interested in adopting them for a while, with the hope that his two babies, Papa and Kecik, would produce a large number of offsprings.

Bart supplied us with all of his hamster-ing equipment and the two rodents have been at the house for the last 2 weeks. One thing about this particular species is that, unlike their larger cousins, Dwarf hamsters are very unfriendly towards strangers. Unless a person has been handling and taking care of one since it was a juvenile, their reponse to any fool (ini this case, the fool would be me) would be with extreme prejudice.

It so happened that the Missus was ill the first week when we received the two and so it fell to me to do all the washing, feeding and playing (read: getting my fingers bitten off). My first task had been renaming them, much to the chagrin of Bart as I had named the larger male, Bart, after its owner and the smaller female, Ene, after Bart’s RL girlfriend (also a good friend of ours).

Due to the risk of severed digits I face everyday, I noticed that as of yesterday, the two little shites have started to show some affection towards me. More so with Ene. Although Bart still tries to remove a finger or two , I’m now able to hand feed him without too much trouble.

I have also noticed that Bart have started, and I quote; “mengejar si kecik dari belakang dengan rakusnya sekali”. After a few days of chasing, I further noticed that Ene have been easily lethargic and spends most of her time inside her small plastic house. A quick with Bart’s (human version) hamster handbook revealed that the females, during gestation, would not allow the male to copulate with her and is very passive. Ditto.

Ene, (the hasmter) if pregnant, would gestate for about 16 to 18 days. Therefore, in about 3 weeks time, hopefully we would hear the tiny patters of hamster feets running around the cage.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to replace the bandages on my fingers.

*until Ene (the human) sends me the pics of the hasmters, we will have to make do with a plagarised version from Wikipedia's.

My Adventure of Corresponding in My Mother Tongue

If you're wondering where the hell are my new postings, well I've been very the busy. Work, Life and MNS takes a heavy toll on my creativity to write. Even more so when I had letter to a government agency to write too. Till now, I have no idea how I got an A2 for BM during my SPM.

Pengarah
Jabatan Perikanan Negeri Melaka,
Batu Berendam,
75050 Melaka.

2 Mei 2005

Tuan,

Per: Lawatan ke Padang Kemunting ‘Turtle Management Center’
________________________________________________________________

Saya memohon kebenaran untuk membawa ahli-ahli Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia, Cawangan Selangor untuk sebuah lawatan ke Padang Kemunting ‘Turtle Management Center’.

Butiran lanjut mengenai aktiviti tersebut adalah seperti berikut:-

Tarikh : Sabtu, 22 Julai 2006 – Ahad, 23 Julai 2006
Bil. Peserta : 20 orang
Tujuan : 1. Mempelajari dengan lebih mendalam mengenai usaha-usaha ‘Turtle Conservation'
2. Membantu pegawai Tabung Hidupan Liar Sedunia (WWF) dengan tugas-tugas
harian beliau.

Saya amat berbesar hati sekiranya permohonan saya dipertimbangkan.

Terima Kasih.

Yang benar,

Hurnain Hamid
Penyelaras Kumpulan Herpetofauna
Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia
Cawangan Selangor

It took me about 2 hours to write the bloody thing, I shite you not.

My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged III

I would be lying if I said that nothing's been happening lately. There was the Frogging trip in FRIM last Saturday and my trip to the Aquaria the Saturday before that. However, I've decided to save those write-ups for a rainy day. For the time being, you lot have to be satisfied with this particular tag which is going around, created by people who have nothing better to do;

My ex and ‘Paybacks’ have something in common…. their both a BITCH.

Maybe I should grow up because I’m driving the missus crazy with my immaturity.

I love it when Liverpool scores. Especially in big-arse games like the one on Sunday morning. So, thank you Messrs Garcia & Arne Risse. You two made a lousy weekend so much bearable.

I don't understand why the Missus thinks that playing the PS2 is a waste of time, when I’m perfectly going to cut the grass after I finally beat that annoying Level 8 Boss. When? Dunno yet. Maybe in one day, or a week or two or even a month. Hey, you really can’t plan these things.

I lose my temper easily, especially during rush hour traffic. Thus, the excessive use of a certain appendage as well as the colorful language utilized.

People say that I can be selfish at times. I easily burn bridges only to regret it later. I’m sure that my life would be richer if I didn’t have done that.

I could've borrowed money of them.

Love is when you wake up to a disheveled-looking missus, air liur basi et all and still think that she’s a total hottie.

Somewhere, someone is cutting a perfectly good tree down.

I will always perceive David Beckham as a twat. Not because he's an ex-Manc.

No, really.

Forever is my love for my wife.

I never want to go through another of our wedding reception. Three…. yes, three receptions were enough. Any more and I’ll have to commit myself to one of those established mental institutions, which is going to suck because I don’t think they have internet facilities there.

I think the current US President is a tosser. The US foreign policy has never been worse since the 60s. His decision to invade Afghanistan and Iraq were unjustifiable, but then being the tosser that he is, he wouldn’t give a crap of what I think anyway.

When I wake up in the morning, I wished that I could go back to sleep again.

My past was filled with ups and downs. More ups than down, and I’m not talking about the time when I went on that roller coaster in Genting.

I get annoyed when the missus sulks. Sulking should be banned or made illegal. It doesn’t matter if I had initially spilled that glass of iced Coke on her favorite carpet. Unjustifiable, I say.

Parties are for yuppies. Why waste a perfectly good Saturday night in Jln. P. Ramlee, spending it with drunken Mat Sallehs when I could go off on one of my nocturnal excursions, chasing wild animals in the jungle.

My dog would be a hybrid between a Bull Terrier and a Shitzu. I'll name it Bullshitz.

My cat is in Sg. Petani with my family. I miss the little shite a lot.

Kisses are an important relationship tool and always should be accompanied with roses, especially when one has spilled that glass of iced Coke on wife’s favorite carpet.

Tomorrow Never Dies is a title of a Bond film which I caught on satellite TV last two weeks.

I really want to snog Kat McPhee. She’s hot. She’s not as hot like the missus is, but still hotter than your mum.

I have low tolerance for minah gedik-gedik. One of these days, I’m really gonna lose it and run one over with a Caterpillar. Except for Kat McPhee of course. She can gedik-gedik all she wants.

So, I'm tagging Kat Mcphee and The President of the United States of America. I'm sure they read my blog all the time.

My Adventure of Being an Eejit II

With an audible groan, I reached out and switched off the annoying alarm clock. Groggily, I opened my eyes and saw that it was already 6.30 am .

Rising quietly as not to disturb the missus, I shakily made my way to the bathroom. I was still not fully awake and spent at least one minute staring at the shower head. After suffering the freezing waters, I towelled myself dry, and went to claim my working attire from the cupboard, where the missus had hung them after kindly ironing them the night before.

After performing the Subuh prayer, (express version as usual), I collected my laptop, various other office documents and started up the car. I let the car warm up a bit before making my way out. It was still dark, and the housing area was deathly quiet. I thought none of it as I continued to the Bukit Mahkota toll booth and on to the KL-Seremban highway.

10 minutes later, I noticed that the traffic was lesser than usual. Still, I thought none of it.
I became suspicious when I reached the Sg. Besi toll booth when I saw PLUS had only opened up 2 ticket booths. I thought that it was highly inefficient of them to do so due to the heavy load of traffic entering KL on weekdays. I had driven about 1km past the toll booth, when I definitely knew something was amiss. There was absolutely no bloody cars on the road that morning. Usually, this particular stretch would be choc-a-bloc full of other commuters. Immediately, I ejected my CD and switched on the radio. I managed to catch 'public holiday' at the end of the DJ's sentence.

Ah.. sudah.

I quickly called my mum up, and asked her the most stupidest question I have ever asked her......

Ma, hari ni Malaysia cuti ke?

She replied by laughing her head off.

How in the hell did I not know that it was Maulidur Rasul yesterday? Suffice to say in my defence that I had a 3 day seminar last week, and I was on Annual Leave on Monday. In addition, I had one of those stupid calendars which did not show the public holidays in Malaysia. But still....

Agak terasa bodoh la jugak semalam.

My Adventure of Disclaming Two-Legged Parasites

Disclaimer:

All MLM agents, please be advised.

I would like to make known that I, Hurnain Hamid, along with the Missus, have NO intention in joining a Multi-level marketing program. Furthermore, after Friday nite’s events where we were ambushed by representatives of such an organisation, we are of the opinion that Mutli-level Marketing companies are parasites and an annoyance to the general public.

We are also of the opinion, in response to your annoying and consistent bullshite effort that;

#1. Sitting at maplehs in full office attire at 12am and calling it ‘going to work’ is not to my liking. There is another term for it. We call it, ‘being a LOSER’.

#2. Please do not regale me of how you bloody used to ride a Kap Chai and now you drive a Merc C class. Yes, I am aware that you have parked it in the middle of the bloody road for the whole world to see. It is called ‘POYO’ and is a catalyst for my disinterest, and my foot down your throat.

#3. Please do not start a conversation with, “Apa beza kau dan aku?”. Statements such as these and many more implies that you think that you are better than me. I am well aware that you have a big fat car. You receive tens & thousands of ringgit in a month (as seen from the cheques that you showed me) as compared to my own pathetic salary.

So fucking what? I am not as materialistic as you.

#4. Please do not assume that I am stupid by trying to convice me that your organisation is not an MLM and you are not a salesman. The fact that you tried to rope me in as your downline just adds fuel to my fire of suspicion, that your company is indeed an MLM company. Furthermore, you were trying to sell me pills of unknown origins. What do you call that then? A bleedin' pharmacist?

#5. Getting a total stranger to sit for 3 hours and making them listen to you and your colleagues drone on and on about your wonderful company, is not advisable to your health. Just know that I was giving my friend ‘face’ by pretending to listen to the all the bullshit your were talking about.

Perhaps the hints which I did, i.e. playing with my phone, reaing that magazine & watching the footie match on the mapleh’s telly, was clear indication that I was not at all interested.

In summary, I can only conlude that;

#1. You lot only live on other people’s efforts. Your company, pays you a shitload based on how many people you can bloody recruit. Your only effort for the business is tyring to convice people at maplehs in joining your damn organisation………and annoying the shite of me.

That is not what I call a business. That is NOT the method in which I would like to get rich.

*2. I am heavily invloved with wildlife conservation. So is the wife. Therefore, I have no time to go off and do your MLM shite. Tak paham ke bila aku cakap aku takde masa? Bodoh ke apa kau ni?

#3. Please be informed that any future attempts of trying to get either me, or the missus, to join your shite downline , will be met with a swift back-handed slap.

You can throw yourself out of a tall building for all care. In fact, please do.

Our Adventure of Finding Graffiti

Graffiti.

One of the endearing trait of a selected number of Malaysians is the ability to scribble/deface public property. Usually, any public edifice (usually secluded and away from the athorities' eyes) would be fair game for these artsy individuals.

Of course, we all know about the fanciful artwork which can be found behind the cubicle doors of our infamous public toilets. Not contended with being an OSHA violation, it also provides a venue for these aspiring public artistes to express their talents as well as providing us with reading material whilst on the crapper.

As I found out last Sunday, it seems that our repressed art-loving society have not limited themselves to the khazis. It was in Bukit Gasing whilst on my hike with Babe and KA, that we chanced upon a watch tower, which had fell 'victim' to these artsy individuals. The tower’s main objective of providing a scenic view of the surrounding hills and valleys, was literally eclipsed by the amount of graffiti adorning it. Every bloody inch was covered in artwork.

Most of the scribbling were amorous in nature; it seems that Malaysians are wont to announce their feelings towards their other-halves in a literary manner. It’s not enough to just verbally express such feelings; one has to inscribe one's undying love, preferably at a public place for the entire world to see.

"Hu Ling *heart* Syamsul"

A more jiwang karat version would have an arrow through the *heart* . We did notice however, that some of the 'love pledges' had one of the names cancelled out. The weird thing was not of the break-up itself but the obvious fact that one of the couple had actually remembered to come back to the watch tower (in which they had originally expressed their love) and had cancelled his or her name off.

The scribbling weren’t limited to amorous couples though; it was also the venue for one to express anger. Why, in the first place, would someone, who is obiously pissed off with something, take the effort to climb all the way up Bukit Gasing (armed with a liquid paper, the essential tool of graffiti artiste ), and express their angst on the tower?

“Mati kau Cikgu Razlan botak!”

Now, I have no idea what Cikgu Razlan to deserve such accolades, but suffice to say it may have been something really, really horrible. This particular announcement was followed by a request to burn the follicle-challenged person's car. This particular artiste was helpful enough to include the car’s plate number.

Finally, there's our favorite graffiti. The sex offers.These are offers made by some aspiring p.i.m.p. daddy who, I suspect, after soliciting the wares himself, was kind enough to share it with his fellow Malaysians. Berkongsi amalan mulia indeed.

“Kong**k free, sedap giler”

According to KA, one of the numbers was the infamous 017 errr… services. I was tempted to ask how she knew about it.

However, the most hilarious and I believe deserves to be in a genre of its own is the services providing a free punch-up.

“Kalau nak gaduh, anytime boleh”

This was followed by a list of names of the wannabe kaki pukul, ( no Messrs Norton or Pitt though) ever ready to kick your arse at a time and place of your choosing. Included in the graffiti was the contact numbers, and methods in which you would like your arse kicked.

Malaysia is a nation of multi-ethnicity, religiously diverse and culturally wealthy. From the cries of Malaysia Boleh in support of the nation’s struggle for sporting excellence to the annual haze filled days, courtesy of our neighbors, Malaysia is indeed unique in its own right. Chuck in the crappy graffiti culture in and you will find that there is no place like home in Malaysia.

Think of how much this lot save on advertising fees.

My Adventure of Being a Married Man II

Strange things have been happening around the house recently. Incidents which I cannot explain but strangely enough, resulted in the same, exact response from the wife. After a few days of deliberating on it, I have finally come to the conclusion that it might be from my own doing.

Though I don’t see the problem in the first place, the wife has been getting annoyed at me for actions of mine, which I find to be normal. Maybe someone out there could tell me what & where I did wrong here because I just don’t see it.

Incident #1.
Me: Do I look good in this tie?
Wife: Yes, very handsome.
Me: All the chicas mesti tergolek-golek caiir nengok I smart camni
Wife: *snarl*

Incident #2.
Wife: Sayang, tolong sidaikan baju yang I baru basuh tu.
Me: Ait.
Later..
Me: Shite! *after dropping one of the wife’s pants on the muddy ground.*
Wife came to check..
Wife: Eh, apa pasal kotor ni.
Me: *with innocent look on face* Eh, bukan memang macam ni ke?
Wife: Jangan nak menipu, you jatuhkan tadi ke?
Me: Heheh
Wife: Nak cuba tipu I pulak! *snarl*

Incident #3.
Wife: What are you doing with that? *pointing at my bantal busook*
Me: I can’t sleep without it la.
Wife: Dah besar2 macam ni pon, nak pakai bantal busook lagi. Dah khawin pulak tu. Peluk la je I.
Me: I peluk dua2 la.
Wife: Meh sini bantal ni, I buang malam ni jugak! *making a grab for it*.
Me: Nooooooo… *trying to save my pillow but to no avail*

I still don't see whats all the fuss is about. :(

My Adventure of Being A Married Man

When you make a sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. - Joseph Campbell (1904-1987), American professor, writer and orator.

I’ve been playing husband for a month now. I say ‘play’ because I have no bloody idea of how to be a husband. I do have references with my friends who have been married for the last couple of years but their advices are more to the lines of how to effectively and effectively shag the wife. In other words, they’re advise for me are all but completely bloody useless on other matters which relates to having a successful marriage. This has somewhat resulted in me, making things up as I go.

Previously, all I knew was that my days of frolicking and galavanting with other multiple female species, were over (YM notwithstanding). That being said, I had expected that I’ll be more domesticated, to which I was prepared for.

However, there were several other issues which I wasn’t.

The first issue we had to tackle was our financial quandry. The missus can be considered ‘in-between ‘ jobs right now, so at the present moment, she’s a full time house-wife, which makes me the sole bread-winner of the family. I was never known to be a follower of budgets, which is ironic really, considering what I do for a living.

First week-in, the missus had us compiling a family budget which had me sacrificing a lot of stuff. There went my Magic: The Gathering trading cards budget, had to wave goodbye to my monthly ‘subscription’ to DC/Marvel comics. Even my membership at the Gym had to go. We also had to cut down on our travelling, which releates to fewer nocturnal excusrions.

Living in the middle of nowhere did not help the cause that much. With the government conspiring against me by reducing their petrol subsidiary, I had to find alternatives to get to the office. The petrol and toll cost was bloody murder.

In summary, we had to sacrifice a lot of stuff, things which I had enjoyed duing our bachelor/bachelorette days. I am so fortunate that the wife is a great cook. To quote my mum, “Fiza ni campak batu dengan kayu dalam periuk boleh jadi sambal tumis”. At the very least, we’ve saved a lot on food and groceries. Most of the time we eat in. Which also explains the sudden increase in the girth of my tummy.

*sigh* To think that I’ve cancelled my gym subscription.

My Adventure During Raptor Watch III

Being the jolly, observant chap I am, I could not fail to make some interesting observations while at Tanjung Tuan the other week. I thought I was barfing mad at first but after 3 events, and having a repeat of the same premise of observation, I was able to come to some sort of conclusion.

Humans tend to flock together, much like antelopes would when they knew that they were being stalked by a pride of lions in the african savannah. Most notably;

#1. Hardcore Birders

These are the individuals who wake up at 5 bloody am on a Sunday morning to drive 50 bloody kms (give or take a few km) in order to go for bird-watching. The experienced ones are walking bird-dictionaries, able to precisely identify the species of a bird from sight and sound.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Have the ability to fly.

How to spot them:
Can be found sporting camo fatigues, the mandatory towel around the neck and their RM8,000 Swarvoski scopes.

#2. Volunteers (Specialist)

Then you have those specialising in certain areas like Marine, Botany or Caving etc. They tend to chip in once in a while when they themselves are either; not indisposed with their own activities or not being quick enough to come up with an excuse when asked to assist.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Depending on their speciality, has the ability to walk on water, sprout ferns from the ears or generate stalagmites out from the ground.

How to spot them:
Being experienced has it downside as most are asked to man the booths or take charge of a particular activity i.e. nature walk, lucky draw, selling the t-shirts or being the MC for the day.

#3. Volunteers (Ordinary)

Every event need cheap labour. If Rock & Roll bands have roadies, well we have the volunteers. People, who, when instructed run around like, and I quote, ‘demented avian-flu inflicted chickens’. One good thing about this lot is they they require not a bloody much to maintain. You don’t have to feed them or better yet, pay them. They feed on enthusiasm and get their energy directly from the sun.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Powers still yet to develop.

How to spot them:
Since someone has to do all the dirty work, can usually be spotted being ordered to carry out the odd jobs.

#4. Herpetofauna Coordinator

By golly, the most charming and good-looking chap at the event. During his bachelor days, spent most of his time chatting up the cute volunteers and visitors. Once believed that the female visitors are there to see him, and not the raptors.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
He has the uncanny ability to avoid work at all times.

How to spot him:
The chap sitting under the tree with a glass of drink in his hand.

* Yes, he knows that he missed much of the action this year but is even now making preparations for next year’s event so that he can yet again bum off.

My Adventure During Raptor Watch 2006 II

We were late. Very late. 18 hours late according to trusty assistant. The missus and I were only able to undertake our little excursion to PD only on Sunday afternoon.

Apparently, I got my wish of not having to volunteer, as at the time of reaching Ilham resort, the other volunteers were already starting to pack up. The irony of it is that my intentions of lazing about underneath a tree somewhere went up in smoke as well.

Only a flock of Crested Honey Buzzards, catching the late afternoon’s thermals were my only reward for my tardiness. They circled around above us a couple times and then sped off to continue their journey.

As of today (and after Liverpool got dumped out of the Champions League due to their lacklustre donkey performance), the count was 2674 raptors sighted. Not a bad count for this year, although I was told the majority of the raptors were sighted over various other places except for Ilham Resort itself and over the period of one week. Maybe I did not miss out much after all.

Even as we speak, Hardcore birders (read; people who have no ther apparent life or day job) are still serving as spotters are in PD . Expect the number to increase by the weekend.

What did I learn from this year's Raptor Watch, considering I was there for only 3 hours? The next posting awaits.

My Adventure During Raptor Watch 2006

It is that time of the year again where a few hundred people (including yours truly, along with the missus) converge down to Tanjung Tuan, Port Dickson to wait for the fly-back of the migrating birds-of-prey.

Since it gets a bit chilly up there in the Siberias during winter, these raptors take a trip down to the sunny south to catch a bit of sunlight. Once spring comes, our feathered friends then make the return leg back their natural habitat way up north or thereabouts,by way of the straits of Malacca.

The best place to catch a glimpse of them is at Pee Dee itself. This year, I have yet again opted out of volunteering at the event. Nothing beats lazing about on my arse, under a the shade of a palm tree with a drink in hand as I watch the other volunteers run around like demented avian-flu infected chickens.

Being the resident Herpetofauna expert, I expect ONLY to be disturbed if there’s a sighting of a lizard, snake or frog.

Anyone who is free and wouldn't mind taking a sojourn down to Port Dickson, the event is held tommorow and the day after. Entrance is free and there are a crap-load of activities to participate in.

If you do decide to come, don't forget to seek out the good- looking chap lazing-about underneath a tree and give him a wave.

My Adventure of Tying the Knot

One half of me is yours, the other half yours mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours, and so all yours.
("The Merchant of Venice", 3.2.17-9)

18/02/06.

It’s been a long road, getting from there to here. I’ve closed a chapter of my life, and opened a new one. Looking back, I have not the faintest idea on how I survived all the bumps to reach where I am now.

The dust has finally settled. I came out pretty much intact, physically and mentally. Though, I may need some time to recover the damage done to my pockets.

It is a terrific change yet terrifying at times. I’ve followed where my heart has led me and it has taken me here. From this point, whatever happens, I know that I’m not alone.

Wish me luck in this new adventure of mine.

Note:
I do apologise of failing to invite those species under the family of blogidae for the wedding. Due to contraints with regards to time and guest quota, I was unable to disseminate the invites in an efficient and effective manner. You were sorely missed.

My Adventure of Having Adolescent Infatuations

We’ve woken up early on Saturdays or Sundays or rushed home from the sekolah agama to catch the latest episode off our favorite cartoons. The 80’s was filled with top quality cartoons as compared to what is being stuffed down our throats nowadays.

Let’s face it, Mr. Trekker and his Mobile Armored Strike Kommand battling the Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem was more entertaining then watching a Cow and err… a Chicken.
Part of the attraction was due to the gorgeous, Aphrodite-like bevy of beauties whom did not fail to impress us in each and every episode. Though they're no replacement for the real thing, they've served as alluring fantasy figures for our pervy adolescent minds.

Here are my personal favorites of the top 5 cartoon babes of the 80’s;

#5. Judge J.B. - Bravestarr



Lock me up and charge me with first degree love.

J.B. was the highest ranking judicial officer in New Texas and thus making her a magnet of scum and villainy in the new frontier which resulted in her being rescued by Bravestarr in almost every episode.

A damsel in distress she may seemed, but she delivered her share of ass-kicking alongside the Marshall and his equine partner, 30/30. With her 'Hammer of Justice', she was the cartoon equivalent of Judging Amy, but with a cooler outfit and oozing sensuality from every stitch of her judge's uniform.

#4. Steel Heart – Silverhawks



Emily Hart, along with her twin brother Will, flew alongside the other Silverhawks raining smackdowns from above to Mon Star and his cronies. Sure she was a cyborg and getting it on with her would be complicated enough as we didn’t know what part of her was flesh or metal.

Her metallic uniform accentuated her curves nicely, and you have to agree that she was so hot in that skin tight metal get-up. and boy what I’d give for chance to fly one over her cuckoo’s nest.


#3. Niko - Adv. Of the Galaxy Rangers



She had telekinesis. This babe could lift objects with her mind, create force-shields and look demure and hot whilst doing it. Her white Ranger uniform wasn’t bad as well. In addition she had clairvoyance so she would already know if your filthy intentions would be successful or not

Not a bad thing really.

Unfortunately, she was romantically likned with with Goose, the twin gun-toting Ranger throughout the series. I imagined him getting run over by a star cruiser most of the time.

Bastard!

#2. April O’ Neill, -Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles



Did we lover her for her street smarts and a good nose for the news? Maybe. Did we love her because she delivered ass-whooping with our 4 mutant amphibian friends? Perhaps. Or did we lover her for her tight, cute yellow one-piece jumpsuit? Definitely!

We owe so much to her in providing us some eye candy in a story where they had 5- foot amphibians battling a gooey brain-like alien and a guy naming himself after a kitchen appliance.

#1. Lady Jaye - GI Joe


Yo Joe!

This GI Jane fought for freedom over land and air with the other Joes, but she was the only one that made fighting COBRA looked good.

She was a bit butch though with her rugged look and short-cropped hair. She wasn't the best looking, as compared to Scarlett and the Baroness . but the fact that she fights injustice with half the buttons of her blouse undone ensures that it is Lady Jaye who comes in at #1.

_________________________

I’d better do this before I get sued; thanks to the following sites for the kewl images!
http://www.mechanicalpencil1138.com
http://www.kryptonsite.com
http://www.80scartoons.co.uk
http://www.en.wikepedia.org

My Adventure of Not Having a Life II

My adventure of not having a life started with a sci-fi show on TV2 called Space: Above & Beyond. It ran circa 1997 and it caught me right from the start, hook, line and sinker.

If I’d remembered correctly, the show revolved around a group of young Marine pilots, fighting in space, against an invading alien horde, "Chigs". Unfortunately, the show was untimely & unjustifiably axed after just one season.

So obsessed with the show that my cousin (who had no life as well, apparently), an ardent fan of the show hunted down other die-hards from Malaysia. Soon after, the 88th Firebirds was born.

The 88th Squadron was the Malaysian branch of the 59th Ready Reserves, which is part of an internet fandom, petitioning for the producers to bring back Space: Above and Beyond. Citing cost cutting measures by the film company, production halted and the show suffered an early demise.

Not having any other apparent useful purpose in life, (though one was a lawyer and the other a doctor), we would get ourselves online every chance we had to chat about the show. Our exploits reached the far corners of cyberspace and soon our membership of 8 swelled. By last count there were 50+ members. So committed we were that even a regular cast member of the show dropped a comment or two and we, as the geeks we were, made Joel de la Fuente , an honorary member of 88th Firebirds. Our exploits ranged from the simply bizarre to the most extravagant, as you would have noticed when patronizing the website.

Alas, all good things must come to and end. We lost contact over the years. E-mail addresses became void, phone numbers changed, and people outgrew their obsessions. Looking back, we did have a life and it evolved around a small group of friends who shared a similar passion. Those were fun days. Days of making copies of the series and watching them over and over again. Then, getting on the internet to gripe & moan about everything and nothing.

Over the years I imagined what would it be like now, if the show had allowed itself to run for more seasons. Maybe the 88th would still be around now.

We’ll never know.

My Adventure of Not Having a Life

My only love sprung from my only hate!Too early seen unknown, and known too late!"
--From Romeo and Juliet (I, v, 140-141)

Why?

After all these years, why do you have to come back?

Is it not enough that you’ve taken away a chunk of any quality life that I had years before? Is it not enough that I have spent most of my hard-earned money to finance my cravings and thirst for you?

I thought it was over. I thought I was finished with you. Yet you came back into my life, tempting me, cajoling and inducing the same hunger and addictiveness which I thought I had overcome.

Damn you, Magic: The Gathering. I am yours once more.

My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged II

With regards to a lack of any current conservation issues in the country, a sudden decline of nocturnal excursions into the wild as well as a non-occurrence of situations or entities annoying the shite out of me, I find myself facing a writer’s block.

Thus, I have opted to tag my own self with this new meme which is currenly making its way around. It is a meme which, Sarclover, Angel Eyes and Desparil have participated (or tried to) and was duly criticised unmercilessly by yours truly.

So now comes the time when I put my money where my mouth is, rather than wait to have to remove the insipid shoe from it.

The rules are as below:

#1. Write an entry of between 100-200 words, with these words have to be included once, and only once:
I, me, blowjob, grapes, random, power, loneliness, water, robot, blue
#2. Out of the 10 words, you can only change 2 words.
#3. Your essay must make some kind of sense.

‘I grasped the hilt of my sabre tightly as my eyes scanned the battlefield. The outlying land was filled with ranks of orcs, ogres and trolls. They were amassing for one final push against my already thin defensive line.

Behind me stood my Knights. Once they were 5 companies strong. Now, only 1 company remain, decimated by the last skirmish.

We kept our shields up and at ready. Many a times an Orc would loosen an arrow at random. It is counted ill-luck to be struck down in such a way.

It seemed that our numbers, as compared to the might and power of the Black Tower was overwhelming. Yet, we will not allow ourselves to be slaughtered. For each of us knew we carried the fate of the goodly folks of Middle Earth in our hands. We were our land’s last defence. One last defiance against the forces of Mordor.

This burden we accepted and not even the loneliness of a long and hard war, or even the days without food or water, could put a dent on our morale.

All of a sudden a garrish sound of Black Horns sounded across the enemy the ranks, followed by the rumbling ground as the Dark Army charged.

I lifted my sabre high. My Knights responded by forming a defensive file, sword and shield ready in a fighting stance, awaiting their incoming doom.

Immediately, the blue sky were filled with Elven arrows, as our allies from Lothlorien unleashed a volley of fletched death. Hundreds of the enemy fell, but still they came.

I waited till the last minute before shouting the order for a counter-charge. With a cry of ‘Elendil!', I brought my weapon against the shield of the closest Orc.

All around me, the battle was met. The ringing clash of steel echoed aloud as the Knights of Gondor met the hordes of the Black City, in this last great battle of our time.’

Note #1. I changed ‘Blowjob’ to ‘Skirmish’ and ‘Robot’ to ‘Morale’.

Note #2. You lot can, at your own convenience, bow down at my feet whilst exclaiming, “We are not worthy!” in a repetitive motion in honor of my creative literary brilliance.

Note#3. Words in bold complies with the 100-200 words rule. It can stand on its own but severely lacks the punch needed. That’s where the un-bolded words come in.
Me so clever. :p

Note#4. Do you have any idea how hard it is to refrain from using the word ‘I’ when one is writing in the style of a first-person account? Sheesh!

I'm not going to tag anyone with it so go now & have a nice weekend, peasent!

My Adventure of Trying to Get Myself on a Tabloid II

Pursuant to recent events in the media (tabloids included) and a nice little contribution by a certain blogger, here’s another way of getting oneself in the limelight.

Step #1.
Claim to the whole bloody world that you're worth a few (pick a number between 1 - 100) billion bloody Ringgit Malaysia.

Step #2.
Make further claims that you lent the government money to build say, Central Market/Pudu/North-South Highway (no Penang Bridge as it is already taken!).

Step #3.
Then offer to donate part of your fortune to any NGO or non-profitable organization, preferably to WWF or MNS. Oh heck, throw a few million bucks at this poor girl if you’d like.

Note: Claiming that you’ve got a cancer of some sorts, or some distant royalty or married to the daughter of the particular NGO you intend to donate to, is purely optional. Having a tattoo or permed hair is optional too.

Front page material my friends!

My Adventure of Reliving an Adolescent Pastime

On my drive to work this morning, and while channel surfing like I always do in order to ease the boredom of getting stuck on the Sungai Besi bottleneck, I happened to chance upon FLY FM’s call-in competition. It seemed that the competition involved contestants to battle it out using the Rock-Paper-Bird technique.

The winner will be given the chance to get their filthy hands on a sweet new Nokia phone or something to that effect. Cellular incentives aside, it was a wonder how the said station could take a common adolescent pastime and turn it into a radio competition.

Anyways, this particular bloke on the show was a wee bit slow (in reflexes or in the head, or both) and kept shouting out his choice of element, ages after his opponent’s

For those of you who have been on a different planet all this while, the mechanism of the said game is simple; simple and common enough to the extent of not having me explain the whole bloody thing to you.

Standard practice provides 3 elements/weapons for each player (two players’ only la, more than two, the Lat Ta Li Lat technique shall be utilized);

#1. Rock (or Stone): a clenched fist.

#2. Paper (or Cloth or Water): all fingers extended, palm facing downwards, upwards, or sideways (thumb pointing to the sky).

#3. Bird: a half closed fist, oval in shape ( or Scissors: forefinger and middle finger extended and separated into a "V" shape (not too be confused with the sideways, upwards reversal and a constant jutting motion with the shout of ‘Up Yours, Chelski/Manc/Gooner!’)

Owing to the wonder of modern day technology, a click of the mouse reveal that people in other countries too play this particular game, although with different variations of the ‘elements’. Some have slight variations, others… I’m too afraid to ask.

In Sweden the game is called sten, sax, påse (rock, scissors, bag). The gestures are the same - the flat hand is considered a bag, you can put the rock in.

Burma has the soldier, sergeant, tiger version. Tiger eats sergeant; Sergeant outranks the soldier, while the latter shoots the tiger. This technique was once demonstrated by a Burmese friend with hilarious consequences.

Japan has the village head, tiger, mother of village head. How in the hell do you sign, ‘Village Head’s Mother’?

Even in an ep of the That 70’s Show, Hyde and Fez duked it out using : Foot, Cockroach, Nuclear Bomb. Foot beats cockroach by smashing it, nuclear bomb beats foot by blowing it up, cockroach beats nuclear bomb by surviving the blast. Go figure.

Now wouldn’t be nice now to be able to use in our working adult lives.

“Ok Encik, Kita lawan Oh Som, kalau saya menang, loan saya approve.”

“Ait, takde hal”

"Pakai mesingan mana aci, En. Hurnain"

Ah, bliss.

My Adventure of Disclaiming a Frog

Disclaimer:

I would like to make known that I, Hurnain Hamid, Herpetofauna Coordinator of MNS Selangor have neither affiliation with, nor any in-depth knowledge what-so-bloody-ever on the Crazy Frog.

In addition, It is my opinion that the ‘call’ of this particular species to be extremely annoying, disruptive and a pain-in-the-nether-regions. I would not be surprised that people, who have been exposed to such a call in maplehs, cinemas, pasar malams etc, were inclined to shoot themselves in the head.

Further to my opinion, the individuals who had either created or marketed as well as downloaded it as a ring tone of this aversion of nature, should be rounded up, made to stand before a firing squad, and be subsequently shot.

I would like to further digress, (to those who had inquired with my good-self previously) that it is my professional opinion that the above-said creature has yet to be (and will not be in the future) classified as one of the species from the Anuran Order.

Further inquiries of what species the Crazy Frog is during any of my future MNS Frogging trips, will be met with a swift back-handed slap.

Please be advised.