Strange things have been happening around the house recently. Incidents which I cannot explain but strangely enough, resulted in the same, exact response from the wife. After a few days of deliberating on it, I have finally come to the conclusion that it might be from my own doing.
Though I don’t see the problem in the first place, the wife has been getting annoyed at me for actions of mine, which I find to be normal. Maybe someone out there could tell me what & where I did wrong here because I just don’t see it.
Incident #1.
Me: Do I look good in this tie?
Wife: Yes, very handsome.
Me: All the chicas mesti tergolek-golek caiir nengok I smart camni
Wife: *snarl*
Incident #2.
Wife: Sayang, tolong sidaikan baju yang I baru basuh tu.
Me: Ait.
Later..
Me: Shite! *after dropping one of the wife’s pants on the muddy ground.*
Wife came to check..
Wife: Eh, apa pasal kotor ni.
Me: *with innocent look on face* Eh, bukan memang macam ni ke?
Wife: Jangan nak menipu, you jatuhkan tadi ke?
Me: Heheh
Wife: Nak cuba tipu I pulak! *snarl*
Incident #3.
Wife: What are you doing with that? *pointing at my bantal busook*
Me: I can’t sleep without it la.
Wife: Dah besar2 macam ni pon, nak pakai bantal busook lagi. Dah khawin pulak tu. Peluk la je I.
Me: I peluk dua2 la.
Wife: Meh sini bantal ni, I buang malam ni jugak! *making a grab for it*.
Me: Nooooooo… *trying to save my pillow but to no avail*
I still don't see whats all the fuss is about. :(
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
My Adventure of Being A Married Man
When you make a sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. - Joseph Campbell (1904-1987), American professor, writer and orator.
I’ve been playing husband for a month now. I say ‘play’ because I have no bloody idea of how to be a husband. I do have references with my friends who have been married for the last couple of years but their advices are more to the lines of how to effectively and effectively shag the wife. In other words, they’re advise for me are all but completely bloody useless on other matters which relates to having a successful marriage. This has somewhat resulted in me, making things up as I go.
Previously, all I knew was that my days of frolicking and galavanting with other multiple female species, were over (YM notwithstanding). That being said, I had expected that I’ll be more domesticated, to which I was prepared for.
However, there were several other issues which I wasn’t.
The first issue we had to tackle was our financial quandry. The missus can be considered ‘in-between ‘ jobs right now, so at the present moment, she’s a full time house-wife, which makes me the sole bread-winner of the family. I was never known to be a follower of budgets, which is ironic really, considering what I do for a living.
First week-in, the missus had us compiling a family budget which had me sacrificing a lot of stuff. There went my Magic: The Gathering trading cards budget, had to wave goodbye to my monthly ‘subscription’ to DC/Marvel comics. Even my membership at the Gym had to go. We also had to cut down on our travelling, which releates to fewer nocturnal excusrions.
Living in the middle of nowhere did not help the cause that much. With the government conspiring against me by reducing their petrol subsidiary, I had to find alternatives to get to the office. The petrol and toll cost was bloody murder.
In summary, we had to sacrifice a lot of stuff, things which I had enjoyed duing our bachelor/bachelorette days. I am so fortunate that the wife is a great cook. To quote my mum, “Fiza ni campak batu dengan kayu dalam periuk boleh jadi sambal tumis”. At the very least, we’ve saved a lot on food and groceries. Most of the time we eat in. Which also explains the sudden increase in the girth of my tummy.
*sigh* To think that I’ve cancelled my gym subscription.
I’ve been playing husband for a month now. I say ‘play’ because I have no bloody idea of how to be a husband. I do have references with my friends who have been married for the last couple of years but their advices are more to the lines of how to effectively and effectively shag the wife. In other words, they’re advise for me are all but completely bloody useless on other matters which relates to having a successful marriage. This has somewhat resulted in me, making things up as I go.
Previously, all I knew was that my days of frolicking and galavanting with other multiple female species, were over (YM notwithstanding). That being said, I had expected that I’ll be more domesticated, to which I was prepared for.
However, there were several other issues which I wasn’t.
The first issue we had to tackle was our financial quandry. The missus can be considered ‘in-between ‘ jobs right now, so at the present moment, she’s a full time house-wife, which makes me the sole bread-winner of the family. I was never known to be a follower of budgets, which is ironic really, considering what I do for a living.
First week-in, the missus had us compiling a family budget which had me sacrificing a lot of stuff. There went my Magic: The Gathering trading cards budget, had to wave goodbye to my monthly ‘subscription’ to DC/Marvel comics. Even my membership at the Gym had to go. We also had to cut down on our travelling, which releates to fewer nocturnal excusrions.
Living in the middle of nowhere did not help the cause that much. With the government conspiring against me by reducing their petrol subsidiary, I had to find alternatives to get to the office. The petrol and toll cost was bloody murder.
In summary, we had to sacrifice a lot of stuff, things which I had enjoyed duing our bachelor/bachelorette days. I am so fortunate that the wife is a great cook. To quote my mum, “Fiza ni campak batu dengan kayu dalam periuk boleh jadi sambal tumis”. At the very least, we’ve saved a lot on food and groceries. Most of the time we eat in. Which also explains the sudden increase in the girth of my tummy.
*sigh* To think that I’ve cancelled my gym subscription.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
My Adventure During Raptor Watch III
Being the jolly, observant chap I am, I could not fail to make some interesting observations while at Tanjung Tuan the other week. I thought I was barfing mad at first but after 3 events, and having a repeat of the same premise of observation, I was able to come to some sort of conclusion.
Humans tend to flock together, much like antelopes would when they knew that they were being stalked by a pride of lions in the african savannah. Most notably;
#1. Hardcore Birders
These are the individuals who wake up at 5 bloody am on a Sunday morning to drive 50 bloody kms (give or take a few km) in order to go for bird-watching. The experienced ones are walking bird-dictionaries, able to precisely identify the species of a bird from sight and sound.
Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Have the ability to fly.
How to spot them:
Can be found sporting camo fatigues, the mandatory towel around the neck and their RM8,000 Swarvoski scopes.
#2. Volunteers (Specialist)
Then you have those specialising in certain areas like Marine, Botany or Caving etc. They tend to chip in once in a while when they themselves are either; not indisposed with their own activities or not being quick enough to come up with an excuse when asked to assist.
Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Depending on their speciality, has the ability to walk on water, sprout ferns from the ears or generate stalagmites out from the ground.
How to spot them:
Being experienced has it downside as most are asked to man the booths or take charge of a particular activity i.e. nature walk, lucky draw, selling the t-shirts or being the MC for the day.
#3. Volunteers (Ordinary)
Every event need cheap labour. If Rock & Roll bands have roadies, well we have the volunteers. People, who, when instructed run around like, and I quote, ‘demented avian-flu inflicted chickens’. One good thing about this lot is they they require not a bloody much to maintain. You don’t have to feed them or better yet, pay them. They feed on enthusiasm and get their energy directly from the sun.
Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Powers still yet to develop.
How to spot them:
Since someone has to do all the dirty work, can usually be spotted being ordered to carry out the odd jobs.
#4. Herpetofauna Coordinator
By golly, the most charming and good-looking chap at the event. During his bachelor days, spent most of his time chatting up the cute volunteers and visitors. Once believed that the female visitors are there to see him, and not the raptors.
Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
He has the uncanny ability to avoid work at all times.
How to spot him:
The chap sitting under the tree with a glass of drink in his hand.
* Yes, he knows that he missed much of the action this year but is even now making preparations for next year’s event so that he can yet again bum off.
Humans tend to flock together, much like antelopes would when they knew that they were being stalked by a pride of lions in the african savannah. Most notably;
#1. Hardcore Birders
These are the individuals who wake up at 5 bloody am on a Sunday morning to drive 50 bloody kms (give or take a few km) in order to go for bird-watching. The experienced ones are walking bird-dictionaries, able to precisely identify the species of a bird from sight and sound.
Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Have the ability to fly.
How to spot them:
Can be found sporting camo fatigues, the mandatory towel around the neck and their RM8,000 Swarvoski scopes.
#2. Volunteers (Specialist)
Then you have those specialising in certain areas like Marine, Botany or Caving etc. They tend to chip in once in a while when they themselves are either; not indisposed with their own activities or not being quick enough to come up with an excuse when asked to assist.
Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Depending on their speciality, has the ability to walk on water, sprout ferns from the ears or generate stalagmites out from the ground.
How to spot them:
Being experienced has it downside as most are asked to man the booths or take charge of a particular activity i.e. nature walk, lucky draw, selling the t-shirts or being the MC for the day.
#3. Volunteers (Ordinary)
Every event need cheap labour. If Rock & Roll bands have roadies, well we have the volunteers. People, who, when instructed run around like, and I quote, ‘demented avian-flu inflicted chickens’. One good thing about this lot is they they require not a bloody much to maintain. You don’t have to feed them or better yet, pay them. They feed on enthusiasm and get their energy directly from the sun.
Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Powers still yet to develop.
How to spot them:
Since someone has to do all the dirty work, can usually be spotted being ordered to carry out the odd jobs.
#4. Herpetofauna Coordinator
By golly, the most charming and good-looking chap at the event. During his bachelor days, spent most of his time chatting up the cute volunteers and visitors. Once believed that the female visitors are there to see him, and not the raptors.
Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
He has the uncanny ability to avoid work at all times.
How to spot him:
The chap sitting under the tree with a glass of drink in his hand.
* Yes, he knows that he missed much of the action this year but is even now making preparations for next year’s event so that he can yet again bum off.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
My Adventure During Raptor Watch 2006 II
We were late. Very late. 18 hours late according to trusty assistant. The missus and I were only able to undertake our little excursion to PD only on Sunday afternoon.
Apparently, I got my wish of not having to volunteer, as at the time of reaching Ilham resort, the other volunteers were already starting to pack up. The irony of it is that my intentions of lazing about underneath a tree somewhere went up in smoke as well.
Only a flock of Crested Honey Buzzards, catching the late afternoon’s thermals were my only reward for my tardiness. They circled around above us a couple times and then sped off to continue their journey.
As of today (and after Liverpool got dumped out of the Champions League due to their lacklustre donkey performance), the count was 2674 raptors sighted. Not a bad count for this year, although I was told the majority of the raptors were sighted over various other places except for Ilham Resort itself and over the period of one week. Maybe I did not miss out much after all.
Even as we speak, Hardcore birders (read; people who have no ther apparent life or day job) are still serving as spotters are in PD . Expect the number to increase by the weekend.
What did I learn from this year's Raptor Watch, considering I was there for only 3 hours? The next posting awaits.
Apparently, I got my wish of not having to volunteer, as at the time of reaching Ilham resort, the other volunteers were already starting to pack up. The irony of it is that my intentions of lazing about underneath a tree somewhere went up in smoke as well.
Only a flock of Crested Honey Buzzards, catching the late afternoon’s thermals were my only reward for my tardiness. They circled around above us a couple times and then sped off to continue their journey.
As of today (and after Liverpool got dumped out of the Champions League due to their lacklustre donkey performance), the count was 2674 raptors sighted. Not a bad count for this year, although I was told the majority of the raptors were sighted over various other places except for Ilham Resort itself and over the period of one week. Maybe I did not miss out much after all.
Even as we speak, Hardcore birders (read; people who have no ther apparent life or day job) are still serving as spotters are in PD . Expect the number to increase by the weekend.
What did I learn from this year's Raptor Watch, considering I was there for only 3 hours? The next posting awaits.
Friday, March 03, 2006
My Adventure During Raptor Watch 2006
It is that time of the year again where a few hundred people (including yours truly, along with the missus) converge down to Tanjung Tuan, Port Dickson to wait for the fly-back of the migrating birds-of-prey.
Since it gets a bit chilly up there in the Siberias during winter, these raptors take a trip down to the sunny south to catch a bit of sunlight. Once spring comes, our feathered friends then make the return leg back their natural habitat way up north or thereabouts,by way of the straits of Malacca.
The best place to catch a glimpse of them is at Pee Dee itself. This year, I have yet again opted out of volunteering at the event. Nothing beats lazing about on my arse, under a the shade of a palm tree with a drink in hand as I watch the other volunteers run around like demented avian-flu infected chickens.
Being the resident Herpetofauna expert, I expect ONLY to be disturbed if there’s a sighting of a lizard, snake or frog.
Anyone who is free and wouldn't mind taking a sojourn down to Port Dickson, the event is held tommorow and the day after. Entrance is free and there are a crap-load of activities to participate in.
If you do decide to come, don't forget to seek out the good- looking chap lazing-about underneath a tree and give him a wave.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
My Adventure of Tying the Knot
One half of me is yours, the other half yours mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours, and so all yours.
("The Merchant of Venice", 3.2.17-9)
18/02/06.
It’s been a long road, getting from there to here. I’ve closed a chapter of my life, and opened a new one. Looking back, I have not the faintest idea on how I survived all the bumps to reach where I am now.
The dust has finally settled. I came out pretty much intact, physically and mentally. Though, I may need some time to recover the damage done to my pockets.
It is a terrific change yet terrifying at times. I’ve followed where my heart has led me and it has taken me here. From this point, whatever happens, I know that I’m not alone.
Wish me luck in this new adventure of mine.
Note:
I do apologise of failing to invite those species under the family of blogidae for the wedding. Due to contraints with regards to time and guest quota, I was unable to disseminate the invites in an efficient and effective manner. You were sorely missed.
Monday, February 13, 2006
My Adventure of Having Adolescent Infatuations
We’ve woken up early on Saturdays or Sundays or rushed home from the sekolah agama to catch the latest episode off our favorite cartoons. The 80’s was filled with top quality cartoons as compared to what is being stuffed down our throats nowadays.
Let’s face it, Mr. Trekker and his Mobile Armored Strike Kommand battling the Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem was more entertaining then watching a Cow and err… a Chicken.
Part of the attraction was due to the gorgeous, Aphrodite-like bevy of beauties whom did not fail to impress us in each and every episode. Though they're no replacement for the real thing, they've served as alluring fantasy figures for our pervy adolescent minds.
Here are my personal favorites of the top 5 cartoon babes of the 80’s;
#5. Judge J.B. - Bravestarr
Lock me up and charge me with first degree love.
J.B. was the highest ranking judicial officer in New Texas and thus making her a magnet of scum and villainy in the new frontier which resulted in her being rescued by Bravestarr in almost every episode.
A damsel in distress she may seemed, but she delivered her share of ass-kicking alongside the Marshall and his equine partner, 30/30. With her 'Hammer of Justice', she was the cartoon equivalent of Judging Amy, but with a cooler outfit and oozing sensuality from every stitch of her judge's uniform.
#4. Steel Heart – Silverhawks
Emily Hart, along with her twin brother Will, flew alongside the other Silverhawks raining smackdowns from above to Mon Star and his cronies. Sure she was a cyborg and getting it on with her would be complicated enough as we didn’t know what part of her was flesh or metal.
Her metallic uniform accentuated her curves nicely, and you have to agree that she was so hot in that skin tight metal get-up. and boy what I’d give for chance to fly one over her cuckoo’s nest.
#3. Niko - Adv. Of the Galaxy Rangers
She had telekinesis. This babe could lift objects with her mind, create force-shields and look demure and hot whilst doing it. Her white Ranger uniform wasn’t bad as well. In addition she had clairvoyance so she would already know if your filthy intentions would be successful or not
Not a bad thing really.
Unfortunately, she was romantically likned with with Goose, the twin gun-toting Ranger throughout the series. I imagined him getting run over by a star cruiser most of the time.
Bastard!
#2. April O’ Neill, -Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Did we lover her for her street smarts and a good nose for the news? Maybe. Did we love her because she delivered ass-whooping with our 4 mutant amphibian friends? Perhaps. Or did we lover her for her tight, cute yellow one-piece jumpsuit? Definitely!
We owe so much to her in providing us some eye candy in a story where they had 5- foot amphibians battling a gooey brain-like alien and a guy naming himself after a kitchen appliance.
#1. Lady Jaye - GI Joe
Yo Joe!
This GI Jane fought for freedom over land and air with the other Joes, but she was the only one that made fighting COBRA looked good.
She was a bit butch though with her rugged look and short-cropped hair. She wasn't the best looking, as compared to Scarlett and the Baroness . but the fact that she fights injustice with half the buttons of her blouse undone ensures that it is Lady Jaye who comes in at #1.
_________________________
I’d better do this before I get sued; thanks to the following sites for the kewl images!
http://www.mechanicalpencil1138.com
http://www.kryptonsite.com
http://www.80scartoons.co.uk
http://www.en.wikepedia.org
Let’s face it, Mr. Trekker and his Mobile Armored Strike Kommand battling the Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem was more entertaining then watching a Cow and err… a Chicken.
Part of the attraction was due to the gorgeous, Aphrodite-like bevy of beauties whom did not fail to impress us in each and every episode. Though they're no replacement for the real thing, they've served as alluring fantasy figures for our pervy adolescent minds.
Here are my personal favorites of the top 5 cartoon babes of the 80’s;
#5. Judge J.B. - Bravestarr
Lock me up and charge me with first degree love.
J.B. was the highest ranking judicial officer in New Texas and thus making her a magnet of scum and villainy in the new frontier which resulted in her being rescued by Bravestarr in almost every episode.
A damsel in distress she may seemed, but she delivered her share of ass-kicking alongside the Marshall and his equine partner, 30/30. With her 'Hammer of Justice', she was the cartoon equivalent of Judging Amy, but with a cooler outfit and oozing sensuality from every stitch of her judge's uniform.
#4. Steel Heart – Silverhawks
Emily Hart, along with her twin brother Will, flew alongside the other Silverhawks raining smackdowns from above to Mon Star and his cronies. Sure she was a cyborg and getting it on with her would be complicated enough as we didn’t know what part of her was flesh or metal.
Her metallic uniform accentuated her curves nicely, and you have to agree that she was so hot in that skin tight metal get-up. and boy what I’d give for chance to fly one over her cuckoo’s nest.
#3. Niko - Adv. Of the Galaxy Rangers
She had telekinesis. This babe could lift objects with her mind, create force-shields and look demure and hot whilst doing it. Her white Ranger uniform wasn’t bad as well. In addition she had clairvoyance so she would already know if your filthy intentions would be successful or not
Not a bad thing really.
Unfortunately, she was romantically likned with with Goose, the twin gun-toting Ranger throughout the series. I imagined him getting run over by a star cruiser most of the time.
Bastard!
#2. April O’ Neill, -Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Did we lover her for her street smarts and a good nose for the news? Maybe. Did we love her because she delivered ass-whooping with our 4 mutant amphibian friends? Perhaps. Or did we lover her for her tight, cute yellow one-piece jumpsuit? Definitely!
We owe so much to her in providing us some eye candy in a story where they had 5- foot amphibians battling a gooey brain-like alien and a guy naming himself after a kitchen appliance.
#1. Lady Jaye - GI Joe
Yo Joe!
This GI Jane fought for freedom over land and air with the other Joes, but she was the only one that made fighting COBRA looked good.
She was a bit butch though with her rugged look and short-cropped hair. She wasn't the best looking, as compared to Scarlett and the Baroness . but the fact that she fights injustice with half the buttons of her blouse undone ensures that it is Lady Jaye who comes in at #1.
_________________________
I’d better do this before I get sued; thanks to the following sites for the kewl images!
http://www.mechanicalpencil1138.com
http://www.kryptonsite.com
http://www.80scartoons.co.uk
http://www.en.wikepedia.org
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
My Adventure of Not Having a Life II
My adventure of not having a life started with a sci-fi show on TV2 called Space: Above & Beyond. It ran circa 1997 and it caught me right from the start, hook, line and sinker.
If I’d remembered correctly, the show revolved around a group of young Marine pilots, fighting in space, against an invading alien horde, "Chigs". Unfortunately, the show was untimely & unjustifiably axed after just one season.
So obsessed with the show that my cousin (who had no life as well, apparently), an ardent fan of the show hunted down other die-hards from Malaysia. Soon after, the 88th Firebirds was born.
The 88th Squadron was the Malaysian branch of the 59th Ready Reserves, which is part of an internet fandom, petitioning for the producers to bring back Space: Above and Beyond. Citing cost cutting measures by the film company, production halted and the show suffered an early demise.
Not having any other apparent useful purpose in life, (though one was a lawyer and the other a doctor), we would get ourselves online every chance we had to chat about the show. Our exploits reached the far corners of cyberspace and soon our membership of 8 swelled. By last count there were 50+ members. So committed we were that even a regular cast member of the show dropped a comment or two and we, as the geeks we were, made Joel de la Fuente , an honorary member of 88th Firebirds. Our exploits ranged from the simply bizarre to the most extravagant, as you would have noticed when patronizing the website.
Alas, all good things must come to and end. We lost contact over the years. E-mail addresses became void, phone numbers changed, and people outgrew their obsessions. Looking back, we did have a life and it evolved around a small group of friends who shared a similar passion. Those were fun days. Days of making copies of the series and watching them over and over again. Then, getting on the internet to gripe & moan about everything and nothing.
Over the years I imagined what would it be like now, if the show had allowed itself to run for more seasons. Maybe the 88th would still be around now.
We’ll never know.
Friday, January 27, 2006
My Adventure of Not Having a Life
My only love sprung from my only hate!Too early seen unknown, and known too late!"
--From Romeo and Juliet (I, v, 140-141)
Why?
After all these years, why do you have to come back?
Is it not enough that you’ve taken away a chunk of any quality life that I had years before? Is it not enough that I have spent most of my hard-earned money to finance my cravings and thirst for you?
I thought it was over. I thought I was finished with you. Yet you came back into my life, tempting me, cajoling and inducing the same hunger and addictiveness which I thought I had overcome.
Damn you, Magic: The Gathering. I am yours once more.
Friday, January 20, 2006
My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged II
With regards to a lack of any current conservation issues in the country, a sudden decline of nocturnal excursions into the wild as well as a non-occurrence of situations or entities annoying the shite out of me, I find myself facing a writer’s block.
Thus, I have opted to tag my own self with this new meme which is currenly making its way around. It is a meme which, Sarclover, Angel Eyes and Desparil have participated (or tried to) and was duly criticised unmercilessly by yours truly.
So now comes the time when I put my money where my mouth is, rather than wait to have to remove the insipid shoe from it.
The rules are as below:
#1. Write an entry of between 100-200 words, with these words have to be included once, and only once:
I, me, blowjob, grapes, random, power, loneliness, water, robot, blue
#2. Out of the 10 words, you can only change 2 words.
#3. Your essay must make some kind of sense.
‘I grasped the hilt of my sabre tightly as my eyes scanned the battlefield. The outlying land was filled with ranks of orcs, ogres and trolls. They were amassing for one final push against my already thin defensive line.
Behind me stood my Knights. Once they were 5 companies strong. Now, only 1 company remain, decimated by the last skirmish.
We kept our shields up and at ready. Many a times an Orc would loosen an arrow at random. It is counted ill-luck to be struck down in such a way.
It seemed that our numbers, as compared to the might and power of the Black Tower was overwhelming. Yet, we will not allow ourselves to be slaughtered. For each of us knew we carried the fate of the goodly folks of Middle Earth in our hands. We were our land’s last defence. One last defiance against the forces of Mordor.
This burden we accepted and not even the loneliness of a long and hard war, or even the days without food or water, could put a dent on our morale.
All of a sudden a garrish sound of Black Horns sounded across the enemy the ranks, followed by the rumbling ground as the Dark Army charged.
I lifted my sabre high. My Knights responded by forming a defensive file, sword and shield ready in a fighting stance, awaiting their incoming doom.
Immediately, the blue sky were filled with Elven arrows, as our allies from Lothlorien unleashed a volley of fletched death. Hundreds of the enemy fell, but still they came.
I waited till the last minute before shouting the order for a counter-charge. With a cry of ‘Elendil!', I brought my weapon against the shield of the closest Orc.
All around me, the battle was met. The ringing clash of steel echoed aloud as the Knights of Gondor met the hordes of the Black City, in this last great battle of our time.’
Note #1. I changed ‘Blowjob’ to ‘Skirmish’ and ‘Robot’ to ‘Morale’.
Note #2. You lot can, at your own convenience, bow down at my feet whilst exclaiming, “We are not worthy!” in a repetitive motion in honor of my creative literary brilliance.
Note#3. Words in bold complies with the 100-200 words rule. It can stand on its own but severely lacks the punch needed. That’s where the un-bolded words come in.
Me so clever. :p
Note#4. Do you have any idea how hard it is to refrain from using the word ‘I’ when one is writing in the style of a first-person account? Sheesh!
I'm not going to tag anyone with it so go now & have a nice weekend, peasent!
Friday, January 13, 2006
My Adventure of Trying to Get Myself on a Tabloid II
Pursuant to recent events in the media (tabloids included) and a nice little contribution by a certain blogger, here’s another way of getting oneself in the limelight.
Step #1.
Claim to the whole bloody world that you're worth a few (pick a number between 1 - 100) billion bloody Ringgit Malaysia.
Step #2.
Make further claims that you lent the government money to build say, Central Market/Pudu/North-South Highway (no Penang Bridge as it is already taken!).
Step #3.
Then offer to donate part of your fortune to any NGO or non-profitable organization, preferably to WWF or MNS. Oh heck, throw a few million bucks at this poor girl if you’d like.
Note: Claiming that you’ve got a cancer of some sorts, or some distant royalty or married to the daughter of the particular NGO you intend to donate to, is purely optional. Having a tattoo or permed hair is optional too.
Front page material my friends!
Step #1.
Claim to the whole bloody world that you're worth a few (pick a number between 1 - 100) billion bloody Ringgit Malaysia.
Step #2.
Make further claims that you lent the government money to build say, Central Market/Pudu/North-South Highway (no Penang Bridge as it is already taken!).
Step #3.
Then offer to donate part of your fortune to any NGO or non-profitable organization, preferably to WWF or MNS. Oh heck, throw a few million bucks at this poor girl if you’d like.
Note: Claiming that you’ve got a cancer of some sorts, or some distant royalty or married to the daughter of the particular NGO you intend to donate to, is purely optional. Having a tattoo or permed hair is optional too.
Front page material my friends!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
My Adventure of Reliving an Adolescent Pastime
On my drive to work this morning, and while channel surfing like I always do in order to ease the boredom of getting stuck on the Sungai Besi bottleneck, I happened to chance upon FLY FM’s call-in competition. It seemed that the competition involved contestants to battle it out using the Rock-Paper-Bird technique.
The winner will be given the chance to get their filthy hands on a sweet new Nokia phone or something to that effect. Cellular incentives aside, it was a wonder how the said station could take a common adolescent pastime and turn it into a radio competition.
Anyways, this particular bloke on the show was a wee bit slow (in reflexes or in the head, or both) and kept shouting out his choice of element, ages after his opponent’s
For those of you who have been on a different planet all this while, the mechanism of the said game is simple; simple and common enough to the extent of not having me explain the whole bloody thing to you.
Standard practice provides 3 elements/weapons for each player (two players’ only la, more than two, the Lat Ta Li Lat technique shall be utilized);
#1. Rock (or Stone): a clenched fist.
#2. Paper (or Cloth or Water): all fingers extended, palm facing downwards, upwards, or sideways (thumb pointing to the sky).
#3. Bird: a half closed fist, oval in shape ( or Scissors: forefinger and middle finger extended and separated into a "V" shape (not too be confused with the sideways, upwards reversal and a constant jutting motion with the shout of ‘Up Yours, Chelski/Manc/Gooner!’)
Owing to the wonder of modern day technology, a click of the mouse reveal that people in other countries too play this particular game, although with different variations of the ‘elements’. Some have slight variations, others… I’m too afraid to ask.
In Sweden the game is called sten, sax, påse (rock, scissors, bag). The gestures are the same - the flat hand is considered a bag, you can put the rock in.
Burma has the soldier, sergeant, tiger version. Tiger eats sergeant; Sergeant outranks the soldier, while the latter shoots the tiger. This technique was once demonstrated by a Burmese friend with hilarious consequences.
Japan has the village head, tiger, mother of village head. How in the hell do you sign, ‘Village Head’s Mother’?
Even in an ep of the That 70’s Show, Hyde and Fez duked it out using : Foot, Cockroach, Nuclear Bomb. Foot beats cockroach by smashing it, nuclear bomb beats foot by blowing it up, cockroach beats nuclear bomb by surviving the blast. Go figure.
Now wouldn’t be nice now to be able to use in our working adult lives.
“Ok Encik, Kita lawan Oh Som, kalau saya menang, loan saya approve.”
“Ait, takde hal”
"Pakai mesingan mana aci, En. Hurnain"
Ah, bliss.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
My Adventure of Disclaiming a Frog
Disclaimer:
I would like to make known that I, Hurnain Hamid, Herpetofauna Coordinator of MNS Selangor have neither affiliation with, nor any in-depth knowledge what-so-bloody-ever on the Crazy Frog.
In addition, It is my opinion that the ‘call’ of this particular species to be extremely annoying, disruptive and a pain-in-the-nether-regions. I would not be surprised that people, who have been exposed to such a call in maplehs, cinemas, pasar malams etc, were inclined to shoot themselves in the head.
Further to my opinion, the individuals who had either created or marketed as well as downloaded it as a ring tone of this aversion of nature, should be rounded up, made to stand before a firing squad, and be subsequently shot.
I would like to further digress, (to those who had inquired with my good-self previously) that it is my professional opinion that the above-said creature has yet to be (and will not be in the future) classified as one of the species from the Anuran Order.
Further inquiries of what species the Crazy Frog is during any of my future MNS Frogging trips, will be met with a swift back-handed slap.
Please be advised.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
My Adventure of Trying to Get Myself on a Tabloid
Erra & Yusry are separated. Maya Karin is (or not) a lesbian. Mawi has this particularly strong Aura which attracts people to him (which explains the fact that most of the people in Malaysia can’t get enough of the lad).
Well, truth of the matter, I don’t really care. Fortunately for the publishers of the tabloids, most do. You can’t really miss these types of publications as your favorite neighborhood newsagent arranges them right next to the national dailies.
Only the hottest stories appear in them. No, not the conflicts in the Middle East, those are not important enough. However, Mawi’s (Werld!) committee resigning en masse, is.
With headlines such as, “Kerana mertua, santau ikan masin”, or “Roh Maya Karin di-lihat berkeliaran di set”, you can just taste the creative literary juices which is overflowing in the editorial team.
Alas, there is no need to fret fellow bloggers. One dost not need to be a famous singer, or an actor or even a politician to have your lovely mug pasted on the front page of your local tabloid. It is not rocket science in being the envy of all the minah-minah kilang Motorola, PJ.
Tips to get on one of these dailies are presented below;
#1. Defying scientific explanation
I had no idea that ikan masin can be a health risk or that the lovely Maya is dead as I last saw her yesterday on Channel V. There is no scientific basis for the headliner, nor is there any factual evidence deriving from a reliable source.
The more scientifically unexplainable it is the better. If you’re a fisherman than that would be an extra bonus. All these stuff seems to happen to them most of the time.
#2. Close Encounter of the ghostly kind.
Your first hand experience with the living dead need not be a traumatic one. If you’ve ever been chased by a hantu bungkus, flagged down by a langsuir at a T-junction, or even pleaded for a hantu buritt to catch one’s aunt at any point of time in your life, you can cash it in.
#3. Being a victim
The public love victims. It doesn’t matter whether they’re inclined to gloat or sympathize with you, you’ll be the talk of the town all month long.
#3.1 Witchcraft victim
You’ve kept your own business, treated everyone nicely and never said a bad thing about anyone.
It’s not your fault that you that the promotion you received was due to your hard work & dedication, in addition to the fact that the rest of your colleagues are lazy buggers. Nor can you be blamed because you keep winning all the major awards in the country or that all the songwriters’ want you to sing their song
Unfortunately, you’d still find yourself coughing up blood, bits of glass, a rusty nail or two and even the kitchen sink. Worse yet, (if you’re a guy) you wake up to find your member has de-attached itself from your groin region and re-attached to your forehead.
Indeed, this is worthy of a front page look.
#3.2 Rumour victim
You got on a reality TV contest and although you didn’t win the bloody thing, everyone is jealous of your new-found fame. Your fans arbors to fanaticism and you’ve rumored to be marrying an eligible bachelor/bachelorette/datuk/datin at one point or another. You can be rest assured that somebody is going to spread rumors about you, really horrible ones at that. The cheek of them!
Fight back by taking legal action but please do not forget to inform the media about it. It helps if you cry during the interview too.
So in summary, the only way for yours truly to get on one of those famous tabloids is either;
#1. Lose my way during one of my nocturnal excursions. Once rescued, report that I saw a path made silver and gold which lead me to a beautiful wooden house full of hot chicks.
#2. Turn myself into a tiger and hang-out in someone’s durian orchard.
If you have any further ideas, do share. I’ll even be nice enought post it up here. Now, if you must excuse me, I have to go dig a hole and teran my tail out.
Well, truth of the matter, I don’t really care. Fortunately for the publishers of the tabloids, most do. You can’t really miss these types of publications as your favorite neighborhood newsagent arranges them right next to the national dailies.
Only the hottest stories appear in them. No, not the conflicts in the Middle East, those are not important enough. However, Mawi’s (Werld!) committee resigning en masse, is.
With headlines such as, “Kerana mertua, santau ikan masin”, or “Roh Maya Karin di-lihat berkeliaran di set”, you can just taste the creative literary juices which is overflowing in the editorial team.
Alas, there is no need to fret fellow bloggers. One dost not need to be a famous singer, or an actor or even a politician to have your lovely mug pasted on the front page of your local tabloid. It is not rocket science in being the envy of all the minah-minah kilang Motorola, PJ.
Tips to get on one of these dailies are presented below;
#1. Defying scientific explanation
I had no idea that ikan masin can be a health risk or that the lovely Maya is dead as I last saw her yesterday on Channel V. There is no scientific basis for the headliner, nor is there any factual evidence deriving from a reliable source.
The more scientifically unexplainable it is the better. If you’re a fisherman than that would be an extra bonus. All these stuff seems to happen to them most of the time.
#2. Close Encounter of the ghostly kind.
Your first hand experience with the living dead need not be a traumatic one. If you’ve ever been chased by a hantu bungkus, flagged down by a langsuir at a T-junction, or even pleaded for a hantu buritt to catch one’s aunt at any point of time in your life, you can cash it in.
#3. Being a victim
The public love victims. It doesn’t matter whether they’re inclined to gloat or sympathize with you, you’ll be the talk of the town all month long.
#3.1 Witchcraft victim
You’ve kept your own business, treated everyone nicely and never said a bad thing about anyone.
It’s not your fault that you that the promotion you received was due to your hard work & dedication, in addition to the fact that the rest of your colleagues are lazy buggers. Nor can you be blamed because you keep winning all the major awards in the country or that all the songwriters’ want you to sing their song
Unfortunately, you’d still find yourself coughing up blood, bits of glass, a rusty nail or two and even the kitchen sink. Worse yet, (if you’re a guy) you wake up to find your member has de-attached itself from your groin region and re-attached to your forehead.
Indeed, this is worthy of a front page look.
#3.2 Rumour victim
You got on a reality TV contest and although you didn’t win the bloody thing, everyone is jealous of your new-found fame. Your fans arbors to fanaticism and you’ve rumored to be marrying an eligible bachelor/bachelorette/datuk/datin at one point or another. You can be rest assured that somebody is going to spread rumors about you, really horrible ones at that. The cheek of them!
Fight back by taking legal action but please do not forget to inform the media about it. It helps if you cry during the interview too.
So in summary, the only way for yours truly to get on one of those famous tabloids is either;
#1. Lose my way during one of my nocturnal excursions. Once rescued, report that I saw a path made silver and gold which lead me to a beautiful wooden house full of hot chicks.
#2. Turn myself into a tiger and hang-out in someone’s durian orchard.
#3. Ngorat baiiik Siti Nurhaliza Tarudin.
#4. Finding two-headed frogs or something along that line, and immediately call for a press conference on how the finding change your life for the better. and no, you would not sell it for any amount in the werld. - Contribution by KA
#5. Claim that I am an heir of someone rich/ Claim that I have found new rare species of plants that can make people become rich or younger or look like Siti. - Contribution by Chics
#6. Saman mawi for stealing your songs AND trying to steal Siti from you. - Contribution by Desparil
#7. Confess to the press that Erra and Yusry separated because Erra begged ME to marry her instead. She didn't need RM33,333.33 for the hantaran. "RM3,333 sudah memadai, kerana saya sangat cintakan dia" - kata Erra. Then give Yusry's number to Anis. - Contribution by Anisism.
#8. Ambik balik SPM. Score 20A1. When you're 61 (31 pun cukup tua kot). Mesti keluar front page. Contribution by Yoga Instructor
(although, we need to twist the story a bit by saying, "Ya, Saka saya menolong saya menjawab soalan2 tersebut - 9)
Note to Oneself: Do remember to have a photo of myself showing that miraculous thingy/event/contraption/ubat/whatever. The template is: Diri tegak ala Negaraku whilst pointing towards the thing. And must be captioned: Inilah tempat di mana berlakunya peristiwa itu. And oh, try not to giggle. Must look very siwius. - Contribution by LeenIf you have any further ideas, do share. I’ll even be nice enought post it up here. Now, if you must excuse me, I have to go dig a hole and teran my tail out.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
My Adventure of Being in an Awkward Position II
So there I was at Sports Planet Ampang, like every Tuesday evening having a game with the usual suspects. After half an hour of trying to display my skills ala Ronaldinho, but failing miserably (as usual), I was panting & sweating profusely.
I bade one of the lads to sub me (we had 18 people playing last evening) and proceeded to the loo to run my face under the shower because it was a humid last night and not because of the whole pack of 20’s I finished in just one day.
As I was passing one of the courts I noticed that there was a bunch of girls playing. I noted that this lot was the same ones, who like us, played every Tuesday evening. I then noticed the goal keeper was wearing a pair of red Fila shoes and playing remarkably well (for a girl).
Now, the last time that I caught a glimpse of KA, ‘the wind whisperer of the blogging community’ was way before Ramadhan, playing at the same venue. Conforming to the requirements of being an Eejit, I immediately made the assumption that this was indeed KA, although she looked much heavier than the last time. I told myself it must be due to those debes the girls had been talking about.
With unnaturally imbued confidence, I shouted, “Steady KA, jangan kasi lepas”, whilst controlling my kehenseman.
The girl glanced behind her and gave me an incredulous look from head to toe and up again before returning her concentration to the game. She must’ve thought that I was one of those horny, perverted guys at futsal centres trying to get lucky.
The first thought that came to mind was, “Sampai hati KA sombong dengan aku,” before thinking of another possibility that it was not KA in the first place.
My suspicions proved correct as I found out today that at the exact moment of the ‘Steady KA, jangan kasi lepas’ incident, KA was actually on the LRT and on her way home whilst having her own embarrassing moment.
Malunya aku.
I bade one of the lads to sub me (we had 18 people playing last evening) and proceeded to the loo to run my face under the shower because it was a humid last night and not because of the whole pack of 20’s I finished in just one day.
As I was passing one of the courts I noticed that there was a bunch of girls playing. I noted that this lot was the same ones, who like us, played every Tuesday evening. I then noticed the goal keeper was wearing a pair of red Fila shoes and playing remarkably well (for a girl).
Now, the last time that I caught a glimpse of KA, ‘the wind whisperer of the blogging community’ was way before Ramadhan, playing at the same venue. Conforming to the requirements of being an Eejit, I immediately made the assumption that this was indeed KA, although she looked much heavier than the last time. I told myself it must be due to those debes the girls had been talking about.
With unnaturally imbued confidence, I shouted, “Steady KA, jangan kasi lepas”, whilst controlling my kehenseman.
The girl glanced behind her and gave me an incredulous look from head to toe and up again before returning her concentration to the game. She must’ve thought that I was one of those horny, perverted guys at futsal centres trying to get lucky.
The first thought that came to mind was, “Sampai hati KA sombong dengan aku,” before thinking of another possibility that it was not KA in the first place.
My suspicions proved correct as I found out today that at the exact moment of the ‘Steady KA, jangan kasi lepas’ incident, KA was actually on the LRT and on her way home whilst having her own embarrassing moment.
Malunya aku.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
My Adventure With The Opposite Sex I
Men don’t take hints that well. I don’t take hints that well. If you, (the women) want something from us, please do TELL. We’re not bloody mind-readers.
TELL us that you want the garbage taken out. TELL us that you want more of our attention. TELL us that you want to watch Desperate Housewives rather than the European Champions League preview.
And another thing, sulking should be prohibited. The government should make sulking illegal. Denda RM5,000 atau penjara 3 bulan, atau kedua-duanya sekali, or something to that effect.
DO NOT drop hints and SULK afterwards when we don’t pick on it.
By god, we’ve used up all of our energy in by using all our initiative to pick you up in the first place.
The least that you can do now is just TELL us what you want.
TELL us that you want the garbage taken out. TELL us that you want more of our attention. TELL us that you want to watch Desperate Housewives rather than the European Champions League preview.
And another thing, sulking should be prohibited. The government should make sulking illegal. Denda RM5,000 atau penjara 3 bulan, atau kedua-duanya sekali, or something to that effect.
DO NOT drop hints and SULK afterwards when we don’t pick on it.
By god, we’ve used up all of our energy in by using all our initiative to pick you up in the first place.
The least that you can do now is just TELL us what you want.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Liverpool's Adventure in Winning Yet Another Trophy (or not)
It is of no doubt that the English Championship is our main bread. The management knows this, the manager knows this, and the players know this. The Red Kop Army, without a shadow of a doubt, knows this.
Even before the tournament started, I viewed the World Club Championship as just another FIFA marketing ploy to rake in more money. I was of the opinion that our efforts should be focused on Benfica and Chelsea, and this little excursion to Japan was just another annoying hindrance.
However, the look on the captain’s face after the final whistle proved otherwise. I am ashamed to say that I had looked poorly on all the player's & management’s efforts in this particular tournament.
Poor lad. He didn’t think that it was just a trophy. He wanted to win it. To lift yet another cup on behalf of the team he loved.
Seeing him dejected and at loss, reminded me that Liverpool FC is all about winning trophies. Period. We do not take into account the materiality or the significance of winning something. We just try our best to win it. No questions asked.
No worries, Stevie. We still have the treble to look forward to. No mickey mouse versions this time.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
My Nocturnal Excursion in FRIM III
Yet one more night was spent navigating through leech-infested jungle in FRIM. The only difference this time round was that I was not accompanied by loud, restless, hyperactive children. Adorable as they are (and equally annoying), I was without my customary 6 – 12 year old age demographic for this particular evening stroll.
Nope, Last Saturday’s nocturnal excursion involved the staff of HSBC.
You see, HSBC has long supported wildlife conservation by donating a filthy amount of money over the years and MNS, WWF and other nature-based NGOS have greatly benefited through HSBC’s generosity. As such, it is a norm for these NGO’s to accommodate the staff of HSBC on any nature oriented activities. This is just to ensure that the financial institution continues to fork out large sums of money for our usage in the effort to save the world.
Last Saturday, the MNS-FRIM Nature Education Center had organized a series of activity, part of which involved a frogging session.
Therefore they had turned to the only (gullible) person at their disposal, who had sufficient with the knowledge, expertise and the good looks to boot, ME.
I quickly forgot my annoyance of missing Liverpool’s early kick-off with Wigan as I found out that the 20 – 30 year old demographic was easier to handle. Reasons of which are;
#1. They are obedient.
#2. They are quiet
#3. They have stamina
#4. They have longer legs.
#5. The girls are of legal & consensual age
Anyways, we started at 7pm with dinner, rendang et all. I gave a short briefing afterwards at the center, which mostly involved me relating my previous experiences in the wild, purposely exaggerated of course.
At 8pm, I dragged them up to the waterfall in the hope to see the Poisonous Rock frog as one of the participants wonted to inquire whether licking this particular species would induce disorientation. In other words, she wanted to know if one could get stoned out by putting the frog in the mouth. I was curious enough to let her try it.
Fortunately of her, Rana hosii was inconspicuous as the only wildlife we saw was 2 other species of frog and one annoyed lizard. Although one participant got soaked as she found out that she actually had two left feet on the slippery boulders of all places.
After half an hour of fooling around at base of the waterfall, (jumping around for some, standing rooted to the same spot for others) I called for a change of venue and proceeded to Denai Engkabang.
The leeches were more aggressive than usual. Humid conditions and muddy terrain is a bloody leech breeding ground. They had their orgy on our blood that night, which meant that the group had to stop every 10 steps to scream and pull of those suckers (pun intended) from whatever anatomy of the body they (the leeches, not me) latched upon.
At the stream, (which my fellow readers, who have been following my exploits on Nocturnal Excursions would know, that this is the end of the trail) I asked them look around for themselves and see if they can spot some species on their own…… and also to allow me a fag break.
As suspected, there were the shouts of excitement on the sighting of the prawns in the stream and the glow worms in the leaf litter. *sigh* They were completely oblivious to the herp life in front of their noses.
The Wolf snake I tried to catch was more elusive as ever, slithering away into the trees before I could get my grubby hands on it. I swore it gave the finger to me before disappearing into the dark.
We returned to our cars at around 11pm. The participants were staying overnight at the center, so after a quick wash and another round of rendang, I headed back to Bangi.
3 days after, I’m my the bites are bloody itchy. I’ve got 3 bite marks around the feet and I’m constantly scratching it like a complete loony.
Sesiapa nak tolong garu kan?
Nope, Last Saturday’s nocturnal excursion involved the staff of HSBC.
You see, HSBC has long supported wildlife conservation by donating a filthy amount of money over the years and MNS, WWF and other nature-based NGOS have greatly benefited through HSBC’s generosity. As such, it is a norm for these NGO’s to accommodate the staff of HSBC on any nature oriented activities. This is just to ensure that the financial institution continues to fork out large sums of money for our usage in the effort to save the world.
Last Saturday, the MNS-FRIM Nature Education Center had organized a series of activity, part of which involved a frogging session.
Therefore they had turned to the only (gullible) person at their disposal, who had sufficient with the knowledge, expertise and the good looks to boot, ME.
I quickly forgot my annoyance of missing Liverpool’s early kick-off with Wigan as I found out that the 20 – 30 year old demographic was easier to handle. Reasons of which are;
#1. They are obedient.
#2. They are quiet
#3. They have stamina
#4. They have longer legs.
#5. The girls are of legal & consensual age
Anyways, we started at 7pm with dinner, rendang et all. I gave a short briefing afterwards at the center, which mostly involved me relating my previous experiences in the wild, purposely exaggerated of course.
At 8pm, I dragged them up to the waterfall in the hope to see the Poisonous Rock frog as one of the participants wonted to inquire whether licking this particular species would induce disorientation. In other words, she wanted to know if one could get stoned out by putting the frog in the mouth. I was curious enough to let her try it.
Fortunately of her, Rana hosii was inconspicuous as the only wildlife we saw was 2 other species of frog and one annoyed lizard. Although one participant got soaked as she found out that she actually had two left feet on the slippery boulders of all places.
After half an hour of fooling around at base of the waterfall, (jumping around for some, standing rooted to the same spot for others) I called for a change of venue and proceeded to Denai Engkabang.
The leeches were more aggressive than usual. Humid conditions and muddy terrain is a bloody leech breeding ground. They had their orgy on our blood that night, which meant that the group had to stop every 10 steps to scream and pull of those suckers (pun intended) from whatever anatomy of the body they (the leeches, not me) latched upon.
At the stream, (which my fellow readers, who have been following my exploits on Nocturnal Excursions would know, that this is the end of the trail) I asked them look around for themselves and see if they can spot some species on their own…… and also to allow me a fag break.
As suspected, there were the shouts of excitement on the sighting of the prawns in the stream and the glow worms in the leaf litter. *sigh* They were completely oblivious to the herp life in front of their noses.
The Wolf snake I tried to catch was more elusive as ever, slithering away into the trees before I could get my grubby hands on it. I swore it gave the finger to me before disappearing into the dark.
We returned to our cars at around 11pm. The participants were staying overnight at the center, so after a quick wash and another round of rendang, I headed back to Bangi.
3 days after, I’m my the bites are bloody itchy. I’ve got 3 bite marks around the feet and I’m constantly scratching it like a complete loony.
Sesiapa nak tolong garu kan?
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
My Adventure of Highlighting Animal Exploitation
Hillary Chiew of the Star, wrote an eye-opening piece on the rampant exploitation of wildlife for the amusement of the public today. This particular issue or predicament has long been debated within the Wildlife Conservation fraternity as it involves the blatant exploitation of Wildlife here in Malaysia.
You see, animals listed under the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES), means they cannot be traded, due to their critically endangered status. However, for unexplained reason, some endangered and totally protected animals, such as orang utans, tigers, elephants, gibbons, pangolins, slow lorises, cockatoos and macaws end up in theme parks and private zoos.
In order for an individual to keep one of these animals, he/she needs to obtain the Special Permit under the Wildlife Protection Act 1972. This is done by applying to the Natural Resources & Environment Minister , which is initially based on advice by the DG of Perhilitan. The latter apparently does so through a Special Permit Committee filled up by divisional directors.
What we (fellow naturalist and conservationist & I) are concerned with is that these special permits have been issued like yellow cards by Uriah Rennie in a Merseyside Derby. In addition, events which stink like my feet after futsal, shows that something must be done with the regulation and issuance of such permits;
#1. One park has 14 orang utans of questionable origins.
#2. The second park has one Sumatran orang utan with no documents.
#3. Although one applicant is allowed ONE Special Permit at any one time, the theme park with the six orang utans was issued two permits for 20 orang utans in November 2000, and these have been renewed annually.
#4. The park’s claim for education is totally rubbish. Visitors to theme parks are neither gaining any insight into the life of animals in the wild nor the threat they face. All visitors see is the unnatural behavior of the animal playing golf and cycling. It just sends out the wrong message that wildlife is meant to entertain humans."
#5. An Estuarian crocodile (Crocodylus porosus), was placed in a water hazard of one of the park’s golf course.
#6. The rampant sale of the Indian Star Tortoise (Geochelone elegans) in pet shops in the Klang Valley, even though the species is critically endangered in its original habitat of the Indian subcontinent.
As a so-called caring society, our apathy for the treatment of wildlife is appalling. As long as we, the public, patronizes these so-called animal safaris, we are guilty of exploiting and hastening the extinction of our local wildlife. Only 3 places in Malaysia, promotes animal enrichment in their captivity as well as promoting conservation through education. They are; Zoo Negara, Zoo Taiping, and Zoo Melaka.
The others are tossers and wankers.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
My Adventure of Finding Out That I'm Suited for a Monkey's Life
You Are A: Monkey!
Monkeys are intelligent and agile, well-adapted for jungle life as they swing happily from tree to tree. As a monkey, you are a social animal who eats a wide range of food, is quick to learn new things and loves to climb. A monkey's tiny primate features are irresistable, as is his gregarious personality!You were almost a: Kitten or a Duck
You are least like a: Turtle or a ChipmunkDiscover What Cute Animal You Are!
Me cute little monkey. Not too be confused with Beruk Mak Yek, though me can be that somtime. Me do not intend to put up the monkey quiz posting as it is deemed redundant to challenge oneself.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
My Nocturnal Excursion in FRIM II
The Women's Aid Organisation (WAO) is an independent, non-religious, non-governmental organisation based in Malaysia, committed to confronting violence against women.
In 1985, the Anak Angkat Program was launched to meet the educational needs of ex-residents' children and in 1990, the WAO opened a Child Care Center, the first of its kind in Malaysia, to provide a home for ex-residents' children.
Last Saturday, through the Herpetofauna Group of MNS Selangor, trusty assistant & I, with the help of a few other (gullible) volunteers, organized an ‘introduction to frogs’ workshop in the morning and later in the evening, a frogging trip to FRIM for these children.
Seeing as I had 2 open houses in the day (involving the relatives, which meant that I couldn’t play my ‘get-out-of jail’ card, as compared to other open houses), I had to miss out the days’ activity. I was told that the kids, (13 in all, ranging between 3 to 12 years old) enjoyed our little frog origami, story-telling and drawing session. Trusty assistant did a bloody good job of it, as well as our other volunteers, considering how hyper those kids were.
Later in the evening, it was my turn to handle them. Luckily, they were pretty stoned-out then and somewhat controllable in FRIM. Having one of them running off and getting lost wouldn’t be good PR for the Society.
I led them quickly through the trail as it was already quite late in the evening, sacrificing the chance of spotting the leaf-litter frogs which are usually abundant along the trail (the kids were quite noisy which meant that any frog or any other animal for that matter, would have long since legged it).
The trail ended at FRIM’s Sungai Kroh, which is in actual fact a shallow, slow moving trickle of water. The source of which is derived from water which had somehow been diverted into a narrow channel from the main waterfall of FRIM. There (Sg. Kroh, not the waterfall), I allowed them to fool a round a bit. Again, the noise they were making was obviously scaring the shite of every animal there. Thus, they had to contend with the 4 frogs and a toad that trusty assistant and I spotted.
I wrapped up things a few minutes past 11pm, and allowed trusty assistant to lead the way back to our cars. I brought up the rear as I wanted to take my own sweet time for my own sweet self to at least spot a couple more herp life. I managed to add a lizard and 2 additional frogs to our list that night.
The mandatory leech inspection took about 15 minutes but ironically, the loudest scream came from my own volunteers. We quickly bundled the children (leech free) into the van, which in itself took about 10 minutes of cajoling. Before leaving, I doffed my hat off at the driver, clearly thankful of not being in her shoes. Imagine having 13 hyperactive kids, stoned-out they may be jumping and screaming at the back.
I congratulated trusty assistant and volunteers on a job well done. I still remain apprehensive of taking out too many children frogging, especially to places such as FRIM but this lot looked liked they enjoyed themselves.
Friday, November 11, 2005
My Adventure of Being in an Awkward Position
Earlier this year, during my Blogdrive tenure, I wrote about a little piece of drama which happened to my friend, in which I inadvertently was involved.
One bit I failed to mention then, which made the drama so very the drama is that the friend’s former fiancée works in the same building as us. She’s on the 16th floor while we worked on the 20th.
This has resulted in many awkward moments, usually involving the lift.
Last Sunday, friend’s wife delivered a healthy baby boy. No worries on that.
The awkward moment surfaced yesterday morning while I was going down to the 3rd floor tuck shop to replenish my cigarettes. It so happened that the lift (damn it to bits!) stopped at the 16th floor. I need not explain what happened next, do I?
Friend’s former fiancée engaged in small talk at first, but just as the bloody lift doors opened at the 3rd floor to provide me the escape that I was seeking, she hit me with THE question,
“Dengar Izan* dah dapat baby?”
I gave her a really awkward smile and nodded my head, “Lelaki”.
“Oh ye ke?” she replied. Was that a hint of jealousy or regret in her eyes? I could not be sure.
“Baguslah, tu. Kirim salam kat diaorang ya?,” she added, eyes already moist.
I managed a short nod before the doors closed behind me.
Next time, I’m using the bloody fire escape.
*bukan namo sebonar.
One bit I failed to mention then, which made the drama so very the drama is that the friend’s former fiancée works in the same building as us. She’s on the 16th floor while we worked on the 20th.
This has resulted in many awkward moments, usually involving the lift.
Last Sunday, friend’s wife delivered a healthy baby boy. No worries on that.
The awkward moment surfaced yesterday morning while I was going down to the 3rd floor tuck shop to replenish my cigarettes. It so happened that the lift (damn it to bits!) stopped at the 16th floor. I need not explain what happened next, do I?
Friend’s former fiancée engaged in small talk at first, but just as the bloody lift doors opened at the 3rd floor to provide me the escape that I was seeking, she hit me with THE question,
“Dengar Izan* dah dapat baby?”
I gave her a really awkward smile and nodded my head, “Lelaki”.
“Oh ye ke?” she replied. Was that a hint of jealousy or regret in her eyes? I could not be sure.
“Baguslah, tu. Kirim salam kat diaorang ya?,” she added, eyes already moist.
I managed a short nod before the doors closed behind me.
Next time, I’m using the bloody fire escape.
*bukan namo sebonar.
Monday, November 07, 2005
My Adventure During Eid Celebrations
6 Things to Remember for Next Year’s Eid Celebrations
#1. Ensure that at least one Baju Melayu consists of its complete set. (1) Songkok, (2) Sampin, (3) Baju & (4) Seluar. This is to prevent one from realizing some of the attire to be missing at the last minute and subsequently having to utlilize a combination of the Baju Melayu shirt, 8 year old jeans and skullcap. This is also to prevent one’s mother being pissed.
#2. Sleep early. Banging away on the PS2 with one’s brother until the wee hours of the morning is a deterrent to one’s ability to wake up early.
Note to self: There is no way one can beat a 17 year old who grew up whilst having the game pad permanently attached to their hand.
#3. Wake-the-bloody-up at least before 9am so one will be able to perform the Eid prayers. To do so, see #2.
#4. Pace one-self whilst stuffing one’s face. Stomach need to adjust after one month of fasting. Especially when one shoves in the lethal combo of laksa johor, ketupat, rendang , nasi himpit, and taken at one sitting. Failure to do so will result in the frequent visit to loo of every house-owner.
#5. Try to watch more Malay movies. Government, Private as well Sattelite TV stations have paid a shite-load of money in purchasing the rights to show them. The least one can do is to brave through 2 hours of mind-numbing, shite acting and illogical plot lines.
#6. There are abso-bloody-loutely no cars on the road of KL during 1st Syawal. Bliss. Altough one must remember that them foreigners who have taken the opportunity to go sightseeing, are not potential road kills and must not be mowed down indiscriminately.
How was your Raya celebrations?
#1. Ensure that at least one Baju Melayu consists of its complete set. (1) Songkok, (2) Sampin, (3) Baju & (4) Seluar. This is to prevent one from realizing some of the attire to be missing at the last minute and subsequently having to utlilize a combination of the Baju Melayu shirt, 8 year old jeans and skullcap. This is also to prevent one’s mother being pissed.
#2. Sleep early. Banging away on the PS2 with one’s brother until the wee hours of the morning is a deterrent to one’s ability to wake up early.
Note to self: There is no way one can beat a 17 year old who grew up whilst having the game pad permanently attached to their hand.
#3. Wake-the-bloody-up at least before 9am so one will be able to perform the Eid prayers. To do so, see #2.
#4. Pace one-self whilst stuffing one’s face. Stomach need to adjust after one month of fasting. Especially when one shoves in the lethal combo of laksa johor, ketupat, rendang , nasi himpit, and taken at one sitting. Failure to do so will result in the frequent visit to loo of every house-owner.
#5. Try to watch more Malay movies. Government, Private as well Sattelite TV stations have paid a shite-load of money in purchasing the rights to show them. The least one can do is to brave through 2 hours of mind-numbing, shite acting and illogical plot lines.
#6. There are abso-bloody-loutely no cars on the road of KL during 1st Syawal. Bliss. Altough one must remember that them foreigners who have taken the opportunity to go sightseeing, are not potential road kills and must not be mowed down indiscriminately.
How was your Raya celebrations?
Monday, October 24, 2005
My Adventure of Being Weird
The Diva tagged me with this 5 weirdo list thingy in my own comment box, the cheek! Oh well, here goes.
#1. I still have my bantal busuk. I have been using the services of one since I was a toddler. They’re usually get thrown away by my mum/grannie, but safe to say, a replacement is close at hand every time.
#2. I’d like to scratch my ermm.. testicular region. They get very itchy a lot la. Don’t yours?
#3. I snore when I’m exhausted, a very throaty, gurgled, snoring sound. It is not a pretty sight to see nor a pretty sound to hear.
#4. I like to talk to myself, or more to the point, think aloud. This has resulted in people thinking that I am a bit of a loony.
#5. I like to daydream. I used to daydream a lot. Being an only child for the first 11 years, and having a shit-load of toys to myself, I had to make believe a lot of things. I didn’t suffer to the extent of having any imaginary friends, though.
Now, the if you’ll excuse me, the angry voice on my head is telling me to clean my shotgun again.
#1. I still have my bantal busuk. I have been using the services of one since I was a toddler. They’re usually get thrown away by my mum/grannie, but safe to say, a replacement is close at hand every time.
#2. I’d like to scratch my ermm.. testicular region. They get very itchy a lot la. Don’t yours?
#3. I snore when I’m exhausted, a very throaty, gurgled, snoring sound. It is not a pretty sight to see nor a pretty sound to hear.
#4. I like to talk to myself, or more to the point, think aloud. This has resulted in people thinking that I am a bit of a loony.
#5. I like to daydream. I used to daydream a lot. Being an only child for the first 11 years, and having a shit-load of toys to myself, I had to make believe a lot of things. I didn’t suffer to the extent of having any imaginary friends, though.
Now, the if you’ll excuse me, the angry voice on my head is telling me to clean my shotgun again.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged
This is another meme that’s been circulating every-bloody-where. I have yet to be tagged on this but thought I have a bit of laugh of identifying the books which I’ve picked up over the years. Disregarding the current rules of having to print back the entire bloody collection, (last count was 470) I have taken the liberty of displaying ONLY the ones I’ve read.
001. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
005. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
007. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
009. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
016. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
022. Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, JK Rowling
023. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
024. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
025. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
034. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
035. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
036. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
039. Dune, Frank Herbert
042. Watership Down, Richard Adams0
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett0
53. The Stand, Stephen King
056. The BFG, Roald Dahl
074. Matilda, Roald Dahl
089. Magician, Raymond E Feist
119. Shogun, James Clavell
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
141. All Quiet On The Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
145. James And The Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
169. The Witches, Roald Dahl
170. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
173. The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway
313. The Art of War, Sun Tzu
340. Paradise Lost, John Milton
369. Ivanhoe, Walter Scott
428. Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler
31 books out of 470. That’s about 6%. Shite. Well, still it’s a decent list.
001. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
005. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
007. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
009. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
016. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
022. Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, JK Rowling
023. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
024. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
025. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
034. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
035. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
036. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
039. Dune, Frank Herbert
042. Watership Down, Richard Adams0
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett0
53. The Stand, Stephen King
056. The BFG, Roald Dahl
074. Matilda, Roald Dahl
089. Magician, Raymond E Feist
119. Shogun, James Clavell
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
141. All Quiet On The Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
145. James And The Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
169. The Witches, Roald Dahl
170. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
173. The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway
313. The Art of War, Sun Tzu
340. Paradise Lost, John Milton
369. Ivanhoe, Walter Scott
428. Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler
31 books out of 470. That’s about 6%. Shite. Well, still it’s a decent list.
My Adventure of Getting Tagged
I’ve been tagged thrice with this “7” meme. 3 times a bloody charm now innit? Babe whacked me with my third. Well, since she was nice in being my first volunteer to chase the ‘pemburu2 haram’ and whack their pancreas’, how could I refuse. So, here goes.
Seven things to do before I die :
- lose these damn spares, and get a bloody six pack
- scuba dive off the bahamas/maldives/great barrier reef
- catch & secure my first King Cobra
- milk a poisonous snake
- discover a new species of wildlife, and have it be scientifcally named after me
- master the guitar
- get married, have kids and hopefully grandchildren.
Seven things I just-can't-do :
- sleep late, wake-up early. really not a morning person
- get rid of these pimple scars on me face
- grow taller
- slam dunk
- quit smoking
- have long hair
- correct my eyesight with laser surgery.
Seven celebrity crushes :
- maya karin
- marion caunter
- annahita balkavoli
- coco lee
- jessica alba
- lacey chabert
- hillary duff
Seven often used phrases/words :
- the f-word ( a lot)
- rilek la
- pundeks
- siot la
- technically..
- basically..
- shite
Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex :
- Cute/adorable features
- Nice rack
- Perky buns
- Nice rack
- Nice hair
- Great cook
- Nice rack
Seven things to do before I die :
- lose these damn spares, and get a bloody six pack
- scuba dive off the bahamas/maldives/great barrier reef
- catch & secure my first King Cobra
- milk a poisonous snake
- discover a new species of wildlife, and have it be scientifcally named after me
- master the guitar
- get married, have kids and hopefully grandchildren.
Seven things I just-can't-do :
- sleep late, wake-up early. really not a morning person
- get rid of these pimple scars on me face
- grow taller
- slam dunk
- quit smoking
- have long hair
- correct my eyesight with laser surgery.
Seven celebrity crushes :
- maya karin
- marion caunter
- annahita balkavoli
- coco lee
- jessica alba
- lacey chabert
- hillary duff
Seven often used phrases/words :
- the f-word ( a lot)
- rilek la
- pundeks
- siot la
- technically..
- basically..
- shite
Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex :
- Cute/adorable features
- Nice rack
- Perky buns
- Nice rack
- Nice hair
- Great cook
- Nice rack
Friday, October 14, 2005
Your Adventure in Searching for A Lost Rhino
Kehadapan Pemburu2 Haram,
Warkah ini ditulis adalah untuk memohon kepada Persatuan Pemburu2 Haram Asia Tenggara untuk mendapatkan perkerjaan yang lebih afdal dan berfaedah. Sekian lama pihak tuan telah memburu kehidupan liar di rantau ini sehingga terancam sesetengah populasi haiwan.
Sifat tamak haloba pihak tuan telah meyebabkan banyak hidupan liar di rantau ini menjadi mangsa nafsu rakus yang tidak mengenal belas-kasihan. Diantara haiwan terancam yang menjadi sasaran pihak tuan adalah merupakan Badak Sumbu Malaya. Populasi haiwan tersebut semakin hari semakin sedikit dan ada kemungkinan ia akan pupus dari muka bumi ini.
Sedihnya, haiwan tersebut diburu dan dibunuh semata-mata untuk mengambil bahagian2 badan yang tertentu, yang diakatakan mempunyai 'medicinal properties' dan juga 'aphrodisiac'.
Dukacita dimaklumkan, kepada tuan, kajian saintifik tidak pernah membuktikan kesasihan teori di atas. Di samping itu, terdapat banyak pharmacy di kota dan di desa yang menjual vitamin serta supplement.
Kelemehan tuan di ranjang mungkin disebabkan oleh isteri2 tuan yang hodoh ataupun kemaluan yang kecil. Tanduk haiwan tersebut tidak akan membantu masalah yang dialami tuan.
Oleh itu, saya mengesyorkan tuan dengan segala hormatnya menghantukkan kepala di gerigi cermin rumah ataupun menseterikakan telinga rakan tuan sampai dia menangis.
Akhir sekali, tuan dinasihatkan berdoa kepada tuhan supaya tidak berjumpa atau terserempak dengan saya. Saya akan mengerjakan organ pankreas tuan secukupnya.
Terima kasih,
Yang menjalankan tugas,
Mimi Buruk Tuan
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
My Adventure of Becoming A Year Older
9th October came and went. It’s appearance was as fleet as a warm gust blowing in the chilly October sky. It’s departure, sudden and unnerving. There were no allowance for celebration, only well-wishing. Since the day itself coincided with Ramadhan, the only joyous partaking of food and drink had to wait until the muezzin’s call for Maghrib prayers.
28 years old. It’s been a long road getting here, but even a longer one waits. Insyaallah.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
My Adventure of Discovering A Phobia
I hate Fire Centipedes. I hate them. Hate, hate, hate, hate.
Most of you will probably be laughing at the idea. Mr. Nocturnal Excursions himself, afraid of a small, innocent centipede?
Small and innocent my arse! Fire Centipedes or Lipan Bara is a huge, red, many- limbed freak of nature. The two (yes two!) that I saw last night was at least 30 cms long, with the tail armed with a 1 cm-long double sting.
Your common garden centipede, the ulat gonggok, I have no problem with. But the lipan bara is another story. There I was in Sg. Penchala, surveying potential Frogging sites and suddenly from under a rock they both came out, crawling towards me like some mutant nightmare creature.
So I did what any other entomologically adverse person would do. I legged it, whilst screaming obscenities at the both of them.
My (Mis)Adventure of Seeing Liverpool Get Torn Apart
Jose: You muppet Raf, give us this match at Anfield and we’ll bloody let you win at the Bridge next time. We can sort out that annoying Frenchmen at Highbury for you was well.
Rafa: Sort out that smelly Manc Scotsman on top of it, and you have yourself a deal, mate.
Jose: Ok, 4 goals ya? Here’s an ownership of a diamond mind in central Ukraine, courtesy of Mr. Abrahamovich. You can go and buy that Adriano lad or something. You really have to get rid of that number 9 of yours now innit? Bloody hell mate, he’s rubbish.
Wouldn't it be nice of the above-said conversation did take place. The reality is that Liverpool got suckered into Chelsea's gameplan. We should have "parked the team bus in front of goal" from the start, then hit them on the counter-attack.
4-1. Shite. Not a good start to my week.
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