My Adventure of Working for the Government (long pause) Not!

The Seri Paduka Baginda Pemaisuri Agong a.k.a my mum, has been pestering me to leave my current day job and seek employment with the Government. And she has kept up the constant pressure as far back as I can remember. You see, my parents have been government servants since the Cretacious period. Although, in my dad’s case, ‘was’ would be the correct term, considering that he’s now retired and is currently frolicking in JB with his Masjid Kolam Air peeps.

Being faithful servants of the administration, they have served their time in the trenches of civil servtitude from day one, and thus it is only logical, that they request that I too follow them in their footsteps and sell my soul to the dev.. err.. government.

And they are wont to promote this campaign by various methods. One way is to provide the examplary actions of my UiTM friends, who have successfully joined the government service, after a brief stint with the corporate world, and are apparently now living happily ever after.

Friends like my ex-classmate Zariff* a.k.a. ‘Almari’, who used to visit our bachelor pad in Shah Alam to selongkar our almari kain in search of our Porn stash (hence his nickname) but is now the Assistant District Officer of a famous sleepy town down south.

Lest not forget Shahruddin* a.k.a ‘Jalok’, the professional skirt chaser, who would chase a bloody lamp post if you put a skirt on it, and is now working with Biro TataNegara as a Protocol officer.

Well the list goes on for quite a bit of which my mum has no qualms of reminding me... constantly. I’m not really sure whether Pak Lah is paying her some sort of recruitment commission though.

If he is, I sure as hell haven’t seen any of it.

And always her reasoning caters along the same lines; the perks are better, better allowances, housing loan, living quarters, car loan, pension, sampai mati medical benefits etc, and of course not forgetting the chance to serve the best interest of the people.

However, my reluctance is borne NOT from the perks that the government agencies provide to their mindless zombie sla... err, servants, but it is more centered more on the mentality of the people who are currently working there.

Since 'Nocturnal Excursions' is a non-prejudicial (silly people exempted), educational as well as being the honest, fair, good looking and charming blog that it is, I decided to gauge my level of paranoia with various members of the public.

*Winnie, 23, Personal Assistant, USJ 8, whom I met at the Stabaks outlet in Putrajaya said,“ Seriously .. what irks me the most, is like, when they all sebok-sebok wanting to know who's earning how much, especially like, when you are not from the JPA pay scheme. Like seriously?".

After more fiddling her compact and after checking her make-up for the umpteenth time, she rolled her eyes and added, “Oh, and don’t get me started on the condescending attitude of PTD officers, like we all KNOW that you are the ‘selected’ few, but whatever!".

"Like Euwww, especially the younger batch, who like, think they are the cream of the crop in the country, as compared to those who are not off the PTD scheme. They're such spaz, okayyy”, she added, waving her compact around while I tried my best to avoid being hit by the Revlon contraption.

Hazlin, 36, IT administrator (moonlights as a lounge singer on weekends), Bukit Jalil said,“Eh, Akak tengah training ni. Minggu nih ada show kat Saujana.”
But after promising a minus-one copy of the Cranberries 'Zombie', she was willing to spare a moment of her time to answer my questions though, “Orang Gamen ni semua status-conscious, kalau you high-ranking officer, you will be queried (unofficially) on what car you drive. You kena pakai a car of certain model/standard/make, which must corresponds with your gaji.”

“Kalau tak, diaorang kutuk2 you. Keji kan? Kejiiii," she lamented. "Ini yang akak tengah cari duit lebih ni. Lagi sebulan lagi mampu la akak beli Naza Ria,"

Cyrus, 41, Entrepreneur, Kenny Hills, “You knowww ah,Lengchai, all this PTD officers always complain, salary low lar. But you know,they foget, they got many allowances. Housing, car, wife, dog, goat, even the mistless olso cover mah. Walauweih! Syiok man.” explained the businessman, slurping his Wan Tan mee when I met him at the Beach Boys cafe in Taman Megah.

“Some more they get living quarters, car loan, pension, and medical benefit until they die wan. Still want to complain? Tiuuuu," he added, shaking his head in disbelief whilst shoveling another good helping of the noodles.

Lisa, 11, Unemployed, Keramat Dalam had this to say after I bribed her with a Mat Kool Ice cream, “Mama said that if we want to go shopping, we don't have to go to OU. We can go find the nearest akak keja opis kerajaan. Because they are like a moving Pasaraya Jaya sek 14. We can buy kain, kuih, kerepek, brooch, aromatheraphy soap, and branded handbags and purse," the little girl explained.

“But my mama said that the branded stuffs are not really original, " smiling at me with her toothy grin.

"When I grow up I want to work with the gavmen. I can sell kaler pensel. Then when I'm rich, I can buy lots and lots of barbie dolls. And my Mama kenot say anything because it's my money, " she ended with a flourish.

I didn't even try to ask why her rambut is senget and who cut it for her.

Right. Join the government? With this sort of feedback, I guess I'll be happier with a profit-oriented organisation. I don’t think I can handle the government people. Anyways, I’m a narcissist. I cannot have some PTD officer stealing my thunder, now can I?

*Nama telah ditukar untuk tidak memberi kemaluan kepada orang sebenar.