Friday, June 23, 2006

My Adventure in Writing About Sex

One of my loyal and avid readers of my humble yet extraordinary blog, namely the Babe (who actually started all this emo closure of personal blogs), complained that I should start writing on juicy, illicit, erotic sex stories in here. Being the nice, accomodating (not forgetting good-looking) person that I am, I have decided to adhere to her lucid requests.

I'm sure everyone has a mate or two who are more inclined to brag about their shagging conquests. In fact, any man worth his salt will occasionally blow his own horn on how good he is in the sack and on the countless of women he had pleasured. The women, though less vocal than the men, are not exempted. In any group, you will always find a character of such sort.

Bloody annoying, innit? Especially for those of you who are phallus-challnged or can’t even score in a bloody brothel (this includes you, Crouchy), much less at the very least get someone who’s either, blind, mute and plain stoopid to sleep with you. No worries as the next time Mr. Brag-a-Lot starts sharing his sordid sexcapades with you, sort out his sexual ego by giving him some of these animal facts. These will sure bring him back down to earth as he, or she will find out that there are others whose sexual prowess and habits eclipses theirs.

Wild Sexual Habit #1.

Tens of thousands of red-sided garter snakes emerge from their underground hibernation dens and engage in “mating balls.” The male red-sided garters emerge first and wait patiently for the females to follow. Each time a female appears, the males surround her. The ball of snakes will writhe and sometimes even roll over land, until one male finally mates with the female.

Wild Sexual Habit #2.

Male Bottlenose Dolphins have been observed working in pairs to follow and/or restrict the movement of a female for weeks at a time, waiting for her to become sexually receptive. The same pairs have also been observed engaging in intense sexual play with each other. Studies that have shown the dolphins later in life are bisexual and the male bonds forged from homosexuality work for protection as well as locating females to reproduce with.

Wild Sexual Habit #3.

It has also been recorded that certain species of mole will impregnate newborns of their own species, the biological advantage to this is that when those moles mature and become fertile, they will become pregnant with the sperm of the mole that had mated with them at a very young age. Not sure whether this is forceful though.

Wild Sexual Habit #4.

This one is a cut above the rest. The Bonobo monkeys are found exclusively in the humid forests south of the Zaire River, sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, as it is being used as;

#1. A greeting (“Good morning, Boss” *shag*),

#2. A means of conflict resolutionn (“Aper? Perempuan tuh mintak you hantar dia balik umah? Tak boleh naik teksi ke?” *shag*),

#3. Post-conflict reconciliationn (“Ok, ok, I janji tak contact minah tuh lagi” *shag*),

#4. Favours traded by the females in exchange for food, (“Abg 9, mintak French fries you skett”? *shag*).

Interestingly, Bonobos are the only non-human apes to have been observed engaging in: face-to-face genital sex (most frequently female-female), tongue kissing, and oral sex.

Soooo... there you have it. If this doesn't shut Fabio up, nothing will, well, except for a good bloody thrashing.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

My Adventure During the FIFA World Cup 2006

This is the only animal I'm interested in this month

Apologies for the decrease in postings of late. The greatest show on Earth has occupied much of my time. I understand that most of my loyal readers can't get enough of this blog, and I don't blame them. Sometimes, I can't get enough of myself as well.

Be rest assured that I have no intention to stop blogging, unlike some emo bloggers out there. Therefore, for those of you who terribly miss my ramblings, you can click yourselves to in order to melepaskan rindu yang terbuku di hati selama ini.

You can find my ramblings there for the time being. Yes, the World Cup is first priority, as it always have been in the past, in the present and will continue to be in the future.