Wednesday, December 19, 2007

My Adventure During MyCat's "Race Against Time"


It was bloody tiring and stressful at times, but loads of fun. The sky decided that it would desist with its daily afternoon torrential downpour, took a rain check (pun intended) and allowed the sun to come out. Although, the heat was nothing like Raptor Watch's as the Zoo's foliage gave us some reprieve from the heat to a certain extent.

It was indeed a success of sorts, as we were able to reach out to the visitors of Zoo
Negara on Tiger conservation as well as introducing to the public the new Tiger hotline.

While the missus was at the "Art Adventure" station,
painting the kid's (young and old) faces, hands and other appendages, I was at the "Tiger Threat" station, showing how scientists make plaster cast of a wild tiger's pug mark.


Tiger ambassadors; Susan, Corrine, Chelsia (behind), Xandria
Ning, Maple, Rina, Aishah, and Yassin



The crowd at the opening ceremony. I'm somewhere
in there, I think


Roar!


Our tiger threat station


Ahmad Zafir, WWF Tiger 'Expert' showing the way


This is a box.


When I was young, back then we didn't have handphones
or DVD players



Wot? What do you mean it's doesn't look like a pug mark?


I get to play with plaster of paris and dirt. Bliss




The Missus promoting the Tiger Hotline

Friday, December 14, 2007

My Adventure of Being More Bored

I got tagged. Oh well. Here goes.

#1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.
Some delusional Manc Scum on Football Crazy who said they were going to win this Sunday.

#2. What were you doing at 0800?.
Still asleep. Don’t ask.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
On the Crapper. Must be those Chicken Curry I had for dinner last night.

4. What happened to you in 2006?
Got married and is now being smug about it, especially with Lily.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Wei.. Kita nak Solat Jumaat kat maner ni.. ke nak lepak KLCC je?"

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Ihadabout5cupsofcoffeeandnowI'mhyperactivealready.

7. What color is your hairbrush?
I do not comb my hair. I just pat them down into place.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
A pack of Ciggies.

9. Where were you last night?
Footy Futsal in Taman Megah.

10. What color is your front door?
Grey. The anatomy of my door is Grey. Geddit? Heh. Ok. Moving on.

11. Where do you keep your change?
In my piggy bank, which does not look like a pig but is hexagon in shape with colourful cartoon characters on it. I just ignore the grammatically erroneous poems written on it.

12. What’s the weather like today?
Sunny, but I'm suspecting it is going to rain later Coleens and Rooneys later in the evening.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Walls' Moo ice-cream. Vanilla and chocolate. So, Ok. I'm not a big ice-cream devourer.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Yes, I need one. It’s sticking all over the place. I look like a bad-boy. *winks at Mellyboo*

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Depend on who's asking.

17. Do you talk a lot?
No I don’t. The voices in my head do though. "You want me to what? Sharpen my Axe?"

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
Hell No. Why the frack do I want to do that?

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Oh, when I’m feeling blue, Stevie G runs past me

Passing the Ball with wisdom, Stevie G
Stevie G, Stevie G, Stevie G, Stevie G
Local lad turned hero, Stevie G”


Sung to the tune of "Let Her Be - Beatles"

20. Do you make up your own words?
No, the Albanian language has already been discovered.

21. Are you a jealous person?
Yes, I am. I'm jealous that Jessica Alba is back with that twat again.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Alonso (Xabi.. Not Fernando)

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kuyt. (Hey Lily, we have the same friend).

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
The Missus.

25. What does the last text message you received say?
"Sayang, balik kul bape?"

26. Do you chew on your straw?
All the time.

27. Do you have curly hair?
Yes. Depends on which part of the body though.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
I think to the Crapper again. My tummy has been acting up lately.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life
Shebby Singh. He's even more rude with that new haircut of his.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Beskot Munchies. Swiped them off my colleague. She doesn't know it yet, and I'm not telling. Heh.

31. Will you get married in the future?
I am married now, unless you’re referring to the 3 other empty quotas available. Heh.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Saving Private Ryan. The best ever opening 15 minutes of any movie.

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
Mellyboo. Heh.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Dishes? Whats that?

35. Are you currently depressed?
That will depend on Sunday’s result.

36. Did you cry today?
Frack.. No.

37. Why did you answer and post this?
I'm Narcisstic and I want the whole bloody world to know that I was on the Crapper today. And because Lily tagged me and if I didn't, she'd steal my hubcaps.

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
Ok. Right. I’d like to tag;

Hayden Panetierre;
Jolene Blalock;
Tricia Helfer;
Eva La Rue; and
Emily Procter.

Monday, December 10, 2007

My Adventure of Being Bored



When the KL skyline looks ominously bleak, especially on a Monday morning, work is the last thing on one's mind. And the office's uber-efficient air-conditioning does not help in any way either.

But then again, a little drizzle outside won't stop an enterprising chap like me to waste away the day with some productive work. As such I surfed the net for some ideas on how best to do this. Lo' and behold, there is a website or forum to be exact on this, which just proves to you that I'm not the only slacker in the world.

Unfortunately, not all could be utilised though for a number of reasons (i.e. I still need a bloody job at the end of the day). So, from 8.30am this morning, till about 4.53pm, I have accomplished the following;

#1. Make paper airplanes and fly (more like spin and crash) them across the room.

#2. Mess about on Facebook.

#3. Make a jug of coffee and finish it on one sitting. I now blink every 10 minutes.

#4. Switch off the department's lights and make shadow puppets with my headlamp and my hands on the wall. I know know how to make an orang utan. *smug*

#5.To signal the end of a conversation, I clamped my hands over my ears and grimaced.

#6. Walked sideways to the photocopier.

#7. While riding in the elevator during lunch time, I gasped dramatically every time the doors opened.

#8. Didn't use any punctuation in all my conversations.

#9. Called I.T. helpdesk and told them that I can't seem to access any porno web sites.

#10. For an hour, referred to everyone I spoke to as "Dave".

#11. Then in the next hour, after every sentence, I said 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "Who left their original documents on the photocopier, Mon?".

#12. As often as possible, skipped rather than walked.

God, I am bored, aren't I?

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

My Adventure of Being a Couch Potato

Our reliability to a certain monopoly-based local satellite TV channel is astounding. So much so that I’m still wondering how the bloody hell we survived back in the days when all we had was the 2 main terrestrial stations. Our reliability extends to the fact that even though they’ve messed about with the channels by introducing the annoyingly confusing 3 digit channel system, we didn’t moan all that much.

Like most couch potatoes, I do have my favorite series ranging from sports, to the educational as well as to the entertainment genre. For example, it is of no surprise too see me in front of the telly when Rafa’s Redman are playing, nor is it a shock to find me hogging the idiot box when the host is about to get eaten by a 10 foot estuarine Croc. In retrospect though, my inclination towards certain series is mostly derived NOT from its gripping, suspenseful storyline but is mainly due to the hotties that appear on it.

So, in a tribute to the hotties that have made me more obsessed for the telly, here are the Top 5 Hotties whom I like to ogle at on a weekly basis but pretend that I’m engrossed with the storyline instead because I don’t want the wife to suspect.

#5. Hayden Panetierre, “Claire Bennett – Heroes”

If they haven’t already, someone should be given a medal for writing and making her wear that ridiculously short cheerleader outfit throughout the first season. Fair enough, her powers of rapid cellular regeneration are blatant plagiarism of a certain Mr. Logan, (minus the Adamantium claws and thankfully without the excess hair) but she’s a central character in which the whole series is revolves upon.

The series’ script is nothing special as we’ve seen the plot a dozen times in the comics. But Heroes is different as we get to see Hayden run around in that cheerleader outfit whilst trying to save the world.

Did I mention about her outfit?

#4. Jolene Blalock, “T’ Pol – Star Trek: Enterprise

I am not a Trekkie. Nor do I know how to speak Klingon. But I was hooked on the series simply on the basis of Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One, often shortened to "Seven of Nine" or simply "Seven", portrayed by the insatiable Jeri Ryan, from Star Trek: Voyager.

The producer continued to employ this shameless method of boosting up their ratings by introducing T’Pol as the Sub-Commander on the USS Enterprise. Chicks with long ears are hot. It worked with Arwen in LoTR didn’t it? And it worked perfectly here too.

#3. Tricia Helfer, “Number 6 - Battlestar Galactica”



Number Six is a seductive, Cylon spy. The key word here is ‘seductive’.

In the series, she is one of the many copies of the new generation of Cylons, capable of adapting to human form and emotions, rather than the shiny metallic toasters, with the vertically flashing red lights for eyes.

Oh, Tricia Helfer used to model for Victoria’s Secret. ‘Nuff said.

#2, Eva La Rue “Natalia Boa Vista – CSI Miami



Those tree huggers have got it wrong, global warming is not a result of environmental decline. The Earth’s temperature is rising (especially in Miami) because of Eva La Rue. It is damn worth suffering through Horatio’s constant fiddling with his shades and inclination to pause at every word in a sentence.

Natalia is the latino hottie, who joined the show in Season 5 and is the team’s DNA expert, initially assigned only to work on unsolved or cold cases. What Horation didn’t know was that she was a mole for the FBI, planted in the CSI office to build a case against Horatio and his team.

However, seeing as how cool Horatio is with his shades on, she told the FBI to bugger-off and is now a permanent cast member on the series. Booyah!

#1. Emily Procter “Calleigh Dusquene – CSI Miami



Calleigh plays the southern belle with the southern charm and drawl. Although she is not drop dead gorgeous, she makes it up by being coy and demure in one moment and a total kick-ass in the other.

She is the ballistics expert for the CSI team, which means that any crime involving someone getting shot, she’ll be the one conducting the trace on the bullet slugs. Nothing is hotter than a chick who loves guns and the only girl I know who makes ballistic testing look so "hawt".

Disclaimer: Now, before any of you start to moan about why Katherine Heigl or even Jennifer Garner isn't in the list, well.. TOUGH!. I do not ..repeat... DO NOT watch either Grey's Anatomy or Alias. Period.

Monday, November 05, 2007

My Adventure of Using an Anology

Did you know that the hyena can virtually eat their entire prey or to be more exact, the carcass, as compared to other predators which can only eat about 60% of theirs. Its powderful (sic) jaws allow it to demolish and consume the normally indigestable materials such as horns, hooves and tusks of their prey.

Much like women in shoe stores. Chaos, anarchy, disarray, pandemonium and commotion all in one package. Yes, I'm making an analogy here. Or is it a simile? What then is a metaphor?

No worries though. I have another adventurious (?) opportunity for those of you who was demn lembap for the afore-mentioned event.




I did tried to lobby with the good people of WWF if one of the options could be named as 'Happy Hurnain' or 'Hurnain Hensem' but nooo.. Some people clearly lacks creativity and forward thinking. Ceh!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

My Adventure of Rambling About Nothing..... and Something

Find the brown beneath the white;
But whate'er you do to-night,
Bathe my window, make it flow,
Melt is as the ice will go

….So says Robert Frost.

Here, it seems that Mr. Frost is penning about the end of winter and the introduction of spring. If we care to delve further and read try to understand the gist beneath the poetic ramblings (you need to read the whole lot of it first though), we can assume that he was not really implying on the annual northern hemispheric change brought on by a tilt in the Earth’s axis.

To put it quite simply, Mr. Frost is writing about a catalyst, carrying forth a change for the better...but then again, I’m not really sure if this is indeed the case as I’m really just making this up as I go along. Heh.

Where am I going with this? Nowhere apparently.

But then again, on 16 December 2007, the Malaysian Conservation Alliance for Tigers (MyCat) is organizing an event at the Zoo to CHANGE the mindset of the public by raising more awareness on tiger conservation……. and they need volunteers.

So if those causes I see in your FB pages are bona fide, then call the pertaining number to sign-up and I will see you there at the Zoo on that date.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

My Adventure of Becoming 30



Here's to another adventurous 30 years. :p

Friday, October 05, 2007

My Adventure During Ramadan

Mark Twain once said that the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Mr. Twain, the twat has never met my stomach.

To date, my gastronomical crisis brought about by the endless variety of food I have scoffed down like it’s nobody’s business, has resulted in an extended and recurring stay on the crapper. Not a very ideal place to be, mind you.

In addition, the company’s panel clinic doctor has increased my dosage for my flu medication and antibiotics. This has inadvertently turned my vision into a hi-resolution color scheme, much like the 1024 x 628 Windows true color.

Deteriorating personal health and vision notwithstanding, I then had the testicular capacity ( or in other words.. “balls”) to take up an offer to do a follow-up report on the marine life of Glenmarie Cove.

No, wait. It gets better.

I was required to carry out was an assessment and identification of both inland freshwater fish as well as the estuary saltwater fish of the Langat river estuary. There's the kicker! The things is, when it comes to reptiles or amphibians or mammals or even avian, I wouldn't have much a problem with but I have absolutely no bloody idea about fish.

My knowledge are only limited to the three main type of fish that I know off; sweet and sour, broiled and fried. Not only are riverine fish species are less photogenic than their reef-dwelling cousins, there is a lack of a detailed species report of them lying around. Might as well try to figure out the formula for cold-fusion while I'm at it, why don't I?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

My Adventure of Giving an Update on Current Events

End of the year.

We all know what that means, don't we?

Work just piles up, with so little time to do it. Plus, it is that time of the year when the weather starts to get a wee bit wonky and will lead to an outbreak of mutated evil viruses.

Mutated evil virus with a shorter spawning time. Much like Stephen's King'The Stand', but without the annoying Molly Ringwald in the movie version.

My deadline for the Federal Hill survey is on the 15th of this month. We were informed that some representative from a housing development company has inquired with the Malaysian Nature Society on the availability and conduciveness of the area. The cheek!

Which makes the survey even more important now.

The problem is Trusty Assistant is busy streamlining Genting's jackpot machine, and Shepherd is back home in British Columbia, probably eaten by a Black Bear by now. I have no idea where Moggie is. I sure hope he's not still lost in the jungles of Kerling.

On a brighter note, I've received the cheques for the Pulau Carey survey as well as the initial payment for Federal Hill's. Yummy.

The greatest football club in the world is steamrolling everything in its sights. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Manure and the Gooners are pwn-ed themselves. The FA was nice to give the EPL a week's break to allow the rest of the premiership to plan some way of stopping the Red Juggernaut.


Have nice viral week ahead, Ladies and Gentleman. :p

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

My Adventure with the Action Heroes of Yesterday

During the late 80s, my grandfather, when he was in town, would never fail to take me to the local cinema and most of the time, the genre would always be of the action kind. Back then we didn’t have the age rating like we have now and those type of movies was easily accessible to this 10 year old.

Being the nostalgic sort, I notice that there is a stark difference between the action stars of today as compared to those who entertained us by smacking the shite out the bad guys, 20 or more so years ago.

For one thing, action stars of days yonder were your average, anarchic, anti-hero type with a brutal sense of justice. They were mean, tough-as-nails, and were walking, arse-kicking machines. You would not have wanted to run into any of them in a dark alley, nor a brightly one either, Especially if you're a Commie/Nazi/Cultist, drug-dealing scum who likes to molest white girls in said alleys.

Those were the days when women knew their roles well and the likes of Jennifer Garner would be where they should be; at home, in the kitchen with a bun in the oven.

In addition, the heroes of these great films are men, who, in real life could actually beat the living shite out of you. Say what you will about his acting and political career but back in 1983, Arnold Schwarzenegger could have ripped your head-off with one hand.

These days, more often than not, Hollywood tries to make you believe that the likes of Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Colin Farrel are action stars.

I mean, come on. Matt Damon? Colin Farrel maybe, but Matt Damon?

In real life, I could take him with both my hands and feet tied together. He can bring his pussy-friend Ben Afleck to help him out, and the outcome would still be the same.

So as a tribute to the most underrated Action Heroes of the silver screen in the 70s and 80s, here is the Top 5 Most Underrated Badass-ess of the Action Genre.

#5 Charles Bronson

The late Mr. Bronson was a walking OSHA violation. He was the epitome of the ‘tough guy’ character and mostly starred either as a western gunfighter, boxer, vigilante, brutal police detective or a Mafia hit man.

However, he is most fondly remembered for his vengeful rampage on the Death Wish sequels. In the first installment, he played an architect (yes, architect!), whose wife was murdered, and his daughter raped. So being your average liberal tax-paying American citizen, Paul is then transformed into a walking, talking, trigger-happy killing machine, with a Smith & Wesson Pump Gun because of the tragedy.

If he had ever been offered the role of a divorced Neurosurgeon, who likes to have illicit affairs with his co-workers and interns, Mr. Bronson would have clubbed his agent to death.

It was the tough guy roles that he relished. This is justifiable for the fact that he worked in a coal mine when he was 10 years old. When he was 21, he joined the Air Force during WW2’s pacific theatre and served as a B-29 Superfortress’ tail-gunner.

And what did Ben Affleck do when he was 21? Pbfft!

He sadly died in 2003 from Pneumonia while suffering from Alzheimer’s disease at the ripe old age of 81.#

#4 Michael Dudikoff

He is not your familiar household name now as he only starred in a limited number of action movies in the 80s, namely Avenging Force and Platoon Leader but it is as the American Ninja that he will most be fondly remembered. .

In Standard 5, while my other classmates wanted to be Doctors and Lawyers, I stunned my teacher by stating that I wanted to be a Ninja when I grew up. My friends found it amusing; my teacher however, did not.

And it was all because of Michael Dudikoff and American Ninja. Come on, if given a choice between an underpaid and overworked government doctor, which would you choose?

Thought so.

Why? Because Ninjas are cool. Wearing black looks cool, running silently on rooftops look cool and garroting your enemies in the middle of the night is cool.

Driving around Prague or any other eastern bloc country in a beat-up Mini is NOT cool, nor running for your life from the police and any other federal government covert agency staff.

If it was Micheal Dudikoff, he would’nt need to run. He would have killed his pursuers, in their beds, with a roll-up newspaper and the tv remote.

#3 Jean- Claude Van Damme

His Belgian accent unmistakable, we give thanks that he's more animated than Steven Seagel. He was given the name of "The Muscles from Brussels", and this was not because of his affinity to seafood. His affinity, is in actual fact, was to kick-your-arse.

And Mr. Van Damme didn’t win the 1978 European Karate Middleweight title just for kicks (pun intended). That paved his way into Hollywood. He may have played the bad guy in Bloodsport but it was in 1989’s Kickboxer that he made his mark in the ass-kicking genre. And who can forgot the classic turkey; Street Fighter, where Mr. Van Damme played Colonel Guile with a foreign accent?

Say what you will about his movies and acting credentials but if you’d put Mr. Van Damme and let’s say...... .Patrick Dempsey in a ring together, the most probable outcome would be that McDreamy would then require a REAL neurosurgeon because Jean-Claude would have kicked McDreamy's brains out through his nose.

He admitted that he took ballet lessons to enhance his kicking style, but don't try to take the piss out of him for that. Why?He would crush your feeble skull, along with your Grey's Anatomy Season Two DVD collection, by using only his pecs.

Mind you, the initials for the deadly and embarassing ‘Venereal Disease’ are ‘VD’, the same as Jean’s surname initials. Coincidence? I think not.

#2 Clint Eastwood

It is a wonder that at 77 years of age, Mr. Eastwood is still producing and directing award winning movies and productions. Most of you would know him as the gritty boxing coach, Frankie Dunn in Million Dollar Baby, in which he won the Oscar’s Best Director award for.

But his role as the Man with No Name, in Sergei Leone’s spaghetti westerns defined him as what he is today. Yes, he was such a badass that he didn’t need a name. Most people wouldn't know this but he acted in a whole lot of westerns earlier in his career.

Then, in the 70s, as if gunning down outlaws in the old west wasn't enough, Mr. Eastwood, then armed himself with the world's most powerful handgun, and started wasting San Francisco's criminal element when he became the iconic ‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan in the Dirty Harry movies.

His famous monologue in Dirth Harry has been immortalized, and is now the standard arresting protocol, (apart from the Miranda rights), for police officers in San Francisco.

"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk? "

Then they would proceed to blow Colin Farrel's head off.

#1 Chuck Norris.

George Dubya had it all wrong. There are no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Dallas.

In 1969, 'Carlos Ray' Norris won the International Karate Tournament, and held it for the next 6 years. In 1997 when he was the first Westerner in the documented history of Tae Kwon Do to be given the rank of 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master. In 2000, he was presented with the Golden Lifetime Achievement Award by the World Karate Union Hall of Fame.


That Badass enough for you, punk?

Through the years he has thrilled viewers with the Missing-in-Action and Delta Force sequels. And who can forget Walker, Texas Ranger series. The storyline would be the same; Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking everything and everyone.

Wikipedia wrote this in its site;

In late 2005, Norris became the object of an internet phenomenon known as Chuck Norris Facts, which document fictional, often absurdly heroic feats and characteristics about Norris himself.

A few days later, the writer for that article was found dead, with his skull caved in. Post-mortem reported that he suffered severe hemotoma brought on by a roundhouse kick.

Never mess with the Chuck! The Chuck Norris facts are not fictional nor are they absurd. They are facts. None more so than the ones below.

10. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity... twice.

9. Chuck Norris does not get frost bite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

8. When Chuck Norris falls into water, he does not get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

7. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

6. Once, Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. He got one.

5. Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendent's now have white hair and are called Polar Bears.

4. There is no such thing as global-warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.

3. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

2. At first you don't succeed.... the you sure as hell not Chuck Norris.

1. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.


We can only try to comprehend the awesome-ness these individuals exclude. Now, we can only hope and dream that one day, Hollywood rid themselves of these wannabe action stars and find themselves a diamond in the rough, so that the glory of the action genre can be restored.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

My Adventure of Working for the Government (long pause) Not!

The Seri Paduka Baginda Pemaisuri Agong a.k.a my mum, has been pestering me to leave my current day job and seek employment with the Government. And she has kept up the constant pressure as far back as I can remember. You see, my parents have been government servants since the Cretacious period. Although, in my dad’s case, ‘was’ would be the correct term, considering that he’s now retired and is currently frolicking in JB with his Masjid Kolam Air peeps.

Being faithful servants of the administration, they have served their time in the trenches of civil servtitude from day one, and thus it is only logical, that they request that I too follow them in their footsteps and sell my soul to the dev.. err.. government.

And they are wont to promote this campaign by various methods. One way is to provide the examplary actions of my UiTM friends, who have successfully joined the government service, after a brief stint with the corporate world, and are apparently now living happily ever after.

Friends like my ex-classmate Zariff* a.k.a. ‘Almari’, who used to visit our bachelor pad in Shah Alam to selongkar our almari kain in search of our Porn stash (hence his nickname) but is now the Assistant District Officer of a famous sleepy town down south.

Lest not forget Shahruddin* a.k.a ‘Jalok’, the professional skirt chaser, who would chase a bloody lamp post if you put a skirt on it, and is now working with Biro TataNegara as a Protocol officer.

Well the list goes on for quite a bit of which my mum has no qualms of reminding me... constantly. I’m not really sure whether Pak Lah is paying her some sort of recruitment commission though.

If he is, I sure as hell haven’t seen any of it.

And always her reasoning caters along the same lines; the perks are better, better allowances, housing loan, living quarters, car loan, pension, sampai mati medical benefits etc, and of course not forgetting the chance to serve the best interest of the people.


However, my reluctance is borne NOT from the perks that the government agencies provide to their mindless zombie sla... err, servants, but it is more centered more on the mentality of the people who are currently working there.


Since 'Nocturnal Excursions' is a non-prejudicial (silly people exempted), educational as well as being the honest, fair, good looking and charming blog that it is, I decided to gauge my level of paranoia with various members of the public.

*Winnie, 23, Personal Assistant, USJ 8, whom I met at the Stabaks outlet in Putrajaya said,“ Seriously .. what irks me the most, is like, when they all sebok-sebok wanting to know who's earning how much, especially like, when you are not from the JPA pay scheme. Like seriously?".

After more fiddling her compact and after checking her make-up for the umpteenth time, she rolled her eyes and added, “Oh, and don’t get me started on the condescending attitude of PTD officers, like we all KNOW that you are the ‘selected’ few, but whatever!".


"Like Euwww, especially the younger batch, who like, think they are the cream of the crop in the country, as compared to those who are not off the PTD scheme. They're such spaz, okayyy”, she added, waving her compact around while I tried my best to avoid being hit by the Revlon contraption.

Hazlin, 36, IT administrator (moonlights as a lounge singer on weekends), Bukit Jalil said,“Eh, Akak tengah training ni. Minggu nih ada show kat Saujana.”
But after promising a minus-one copy of the Cranberries 'Zombie', she was willing to spare a moment of her time to answer my questions though, “Orang Gamen ni semua status-conscious, kalau you high-ranking officer, you will be queried (unofficially) on what car you drive. You kena pakai a car of certain model/standard/make, which must corresponds with your gaji.”

“Kalau tak, diaorang kutuk2 you. Keji kan? Kejiiii," she lamented. "
Ini yang akak tengah cari duit lebih ni. Lagi sebulan lagi mampu la akak beli Naza Ria,"

Cyrus, 41, Entrepreneur, Kenny Hills, “You knowww ah,Lengchai, all this PTD officers always complain, salary low lar. But you know,they foget, they got many allowances. Housing, car, wife, dog, goat, even the mistless olso cover mah. Walauweih! Syiok man.” explained the businessman, slurping his Wan Tan mee when I met him at the Beach Boys cafe in Taman Megah.

“Some more they get living quarters, car loan, pension, and medical benefit until they die wan. Still want to complain? Tiuuuu," he added, shaking his head in disbelief whilst shoveling another good helping of the noodles.

Lisa, 11, Unemployed, Keramat Dalam had this to say after I bribed her with a Mat Kool Ice cream, “Mama said that if we want to go shopping, we don't have to go to OU. We can go find the nearest akak keja opis kerajaan. Because they are like a moving Pasaraya Jaya sek 14. We can buy kain, kuih, kerepek, brooch, aromatheraphy soap, and branded handbags and purse," the little girl explained.

“But my mama said that the branded stuffs are not really original, " smiling at me with her toothy grin.

"When I grow up I want to work with the gavmen. I can sell kaler pensel. Then when I'm rich, I can buy lots and lots of barbie dolls. And my Mama kenot say anything because it's my money, " she ended with a flourish.

I didn't even try to ask why her rambut is senget and who cut it for her.

Right. Join the government? With this sort of feedback, I guess I'll be happier with a profit-oriented organisation. I don’t think I can handle the government people. Anyways, I’m a narcissist. I cannot have some PTD officer stealing my thunder, now can I?

*Nama telah ditukar untuk tidak memberi kemaluan kepada orang sebenar.


Monday, August 13, 2007

My Adventure of Finding Myself

No shit. This is bloody news to me. And here I thought that I was only charming and good looking. Heh.


DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Moderate
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Information --


It seems that I'm a narcissist as well.

Cool.

Monday, August 06, 2007

My Adventure of Not Having an Adventure

My Reptile and Amphibian survey for the Federal Hill conservation project will commence next week, thus things have been really slow and quiet these past few weeks.

Wait a minute. Unless you consider the fact that I ate a whole tin of baked-beans yesterday and am now farting as if it's going out of style?

How's that for a bloody adventure, eh?

Monday, July 23, 2007

My Adventure Of Not Having to Stand in Line at 5am



I had originally made plans to rush Kino at KLCC on the morning of the 21st in order to get my grubby hands on the latest edition of JK Rowling's 7th book. I had even planned with a fellow accomplice on where and when to meet.

Suffice to say being a nocturnal creature of the night, mornings have an acute distaste towards my well being. I woke up at 11am and oblivious to the sms my fellow accomplice, whom I assume to be nocturnal in nature, sent at 7am to inform me that she had overslept as well.

'Sod it', I had told myself when I realised the time but not feeling too dissapointed about it, considering the fact that I am a 'non-morning' person and abhor crowds in general, it was very unbecoming of me to have thought up of the plan in the first place. Therefore, I had concluded to purchase/steal/borrow a copy at a later date.

So, It was later in the afternoon that I was informed by my sister-in-law of the pricing debacle between the major bookstores and the hypermarkets. This time, even though I again told myself to 'Sod it', it was focused more on the ethical question of which moral ground to stand; the bookstores which were the victims in this incident or the unethical business accord of the hypermarkets.

Just like the sorting hat, my wallet chose for me.

I am happy to say that Deathly Hallows was an entertaining read. Well sure, Rowling could've wrote it shorter than the 600+ pages but then that would affect the book price and her commission. Clever woman.

Harry was not that annoying, fortunately, unlike in Order of the Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince, it seemed that he had matured to a certain extent in the final book. Ron and Hermione still played second-fiddle to the Boy Who Lived as most of the other characters did but thanfully it was suspense from start to finish. The climatic ending was worthy of even Tolkien's Return of the King. Unlike the snore-bore of Book 5 or 6, Rowling takes you on a rollercoaster ride throughout.

One gripe that I have with the way Rowling handled it is with how she started the whole bloody Harry Potter adventure in the first place. You had Sorceror's stone; humorous, innocent and focused mainly with child readers in mind, to Deathly Hallows; dark, violent and catered more towards mature readers. Yes, money IS the root of all evil.

So, did Harry die as foretold by many? Well, you have to read for yourself. I'm not telling. All I can say is the casualties are indeed high. Apart from the cheesy epilogue at the end, I would really recommend the book.

And thus concludes my review. If you were looking for more in-depth reporting, than I suggest here or here. But if you do happen to hate it, "that dumbass 9 told us it was good', hey.. don't blame me. I don't read that much and the last book I bought was 'Monitoring Amphibian Diversity in Borneo'. So go figure.

Nox!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

My Adventure of Watching Malaysia Get Bashed

One day, a bunch of Form 3 students had the brainless idea of asking the Form 6s for a football match. "No worries", the Form 3s thought. "This should be a walk in the park". Well, ok. those buggers were twice their size but the Form 3s had numbers on their side.

14 of the Form 3s to 8 of the Form 6s if I remember the line-up correctly.

The reason of the sudden testerone-enlarged-testicle idea was that they thought the Form 6s, being in Form 6 and all, were your classic geeky bookworms. Furthermore, the Form 3s had been training in the best-paddy-field pitches in their local housing area and surau kickabout for years now.

The only problem is that the Form 6s didn't send their classic geeky bookworms. They instead sent in the ones who were not geeks. 2 of them were from some football project school. Suffice to say the Form 3s got stuffed. Stuffed like a VJ by a political youth wing member.

What the Form 6 had that the Form 3s didn't was the experience and brain matter to play. Although, technical skills are at best, on par, the Form 6s, passed the ball, played the flanks, found space with chips, flicks and nutmegs.

The Form 3s on the other hand were running all over like headless chickens.

Fast forward to the present, the severe buggering of our lads in the Asian Cup reminded me of that infamous incident in 1992. It's easy to point fingers and play the blame game but the fact of the matter is that the Malaysian players were not good enough. Just like the Form 3s back then, Akhmal and co. had gone up against better prepared, technically efficient, and tactically astute opponents.

So, before anyone goes overboard in criticising our nation's performance, spare the thought for me, who was playing in midfield, exasperately trying to pull that team of Form 3s together.

My job would have been much simpler if most of my teamates knew how to pass and not attempt to dribble half of the opposing team when their individual skills are somewhat suspected.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

My Adventure With the Concept of Complementary Principles

There are some concept of complementary principles which are not expected to succeed in this world, much less the inherently opposing ones.

Forget the Ying. Forget the Yang. Some entities or concepts are just not able to co-exist with each other, lest the destruction of humankind and cessation of all life on Earth.

For example, Timothy McVeigh and C6H2(NO2)3CH3, or;


Lyndsay Lohan and a bottle of Jim Beam, or;

George Dubya and a Brain (although, it is still debatable whether he has one in the first place).

Closer to home, two entities which do not exist well in the same context, room or situation is a dumbass and a shotgun.

As such, when you put these two together, you get incidence such as this:



A female sun bear, which was injured after being shot by a hunter, died while being treated at a state wildlife facility here on Sunday.

The bear was found by a villager in an estate in Kampung Sungai Pas, in Kuala Krai, and handed to the district wildlife officers.Wildlife conservation centre head here, Muhammad Ismail, said the animal was weak when it was brought to the facility last Thursday.


"We believe the bear was shot several hours before it was found by the villager, and it had serious injuries on the back. We gave the best treatment," he said.

He said they had intended to release the bear after it recovered. The department is investigating the case.

They didn't even had time to give her a name.



Tuesday, July 03, 2007

My Adventure of Giving You Lot a Warning





Oi.

This chap here is under CITES Appendix II, which means that her and her friends, although not neccesasrily threathened at the current moment, may face extinction, unless trade is closely controlled.


There-bloody-fore, without special permits, your shipment, as in the case on 12 June 2007, when a shipment of 76 leopard tortoises contained in two parcels labelled as “claypots” flown from Tanzania to the courier services section of the Low-Cost Carrier Terminal, would be bloody confiscated.

Oh, did I mention 2 individuals died due to stress and poor handling?

Not surprising when they've all been found strapped down on their shells and their heads were also tied back to prevent further movement.

Where were they heading?

None other than to your local neighbourhood poache err.. pet store.

Here's the bloody deal. No matter what that poacher at your pet store says; they have not been captive bred. More of often than not, they were smuggled-in. When you lot start buying these animals under the pretense of being a bleedin' animal lover, you are promoting an increase in demand for the trade.

No, don't give me that excuse of wanting to be a bloody hero and trying to breed them, with a yet another false pretense of one day re-introducing them into the wild bla bla bla. You bloody can't pull in a bird for yourself much less trying to force-breed another species. Let the experts handle it.

So stop buying them. Or any other 'imported' exotic animals from your local poacher for that matter. Allow them to live and die in their habitat as nature intended them.

Under your care, it's going to die in 6 months anyway.

Monday, July 02, 2007

My Adventure of Forgiving and Giving Thanks

Michael Bay, you are forgiven.

I forgive you for Pearl Harbour.

I forgive you for stating that they were a stupid toy cartoon.

I forgive you for your mullet.

It was those death threats wasn't it?

I understand you had to change and revised a few areas of the movie for reasons of practicality and logic, but we could've done without the exessive dry humour.

But overall it was a worthy effort on you part.

Thank you for giving life to Bumblebee, Ironhide, Jazz, Ratchett and most of all; Optimus Prime.

Thank you for making Megatron a baddass, and Starscream, the bully and coward that he is.

Thank you for your re-imagination of Bonecrusher and Scorponok

Thank you for and introducing us to Blackout, Barricade and that little-shite of a Decepticon, whathisname.

I will be watching it again this weekend and promise to purchase the original DVD when it comes out.

Thank you, Michael Bay
.

Monday, June 25, 2007

My Nocturnal Excursion in Bukit Gasing

I did say that I needed to go home, didn't I?

And journeyed home I did.

After several weeks of being absent from my amphibious friends, I finally returned to the place where it all started. There were some concerns prior to the trip as I had received news that a number of friends had been absent for a while.

Thus, it was to my relief that they were all there, safe and sound.

Voicerous.

Innumerable.

Especially this chap here;


Rana malesiana; "Yes, Capt . 9, I am well. Where the
frack have you been"?

Am I the only one who makes it such a bloody drama of not going on one my nocturnal excursions for an extended period of time?

Don't answer that. Heh.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

My Adventure of Being Annoyed

I am somewhat pissed. Again.

No, it is not because yet another species of wildlife being singularly wiped-out by humans.

I am well aware that the world is royally screwed and all life will cease to exist by 2010 due to inexplicable climate change or a natural disaster.

Or the Earth being taken over by the apes by 2009

No, that is not what I am pissed at.

Pissed is a strong word though. ‘Annoyed’ then.

I am somewhat annoyed on the insolence of certain ‘unqualified’ bloggers who has taken the liberty to advise people on a variety of issues ranging from relationships to err.. well, mainly its relationships.

I am well aware that it is their hereditary right (or so they assume) to post whatever issues their shallow brains dictates them to, but at least please have some tactfulness.

You will note of this trend of providing wanton advice throughout the blogging community, and it is annoying.

Being engaged for only 2 months or lesser does not allow you to professionally provide people with the relevant advice on how to sustain a relationship much less a marriage.

It is akin to receiving advice from Paris Hilton on road safety procedures.

Or receiving advice on humility from Jose Moanrinho.

Or receiving advice on celibacy from KJ.

Utterly bloody unqualified.

Or maybe the fact that you had resorted to cutting and pasting the article from some female magazine and failing to provide the identity of the end-reader in your post, and as such, this weak attempt at blogging has lead to your readers making assumptions.

Hence my tirade.

In my humble but yet again outstanding opinion, any advice or views on relationship should be avoided like Wayne Rooney. There is no correct or wrong answer to this and don’t be too much of an insolent pup to claim to know the answer.

You don’t.

I have been married for 1 year and 4 months now and I’m still playing at husband. I have no bloody idea of what I’m doing but the wife is not complaining that much so I may be so bold to assume that I’m doing fine at the moment.

I am not impudent enough to assume that my marriage is going to be rosy for the next 20 or so years nor am I that pessimistic to say that this matrimonial institution of mine is going to collapse along the same timeline.

I just keep my mouth shut. Take away the thrash when I’m told and take it one day at a time.

I do have one advice though; marriage is not like as what is painted in your romance novels. Life is unfortunately not a bed of roses, so don’t try to make it one.

You’ll be disappointed with the results.

So, do us all a favour and just shut the hell up.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

My Adventure With Our Favourite Robots In Disguise: Controversy

It is with amazement and incredulity that we find a cartoon with reference to giant transforming robots laying the smack-down on each other, captivating the attention of millions, none more so than the current 30 year olds who remember fondly the animated series during their childhood.

Over the years we have seen the advancement of technology in the animation industry, particularly in terms of animation and design, yet we still muse with fondness, these characters we adored and followed religiously.

Each character was unique with their personality and mannerism and indeed it was almost impossible not to have personal favorites.

Then the unthinkable happened.

In the 1986 animated Transformers movie, our favorite characters died.

In controversial fashion.

The controversy and subsequent anguish that followed still lingered20 years on and although we have somewhat mourned and moved-on, the cruel matter for the motivation of their demise was unknown, until now.

Flint Dille, the animated movie’s consultant revealed;

In the next season (3), we were going to have all these new characters, and people are going to be wondering what happened to the old characters that they liked so much. What we knew, in a business sense, is that they had been discontinued, because they were the 1984/1985 (toy)line – but, we needed to tie them off. So, we had this one scene where the Autobots basically had to run through a gauntlet of Decepticons. Which basically wiped out the entire '84 product line in one massive charge of the light brigade”.


Capitalist B*stards!


The shattered bodies of Wheeljack and Windcharger


It is inconceivable and moronic even, the methods in which the old characters were dispatched, and this issue is still heavily deliberated by the fans. In the series, the robots are often shown to sustain multiple shots without consequence, and yet this is inconsistent with the movie's depiction of characters falling so readily to laser blasts.



Brawn is felled by Megatron


The logic is rather astounding when you deliberate on the fact that Optimus Prime and Brawn (two of the fallen Auotobot during the siege of Auotobot City) are felled by only minor laser blasts, while Ultra Magnus was practically blown to bits by Galvatron, then was repaired to mint condition in short order.

This was perhaps the main reason on why the majority of our favourite characters were missing on the episodes preceeding the film. Now, although their fates were not explicitly explained onscreen, we can only assume that they died during the battle in the movie.


Therefore in a tribute to the victorious dead and the bravery shown to defend humanity against the Decepticons; I give honor to the fallen brave.

Oh stranger, go tell in Lacedaemon,
That here we lie, obeying their behests.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

My Adventure With Our Favourite Robots in Disguise



On 4 July 2007, the worldwide premier of the long awaited live-action Transformers movie will finally be out and fans wait with crossed-fingers for the end-product from director Michael Bay.

Of the many comic or cartoon adaptation made over the last few years, no other project had received so much flak quite like the Transformers. From the choice of director to the designs, storyboard and actors; every single aspect of the movie was finely scrutinised. None more so that the choice for the director’s chair.

Fans have been critical when Bay was named as director by producer Steven Spielberg, as the former’s speciality of big-budgeted, special effects-driven, pop corn movies have been one dimensional. Furthermore, Bay has been known to sacrifice the story-line for the sake of action, and has a tendency to make actors with great ability as believable as B-movie extras.



So, it may be precisely for those reasons that producer Steven Spielberg thought Bay would fit-in perfectly as the director for the Transformers movie. In any case, it’s hard to argue with that decision as Bay does have a good-track record and his movies has made millions, even the razzies-inclined ones. Furthermore, we all know Michael Bay for his trademark action shots, and which other director can give some justice to a movie about giant transforming robots laying the smack down on each other.

Although, you would think that nobody is taking an importance of the story depth and character development in a movie based on huge transforming robots?

Well, apparently everyone is.

It is not a surprise that those of us making the biggest noise are the G1 (or Generation One, episodes which ran from '84 till '87) fans, who currently now are in their late 20s and early 30s who had grew-up watching the cartoon.

It is the G1 fans who now hang the guillotine precariously over Bay’s neck. Whether he has the ability to do justice to our beloved robots in disguise still needs to be seen. Failing which would be almost tantamount to blasphemy. Memories are none too limited to remember the controversy when in the 1986 Transformers animation movie, Optimus Prime was killed-off together with a number of other favorite characters.



To the G1 fans, these robots are more than just animation, they had character, personality and fans are hoping to see that at least the major similarities will be kept; the voice, character words or mannerism intact in- line with its comic and animated series.

So, till 4/7/07 comes around;

"Autobots... transform and roll-out!"

Friday, June 08, 2007

My Adventure of Reciting Poetry

My Pretty Rose Tree
by William Blake.

A flower was offered to me,
Such a flower as May never bore;
But I said "I've a pretty rose tree,"
And I passed the sweet flower o'er.

Then I went to my pretty rose tree,
To tend her by day and by night;
But my rose turned away with jealousy,
And her thorns were my only delight

Lads, trust me... screw the stuff you learnt from FHM or your pervy neighbour who can't even pull a bird, even if he lived all his life next to the KL Bird Park.

This one gets the girl everytime.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

My Adventure of Having a Conundrum II

These faces and places are getting old.

I need to go home.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

My Adventure of Having a Conundrum

Is life a straight path or a massive circle?

Does our life's voyage, diverge in a spherical manner to the exact identical spot, recurring similar consequences, faults, associates, compulsion and commitments.

Or does it persists with a uniformed consistency, repudiating all proverbial associates, without even the customary glance behind.

If life is indeed a loop and on that instance, when we find ourselves at the same, identical location and occassion, do we have the strength to breach that habit. If indeed it is the contrary situation, do we then have the strenght to maintain the solitary & secluded existense.

Two paths. One alternative.

Which do you choose?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Liverpool's Greek Tragedy



Oh stranger, go tell in Lacedaemon,
That here we lie, obeying their behests.

Hail, King Rafa and his brave 11!