Thursday, December 22, 2005

My Adventure of Trying to Get Myself on a Tabloid

Erra & Yusry are separated. Maya Karin is (or not) a lesbian. Mawi has this particularly strong Aura which attracts people to him (which explains the fact that most of the people in Malaysia can’t get enough of the lad).

Well, truth of the matter, I don’t really care. Fortunately for the publishers of the tabloids, most do. You can’t really miss these types of publications as your favorite neighborhood newsagent arranges them right next to the national dailies.

Only the hottest stories appear in them. No, not the conflicts in the Middle East, those are not important enough. However, Mawi’s (Werld!) committee resigning en masse, is.

With headlines such as, “Kerana mertua, santau ikan masin”, or “Roh Maya Karin di-lihat berkeliaran di set”, you can just taste the creative literary juices which is overflowing in the editorial team.

Alas, there is no need to fret fellow bloggers. One dost not need to be a famous singer, or an actor or even a politician to have your lovely mug pasted on the front page of your local tabloid. It is not rocket science in being the envy of all the minah-minah kilang Motorola, PJ.

Tips to get on one of these dailies are presented below;

#1. Defying scientific explanation

I had no idea that ikan masin can be a health risk or that the lovely Maya is dead as I last saw her yesterday on Channel V. There is no scientific basis for the headliner, nor is there any factual evidence deriving from a reliable source.

The more scientifically unexplainable it is the better. If you’re a fisherman than that would be an extra bonus. All these stuff seems to happen to them most of the time.

#2. Close Encounter of the ghostly kind.

Your first hand experience with the living dead need not be a traumatic one. If you’ve ever been chased by a hantu bungkus, flagged down by a langsuir at a T-junction, or even pleaded for a hantu buritt to catch one’s aunt at any point of time in your life, you can cash it in.

#3. Being a victim

The public love victims. It doesn’t matter whether they’re inclined to gloat or sympathize with you, you’ll be the talk of the town all month long.

#3.1 Witchcraft victim

You’ve kept your own business, treated everyone nicely and never said a bad thing about anyone.

It’s not your fault that you that the promotion you received was due to your hard work & dedication, in addition to the fact that the rest of your colleagues are lazy buggers. Nor can you be blamed because you keep winning all the major awards in the country or that all the songwriters’ want you to sing their song

Unfortunately, you’d still find yourself coughing up blood, bits of glass, a rusty nail or two and even the kitchen sink. Worse yet, (if you’re a guy) you wake up to find your member has de-attached itself from your groin region and re-attached to your forehead.

Indeed, this is worthy of a front page look.

#3.2 Rumour victim

You got on a reality TV contest and although you didn’t win the bloody thing, everyone is jealous of your new-found fame. Your fans arbors to fanaticism and you’ve rumored to be marrying an eligible bachelor/bachelorette/datuk/datin at one point or another. You can be rest assured that somebody is going to spread rumors about you, really horrible ones at that. The cheek of them!

Fight back by taking legal action but please do not forget to inform the media about it. It helps if you cry during the interview too.

So in summary, the only way for yours truly to get on one of those famous tabloids is either;

#1. Lose my way during one of my nocturnal excursions. Once rescued, report that I saw a path made silver and gold which lead me to a beautiful wooden house full of hot chicks.

#2. Turn myself into a tiger and hang-out in someone’s durian orchard.

#3. Ngorat baiiik Siti Nurhaliza Tarudin.

#4. Finding two-headed frogs or something along that line, and immediately call for a press conference on how the finding change your life for the better. and no, you would not sell it for any amount in the werld. - Contribution by KA

#5. Claim that I am an heir of someone rich/ Claim that I have found new rare species of plants that can make people become rich or younger or look like Siti. - Contribution by Chics

#6. Saman mawi for stealing your songs AND trying to steal Siti from you. - Contribution by Desparil

#7. Confess to the press that Erra and Yusry separated because Erra begged ME to marry her instead. She didn't need RM33,333.33 for the hantaran. "RM3,333 sudah memadai, kerana saya sangat cintakan dia" - kata Erra. Then give Yusry's number to Anis. - Contribution by Anisism.

#8. Ambik balik SPM. Score 20A1. When you're 61 (31 pun cukup tua kot). Mesti keluar front page. Contribution by Yoga Instructor

(although, we need to twist the story a bit by saying, "Ya, Saka saya menolong saya menjawab soalan2 tersebut - 9)

Note to Oneself: Do remember to have a photo of myself showing that miraculous thingy/event/contraption/ubat/whatever. The template is: Diri tegak ala Negaraku whilst pointing towards the thing. And must be captioned: Inilah tempat di mana berlakunya peristiwa itu. And oh, try not to giggle. Must look very siwius. - Contribution by Leen

If you have any further ideas, do share. I’ll even be nice enought post it up here. Now, if you must excuse me, I have to go dig a hole and teran my tail out.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

My Adventure of Being in an Awkward Position II

So there I was at Sports Planet Ampang, like every Tuesday evening having a game with the usual suspects. After half an hour of trying to display my skills ala Ronaldinho, but failing miserably (as usual), I was panting & sweating profusely.

I bade one of the lads to sub me (we had 18 people playing last evening) and proceeded to the loo to run my face under the shower because it was a humid last night and not because of the whole pack of 20’s I finished in just one day.

As I was passing one of the courts I noticed that there was a bunch of girls playing. I noted that this lot was the same ones, who like us, played every Tuesday evening. I then noticed the goal keeper was wearing a pair of red Fila shoes and playing remarkably well (for a girl).

Now, the last time that I caught a glimpse of KA, ‘the wind whisperer of the blogging community’ was way before Ramadhan, playing at the same venue. Conforming to the requirements of being an Eejit, I immediately made the assumption that this was indeed KA, although she looked much heavier than the last time. I told myself it must be due to those debes the girls had been talking about.

With unnaturally imbued confidence, I shouted, “Steady KA, jangan kasi lepas”, whilst controlling my kehenseman.

The girl glanced behind her and gave me an incredulous look from head to toe and up again before returning her concentration to the game. She must’ve thought that I was one of those horny, perverted guys at futsal centres trying to get lucky.

The first thought that came to mind was, “Sampai hati KA sombong dengan aku,” before thinking of another possibility that it was not KA in the first place.

My suspicions proved correct as I found out today that at the exact moment of the ‘Steady KA, jangan kasi lepas’ incident, KA was actually on the LRT and on her way home whilst having her own embarrassing moment.

Malunya aku.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

My Adventure With The Opposite Sex I

Men don’t take hints that well. I don’t take hints that well. If you, (the women) want something from us, please do TELL. We’re not bloody mind-readers.

TELL us that you want the garbage taken out. TELL us that you want more of our attention. TELL us that you want to watch Desperate Housewives rather than the European Champions League preview.

And another thing, sulking should be prohibited. The government should make sulking illegal. Denda RM5,000 atau penjara 3 bulan, atau kedua-duanya sekali,  or something to that effect.

DO NOT drop hints and SULK afterwards when we don’t pick on it.

By god, we’ve used up all of our energy in by using all our initiative to pick you up in the first place.  

The least that you can do now is just TELL us what you want.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Liverpool's Adventure in Winning Yet Another Trophy (or not)

It is of no doubt that the English Championship is our main bread. The management knows this, the manager knows this, and the players know this. The Red Kop Army, without a shadow of a doubt, knows this.

Even before the tournament started, I viewed the World Club Championship as just another FIFA marketing ploy to rake in more money. I was of the opinion that our efforts should be focused on Benfica and Chelsea, and this little excursion to Japan was just another annoying hindrance.

However, the look on the captain’s face after the final whistle proved otherwise. I am ashamed to say that I had looked poorly on all the player's & management’s efforts in this particular tournament.

Poor lad. He didn’t think that it was just a trophy. He wanted to win it. To lift yet another cup on behalf of the team he loved.

Seeing him dejected and at loss, reminded me that Liverpool FC is all about winning trophies. Period. We do not take into account the materiality or the significance of winning something. We just try our best to win it. No questions asked.

No worries, Stevie. We still have the treble to look forward to. No mickey mouse versions this time.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

My Nocturnal Excursion in FRIM III

Yet one more night was spent navigating through leech-infested jungle in FRIM. The only difference this time round was that I was not accompanied by loud, restless, hyperactive children. Adorable as they are (and equally annoying), I was without my customary 6 – 12 year old age demographic for this particular evening stroll.

Nope, Last Saturday’s nocturnal excursion involved the staff of HSBC.

You see, HSBC has long supported wildlife conservation by donating a filthy amount of money over the years and MNS, WWF and other nature-based NGOS have greatly benefited through HSBC’s generosity. As such, it is a norm for these NGO’s to accommodate the staff of HSBC on any nature oriented activities. This is just to ensure that the financial institution continues to fork out large sums of money for our usage in the effort to save the world.

Last Saturday, the MNS-FRIM Nature Education Center had organized a series of activity, part of which involved a frogging session.

Therefore they had turned to the only (gullible) person at their disposal, who had sufficient with the knowledge, expertise and the good looks to boot, ME.

I quickly forgot my annoyance of missing Liverpool’s early kick-off with Wigan as I found out that the 20 – 30 year old demographic was easier to handle. Reasons of which are;

#1. They are obedient.
#2. They are quiet
#3. They have stamina
#4. They have longer legs.
#5. The girls are of legal & consensual age

Anyways, we started at 7pm with dinner, rendang et all. I gave a short briefing afterwards at the center, which mostly involved me relating my previous experiences in the wild, purposely exaggerated of course.

At 8pm, I dragged them up to the waterfall in the hope to see the Poisonous Rock frog as one of the participants wonted to inquire whether licking this particular species would induce disorientation. In other words, she wanted to know if one could get stoned out by putting the frog in the mouth. I was curious enough to let her try it.

Fortunately of her, Rana hosii was inconspicuous as the only wildlife we saw was 2 other species of frog and one annoyed lizard. Although one participant got soaked as she found out that she actually had two left feet on the slippery boulders of all places.

After half an hour of fooling around at base of the waterfall, (jumping around for some, standing rooted to the same spot for others) I called for a change of venue and proceeded to Denai Engkabang.

The leeches were more aggressive than usual. Humid conditions and muddy terrain is a bloody leech breeding ground. They had their orgy on our blood that night, which meant that the group had to stop every 10 steps to scream and pull of those suckers (pun intended) from whatever anatomy of the body they (the leeches, not me) latched upon.

At the stream, (which my fellow readers, who have been following my exploits on Nocturnal Excursions would know, that this is the end of the trail) I asked them look around for themselves and see if they can spot some species on their own…… and also to allow me a fag break.

As suspected, there were the shouts of excitement on the sighting of the prawns in the stream and the glow worms in the leaf litter. *sigh* They were completely oblivious to the herp life in front of their noses.

The Wolf snake I tried to catch was more elusive as ever, slithering away into the trees before I could get my grubby hands on it. I swore it gave the finger to me before disappearing into the dark.

We returned to our cars at around 11pm. The participants were staying overnight at the center, so after a quick wash and another round of rendang, I headed back to Bangi.

3 days after, I’m my the bites are bloody itchy. I’ve got 3 bite marks around the feet and I’m constantly scratching it like a complete loony.

Sesiapa nak tolong garu kan?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

My Adventure of Highlighting Animal Exploitation

Hillary Chiew of the Star, wrote an eye-opening piece on the rampant exploitation of wildlife for the amusement of the public today. This particular issue or predicament has long been debated within the Wildlife Conservation fraternity as it involves the blatant exploitation of Wildlife here in Malaysia.

You see, animals listed under the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES), means they cannot be traded, due to their critically endangered status. However, for unexplained reason, some endangered and totally protected animals, such as orang utans, tigers, elephants, gibbons, pangolins, slow lorises, cockatoos and macaws end up in theme parks and private zoos.

In order for an individual to keep one of these animals, he/she needs to obtain the Special Permit under the Wildlife Protection Act 1972. This is done by applying to the Natural Resources & Environment Minister , which is initially based on advice by the DG of Perhilitan. The latter apparently does so through a Special Permit Committee filled up by divisional directors.

What we (fellow naturalist and conservationist & I) are concerned with is that these special permits have been issued like yellow cards by Uriah Rennie in a Merseyside Derby. In addition, events which stink like my feet after futsal, shows that something must be done with the regulation and issuance of such permits;

#1. One park has 14 orang utans of questionable origins.

#2. The second park has one Sumatran orang utan with no documents.

#3. Although one applicant is allowed ONE Special Permit at any one time, the theme park with the six orang utans was issued two permits for 20 orang utans in November 2000, and these have been renewed annually.

#4. The park’s claim for education is totally rubbish. Visitors to theme parks are neither gaining any insight into the life of animals in the wild nor the threat they face. All visitors see is the unnatural behavior of the animal playing golf and cycling. It just sends out the wrong message that wildlife is meant to entertain humans."

#5. An Estuarian crocodile (Crocodylus porosus), was placed in a water hazard of one of the park’s golf course.

#6. The rampant sale of the Indian Star Tortoise (Geochelone elegans) in pet shops in the Klang Valley, even though the species is critically endangered in its original habitat of the Indian subcontinent.

As a so-called caring society, our apathy for the treatment of wildlife is appalling. As long as we, the public, patronizes these so-called animal safaris, we are guilty of exploiting and hastening the extinction of our local wildlife. Only 3 places in Malaysia, promotes animal enrichment in their captivity as well as promoting conservation through education. They are; Zoo Negara, Zoo Taiping, and Zoo Melaka.

The others are tossers and wankers.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

My Adventure of Finding Out That I'm Suited for a Monkey's Life

You Are A: Monkey!

monkeyMonkeys are intelligent and agile, well-adapted for jungle life as they swing happily from tree to tree. As a monkey, you are a social animal who eats a wide range of food, is quick to learn new things and loves to climb. A monkey's tiny primate features are irresistable, as is his gregarious personality!

You were almost a: Kitten or a Duck
You are least like a: Turtle or a ChipmunkDiscover What Cute Animal You Are!

Me cute little monkey. Not too be confused with Beruk Mak Yek, though me can be that somtime. Me do not intend to put up the monkey quiz posting as it is deemed redundant to challenge oneself.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My Nocturnal Excursion in FRIM II

The Women's Aid Organisation (WAO) is an independent, non-religious, non-governmental organisation based in Malaysia, committed to confronting violence against women.

In 1985, the Anak Angkat Program was launched to meet the educational needs of ex-residents' children and in 1990, the WAO opened a Child Care Center, the first of its kind in Malaysia, to provide a home for ex-residents' children.

Last Saturday, through the Herpetofauna Group of MNS Selangor, trusty assistant & I, with the help of a few other (gullible) volunteers, organized an ‘introduction to frogs’ workshop in the morning and later in the evening, a frogging trip to FRIM for these children.

Seeing as I had 2 open houses in the day (involving the relatives, which meant that I couldn’t play my ‘get-out-of jail’ card, as compared to other open houses), I had to miss out the days’ activity. I was told that the kids, (13 in all, ranging between 3 to 12 years old) enjoyed our little frog origami, story-telling and drawing session. Trusty assistant did a bloody good job of it, as well as our other volunteers, considering how hyper those kids were.

Later in the evening, it was my turn to handle them. Luckily, they were pretty stoned-out then and somewhat controllable in FRIM. Having one of them running off and getting lost wouldn’t be good PR for the Society.

I led them quickly through the trail as it was already quite late in the evening, sacrificing the chance of spotting the leaf-litter frogs which are usually abundant along the trail (the kids were quite noisy which meant that any frog or any other animal for that matter, would have long since legged it).

The trail ended at FRIM’s Sungai Kroh, which is in actual fact a shallow, slow moving trickle of water. The source of which is derived from water which had somehow been diverted into a narrow channel from the main waterfall of FRIM. There (Sg. Kroh, not the waterfall), I allowed them to fool a round a bit. Again, the noise they were making was obviously scaring the shite of every animal there. Thus, they had to contend with the 4 frogs and a toad that trusty assistant and I spotted.

I wrapped up things a few minutes past 11pm, and allowed trusty assistant to lead the way back to our cars. I brought up the rear as I wanted to take my own sweet time for my own sweet self to at least spot a couple more herp life. I managed to add a lizard and 2 additional frogs to our list that night.

The mandatory leech inspection took about 15 minutes but ironically, the loudest scream came from my own volunteers. We quickly bundled the children (leech free) into the van, which in itself took about 10 minutes of cajoling. Before leaving, I doffed my hat off at the driver, clearly thankful of not being in her shoes. Imagine having 13 hyperactive kids, stoned-out they may be jumping and screaming at the back.

I congratulated trusty assistant and volunteers on a job well done. I still remain apprehensive of taking out too many children frogging, especially to places such as FRIM but this lot looked liked they enjoyed themselves.

Friday, November 11, 2005

My Adventure of Being in an Awkward Position

Earlier this year, during my Blogdrive tenure, I wrote about a little piece of drama which happened to my friend, in which I inadvertently was involved.

One bit I failed to mention then, which made the drama so very the drama is that the friend’s former fiancée works in the same building as us. She’s on the 16th floor while we worked on the 20th.

This has resulted in many awkward moments, usually involving the lift.

Last Sunday, friend’s wife delivered a healthy baby boy. No worries on that.

The awkward moment surfaced yesterday morning while I was going down to the 3rd floor tuck shop to replenish my cigarettes.  It so happened that the lift (damn it to bits!) stopped at the 16th floor. I need not explain what happened next, do I?

Friend’s former fiancée engaged in small talk at first, but just as the bloody lift doors opened at the 3rd floor to provide me the escape that I was seeking,  she hit me with THE question,

“Dengar Izan* dah dapat baby?”

I gave her a really awkward smile and nodded my head, “Lelaki”.

“Oh ye ke?” she replied. Was that a hint of jealousy or regret in her eyes? I could not be sure.

“Baguslah, tu. Kirim salam kat diaorang ya?,” she added, eyes already moist.

I managed a short nod before the doors closed behind me.

Next time, I’m using the bloody fire escape.  

*bukan namo sebonar.  

Monday, November 07, 2005

My Adventure During Eid Celebrations

6 Things to Remember for Next Year’s Eid Celebrations

#1. Ensure that at least one Baju Melayu consists of its complete set. (1) Songkok, (2) Sampin, (3) Baju & (4) Seluar. This is to prevent one from realizing some of the attire to be missing at the last minute and subsequently  having to utlilize a combination of the Baju Melayu shirt, 8 year old jeans and skullcap. This is also to prevent one’s mother being pissed.

#2. Sleep early.  Banging away on the PS2 with one’s brother until the wee hours of the morning is a deterrent to one’s ability to wake up early.

Note to self: There is no way one can beat a 17 year old who grew up whilst having the game pad permanently attached to their hand.

#3. Wake-the-bloody-up at least before 9am so one will be able to perform the Eid prayers.  To do so, see #2.

#4. Pace one-self whilst stuffing one’s face. Stomach need to adjust after one month of fasting.  Especially when one  shoves in the lethal combo of  laksa johor, ketupat, rendang , nasi himpit, and taken at one sitting.  Failure to do so will result in the frequent visit to loo of every house-owner.

#5. Try to watch more Malay movies. Government, Private as well Sattelite TV stations have paid a shite-load of money in purchasing the rights to show them. The least one can do is to brave through 2 hours of mind-numbing, shite acting and illogical plot lines.

#6. There are abso-bloody-loutely no cars on the road of KL during 1st Syawal. Bliss. Altough one must remember that them foreigners who have taken the opportunity to go  sightseeing, are not potential road kills and must not be mowed down indiscriminately.

How was your Raya celebrations?      

Monday, October 24, 2005

My Adventure of Being Weird

The Diva tagged me with this 5 weirdo list thingy in my own comment box, the cheek! Oh well, here goes.

#1. I still have my bantal busuk. I have been using the services of one since I was a toddler. They’re usually get thrown away by my mum/grannie, but safe to say, a replacement is close at hand every time.

#2. I’d like to scratch my ermm.. testicular region. They get very itchy a lot la. Don’t yours?

#3. I snore when I’m exhausted, a very throaty, gurgled, snoring sound. It is not a pretty sight to see nor a pretty sound to hear.

#4. I like to talk to myself, or more to the point, think aloud. This has resulted in people thinking that I am a bit of a loony.

#5. I like to daydream. I used to daydream a lot. Being an only child for the first 11 years, and having a shit-load of toys to myself, I had to make believe a lot of things. I didn’t suffer to the extent of having any imaginary friends, though.

Now, the if you’ll excuse me, the angry voice on my head is telling me to clean my shotgun again.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged

This is another meme that’s been circulating every-bloody-where. I have yet to be tagged on this but thought I have a bit of laugh of identifying the books which I’ve picked up over the years. Disregarding the current rules of having to print back the entire bloody collection, (last count was 470) I have taken the liberty of displaying ONLY the ones I’ve read.

001. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
005. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
007. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
009. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
016. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
022. Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, JK Rowling
023. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
024. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
025. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
034. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
035. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
036. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
039. Dune, Frank Herbert
042. Watership Down, Richard Adams0
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett0
53. The Stand, Stephen King
056. The BFG, Roald Dahl
074. Matilda, Roald Dahl
089. Magician, Raymond E Feist
119. Shogun, James Clavell
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
141. All Quiet On The Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
145. James And The Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
169. The Witches, Roald Dahl
170. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
173. The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway
313. The Art of War, Sun Tzu
340. Paradise Lost, John Milton
369. Ivanhoe, Walter Scott
428. Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler

31 books out of 470. That’s about 6%. Shite. Well, still it’s a decent list.

My Adventure of Getting Tagged

I’ve been tagged thrice with this “7” meme. 3 times a bloody charm now innit? Babe whacked me with my third. Well, since she was nice in being my first volunteer to chase the ‘pemburu2 haram’ and whack their pancreas’, how could I refuse. So, here goes.

Seven things to do before I die :
- lose these damn spares, and get a bloody six pack
- scuba dive off the bahamas/maldives/great barrier reef
- catch & secure my first King Cobra
- milk a poisonous snake
- discover a new species of wildlife, and have it be scientifcally named after me
- master the guitar
- get married, have kids and hopefully grandchildren.

Seven things I just-can't-do :
- sleep late, wake-up early. really not a morning person
- get rid of these pimple scars on me face
- grow taller
- slam dunk
- quit smoking
- have long hair
- correct my eyesight with laser surgery.

Seven celebrity crushes :
- maya karin
- marion caunter
- annahita balkavoli
- coco lee
- jessica alba
- lacey chabert
- hillary duff

Seven often used phrases/words :
- the f-word ( a lot)
- rilek la
- pundeks
- siot la
- technically..
- basically..
- shite

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex :
- Cute/adorable features
- Nice rack
- Perky buns
- Nice rack
- Nice hair
- Great cook
- Nice rack

Friday, October 14, 2005

Your Adventure in Searching for A Lost Rhino

Kehadapan Pemburu2 Haram,

Warkah ini ditulis adalah untuk memohon kepada Persatuan Pemburu2 Haram Asia Tenggara untuk mendapatkan perkerjaan yang lebih afdal dan berfaedah. Sekian lama pihak tuan telah memburu kehidupan liar di rantau ini sehingga terancam sesetengah populasi haiwan.

Sifat tamak haloba pihak tuan telah meyebabkan banyak hidupan liar di rantau ini menjadi mangsa nafsu rakus yang tidak mengenal belas-kasihan. Diantara haiwan terancam yang menjadi sasaran pihak tuan adalah merupakan Badak Sumbu Malaya. Populasi haiwan tersebut semakin hari semakin sedikit dan ada kemungkinan ia akan pupus dari muka bumi ini.

Sedihnya, haiwan tersebut diburu dan dibunuh semata-mata untuk mengambil bahagian2 badan yang tertentu, yang diakatakan mempunyai 'medicinal properties' dan juga 'aphrodisiac'.

Dukacita dimaklumkan, kepada tuan, kajian saintifik tidak pernah membuktikan kesasihan teori di atas. Di samping itu, terdapat banyak pharmacy di kota dan di desa yang menjual vitamin serta supplement.

Kelemehan tuan di ranjang mungkin disebabkan oleh isteri2 tuan yang hodoh ataupun kemaluan yang kecil. Tanduk haiwan tersebut tidak akan membantu masalah yang dialami tuan.

Oleh itu, saya mengesyorkan tuan dengan segala hormatnya menghantukkan kepala di gerigi cermin rumah ataupun menseterikakan telinga rakan tuan sampai dia menangis.

Akhir sekali, tuan dinasihatkan berdoa kepada tuhan supaya tidak berjumpa atau terserempak dengan saya. Saya akan mengerjakan organ pankreas tuan secukupnya.

Terima kasih,

Yang menjalankan tugas,

Mimi Buruk Tuan

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

My Adventure of Becoming A Year Older

9th October came and went. It’s appearance was as fleet as a warm gust blowing in the chilly October sky. It’s departure, sudden and unnerving. There were no allowance for celebration, only well-wishing. Since the day itself coincided with Ramadhan, the only joyous partaking of food and drink had to wait until the muezzin’s call for Maghrib prayers.

28 years old. It’s been a long road getting here, but even a longer one waits. Insyaallah.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

My Adventure of Discovering A Phobia

I hate Fire Centipedes. I hate them. Hate, hate, hate, hate.

Most of you will probably be laughing at the idea. Mr. Nocturnal Excursions himself, afraid of a small, innocent centipede?

Small and innocent my arse! Fire Centipedes or Lipan Bara is a huge, red, many- limbed freak of nature. The two (yes two!) that I saw last night was at least 30 cms long, with the tail armed with a 1 cm-long double sting.

Your common garden centipede, the ulat gonggok, I have no problem with. But the lipan bara is another story. There I was in Sg. Penchala, surveying potential Frogging sites and suddenly from under a rock they both came out, crawling towards me like some mutant nightmare creature.

So I did what any other entomologically adverse person would do. I legged it, whilst screaming obscenities at the both of them.

My (Mis)Adventure of Seeing Liverpool Get Torn Apart

Jose: You muppet Raf, give us this match at Anfield and we’ll bloody let you win at the Bridge next time. We can sort out that annoying Frenchmen at Highbury for you was well.

Rafa: Sort out that smelly Manc Scotsman on top of it, and you have yourself a deal, mate.

Jose: Ok, 4 goals ya? Here’s an ownership of a diamond mind in central Ukraine, courtesy of Mr. Abrahamovich. You can go and buy that Adriano lad or something. You really have to get rid of that number 9 of yours now innit? Bloody hell mate, he’s rubbish.

Wouldn't it be nice of the above-said conversation did take place. The reality is that Liverpool got suckered into Chelsea's gameplan. We should have "parked the team bus in front of goal" from the start, then hit them on the counter-attack.

4-1. Shite. Not a good start to my week.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

My Adventure of Past Nocturnal Excursions

Any sane person would find venturing into a dark and forbidding jungle at night to be somewhat intimidating. If the truth be told, during the early days of my nocturnal excursions, I had doubts of pursuing this particular endeavor. Honestly, I was scared.

Tales of missing trekkers, hidden by those of the Unseen or rubber- tappers being attacked by wild animals haunted my mind. I was an avid trekker during my school and university days, as my appreciation for nature developed early on, but all of these jaunts were done in broad daylight.

My father, a very superstitious person, never did understand this particular passion of mine. He would usually shake his head in disbelief, wondering how his eldest has chosen such an endeavor as a hobby. My mother, who had tried to dissuade me from the very beginning, could only roll her eyes as she had ran out of words to nag me with. She found out from the onset that it was exasperating to say anything as talking to me would be like talking to a brick wall.

We all have heard tales of mysterious, unexplained incidence encountered by other people. I could not deny that even I had experienced some really weird stuff throughout the years. For example, during a hike up Gunung Jerai in Kedah, my companions and I suddenly came upon a well kept garden, complete with mowed lawn and bubbling brook, when we were cutting through thick foliage moments before. We hastily made a wide detour.

Another time in Gunung Ledang, whilst on night watch, not only was I presented with unexplained balls of light playing in the trees overhead, but just a few metres away where we had designated a solat area, I could make out the 3 figures, clad in the white tudung which the muslim women usually wear during their solat, standing as in prayer. I checked the girls’ tent. They were all asleep.

Fortunately, the green lungs of the Klang Valley are not as intimidating. I have never encountered any unusual situations either in Bukit Gasing, FRIM or Genting. God willing, I will never experience any. It would just spoil the whole Frogging trip, don’t you think? Heh.

Although…. there was this particular incident in Templer’s Park last year. 8 people had gone in and I had made it a habit to constantly check our numbers then and again to ensure there were no stragglers. It would’ve looked pretty bad if I had lost somebody out there. I was getting confused as my count at times were 9. When I counted again it would be 8 again. This went on quite a bit but I kept it to myself. Fortunately, when we exited, everybody was accounted for.

Fortunately, these incidents were rare. It is not advisable to be an uber-superstitious person nor would it be too clever in being a cocky little bugger also. You would only need a healthy respect for Nature and hopefully learn to appreciate her in her fullest glory along the way.

Liverpool's Adventure in Defending Their Crown II

Two blatant fouls in the penalty box by Gallas & Drogba, going unpunished summed up Liverpool’s fortune last night. Although a bit mild in the first half, Liverpool pushed into top gear in the second, to match the “favorites” Chelsea in every department. In the end, a win would have been good but at least we had drawn the match rather than losing it.

Now, if you excuse me, I need to go and buy that Italian referee pair of bloody glasses.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

My Nocturnal Excursion in FRIM

The Forest Research Institute of Malaysia (FRIM) is the leading forestry research institute of Malaysia, situated in Kepong, just outside Kuala Lumpur. Established in 1929, not only does it carry research in all aspects of forestry and forest products, it also conducts research in ecology and silviculture with the objective of enhancing the knowledge and understanding the ecology and dynamics of the forests and their responses to logging and other anthropogenic activities.

It also has a shit-load of frog, snakes, lizards, insects and small mammals.

So it was last Saturday at 8.30pm, I found myself in FRIM, preparing to lead another group of MNS members into the jungle. I was not scheduled to lead the said trip as I was supposed to return to Sungai Petani for the weekend.

Unfortunately, Trusty Assistant was incapacitated by a nasty virus (which is by the way, blatantly flying around the Klang Valley at the moment), FRIM Frog Lady was tagging some tree in Belum and Venerable Mentor was chasing Siberian tigers in Russia, thus I only had Significant Other-half tagging along.

It so happened that I had postponed my ‘balik kampung’ to early October, which meant I was the only one available and qualified to lead this particular group of 12 into the Engkabang trail of FRIM.

Although it had rained the day before, the heat wave on Saturday did not help the conditions in FRIM. The ground was bone dry. The air was humid.

Although we spotted fewer species of frog as compared to my previous visits, our sightings for the night were favorably diverse. We recorded 7 species, from 3 Anuran Family, one gecko and one lizard.

It was somewhat pretty uneventful for my standards but my participants looked like they enjoyed themselves tremendously.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

My Nocturnal Excursion in Bukit Gasing

The Giant River Frog, Limnonectes
malesianus (Kiew, 1987), in my hands.

The group last Saturday was the largest I had ever taken for Frogging to Bukit Gasing. Ever since I assigned Trusty Assistant to assist me, I’ve included her name as one of the person to contact for our activities.

Before, when I was handling the group alone, all communication went solely through me.

Before, I was able to apologise to people and politely ask them to bugger-off if the number of participants grew too large or my assigned quota was met. Whichever came first.

With Trusty Assistant by my side, both of us had been receiving inquiries from the MNS members. Mainly to a miscommunication between us, she ended up with 13 souls while I, had the privilege to guide-in 12 people. Due to her eagerness, or “semangat yg membara” or whatever you want to call it, she didn’t have the heart to turn any of them away.

My own 12 participants were from the same family (yes, all 12 of them) and to turn one away was to turn them all away.

Thus, we had to split the group up into two. I would take the first group in while Trusty Assistant, after waiting for about 15 minutes proceeded in with hers.

The particular frog which I had committed my “scientific sin” was there, in abundance. The questions floating in my head with regards to this particular frog has yet to be answered as FRIM Frog Lady was away somewhere and I had no one to assist me in the identification.

“Why” it was there and “How” it came to be would continue to be an enigma until, FRIM Frog Lady return.

Adding to this conundrum, I found that the increase in number for this “mystery” frog had resulted in the “decrease” in sighting of the ever so popular Giant River Frog, Limnonectes malesianus (Kiew, 1987), which was thriving well previously.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Your Adventure in Searching for a Lost Cat

Please help. I've lost my kitty. If you have any information on the culprits who had taken her, please call ASAP.

Thank you.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Liverpool's Adventure in Defending Their Crown

Luis Garcia
He drinks Sangria
He came from Barca
To bring us joy
He’s five foot seven
He’s football heaven
Oh, please don’t take my Luis away
(One of the best song heard on the Kop terrace, sung to the tune of ‘You are my sunshine’)

Mr. I-think-I’ll-just-pop-into-this-penalty-box-and-score, did it again last night. Practically non-existent in the last few matches, he’s making it a habit to just arrive out of nowhere and score important goals for the team. Also, Encik Tiang Lampu TNB, finally showing glimpses of why Senor Benitez brought him to Liverpool, he held the ball up well and played it down for the other lads.

It was such a relief when Mr. Konrad Plautz whistled for time as I wouldn’t think my sofa could have withstood any more of my continuous jumping.

There are three things which Liverpool do best. Produce attacking excellence, deliver sheer defensive defiance & defend like there’s no tomorrow and inducing coronary failure in me.

Last night, they did all three.

So a 2-1 win over European Champions League debutants, Real Betis, provides the prefect catalyst for Liverpool to defend their crown.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

My Adventure of Committing Scientific Sin

In biological science, correct and precise information is required to ensure that the most carnal scientific sin does not occur. Vague and incorrect information with little or no evidence or failure to provide an exhaustive scientific study is sometimes more dangerous than no information at all.

I had an earful this morning from one of my biologist contacts. I had made the carnal sin of not providing enough evidence and basing my identification on assumptions. I had wrongfully identified a frog species before and had sent the information in to a certain publication. Yesterday, I had inquired with biologist friend on the identity of a frog whilst providing a vague description.

As an auditor, my approach in conducting audit fieldwork would be something similar as in field biology.  Data collection is crucial to ensure that sufficient evidence is obtained before a conclusion is made and an audit finding is presented to the auditees.

As such, biologist friend has told me off and advised that in order to obtain solid information, I will need  a voucher specimen, properly fixed and preserved, and maintained/stored in a well-curated herpetological collection in a public institution (such as FRIM), with all the accompanying catalog details (locality, date, microhabitat/behavioral notes), this is the critical underpinning of scientific herpetology, and the basis from which all other aspects of the science (conservation, evolution, etc.) follows.

I stand corrected and will ensure that from now on, such faus pax shall never occur again.

Friday, September 09, 2005

My Adventures Update

Yahoo Group Name

I appreciate everyone’s feedback in my efforts to find a suitable name for the Yahoo Group. Although most of the names which were provided were… interesting and unique, I had decided on a simple name for it. OngOngGedekGedekGedek is such a B#*ch for one to be typing, when one is in a hurry.

As such, I had named the Group, katakmns, Mr. Originality I am not.

Hit & Run

The cheek of it! The culprit, a week ago, had filed a report with Traffic Bandaraya that someone had rammed his car. The identify of the culprit is finally revealed, however Traiffic need some time to investigate the matter due to the contrasting reports from both parties.

Culprit claimed that he was hit by an unknown vehicle, in which he couldn’t identify what type of car it was, in an incident which took place late in the evening.

Culprit is so full of shit, as according to Lawyer friend, her car was hit in the morning and she has witnesses to prove it.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

My Adventure Down Under


Just over 200 years ago, Captain Arthur Phillip brought his fleet of 10 square-rigged sailing ships to anchor in the peaceful little bay that was to become known as Sydney Cove. With his ships, dubbed the 1st Fleet, his crew, farm stock, a handful of settlers, an array of marines and the prisoners in their charge, Phillip established the farthest flung outpost of the British Empire.

And just over 4 days ago, Hurnain Hamid brought about $350 AD, one quite empty backpack as well as his trusty laptop, and had set his foot on Australian soil for the very first time in his life. Yet, he was not alone, as the Company had sponsored 36 other souls for the trip.

“Down-under”. The term was derived from the first settlers and they had proclaimed it such. Australia, was the closest to hell that they could ever be. However, it was anything but.

A charming town of western influence it was hard to believe that this was the site of penal colony, with a total of 568 male and 191 female convicts with 13 children, 206 marines with 26 wives and 13 children, and 20 officials that had made the voyage of the 1st Fleet.

A city of historical wonder, this was the place where Australia had started. It was a place to see, and people to meet. With his feet as his preferred transport, Hurnain Hamid had toured the city of Sydney. Most of the time he had walked. At times he had taken the Monorail/Train and twice he had taken the taxi. With a population of nearly 3.9 million people, he had noticed that the city was surprisingly calmer than the chaotic conditions of Kuala Lumpur.

His escapade had taken him to the Rocks, (where the first settlements had been established), Darling Harbour, Circular Quay, Historical Museum, Sydney Aquarium and the Zoo.

His visit to the Zoo had a meaningful quality to it as there he had witnessed a real-life Red Panda in the flesh. He always had a soft spot for Red Pandas. Also at the zoo, his first encounter of the South American Eye-Lash Pit Viper, deemed to be the most beautiful species of pit viper in the world, was equally memorable.

On the 4th day, when the time came for him to return home, he had promised himself that he must return to this beautiful city, sometime in the future.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

My Adventure of Tracking Down a Hit-and-Run

If  my(failing) memory serves me well, FHM or Cosmpolitan or GQ,  (I’m not too sure which one but it was one of those publication which always had those hot hootchie mamas as their cover), once did a survey on what would a person do if they dented someone else’s car by accident, and with no witnesses. Unfortunately, Malaysians ranked as one of many who will bugger off, and do a Wile-E-Coyote without having the decency to leave a note or admit to their wrongdoing.

Last Saturday, Lawyer friend parked her car in PJ as she was rushing for her duty as bridesmaid. When she came back, she found her driver’s door smashed in. Culprit had ran off thinking he/she could get away with it. However, culprit made a very big mistake. They were witnesses.

Therefore,  Silver Waja WKB7973, run if you can. We have your address. JPJ was more than helpful to furnish us with the information.  It would be wise for you to owe up to your deceit. Come clean. We promise not to hurt you… too badly.

Silver Waja, WKB7973, be rest assured many eyes will be looking and searching a car depicting my description. There is nowhere for you to run or hide my friend.    

Friday, August 19, 2005

My Adventure of Finding A Name For Our Yahoo Group

Trusty assistant wants to create a yahoo group for Herpetofauna SIG. There, reptile enthusiasts are able to share information, swap pictures of herplife as well as be informed of future activitiesof the group.

I had thought that it was initially a good idea. An over-crowded mailbox nonetheless but I was tired of receiving mails containing subjects of, "College girl candy wants to be your friend", or "Are you feeling horny yet?".The thing is, I wouldn't mind getting to know 'Candy' or her other misbehaving college dorm-mates. Unfortunately, I have this weird feeling that 'Candy' in RL is in actual fact a bearded, cross-dressing, 37 year old man with a 40-inch beer gut. The ones you find in abundance near the Taiping lake.

Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, the yahoo group thingy. Well, trusty assistant wanted a cool name for it and had requested for feedback from other MNS members. As I said earlier, a good idea at the time, until I saw the actual feedback:-

Kermit& Gang
Kermit d' Fwog

I think I'll have a bit of rest under my table right now.              

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

My Adventure of Nearly Missing a Deadline

Phew, I had nearly missed the MNS newsletter deadline yesterday. I sent the announcements a few days late after the deadline last month, and angry editor chick who runs the publication wasn't too pleased. I chase frogs, snakes and lizards as a hobby and the more dangerous the animal, the more excited I am to fool around with them (women included).

However, somehow or some way, angry editor chick has the ability to turn me into a scared little boy. Thus, with the help of trusty assistant as proof reader, and several agonising drafts, I was able to send out the announcements, just in time for publication.

Frogging trips to Bukit Gasing and FRIM on the 10th & 14th September respectively, as well as a trip to Malacca to visit the WWF turtle sanctuary makes my schedule, your friendly neighborhood Scouser, very full  indeed for the month of September.          

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

My Adventure in the City of Liverpool

38 Bentley Road. That was the address of our residence during our stay in the city of Liverpool. I was 8 years old. It was the autumn of 1985 and it was a one year hiatus that I would never forget.

Mum had decided to pursue her Masters Degree and dad (who, ironically is a Spurs fan) persuaded her that the University of Liverpool was the best place to do her Masters. He forgot to mention one important fact about Liverpool to my mum though… it was the home of the best football team in the bloody world, Liverpool FC.

In preparation of the trip to a foreign country, mum had sent me on a crash-course in English, in the hope that I won’t embarrass myself too much in trying to communicate with the local habitat. Much good those lessons did for me as ‘Scouse’ is another language altogether.

Tiber Street School. This is where the constant interaction with the local under-12 population went under way. Interestingly enough, my friends were not only ethnic white, they were Sikhs, Indians, Pakistanis, Chinese. If I wasn’t any wiser, I could’ve swore I was back in Malaysia. Well, the majority of white kids there constantly reminded me that I was far from home.

It was bleeding cold most of the time anyway. Regardless of the color of your skin, we all spoke in one common voice. We spoke in Scouse.

Now, this is a footie-mad people, from the dinner ladies to the teachers. If u didn’t play football or had no interest in it, then u were frowned upon. Even the girls played. When it came to football teams, there were only two worth mentioning. Liverpool and Everton. The city itself was split between the red-half and blue-half. They supported no other.

Tiber Street School was no different. We had school hours of 9am to 3pm. We had school dinners and cool uniforms. We had ‘rehat’ 3 times a day. Yup! 3 bloody times a day and what do you think we played during rehat? That’s right, Football. There was a point where I could’ve been an Evertonian. God forbid. Even My best mate was a Blue.

I never knew exactly what swayed my decision but I chose Liverpool. I was in the CITY of Liverpool and RED was a cool color. Everton was leading the pack at the head of the league then, Liverpool was second. I had always a soft spot for underdogs. I had known nothing about football or Liverpool F.C.’s domestic and european dominance. I just chose.

In a way, you could say that Liverpool F.C. chose me. That is the reason why my allegiance runs deeps as I was a part of that community. This loyalty had taken me through some of the club’s most turbulent times and had allowed me to savour with greatest pleasure, their victories.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

My Nocturnal Excursion Up To Genting

We returned to our old frogging haunts of Gohtong Jaya on Saturday evening. I had decided that Lillian, my very own protégé and herpetologist-in-training, needed a more challenging spot for frogging. I chose Gohtong Jaya.

Fiza, being my other-half, as always tagged along.

We left Damansara at around 7pm and was able top reach Gohtong Jaya a few minutes past 8pm. It is a wonder I was able to find the usual trail we normally used, considering that the jungle had reclaimed much of it. The chill in the air didn't help, although It would've been even colder if it had rained. The stream water was damn-near freezing. Although the soil beneath our feet were damp, the forest litter was bone dry. A very unfavorable condition to find frogs.

After 2 hours of searching, the only species that we sighted were the Torrent Frogs, which is a very common species along rapids or waterfalls. We were getting frustrated at this as there was no sign of the infamous Flying tree frog, which is a main attraction for us at every visit. No sign of the Poisonous Rock Frog too, although at one point I did hear one of their call, but it was barely audible.

A severe disappointment to Lillian was the absence of the Agamid lizards, close kin the South American Chameleon. She had this thing about lizards and was hoping to catch sight of one. I had promised her there were loads of them there.

Therefore, it was a relief to our small group that during our walk back to our car, I had stopped to have a poke under an overhanging branch situated right over a small water conduit. Lo and behold, a Sumatran Pit Viper was eyeballing me from one of the branches.

Startled by my light, (you would too if someone had shoved a large shiny yellow orb into your face) the feisty little bugger had taken continuous strikes at me. No worries though, he was too high up to be a danger. We took about a million pictures of it and I just hope we didn’t blind it to death with out flashes.

As I sit here, writing this piece, I couldn’t help but notice that the rain has come back and its absolutely pouring outside. Hopefully, there would be more stuff to see when we head up back up there this weekend.

Friday, May 27, 2005

My Adventure of Seeing Liverpool Clinching the European Champions League Cup

The ancients believed that the heavenly bodies were set in crystalline spheres that made music as they moved, and that if we hear the sound, it would be the most celestial experience of all. But the sound which was heard in the Atartuk Stadium on Wednesday evening was even sweeter. More moving than the songs David sang for Solomon, or deeply affecting than all the galaxies singing in concert.

It was the sound of 20,000 Scousers singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone' in joyous merriment.

The odds had stood against them and none gave them a decent chance in emerging victorious from Istanbul. Some had even voiced out their disgust of the idea of having them in the final in the first place. They were a team living in the shadows of greatness, clinging to their once-illustrious history. The glory days of Liverpool was no more.

"Milan were to technically superior in quality," they had said. "and Ancelloti is a master tactician".

Typical stubborn Scousers.

Never was one to conform to what was expected of them. ...and how they responded in the second half and proving why Football is called the beautiful game. What the lads inRred did that night shall be remembered as one of the best comebacks in the annals of football history.

People forget.. and all shall be forgotten but for the fans who were there, they will strongly remember for many years to come, what feats were achieved that day.. and shall their names be familiar in our minds, freshly remembered.

The Captain, Steven Gerrard. The tenacious Jamie Carragher and Sami Hyppia and the insipiring Dietmar Hamman, amongst others. But for many, they will also remember that the final climatic moment of that day, did not rest upon the shoulders of the captain or any of the others.

It had rested upon a tall, lanky lad from the town of Rybnik in Poland. This impudent son of a miner, had the cheek to deny the reigning European Player of the Year from the penalty spot.

And thus, the trophy returns home to Anfield after a long wait. 5 times European cup champions means that they get to keep 'old big ears'.

Welcome home. We had missed you.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

My Adventure of Supporting Liverpool Through the Champions League Final


Straddling the Bosphorus, its skyline studded with domes and minarets, Istanbul is one of the truly great romantic cities. Its history tracks back from Byzantium to Constantinople to its place at the head of the Ottoman Empire. Today it hums as Turkey's cultural heart and good-time capital.

In this sprawling, continent-spanning city you can tramp the streets where crusaders and janissaries once marched; admire mosques that are the most sublime architectural expressions of Islamic piety; peer into the sultan's harem; and hunt for bargains in the Kapalý Çarþý (Grand Bazaar). Side by side with Old Istanbul you'll find hip bars and clubs, flashy executives, malls and haute cuisine. And then there is a rich arts culture - opera, music, cinema - which nods its head to the Ottoman and Byzantine ways while taking cues from Europe.

All this history, hustle and bustle coexists around the spine of the Bosphorus, a constantly busy, heaving mass, dotted with ships and ferries, which provides the link between Europe and Asia. Whatever your interest - architecture, art, nightlife, cuisine, history, religion, shopping - Istanbul has more than enough of it, at prices which are among the lowest in Europe.

Whatever...On 25 May 2005, Liverpool, deemed to be lacking in quality, guile and overall strength-in-depth of Chelsea, Arsenal, Manchester United, Bayern Munich, Juventus and Real Madrid, and the technical brilliance of Barcelona, will be travelling to the plush Ataturk Olympic Stadium for the European Champions League Final.

The others look on, green with envy.      

Friday, March 04, 2005

My Adventure During Raptor Watch

This coming sunday serves another nature escapade as the Malaysian NatureSociety's Raptor Watch returns to Tanjung Tuan, PD. This nature freak will of course be taking the annual sojourn once again to PD and hopes that there'll be at least more raptors flying overhead as compared to last year. W

What the hell is Raptor Watch i here u ask? and why is it so special that every birdwatcher this side of the continent takes the trouble to congregate to Port Dickson, of all places.

Well, every bloody year millions of birds make a dangerous journey to escape the cold of the northern winters. Some of these birds are called Raptors: eagles and related families such as buzzards, sparrowhawks and a crazy-quilt black and white bird with feathers in his cap called a black baza. Some reach as far as indonesia, if they can find their way through the haze first that is.

In january, these birds start to fly back north, gradually building up in numbers until in early march there are sometimes thousands per day passing over the Straits of Malacca from Indonesia to Malaysia. they won't stop long in the peninsular: they have a long journey ahead, back to Siberia, perhaps, or Japan, or to the remote areas of eastern China.yours truly, being the pleasent opportunist that he is, has abstained himself from volunteering during the event due to several reasons:

1. Taking about a million schoolchildren (about 60 exactly) on nature hikes under the blazing hot sun is entirely not his cup of tea

2. Running around like a headless chicken doing errands such as 'getting the v.i.p.'s their drinks' is certainly not what he calls 'bonding with nature'.

3. Running around again putting up posters, searching for lost children and picking up rubbish is equivalent to the many usages of a red-hot poker on a particular human appendageas such, i will refrain from volunteering my services for any donkey work and will instead practice the following;

1. Taking a nice quiet walk up to the lighthouse as green sea turtles are known to swim around the sea below the cliffs of this partciular area;

2. Having a nice rest under a shady tree, armed and ready with my binoculars to do exactly what the event organisers had in mind in the first place, watch the incoming raptors.entry is free for this event, so to those of you who can sacrifice a day from your blogging are most welcomed to come down to PD this sunday. (ceh! tengah promote MNS event ni). at least, you'll have something to blog about for monday morning.