Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Gimli9's Adventure of Cleaving You With His Battle Axe

Och Ay! I’ve gone & tied up Nain in the bleedin’ closet. Quit yer worrying. He’s all right and he’ll be back sooner than yer can say, ‘Torin’s Balls’. Although, why yer want to be saying that is beyond me.

So yer having to contend with me, Gimli9, 'the protector of illegaly traded wildlife and urban forest reserve'. Before any of you softy elvan-lovers start to question why a dwarf is loving nature, shut yer pie hole before I will cleave yer in two with me Battle Axe!

I don’t usually leave me Dwarven stronghold fer nothing unless it’s really bleedin’ important. Dwarves don’t say much. We growl most of the time and cleave filthy Orcs once in a while, so yer better pay attention of what I have to say.

Recently, yer had been celebrating yer Chinese New Year. I have nae problem with that but I’ve heard from some hobbit friends of mine of disturbing news. The wee lads had told me that you lot have been enjoying yer feasting a bit too much. Yer have been naughty little Orcs, haven't you? Feasting on dishes made from endangered animals, and it's not just the Chinese either, the other races in the country are gettin' into it as well. Aye, talk about racial harmonisation.

Aye laddie, those dishes yer been gobbling down, are they made from sustainable or legal produce? Tsk Tsk Tsk, I have gouged an Orcs eye out for lesser reasons. Since yer all Nain's friends, I'll give yer another chance. Make sure yer be more careful in the future, especially when you're hosting a feast. If yer ignoring me advice,

"I will cleave yer in two with my Battle Axe! "

So before yer start buying, think of my axe and remindr yerself;

Abalone – If yer buying, buy carefully. It may be popular, but watch out. Illegal harvesting and trade could have a severe impact on the survival of the species, and could result in the closure of legal fisheries and the loss of hundreds of jobs.

So before yer be buying it, yer better interrogate the merchant if their abalone has been legally sourced . If it is not, yer can proceed to cleave him with your Battle Axe!

Shark’s fin – Be yer very careful with eating shark’s fin soup. In fact yer don’t have to eat it at all. Nowadays it is not only the Chinese are eating, the Malays and Indians have started liking too.

Finning, involves cutting the fins and then throwing the rest of the shark back into the sea, is widely practiced. We only do that to Orcs and other Mordor scum, not sharks. If this continues, Gondorian alchemists are fearing shark populations will disappear entirely.

‘Health’ tonics containing endangered species –Yer to make sure that whatever potions yer buying does not contain or made out of endangered species such as wild ginseng, Asian freshwater turtles, seahorses, saiga antelope, pangolins, geckos, tigers and all of these species are subject to overexploitation and uncontrolled trade.

Those sea-horses on the hand, it is estimated that 24 million seahorses are taken from the wild every year, for use in traditional Chinese medicine, or sold live for the aquarium trade.

Yer not helping the tiger as well, laddie. With only around 5,000 tigers left in the wild, all international trade of tiger products is illegal, thus wines or tonics containing tiger bone are strictly prohibited.

Yer better be careful laddie. The least of yer worries would be having a Rider of Rohan striking you from behind with his spear. ....

The worst? You might end up like this. *Gruff*

What!? You ate Shark's Fin? Die Moria Scum!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Liverpool's Adventure of Stuffing Barca

Typical Scousers.

After their headline-grabbing, boozy excursion to Portugal last week, the lads redeemed themselves by tearing apart the current European champions. Barcelone's demise was ironically, delivered by none other than the two who were at the center of the (alleged) fracas; Bellars and Riise.

Typical Scousers.

Even if one of you is Welsh and the other Norwegian. It must be the air in Liverpool. If not then how could you explain how after bashing each other up (allegedly), they went of and bashed Barcelona; Ronaldinho et all.

So, how does one prepare for an important European match, especially when your balls are against the wall? Let us count the ways.

First just run around lazily like you're jogging in the parks and not scheduled to get stuck-in with some of the best players in the world. Yes, like so....

Then have a nice stroll through training, try to outdo each other through ball-juggling, doing the hokey-pokey and making irellevant but funny faces.

One, two, thre.. oops

You take your right foot in, right foot out, and shake it all about...

All this stretching is making me constipated

After training, the gaffer will give a bit of time-off from training, because you've been stuck in the small town of Vale Do Lobo in Portugal for about a week when back home, the other clubs are trying to steal your FA Cup from you. You will then proceed to paint the town Red (pun intended).

During the this little excursion it is advisable to go off for a little bit of drink-up followed by a karaoke session. It doesn't matter if you can sing, you lot sound terrible anyways. Drunk on booze, proceed to bash your mate with either a kitchen appliance, sporting equipment or with his own kidneys.

Of course you will find yourself in the tabloids the next day but then again most of your fans have boycotted The Sun so no worries of your M'am finding out.

Of course the Gaffer is going to be pissed and will fine you for about RM0.5M but hey, thats just loose change for you. Now, this is where it gets interesting. The papers are going to have a field day with the story, citing crisis in your team and these problems will possibly effect your performance the following evening.

Bollocks! Please, at your own convenience to, obtain a win at the Nou Camp of all places.


Are we going for a karaoke, after this John?

Oh and If you're wondering where my previous accounts of the boozing shenanigans, I've changed it allright. Actually it wasn't an official report. I made it up. Heh. Apart from the lads trying to nick Jose's grannie. That was true. Honest.

Friday, February 16, 2007

My Adventure of Embracing American Entertainment Culture

In consideration of us Scousers who had just ripped off the two American tycoons out of their ice hockey money, I thought I'd post a U S and A-inclined (Wawa Weewa!) topic.

Hey, we need to keep our victims.. er, investors happy. :p

Hollywood week for American Idol has ended and the judges have finally selected the final 24. Hands up who have been following the early auditions. See? You lot don't have a life. Heh. 40 contestants remained with 16 set to be eliminated during the hour. Cue anguished contestant shots, sobs of despair or screams of excitement, and endless segments of the judges toying with the singers’ vulnerable minds before mercifully telling them they had made the final

Anyways, the final 24 of American Idol. 12 guys and 12 girls. The best of the best.... or are they? Certain selections for the final 24 had the Missus and I not only fuming, but confused as well.

None more so of these two; Sundance Head and Leslie Hunt.

The judges' affinity to the mediocre resulted in two of the more decent contestants to be sent home; Thomas Whatisname and Marisa Rhodes.

Seriously mate, Sundance (Yes..Sundance!) and Leslie can't sing for shite. I mean they sound decent but their voices were average. Don't let me start on their charisma. I mean the Head Hantus of Hantubola are more interesting than these two... and thats really lowering the standards.

Since American Idol 3 was shown to us, I have continued to be pissed of not being able to vote for my favourite contestants on the show. If I did, Kat McPhee would have won hands down last year, because she is a hottie.

It is my humble yet outstanding opinion that since American foreign policy dictates and effects the lives of every other people in the world, especially George's war OF terror campaign, shouldn't we be allowed, to vote or at the very least have a say in their enterntainment culture? I think we should.

Next week are the finals, where the fate of the singers are in the hands of the American public. Americans will now decide who is to be their next Idol.... and I'm still pissed I can't vote.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

My Adventure of Giving a Talk on Sea Turtles

How do you spend a cold, drizzly monday evening? By giving a presentation on Sea Turtles, that's how!

I was having a bit of the flu since last weekend, but decided not to cancel the talk as it was my first at the MNS auditorium. It was quite a modest turn-out for the talk, considering that most members would only receive their newsletter later in the week.

The talks went quite well, even though I was bit blur from the medication. Fortunately, I did most of the presentation in English as compared to the last time I presented the same talk in Aquaria. there, I had to do it in BM which led to my the now legendary gaffe of, "bayi-bayi penyu".

I don't know whether its the medication or not but during the talk I made another gaffe by stating that Amphibians belong to the Reptile family. Oops.

Now kids, if you remember your Standard 5 Alam dan Manusia lessons, you would know that Amphibians are under a totally different Class altogether. You have your Inverterates and Vertebrates; those with backbones and those without.

Then, under Vertebrates, it is further divided into 5 main classes, Amphibia, Sauropsida, Aves & Mamalia. Sea Turtles fall under Sauropsida (Reptiles). Amphibians, like Anttyk, belong under their own Class. There's another Class which is Synapsida (mammal-like reptiles) which are the dinosaurs but they're extinct (except for Barney).

My bad.

See, I can touch the board with my finger. Wheeee!

This is all Greek to me

I'm making things up as I go