Friday, December 15, 2006

My Adventure of Spreading the Cheer.

Rafa's Redmen took the time-off from their busy schedule of English and European domination by doing their bit for the community by visiting the Alda Hey Children's hospital in Liverpool. They handed out gifts, posed for photographs and signed autographs for the children.

Hoi, Bolo & Dirk... where's your santa hat?

Not everyone has the chance of having "God" by their bedside when they're sick. :p

Hyppia & Finnan spreading the joy.

Garcia doing a Mariachi, while Finnan & Dudek look on with anguish at this guitar skills.

Bellars showing his soft side.

You'd smile too when you have two of the European Cup heroes dropping in on you.

So, to whom it may concern, have a jolly christmas and considering that Eiduladha (Raya Qurban) arrives soon after, Selamat Hari Raya Haji. Hopefully a win against Watford, Balckburn, Spurs & Bolton during the annual end-of-year fixture congestion, would make it a season to cheer.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

My Adventure of Growing a Beard

I've finally done it.

After careful deliberation upon the request (more like harassed) by my loyal admirers on how to attract more readers to my blog (especially those of the opposite s*x), I have decided to conform to their (my loyal admirers) wishes. Seeing as how they are inclined to pout, whine and moan about it if no effort is taken on my part.

Anyways, I think they have my best interest at heart, even though they have a funny way of showing it.

The whole idea started with these harrasments;

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

itu aje? cheh!

come on now, simpan janggut.

i'm sure you can be a good-looking gimli.please? for me???

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

wei boogerface, trust me,

you'll get more girls coming in here if you post your picture that has your facial hair looking scruffy and 'sexy.

'i now christen you Gimli of the Equator.

9 said...

i still hv girls coming in here already, even without the beard.

thank u very much.

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

but you get the same old ones coming in here and we all know the real truth behind the so-called "handsome" face.

princesswaffzonkle said...

so why DO we come here again and again then eh?

mandrem ni ;p

9 said...

u lot are a tough crowd to please. fine.. i'll grow a beard then... and i'll start to carry an axe around as well.

u wnt the scottish accent as well?

"and they call it a mine, a miiiiinnnee"

So now, as promised, is the result of my painstaking beard-growing efforts. A heartfelt Scouse thanks to Anttyk for helping me grow it.

I am now Gimli9, 'the protector of illegaly traded wildlife and protector of urban forest reserve'.

"Poachers, taste my axe!"

Thursday, November 23, 2006

My Adventure in Saving One of My Excursion Site

How nice. It seems that developers have started to move in by felling trees in the KL side of Bukit Gasing. Currently, they have just finished conducting soil testing and it's just a matter of time before the bulldozers come in. Another hillside development. Another case of cutting down a prefectly good hill to build, according to news on the grapevine, luxury bungalows.

140 mansions for who? The people? How are the people going to afford a RM1.5 million bungalow? Once again, greed has overcome common sense. So blinded are we to the terms of being a developed country, that we tend to overkill on that aspect. As a result, another hill is sacrificed.

Pertandingan placard tercantik.

How much are we earning from this, Datuk? Did we receive a big fat commission in approving the Developement Order? Did we not promise that there would be no more developement there, but then, you're stepping down, aren't you? It wouldn't hurt in putting some extra dosh into that retirement fund of yours, would it?

Or maybe, you're just plain stoopid.

Well, the point is that you had made a promise.

Lying weasel.

Leave my hill alone. Leave my frogs alone. Leave my snakes alone. Leave my lizards alone.

Go ahead with the development if you dare, but please do remember... that Payback is a Bitch with PMS.

For a bunch of protestors, they don't look very angry, do they?

Go here to fight the good fight.
On a lighter note;

Activity: Nocturnal Excursion
Time: 8.30pm
Date: 2, Dec 2006
Site: FRIM, Kepong

The forest research complex has always been and will forever be Herpetofauna SIG's most idealistic site for studying reptilesand amphibians. The time has come for us to once again venture into the Herp-friendly jungle of FRIM to seek and study these wonderful and elusive creatures.

Members who are interested in participating in the excursion, please send an e-mailto

Anyone interested? Ladies, I hear the guide is quite cute. Heh.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

My Adventure with a Weird Attempted Break-in II

Just as I was about to fall asleep, the Missus shook me awake. "Bunyi lagi la", she told me, and yes, I could hear the tapping again. The same bloody window. The same bloody tatoo.

Tap Tap Tap. Silent. Tap Tap Tap. Silent. Then it stopped.

Remembering what the policeman had mentioned, I signalled the Missus to stay calm while I went to the adjacent window and slowly peeked through there.


I asked the Missus (who had armed herself with a hammer from my toolbox) to stay in the room while I sneakily crept into the room next to ours (currently empty as the Missus' uncle is in KT for work), and took a peek from the window there.

Still nothing.

"F**k this", I told myself.

When I went back into our bedroom, the Missus looked at me anxiously and pointed at our twin french doors.

The tapping started there.

Dia main-main pintu lah pulak.

In a poignant flashback moment, I tried to remember what actually DID I see? Was it really an electrical wire tapping on the glass pane. It looked long and pointed, yes. Why did I not see the person or maybe his shadow? And why did I not see any footprints outside our window if it was a robber? Why did I not hear any footsteps or the sound of running feet when I shouted at the window previously?

We tried to sleep afterwards but it was a bit hard when the tapping, slow and barely audible, continued every hour until morning.

What was it then? Tree branch? There are no trees nor any foliage outside our window. A gecko perhaps? Eh, harlo. This is me. I'm the best person to recognize if it was indeed an animal of any kind.

Whats interesting to note is that the Missus and I went out at 12.30am that night for drinks and only came back an hour later. The malay culture is very sensitive of this and does not condone the practice of going out of the house too late at night, for facing the risk of something 'following' them home.

Being the adventurer extraordinaire and good looking chap that I am, I would usually take a bath immediately upon reaching home (as required from the petua) after a night's out of Frogging or Herping.

We went straight to bed that night after the mapleh outing.

Fortunately, there were no disturbance last night and we were able to get a good's night sleep. I am still in the dark over what the bloody hell happened that night, but suffice to say that there is no chance in hell of me going out of the house after 11pm from this day onward.

Those box of ciggies can bloody wait till tommorow.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

My Adventure with a Weird Attempted Break-in

We had a bit of excitement at the house last night. It was about 1.30am and I was tucking in for the night. The Missus was doing her cross-stitch, like she does every night before going to bed. Me, being the penidur profesional will usually fall asleep before her.

We suddenly heard a tapping on the window. Very softly at first but it became louder as the seconds wore on. We both looked at each other in a confused manner, mind you, the same look I gave Senor Benitez when I saw his formation for last sunday's game against Arsenal by the way.

"Tap tap tap", it went.

It stopped then started again, this time even louder.

I pulled the curtains back a few inches and sneaked a peek at the window. I saw a white electrical wire tapping on the window but did not see the person nor his shadow/sillhoutte , just the wire. Now, our house had been the subject of various attempted break-ins previously but due to a good (and very loud) alarm system and a nutter with a machete in the house (aku la tuh, heh) those incidents remained only as 'attempts'.

Since white electrical wires should only be part of an electical cabling system, and are not used to tap at people's windows, I concluded (o.o1s to be precise, just like our friend the Space Cop) that it was some wanker trying to test the sensitivity of the alarm system by tapping on the window panes.

I gave a shout at the window, "Hoi, B*bi! Nak mampus ke?" or something to that effect and banged the window, which automatically set-off the alarm. I quickly went for my machete (good for cutting foliage whilst jungle trekking and disemboweling robbers) and started for the door but the Missus, who was clearly scared and frantic by now, stopped me from exiting the house and doing an 'Aragorn' on the culprit.

I then called the nearest Police Station to have them send a car to the house. We are currently staying with the Missus' family so by this time everyone was up, and we spent the next minute trying to calm everyone down. When the police came, they made a sweep of the garden but as I suspected, found no one. The police did not find any footprints outside our bedroom though, which to me was a bit strange considering that it was raining outside and the bugger's wet footprints should be clear on the dry pavement.

The two coppers advised me that next time when we were aware of an attempted break-in, to try not to scare off the culprits but to quietly call them in so that they could catch the bugger in action rather than setting off the alarm prematurely and scaring him/them off. I thanked them for coming, went back inside and re-armed the alarm.

It took us a while to return to bed as the Missus was clearly shaken by the ordeal. By the time I was snug underneath the duvet it was already 3am and I gave the incident no more thought. However, it was just when I started to fall asleep that the weird stuff started to happen....

Ooops, the climatic ending will be posted tommorow. Watch this space.

Friday, November 10, 2006

My Adventure of Slagging Off Arsenal

The bloody server administrator is still blocking my attempts at Hantu Bola and as such, I am devoid of the wonderful world of insults, derogatory remarks , puns, sarcasm, back-stabbing, and all around drama swasta (not necessarily in that particular order).

I might as well do a posting of my own then, by walking down memory lane. I'm sure any Gooner fan would remember this particular incident, because any Scouser worth his salt wouldn't.

...but i was only giving 'im back his penny.

Why do you have a first name as a surname, son?

You would notice that in true Scouse fashion, young James Duncan Carragaher there didn’t take it lying down when he was affronted by a flying monetary trade implement. He was subsequently SENT OFF because he retaliated (as a Scousers are wont to do) by returning the same gesture back to the Gooner git who threw it in the first place.

Alan Hansen, Anfield legend and former captain of Liverpool and currently pundit extraordinaire made the now famous quote of ‘You won’t win anything with kids” after Manure lost their opening game to the Villans in Seasaon 95-96. Unfortunately, Manure and ‘Sir’ proved him wrong by winning the bloody double that year.

Fair enough, but am I insolent enough to mention that in actual fact the quote was wrongly directed and 10 years to soon?

Yes, I am. It should’ve been, ‘You won’t win anything with babies’.

Ref: Wot happened? Did big Andy Johnson elbow you in the head?
Van Pu$$y: Boo Hoo, no. Someone threw a coin at me. Waaaah..
I think the whole team needs to mandi bunga to get rid of the suweii. Losing 3-0 to a shite Arsenal team is unacceptable. Yes, Arsenal were shite, which means we played even shite-er. Lacklustre, to the point of being cowardly (yes marc, you!), Arsenal were playing 4-5-1 for f**k's sake, and you lot still allowed them 3 goals. F**k you!....

.... but then again, the lads weren't entirely at fault as there may be a possibility of Arsene playing dirty again;

Hallo Africa, tell me how you doing?

No wonder the lads were shite. Adebayour voodoo-ed the whole team, well except for Pepe of course. He's shite all the time.

Friday, November 03, 2006

My Adventure of Being Nostalgic

To those who remembered the good old days when life wasn't as complicated and hectic as now. Yup, it's that chap who can change his togs in about 0.01s.

Go on, admit it, you're singing along, aren't you? :p

Thursday, November 02, 2006

My Adventure During Eid Celebrations II

Remember this from last year's Eid holidays? For those of you lazy buggers, who are too errr.. lazy to click the link, it was this time last year that I'd set some resolutions for this year's Eid celebrations. I did it because I realised that Raya wasn't as 'enjoyable' for a couple of years now. Let's face it, Raya has not been the same since we were kids, innit?

The said resolution was hoped to provide me with a more meaningful and fun Syawal. Well, pertaining to my resolutions, let's see how did I fare this year;

6 Things to Remember for Next Year’s Eid Celebrations

Resolution #1: Ensure that at least one Baju Melayu consists of its complete set.

Yup, I was pretty sorted with my attire for 1st Raya, considering it was the Missus who ironed them out and prepared them on Raya Eve had something to do with it. We even colour- coordinated our attire and looked so poyo that it made everyone menyampah. heh. :p

Resolution #2: Sleep early.

How could I with all those malay movies, artist AF4 in whatever concert they were in this time and old re-runs on the telly? The missus was helping mum in the kitchen so it was couch-potato time. Yay.

Oh, by the way, Farhan has put on a bit of weight since the AF final, don't you think?

Resolution#3: Wake-the-bloody-up at least before 9am so one will be able to perform the Eid prayers. To do so, see #2.

Considering that I didn't comply to #2, I still had the wife to wake me up that morning before the stipulated time period. I went straight to the kitchen, before going off to the mosque.

Resolution #4: Pace one-self whilst stuffing one’s face.

As if it is remotely possible, mate. I did no such thing. How could you say no to our annual Raya morning Laksa Johor binge? Then there's Ketupat, Nasi Himpit with Kuah kacang and rendang at my grandma's place. I stuffed my face silly with all those nice food. It screwed up my digestive system but it was bloody worth it. :p

Resolution #5. Try to watch more Malay movies.

Heh. Let's see now;

Bloody nice. Now I know why those old fags at the Censorship banned it initially. They couldn't understand it. Heh. A very 'Malaysian' movie.

Bloody nice too, but lagi slow. It was only halfway through before I realised that it wasn't really meant to be a sequel to Sepet but more of a re-telling using the same characters of the above-mentioned movie. ... or something of that sort. I'm very 'duh', so please excuse me. :p

Pontianak Haram Sondol Malam
Oi, can u not try to be annoying? Sikit2 'pulangkan!' , wei! rilek la.

In terms of horror movies, we're still not there yet.

Pontianak Haram Sondol Malam 2
It became merapu, this one. Dude, what's with the flying kuda kepang?

Lady Boss
WTF?!? The gardener's her father?

Jutawan Fakir
You know that you're going to be blind simply by watching it but unnervingly, find yourself unable to pry yourself away from doing so. Spooky.

Giler la, Abg. Castello. Now, every 10 yr old will want to become ' hero No. 1 Malaysia' when they grow up.

KL Mencirit
Rosyam can't pull of a rempit lah, he's too cultured, and you wondered how Lisdawati could be so naive-ly annoying in this.

KL Mencirit 1
They replaced Lisda with Erra and introduced Que Haider (who?). Yes, we have Rosyam as a rempit and Erra as a minah rempit. Totally believable, mate (Not!).

Resolution #6. Foreign workers sightseeing in the empty streets of KL are not potential road kills and must not be mowed down indiscriminately.

One Burmese, 3 Indonesians, 2 Bangladeshi and bus-load full Cambodians..... Kidding, the missus wouldn't let me. Spoilsport.

So that makes it 3/3. Alamak, draw lah.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Our Adventure of Celebrating Eid

Saya, Hurnain Abdul Hamid, dengan hensem-nya ingin mengucapkan, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri kepada semua pembaca blog yang cemerlang. gemilang dan terbilang ini, terutamanya bagi yang beragama Islam. Jika saya pernah terkasar bahasa, menyakitkan atau mengecilkan hati, ataupun sengaja mendatangkan kemudaratan dari segi fizikal atau mental kepada pembaca2 yg dihormati (ya, termasuk penyokong kelab Man Ure juga), saya dengan tulus ikhlasnya meminta maaf, zahir dan batin.

Pembaca-pembaca yang menganuti agama katolik, protestan, buddha, hindu, konfusius, saintologi, wiccan dan kerajan langit 'ultra pin', janganlah bersegan-silu untuk memeriahkan hari lebaran ini bersama rakan2 yang beragama Islam kerana Agama kami sesungguhnya tidak men-diskriminasi terhadap penganut agama yang lain.

Kepada yang memandu pulang ke kampung semasa perayaan ini, berhati-hatilah di jalan raya serta mengikuti peraturan2 lalu lintas supaya selamat sampai ke kampung bersama keluarga tersayang. Jangan sesal di kemudian hari.

Selamat Hari Raya! Yay!

Monday, October 16, 2006

My Adventure of Getting Blocked

One fine monday morning, while I was to begin my obligatory blog surfing session to find out what my friends in cyber world have been up to during the weekend; I was met by the following message.

"Forbidden by rating check.

You are not permitted to access the URL due to the policy of your organization.

If this is an error, then you should contact your security gateway administrator."

"Eh, WTT?!?", I thought to myself. then I started to go through my links in quick sucession. I found that the HantuBola blog and Fireangel's suffered the same fate.

So Lily's rants and raves about men in general, the constant sniping of the head hantus and hantu keciks at Hantuola as well as Fireangel has been deemed bad for my cyber health and general mental sanity. As if the censorship is going to help. A bit of too little too late, lah.

Lily mentioned that it was probably due to all those swearing in her comment box but I think it's just that the system has suddenly took personal insult with all her men-bashing and 'i-haven't-gotten-laid-in-ages' posting

Hantubola I can undertand. It's footie related so a lot of testosterone flying around , especially from those Mancs who are always inclined to blow their own horns, as well as each others'. Heh. Furthermore, I think the Firewall just became too disgusted with all the lies the non-Liverpool fans are spreading about the greatest team in the bloody World.
Now Fireangel is a another story; her blog is quite safe... or maybe not. There was that time when she mini-cammed herself drunk on ther blog, whilst promoting this particular beer of hers or it may be that time she stuffed herself into a boot of a car, just to say if she could fit in it.

Heheheh. Bodoh punya Firewall, itupun nak block ke? Camner nih..?

Looks like it's down to the local cyber cafes for me to join those noisy litle brats playing whatever MORPG which is IN right now. Hmmm.. wonder if my Ragnarok account is still active?

Monday, October 09, 2006

My Adventure of Being a Year Older (Again)

Remember the Birthday Cake of last year? Well, it's back. :p

'29'..... 'Twenty Nine'....... '2-9'....... 'Dua Puluh Sembilan'...... Yay!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

My Adventure in Blogging Incoherently II

In continuation with my Top 5 list of movies; this week, we'll be looking at movies which have won something at the Oscars, that shouldn't have really. Maybe a best cinematography here, a best screenplay there but not the main award for best Film or Best Actor/Actresses, when you know that the other team should've won it in the first place.

Top 5 Award Winning Yet I- Think- It’s- Bollocks Movies.

5. Shakespeare in Love

What’s it about?

It’s a dramatic comedy/romance and William Shakespeare is portrayed as a young, struggling playwright, plagued by money shortages, problems with women, and a bloody writer’s block. If you’re into his work, you would recognize some of the characters and their lines are references to lines and characters in real Shakespeare plays -- implying that these people or events was to inspire the film's Shakespeare later in life.

Oh yeah, he falls in love or something.

Why I Bloody Hate it?

It’s a really nice movie actually but it’s only in this list because it beat Saving Private Ryan for Best Picture in 1998. How dare they!

4. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

What’s it about?

It had Chow Yun-Fatt and Datuk Michelle Yeoh. Played your hopes up didn’t it?

So these two are lovers (fair enuff), but feel they cannot act on their feelings because of Michelle’s marital commitment years ago. She was betrothed to Chow’s "Brother in Oath" and although he is dead, the two's relationship is still constrained by commonplace propriety. Sucks huh?

Why I Bloody Hate it?

The shit hits the fan with Zhang Zhi Yi. She’s bollocks! What do they see in her? Isn’t this supposed to be a kick-ass Kung Fu movie? She’s a bloody spoilt brat in the whole movie. The best part of it was when she took a bungee jump, minus the cord and killed her annoying self at the end.

I had thought it was going to be another ‘Swordsmen’. Chow Yun Fat should be taking on the dreaded Iron Mountain Skull Clan or something, but no, they had him chase that little shite, Zhang all over Northern China, while she goes off throwing tantrums in bars.

It's not any lower because they made Chow Yun Fat looked really cool in it... and killed off that annoying tart.

3. Sideways

What’s It About?

It’s about this recently divorced, unpublished writer, eighth-grade English teacher named Miles (Paul Giamatti), who takes his soon-to-be-married actor friend and old college roommate Jack (Thomas Haden Church) on a week-long road trip through Santa Ynez Valley wine country. Miles wants to drink wine, eat great food, play golf, and send Jack off in style. However, Jack is more interested in "sowing his wild oats" and having one last bonking session weekend (who doesn’t?).

Why I Bloody Hate it?

It has Sandra Oh in it. I really hate to admit it, but Zhang Zhi Yi is much prettier than this trollop. I mean she just ruined the whole bloody movie. It’s a movie about one guy’s efforts in trying to bonk a girl before this wedding. What’s not to love about it?

Unfortunately, the script made him bonk Sandra Oh.


2. Titanic

What’s it About?

Leo DiCaprio (before he atoned himself in Man in the Iron Mask) and Kate Winslet play Jack Dawson and rose DeWitt Brubaker. One is a ruffian and the other is a member of high society. They fall in love, proving that money is not really everything and Leo can get the chicks by charm alone, aboard the 1912 maiden voyage of the RMS Titanic.

The Titanic hits and iceberg, sinks into the freezing Atlantic and most of the people die. Simple enough eh?

Why I Hate About It?

No straight guy, for the life of him, will have anything good to say about this movie. Oi Cameron!, we can do without the love story, thank you very much. The only good bit about the movie was when the ship began to sink and everyone started to die. That was bloody hilarious. Hilarious not because I’m an insensitive git, but hilarious because I’ve gone bonkers due to the excessive annoying love scenes, “If you jump, I jump” shite.

If the movie was not bad enough, you then had all this merchandising glut. Titanic t-shirts, Titanic shorts, Titanic slippers. WTF?! Back then, these were in-fashion.

1. Brokeback Mountain

It’s a bisexual-themed movie (not gay, because these two wankers had wives in the movie) of Ennis del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) two young men who meet and fall in love in 1963 on a shepherding on Brokeback Mountain (hence the name) in Wyoming.

Why I Hate About it?

It’s a movie about two men bonking each other. It’s a bloody faggot movie. The gay community was raving about how this movie was liberating and non-prejudicial and all that shite.

It's Sci-Fi actually, and not to burst your bubble or anything you gay farks, but how can anyone focus on anything other than Ann Hathaway and Michelle Williams. Ang Lee, you wanker, it's a bloody science fiction because any sane person would give their left nuts to have a go at Ann Hathaway and their right testicle for Michelle Williams.

Unless of course its Sandra Oh or Zhang Zhi Yi. But then again, you still could cover their faces with a paper bag and not go gay.

Disclaimer: Please let it be known that I have nothing against lesbians or women who are bi-sexuals. Such tendencies /acts should be supported, nurtutred and flourished. Heh. :p

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

My Adventure in Blogging Incoherently

I'm currently suffering from nicotine and caffeine withdrawals. Food I can go without. Water is not a problem. It sucks to be a coffee drinker and smoker during Ramadhan. I'm guessing that the main symptoms of this particular problem is to blog incoherently; and post a fav movie's list. No, don't worry. It's not a meme and I'm not tagging anyone.... yet. Heh.

Top 5 Personal Favourite Yet Awesomely Bad Classic Movies

5. Commando

What’s it about? :

Colonel John Matrix (Arnie) has retired and is living with his 10 year old daughter (a very young Alyssa Milano) in a nice cabin in the middle of nowhere. Long story short, some South American kidnaps Alyssa and is holding her hostage. The rebels wants Arnie to assasinate the president of a their country so that big-boss rebel can take over the country. Why Arnie? Dude, do you really need to ask that question?

It’s obvious that the rebels have yet to see Terminator or Conan yet, else Arnie would be the last person on earth for them to piss off. It's just not healthy. So, being rebels and not being very bright, they managed to piss our hero off and it’s not long before Arnie gets angry and goes on a killing spree.

He kills his minder on the plane and then finds himself in a race against time i.e. He has to find out where the scumbags are holding Miss Milano, before the plane of his lands and rebels find out that he's flown the coop. With the aid of a stewardess he befriended/kidnaps (?!?), he raids a gunshop for suppliers and steals a plane to get to the rebel's hideout.

The movie's concept then takes on a consistent pattern.

Arnie killing everything that he sees.

Why I love it? :

It’s just brainless violence. This was Arnie at his best. Don’t try to figure out on the logic though, just accept the fact that the rebel's aim sucks big time, and Arnie is bullet-proof, and just sit back and enjoy as this walking gun store punishes the bad guys for laying their grubby hands on Alyssa Milano.

4. NICO: Above the Law

What’s it about? :
Before he became obese and started to make movies with rappers, he was the Man! This was his very fist movie and did he kick some serious arse! This is when the world was introduced to Aikido. Screw the roundhouse kicks, Steven showed us that it’s cooler to meet your opponents in close-range combat… and proceed to fracture their fibulas.

Steven plays Nico Toscani, a cop who used to work for the CIA (don’t they all) during the Vietnam War. He gets into some tough shite with the bad guys when he finds out that someone is smuggling C4 explosives, which is kinda worse than drugs.

Surprise! It’s his old pals from the CIA who’s been cashing in the drug trade and they have friends in all the right places. Suddenly, he finds himself being thrown-off the case and none of his cops pals want to help him.

No worries, being the bad-ass that he is, he tells everyone to go stuff it and proceeds to lay some Aikido smack down on the bad guys.

Interestingly enough, Sharon Stone (pre Basic Instinct) plays the "Man's" wife in this movie.

Why I loved it? :

It’s Steven’s first movie and we are introduced to a new style of martial arts. Practically ends Chuck Norri's carreer and his roundhouse kicks. Oh, and if your Aikido instructor informs it otherwise tell him to go stuff it!

Aikido was indeed created by Steven Seagal. Where did you think that Morehei Ueshiba learnde Aikido. He bloody watched this movie.

3. Waterworld

What’s it about:

The polar ice caps have melted, and the earth is covered by water. Well, serve them right for not taking care of the planet properly. Reduce, Recycle and Reuse!

So anyways, the surviving people live and travel on the seas, because dry land is now practically a myth. The people are living on man-made atolls and calling themselves Drifters. The bad guys are led by the ever menacing Dennis Hopper, who has adopted the Exxon Valdez * as his official residence.

Kevin Costner is the Mariner, a mutant freak (not to be confused with Freak & Geek) who has webbed hands and feet which makes him a bloody good swimmer. His ride? A very cool Trimoran. He minds his own business most of the time but due to some unforeseen events finds himself being the guardian of a little girl, who by chance, happened to have a map of dry land on her back tatooed on her back.

Now, Dennis wants the directions to dry land because let's face it, living on a rusty oil tanker sucks big time. So then it becomes a chase, whereby Kevin tries to protect the little girl and her hottie minder as well as trying to find dry land before Dennis gets his filthy hands on them.

Why I like it? :

I’m a sucker for post-apocalyptic themed movies, the idea of a post-devastated earth because mankind has screwed-up the planet and now the animals are in charge.

* 1989 Prince Willian Sound, Alaska. Ring any bell?

2. Dark Angel

What’s it about? :

Dolph Lundgren works vice in the city of Houston, ridding the city of drug dealers. His previous partner died during a drug bust and they’ve replaced him with a geeky, pencil-pushing FBI agent to investigate some mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead.

The culprit is actually an alien drug dealer from outer space! WTF?! He goes round and pumps alien narcotics into the body of his victims and then extracts the by-product from their brain. WTF?! Apparently, that stuff is some good shite there. The alien bloke doesn’t say much though, only ‘I come in Peace’ a lot, before killing his victims. WTF?!

Oh, and he has a big freaking gun which, from the looks of it fires artillery shells while those tossers at the PD only provide our heroes with only a 9mm. No fret, as it turns out, alien drug dealer is being chased by an alien cop. When the former gets killed off, Dolph was able to get hold of the alien cop's cool gun. We're all even now? Good, let the smackdown begin.

Why I loved it? :

It’s a murder mystery in itself, and it’s original. You’ll be exclaiming” WTF?!” throughout the movie but it’s quite entertaining. The movie takes the concept of your usual Cop v Drug Dealers scenarios and SCI Fi-ed it. Furthermore, how on earth can you not love the dialogue?

Alien baddie: I come in peace
Dolph: …and you go in pieces (Ratatatatat!)

1. Universal Soldier

What’s it about? :

What happens when you take two bad-asses, namely Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren and have them duke it out?

An Awesomely Bad Classic Movie!

Jean Claude and Dolph are two soldiers serving in Vietnam. Dolph is a bit mental because he likes the killing a bit too much and starts a hobby by taking trophies off the bodies of dead Viet Cong, ears, nose, and such. Both are killed during a village raid when Jean Claude tries to prevent Dolph from massacring the whole population.

Listed as MIA, they are actually flash-frozen and shipped to a top-secret facility where a team of scientists turn the two, along with other select specimens, into super-soldiers known as "UniSols”; reanimating the dead bodies of its dead soldiers to create a more a powerful and unique form of weapon.

Obviously, someone has forgotten to remind the military the shit always hits the fan when you screw around with the natural order of things.
Well the shit does hit the fan when Jean Clause starts to have flashbacks and suddenly he remembers who he was and goes AWOL from his chums. Dolph also remembers that he was a complete psychopath in his previous life, takes over UniSols and chases after Jean Claude to finish what they started years before.

Why I loved it? :

It has Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren! What more can you ask for. The acting is shite of course but it's an action movie about zombie soldiers, what do you expect. It has Dolph and Jean Claude beating the crap out of each other. Ahhhh.. bliss. :p

Monday, September 18, 2006

My Adventure Doing Some Charity Work

Young Reef Explorer 2006 @ Aquaria KLCC, 9th September 2006.

It was probably due to the fact that most of us were broke and couldn't afford to go off on a dive trip somewhere, or it could be that we were bored and had nothing better to do. Thus, we decided to do a bit of charity work. Not any charity work, but something interesting that would benefit us financially as well.

We decided to take some unde
rpriviliged kids and introduce them to SCUBA. We also decided to have someone else bear all the expenses. Clever eh? *wink*

Therefore, under the banner of the Malaysian Society for Marine Sciences (MSMS) we approached Aquaria KLCC and pitched the idea to them. The powers-that-be at Aquaria thought that it was a bloody good idea and promised us the use of their facilities as well as sponsoring us with the expenses. We then approached Yayasan Bakti Khidmat Masyarakat of Malaysia to provide us with 20 kids, aged between 12-15 years, to introduce them to SCUBA under Aquaria's Dive with Sharks programme.

Well, to cut a long story short, the kids had tons of fun, eventhough the basis of the event was chucking them all into Aquaria's main tank with the sharks, and err... manta rays. I had the dubious honor of taking the kids on a tour of aquarium but unfortunately, I was only able to provide them an explanation on the herpetofauna species while the fishes were limited to, "ikan nih goreng pon sodap".

Aquaria was so pleased with our contribution in making them look good that they pledged RM50K for our future scientific projects. Currently, we have one Reef Check Project off the waters of PD slated for the end of the year, and a Crown-of-Thorns clean-up in Tioman next year when the season opens. Our financial quandries are sorted out as both projects are fully sponsored. Aren't we all a bunch of clever buggers, then. *wink*

The project committee members and participants.

"Really.. I AM a babe magnet!".

"See how they try to bite my fingers off everytime".

The universal sign while having your pic taken.

See what I mean?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

My Tribute to a Fallen Comrade

(Steve Irwin, 22 Feb 1962 - 4 Sept 2006)

He started the whole TV wildife conservationsist phenomenon; common sense-deprived, hyperactive individuals who chased after animals which were more than inclined to bite your head-off based on general principles, and they all did this in the name of conservation. Steve Irwin shared his excitement about the natural world through his exploits on TV. He was concerned with conservation of endangered animals as well as the threats to them, most notably on the loss of habitat for these animals.

Even before Animal Planet brought his infectious enthusisasm to the couch potatoes the world over, Steve was already knee-deep in his conservations efforts and had already boughta a crap-load of land in his native Australia, Vanuatu, Fiji and US. He turned them all into nature preserves. He had urged people to take part in considerate tourism and not support illegal poaching through the purchase of items such as turtle shells, or sharks-fin soup. He built the Australia Zoo to be one of the most famous zoo in the world which concentrated in educating and creating awareness amongst the public.

His death on 4 Sept 2006, was a massive blow to the wildlife community, however he had already built the foundations in which his work can be continued, not only by his family and friends, but by ordinary folks like you or I. As such, we should not mourn his death far too much but to celebrate what he did in his life and to take up the work in which he left behind. I never met the man personally. Now, I never will. However, I believe he still lives on, in the hearts of those who carry on the torch of wildife conservation.

Crikey! *wink*

Monday, September 11, 2006

My Adventure at the Turtle Hatchery

The WWF/Malacca Fisheries Turtle Management Centre (26-27 August 2006)

MNS volunteers posing for a grop shot.

Sarah's entourage, Me and the Centre's Caretaker (chap in white)

The rescued Hawksbill & Green residing in the Centre's Pool.

The Turtle Hatchery itself.

We released about 113 Hawksbill hatchlings during the 2 day stint, with the hope that these unique & wonderful creatures will continue to survive. We were joined by 20 from Taylor's college to add to the 10 MNS volunteers I brought along with me.

Unfortunately, there were no nesting females that night, but we did receive 90 hatchlings in the early hours of sunday morning. The massive thunderstorm prevented us from releasing them that night. We had to wait till 6am till the rain stopped before releasing the current batch (the 90 was joined by another 2o or so late 'diggers' ).

We're probably going again after Hari raya, so any of you out there who are keen to help out and do your bit for conservation, drop me a line then. Let's save our natural heritage before it's all gone.

Friday, August 25, 2006

My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged IV

I saw this meme at absolutely-fuzzy's blog, and thought it has been bloody ages since I did a Meme, so here goes. I would very much like to tag eveyone who reads this but I couldn't be bothered.

I'd very much prefer you lot giving me money.

Can you name 21 people (immediate family exempted) you can think of right off the top of your head? Don’t read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people. Ready, Start!

1. Fiza
2. Os
3. Ruby
4. Zuardi
5. Ene
6. Izeman
7. Reena
8. Loretta
9. Sheema
10. Lillian
11. Chris
12. Nissa
13. Lizzie
14. Zamwal
15. Anna
16. Selena
17. Ajan
18. Shariz
19. James
20. Ahmad
21. Sarah


How did you meet 14?
We met in UiTM Melaka in 1995 . We were best mates right up till our graduation from UiTM Shah Alam in 2000, he left for the UK for further studies and communication was lost every since.

What would you do if you never met 6?
I probably shoot myself in the head or something to that effect as life wouldn’t be as colorful and lively as it is now. Village idiot and Court Jester rolled into one.

What would you do if 20 and 9 (the no. on the list) dated?
Oh, this is interesting. Well actually, at one point, I was egging them both on but No. 9, for some reason, said that it could never work out. It didn’t help when No. 20 was chasing this other particular skirt at that time.

Did you ever like 5?
I had a thing for her once, all for the wrong reasons, especially when she alrady had a BF. :p We’re best buddies now. She was the one who introduced me to the Missus.

Yes.. the irony amazes me too.

Would 3 and 12 make a good couple?
I’m sure they would. I have certainly not against any girl-on-girl action but It’d be weird though *Oh crap, now you’re giving me ideas.*

Describe 8:
Dedicated. She buggered off from her nice, cushy job as an NST reporter to go freelance and save the Malayan tigers.

Do you think 13 is attractive?
As much as I adore her to bits, she’s quite plain looking, more so with No. 15 around. *Sorry Liz!*.
Furthermore, she’s more like a little sister to me. Yup, a younger sister who’s 6 foot tall and bigger than you. Heh.

Tell me something about 17:
The typical old-fashioned, family man. He could also be a pain-in-the-arse as most of the time, you wouldn’t know whether to strangle him or laugh at his jokes.

Do you know any of 4’s family members?
I once met 2 of his devil nephews. Suffice to say that I never came back for another visit.

What’s 21’s favorite color?
I have no bloody idea.

What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she liked you?
Well, he should. I was his best man at his wedding.

What language does 20 speak?
Malay & English and occasionally, the language of love…. or so he thinks. Wanker! :p *Wei cepatlah khawin*

Who is 9 (the no. on the list) going out with?
Eugene. Futsal buddy and currently with an organisation that monitors illegal wildlife trade in the region. So unfortunate he’s a Gooner.

What does 16 do?
Marketing officer at Zoo Negara.

When’s the last time you talked to 13?
Ages ago, before she went to New Zealend to study Whales. Did I mention that she has her own boat, which was used in an ice-cream commercial?

What perfume does number 2 use?
I haven’t the faintest clue. *Oi, What wanking perfume do u use, mate?*

Would you ever date 7?
I could but for some reason it never happened. She lived a couple of rows from my rented apartment in Shah Alam. We became best of buddies , but the chemistry for romance was mysteriously absent.

Would you ever date 1?
I’m married to her, so … Yes? :p

Is 15 single?
No, she’s not… and all the men of the world can mourn. Your typically hottie Swedish babe, blonde, blue-eyes, and bloody gorgeous.

No. 11 and I have been plotting the BF's death for ages now. *kidding!!*

What is 19’s last name?

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 11?
Fark! No thanks mate, even if he was a girl.

He has a hottie sister though.

What school does 3 go to?
I haven’t the faintest clue.

Where does 10 live?
Tropicana apartments, PJ.

What’s your favorite thing about 10?
Trusty frogging assistant, until she buggered-off and joined the MNS Committee. Looks hot in a bikini? Heh. :p

Have you seen number 13 naked?
No, but I wouldn't mind. Heh. :p *sorry Liz*

Friday, August 11, 2006

My Adventure with the Croc Doc

Dr Barr doing what he does best on Nat Geo channel

Dr. Brady Barr, is an expert on the modern crocodilian species and has conducted field research on crocodiles and alligators on four continents. He is the only known man to capture (for scientific purposes of course) all 23 species of crocs and alligator in the world. He is the resident croc expert of Nat Geo channel and has hosted serveral shows i.e. Croc Chronicles, Reptile Rules, on the channel.

Last week, he was in town for a few days on his asian road trip to talk about his experience in chasing crocs around the globe. So, in the capacity of the Herp Group Coordinator of MNS Selangor, I dragged 2 of my volunteers to the zoo, where he was giving his talk. I could see he was knackered from having 3 shows a day for the last 2 days so wasn't able to really sit down and chat with him. I was only able to introduce myself to him, and stopped short of trading bite scars or crazy stunts done with dangerous reptiles. Furthermore, I didn't want to impose myelf on him seeing how tired he was. (3rd rudest city in the world, my arse).

We stayed for his show, and I could see why he was so exhausted, seeing as how animated he was in giving the talk. Here's hoping for his next visit, where hopefully we would be better prepared to receive him.

9, Dr. Brady Barr, Yanti & Khatijah at Zoo Negara

Thursday, August 10, 2006

My Adventure of Saying Goodbye

As we travel Life's weary journey,
And plod through the gathering years,
With our burdens of care and sorrow,
O'er a pathway bedewed with tears.
If, perchance, for a fleeting moment,
Our hearts should with rapture swell,
We have added but one more sorrow,
When we bid the glad time "Farewell".
- Thomas E. Spencer

You had been there with me, through the thick of it. You were my companion, friend and confidante. I realize now that it has been to many sunsets that we've shared together. Now it seems that it has been one sunset to many. Too many times of seeing the red sun descending to its home in the glowing west and too many times have I welcomed the stars appearing in the night sky with you (wtf?!?). Our destination was anywhere and everywhere. We have journeyed together, laughed and cried. It had been a long road to get here.

You had been with me in Sydney. You were with me in Royal Belum and Temenggor. You were with me when I got married, (although, I had we had to be discreet about it). You enabled me to blog, to express my ramblings, thoughts, sorrow and care to the world. .

We have arrived at the crossroads of our lives. Greener pastures awaits. You were never mine, and never will be. This is where we part company. We had played together, but those days have their end, 'this why I bid goodbye to you and farewell Amanah Captital Partners Equipment Tag: COM 0025.

Sekadar gambar hiasan. Bukan model sebenar.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

My Adventure In Light of PM's Warning

KUALA TERENGGANU: The Prime Minister has issued a warning – those who spread untruths and slander on the Internet will face the law.
If information in blogs, websites and online portals were incorrect, bordered on slander, caused disturbance or compelled the public to lose faith in the nation’s economic policies, their authors would be detained for investigation, said Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi…..

Now, let’s do a checklist on the whether Nocturnal Excursions conforms to the rebellious conducts which the government is trying to stamp down.

#1. Online portals are incorrect

“There you have it, I wish you, my brothers the very best of luck in your quest to pick up the chicks and become a babe magnet like yours truly”..... Excerpts from My Adventure of Giving Sound Advice

I AM a babe magnet. Seriously, I am. Kenapa? Tak Percaya ka?

#2. Caused disturbance

“Please be informed that any future attempts of trying to get either me, or the missus, to join your shite downline , will be met with a swift back-handed slap” .... Excerpts from My Adventure of Disclaiming Two-Legged Parasites.

It’s those damn MLM salesperson who are the ones causing all the disturbance. Where’s the FRU when you need them? A healthy dose of that stinky yellow water from that cannon of theirs should do nicely. Eh, how do I know that its yellow and stinky.. oops!. :p

#3. Compelled the public to lose faith in the nation’s economic policies.

Saya memohon kebenaran untuk membawa ahli-ahli Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia, Cawangan Selangor untuk sebuah lawatan ke Padang Kemunting Turtle Management Center”.... Excerpts from My Adventure in Corresponding In My Mother Tongue.

See, I compel the public to support the various government agencies which are involved with wildlife and the environment. Unless the policies themselves are detrimental to Mother Nature, then we'll see how controversial I can get.

So, suffice to say, this blog is pretty much Cemerlang, Gemilang and Terbilang.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

My Nocturnal Excursion Invite To Babe & KA

Excerpt from the MNS monthly newsletter for Aug 2006;

Sat, 5 Aug: Night Walk @ Kota Damansara Community Forest Park, Selangor

This is a Herpetofauna Group activity organised for Selangor Branch members and residents of Kota Damansara (and the Coordinator’s blog buddies -9). The park offers an easy trek through the forest trail. You will search for herplife, namely frogs and snakes.

Meet in front of SMK Section 10 Kota Damansara. Wear suitable outdoor clothes and hiking shoes. Bring insect repellent and torchlight. Refer to the May issue of the newsletter for the map to the park (I’ll post it up later when I figure out how to use the office scanner thingy -9)

Time: 8pm

Please contact the Group Coordinator; Hurnain Hamid at

Attention: Since both of them only want me for themselves, this invite is only in exclusive for Babe and KA. (Pssst.. the rest of you are invited as well but don't tell these two that I invited you guys as well.... make it like you're there by accident .. heh)

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

My Adventure of Breeding Rodents II

It has been almost 3 months now since I ventured into the rodent breeding excursion. Much has happened and almost akin to an episode of one of those South American (SA) soap operas, it has had murder, death, heartbreak, cover-ups etc. Remember the two hamsters we had, Bart & Ene? Remember I mentioned that we had suspected that Ene was pregnant. Well, our suspicions were true. She was.

Then Bart died.

How Bart died was a mystery in itself. I woke up one late Saturday afternoon to find Bart dead, half his body trapped between the cage-door. Now, we had made it habit in leaving the cage outside our room because hamsters being nocturnal, would be making a bloody racket around 3am – 6am, playing on their wheel and such. We suspected foul play. The suspects were the Missus’ nephews, whom her mum baby-sat for on weekends. Further investigation revealed nothing. No one was talking. Everyone denied knowledge. We smelled a cover-up.

I buried Bart outside our bedroom window.

We were worried that Ene might die of heartbreak as it is the norm for hamsters of this particular species but fortunately, she gave birth the very next day. And thus, for the next 2 weeks, she had been a single mother, raising 5 children on her own. We watched them grow up, hand-fed and tamed them till the point that they’ve recognized our voices.

Then the owner wanted them back. The initial agreement was to breed them and we would get one hamster as service fee. Demmit! We had to return them, minus one. We stalled the owner as long as we could, for almost 3 weeks in fact but the day came when we had to face the reality that we had to be parted from the whole family.

So, now we’re left with only one. The Missus had grown attached to on hamster, a male and the largest in the litter. We aptly named him Chubby. Chubby was the most tamed, and closest to the Missus and thus we had negotiated to have him.

So, today the Missus and I are going to look for a girlfriend for Chubby as well as new accommodations. We intend to breed more cute 'lil hamsters but this time round, the hamsters will be ours… and our alone.

Friday, July 21, 2006

My Adventure of Being a Petaling Street Hooligan

picture courtesy of Hantu Bola & S-kay

Yesterday, the resident surfers of Hantu Bola blog, Petaling Street Hoolies came together to play Futsal in our very own, 1st Futsal Meet at the Sports Barn in PJ, to finally put our money where our mouth were.

Try being the first one to arrive and going to the Sports Barn staff,

“Boss, ada booking untuk Hantu Bola tak pukul 7 nih?”

Fortunately, he didn’t take it as strange and was rather non-committal in hearing such a weird (and funky) name. Either the blog is reaaally famous or most of his customers use weirder names to book the courts. So here’s a bit of observation from last nite’s futsal session;

#1. The lads were polite. Which is quite strange if you think about it really, considering that we give stick and tear into each other, prominent individual players of various clubs and a certain local footie pundit on TV? It was all, ‘How do you?’, ‘Looks like rain, old chap’ scenario.

#2. Naz is bigger in real life.

#3. S-kay is thinner in real life.

#4. Anttyk plays right midfield, gammy leg and all.

#5. KY is a guy and not a chick.

#6. KY always tries for a screamer (even passing to a teammate 3 yards next to him)

#6. Eyeris has the skill and stamina but couldn’t hit a cows’ arse with... you know the saying. :p

#7. That was Scorkes last nite!?! Duh!

#8. That was Suanie last nite?!? Duh!

#9. I’m out of shape and my fitness is koyak.

#10. Din’s fitness is more koyak than me. Heh.

So, here’s to our next Futsal meet, where I’ll try to play up-front, being ‘9’ and hopefully remember to bring along my contact lenses. I was partially blind for most of the time last night. *cheh, last shot at excuse for being koyak*.

My legs hurt, and my back is killing me. I need a back rub from the Missus. Now, where’s that minyak gamat of mine.

Friday, June 23, 2006

My Adventure in Writing About Sex

One of my loyal and avid readers of my humble yet extraordinary blog, namely the Babe (who actually started all this emo closure of personal blogs), complained that I should start writing on juicy, illicit, erotic sex stories in here. Being the nice, accomodating (not forgetting good-looking) person that I am, I have decided to adhere to her lucid requests.

I'm sure everyone has a mate or two who are more inclined to brag about their shagging conquests. In fact, any man worth his salt will occasionally blow his own horn on how good he is in the sack and on the countless of women he had pleasured. The women, though less vocal than the men, are not exempted. In any group, you will always find a character of such sort.

Bloody annoying, innit? Especially for those of you who are phallus-challnged or can’t even score in a bloody brothel (this includes you, Crouchy), much less at the very least get someone who’s either, blind, mute and plain stoopid to sleep with you. No worries as the next time Mr. Brag-a-Lot starts sharing his sordid sexcapades with you, sort out his sexual ego by giving him some of these animal facts. These will sure bring him back down to earth as he, or she will find out that there are others whose sexual prowess and habits eclipses theirs.

Wild Sexual Habit #1.

Tens of thousands of red-sided garter snakes emerge from their underground hibernation dens and engage in “mating balls.” The male red-sided garters emerge first and wait patiently for the females to follow. Each time a female appears, the males surround her. The ball of snakes will writhe and sometimes even roll over land, until one male finally mates with the female.

Wild Sexual Habit #2.

Male Bottlenose Dolphins have been observed working in pairs to follow and/or restrict the movement of a female for weeks at a time, waiting for her to become sexually receptive. The same pairs have also been observed engaging in intense sexual play with each other. Studies that have shown the dolphins later in life are bisexual and the male bonds forged from homosexuality work for protection as well as locating females to reproduce with.

Wild Sexual Habit #3.

It has also been recorded that certain species of mole will impregnate newborns of their own species, the biological advantage to this is that when those moles mature and become fertile, they will become pregnant with the sperm of the mole that had mated with them at a very young age. Not sure whether this is forceful though.

Wild Sexual Habit #4.

This one is a cut above the rest. The Bonobo monkeys are found exclusively in the humid forests south of the Zaire River, sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, as it is being used as;

#1. A greeting (“Good morning, Boss” *shag*),

#2. A means of conflict resolutionn (“Aper? Perempuan tuh mintak you hantar dia balik umah? Tak boleh naik teksi ke?” *shag*),

#3. Post-conflict reconciliationn (“Ok, ok, I janji tak contact minah tuh lagi” *shag*),

#4. Favours traded by the females in exchange for food, (“Abg 9, mintak French fries you skett”? *shag*).

Interestingly, Bonobos are the only non-human apes to have been observed engaging in: face-to-face genital sex (most frequently female-female), tongue kissing, and oral sex.

Soooo... there you have it. If this doesn't shut Fabio up, nothing will, well, except for a good bloody thrashing.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

My Adventure During the FIFA World Cup 2006

This is the only animal I'm interested in this month

Apologies for the decrease in postings of late. The greatest show on Earth has occupied much of my time. I understand that most of my loyal readers can't get enough of this blog, and I don't blame them. Sometimes, I can't get enough of myself as well.

Be rest assured that I have no intention to stop blogging, unlike some emo bloggers out there. Therefore, for those of you who terribly miss my ramblings, you can click yourselves to in order to melepaskan rindu yang terbuku di hati selama ini.

You can find my ramblings there for the time being. Yes, the World Cup is first priority, as it always have been in the past, in the present and will continue to be in the future.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

My Adventure of Giving Sound Advice

The sexual struggle is of two kinds: in the one it is between the individuals of the same sex, generally the males, in order to drive away or kill their rivals, the females remaining passive; while in the other, the struggle is likewise between the individuals of the same sex, in order to excite or charm those of the opposite sex, generally the females, which no longer remain passive, but select the more agreeable partners. --Darwin, 1871

Hobo had lamented his poor luck with the opposite species. You have to admit after reading his luahan hati of crashing out again and again; it is a surprise that National Geographic has yet to give him a special documentary piece on their Air Crash Investigation series.

Being the ever so helpful blogger buddy of his (aren’t we all a happy family in blogwerld?), I thought I’d share some interesting observations I had made from my experience and knowledge of the animal world. My analysis is made by identifying the common dating behavior of men with the traits of certain animals during their mating rituals. It is hoped that Hobo, as well as Jules and Awang, could use this guide to successfully pull up a bird.

Animal fact v Human Behavior #1.

The male peacock is elaborate and showy, mustering its physical resources to woo potential mates with its enormous, colorful and gaudy, fan-like tail plumage. This is apparent with most birds whose males are of different, more beautiful color than the females of the same species.

Notice those flashy buggers in their flashy cars*, attired in their sharpest Armani silk shirt and D&G pants. Their habitat would vary between the mating grounds of Jln. Telawi as well the watering holes of Jln P. Ramlee, on Saturday nights. The more expensive they look, the better their chances of attracting a mate (for mating, not a mate for sat nite footie).

So, now you realize why your faded Lois jeans, and t-shirt bundle aren’t attracting more attention from the ladies? About bloody time to mortage-up dad’s kebun durian, and get fitted with the latest fashion accessory. If you have friends, who are fashion models (maybe you’re not a sodding loser after all), try calling them up and ask for tips. In addition, try switching on Channel 8’s Lakme to see whats hip and happening at the moment (doesn’t hurt to look like John Abraham).

*Not to be confused with Ah Bengs or Mat Keta, who are not classified under this as they are more willing to hump their cars than their girlfriends.

Animal fact v Human Behavior #2.

Male frogs showcase their incredible vocal sac ability, as their cacophony of calls and chirps fills the night air to attract a mate. The call is unique to the species, and will attract females of that species.

This explains the existence of groupies. I’m sure Steven Tyler has lost count on how many times he’s had knickers (of varying sizes and types) thrown to him while he’s performing (luckily we’re too conservative to be pelting that chap Mawi with our undergarments).

Unfortunately for you lot, AF’s (Akademi Fundek) auditions have closed (better luck next time, losers!) but do not fret. I’m sure there is some vocal teacher out there stup err... willing enough to take you in as a student. Before long, you’ll be belting those ballads as well as Yusry or that masked bloke from Amuk (Yey Yearghh!).

A chick digs it when you sing to her soft, romantic ballads and it’s just a matter of time before she sings into your ‘microphone’.

Animal Fact v Human Behavior #3.

The bowerbird's most notable characteristic is the extraordinarily complex behaviour of males, which is to build a bower to attract mates. This bower is a complex structure of sticks and leaves - usually shaped like a walkway, a small hut or a maytree -, into and around which the male places a variety of objects he has collected.

Any chick who says that she can never be bought or doesn’t like presents is either pulling your leg (when you wished she was pulling some other part of your appendage) or mental. Your ability in providing for her by buying expensive gifts will adhere her to you. Never underestimate the power of a Tiffany bracelet. The downside is when your salary is peanuts like mine right now, then you’re screwed (in the negative sense).

Animal Fact v Human Behavior #4.

The North American elk are big-shouldered beasts with majestic sets of many-tined antlers. During breeding season, fight rituals occur between males in order to determine who is entitled to breed with the available females.

Fortunately for us, we don’t have to go ala Royal Rumble just to get the girl. The above-mentioned behavior is only applicable when a rival male tries to move in on your lady.. However, at times like these, you are expected to be the gentleman and not treat the lady like an object or an item to be squabbled over. To make it worse, the bugger has read this blog and utilised the 1st 3 guides mentioned above. Shite. What do you do?

Playing fair and square are for tossers. All is fair in love and war, remember. This is where those voices in your head which you’ve been hearing come into play. Go on, listen to them . Go clean that shotgun of yours. If you’re severely lacking in fire arms, don’t worry, remember that tyre iron in your car boot.? A few good shots to the back of the guys’s head when he’s not looking should do the trick, and for heaven’s sake don’t tell the girl. They’ll be pissed for some reason.

There you have it, I wish you, my brothers the very best of luck in your quest to pick up the chicks and become a babe magnet like yours truly.

Disclaimer: The above posts should be read in jest, with a pinch of sarcasm to it. For heaven's sake don't go clobbering some mate of yours in the back of the head just because he was checking out your girlfriend. In addition, I would like to add that I have no prejudicial personal agendas with the bloggers mentioned in the above. I am sure that Hobo, Jules & Awang are strapping lads who can woo a girl only by winking at them.