Friday, June 23, 2006

My Adventure in Writing About Sex

One of my loyal and avid readers of my humble yet extraordinary blog, namely the Babe (who actually started all this emo closure of personal blogs), complained that I should start writing on juicy, illicit, erotic sex stories in here. Being the nice, accomodating (not forgetting good-looking) person that I am, I have decided to adhere to her lucid requests.

I'm sure everyone has a mate or two who are more inclined to brag about their shagging conquests. In fact, any man worth his salt will occasionally blow his own horn on how good he is in the sack and on the countless of women he had pleasured. The women, though less vocal than the men, are not exempted. In any group, you will always find a character of such sort.

Bloody annoying, innit? Especially for those of you who are phallus-challnged or can’t even score in a bloody brothel (this includes you, Crouchy), much less at the very least get someone who’s either, blind, mute and plain stoopid to sleep with you. No worries as the next time Mr. Brag-a-Lot starts sharing his sordid sexcapades with you, sort out his sexual ego by giving him some of these animal facts. These will sure bring him back down to earth as he, or she will find out that there are others whose sexual prowess and habits eclipses theirs.

Wild Sexual Habit #1.

Tens of thousands of red-sided garter snakes emerge from their underground hibernation dens and engage in “mating balls.” The male red-sided garters emerge first and wait patiently for the females to follow. Each time a female appears, the males surround her. The ball of snakes will writhe and sometimes even roll over land, until one male finally mates with the female.

Wild Sexual Habit #2.

Male Bottlenose Dolphins have been observed working in pairs to follow and/or restrict the movement of a female for weeks at a time, waiting for her to become sexually receptive. The same pairs have also been observed engaging in intense sexual play with each other. Studies that have shown the dolphins later in life are bisexual and the male bonds forged from homosexuality work for protection as well as locating females to reproduce with.

Wild Sexual Habit #3.

It has also been recorded that certain species of mole will impregnate newborns of their own species, the biological advantage to this is that when those moles mature and become fertile, they will become pregnant with the sperm of the mole that had mated with them at a very young age. Not sure whether this is forceful though.

Wild Sexual Habit #4.

This one is a cut above the rest. The Bonobo monkeys are found exclusively in the humid forests south of the Zaire River, sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, as it is being used as;

#1. A greeting (“Good morning, Boss” *shag*),

#2. A means of conflict resolutionn (“Aper? Perempuan tuh mintak you hantar dia balik umah? Tak boleh naik teksi ke?” *shag*),

#3. Post-conflict reconciliationn (“Ok, ok, I janji tak contact minah tuh lagi” *shag*),

#4. Favours traded by the females in exchange for food, (“Abg 9, mintak French fries you skett”? *shag*).

Interestingly, Bonobos are the only non-human apes to have been observed engaging in: face-to-face genital sex (most frequently female-female), tongue kissing, and oral sex.

Soooo... there you have it. If this doesn't shut Fabio up, nothing will, well, except for a good bloody thrashing.


Desparil said...

hahahahahahahaha... that's some good sh.. stuff there..

Invader Voobee said...

Awesome. Think i saw the ball of snake orgy in Nat Geo once. Bloody weird. They're like thousands of them!!! And they're all getting laid together!! i mean... shitt!!!I WANNA BE A SNAKE TOO!

Dame RoSse said...

kalau elephant seals pula kategori apa ye?

9 said...


aper snake, snake? gi update blog dulu la.

dame rosse:
camner boleh gi ke elephant seal lah plak tuh..?

Sarclover said...


erkk... i DO NOT Want to shag my boss.. that will be super EEEWW!

Sarclover said...


erkk... i DO NOT Want to shag my boss.. that will be super EEEWW!

suzequatro said...

snakes..i hate snakes..lookin at them pic u posted gives me goose bumps..heh..

9 said...

understood the first time, sarc.. heh. :p

nevermind, next time i'll post up my pics.. lagi u dpt goosebump. :p

suzequatro said...

9..oh really..are u like a weresnake or sumthin? that..scary..

9 said...

nope, b'coz of my dammmmnnn good looks. heh. :p

Doreen said...

Getting a shag for sharing some french fries? HAHA! Quick! Go McD's and stock up on fries! we're not bonobos.

raksaksabiskut said...

HAHAHAHA! i particularly enjoyed the bonobos' description.

9 said...

no, we're not bonobos, doreen *shag*.

cookie monster:
i thot u might.

Cosmic_GurL said...

Laaaa..potong stim betul la lu brader.Ni citer pasal binatang buat seks plak. Iskh!

Eh u forgot to tell abt abt female grasshopper. kinda insect ;p

Leen Ash Burn said...

This is too perverted. Even for me. *Note to self: Basuh mulut dengan sabun karang*

maya said...

im expecting u to shag (eh?)ur application of animal sex ob to humans..mesti lagi illicit and erotic gitu..

hv a nice weekend!!

9 said...

too late for that my dear. :p

aweks kosmik
insects are not my thing. sorry.

eh? hv a nice weekend to u too..

Keropok said...

is this blog rated???

Keropok said...

Enjoy the semis 9.
Who you rooting for?

Freak & Geek said...

it feels like reading SATC of animal planet version in blog land.

two thumbs up! me like.

kepala_angin said...

thank god my office blocked the pix. i don't think i can stomach ur pix, knowing your sense of humor.

p/s: about 2 weeks ago was at SP Ampang on a friday, tak nampak pun you berlari-lari anak mengejar girl, opps, i meant mengejar ball. sudah retire ke? ;-)

9 said...

rated 5 bintang by the persatuan playaz daerah ulu langat.

i aim to please

wei, kalau ader game ajak la.. boleh i kejar2 u. heh. we couldn't get a court, all fully booked.

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

sesekali mata ini terpandang akan satu nama yang amatlah dikenali.

oh tidak! namaku disebut senafas dengan perlakuan seks yang tidak senonoh???

oh hurnain!! sanggup kau menodai kesucian namaku ini!!!!

Keropok said...

Enjoy the finals wherever you are Mr 9 (I get it now... Hur-9) *doh*

Cheers, bro!

Inn said...

woaa!! back up with research sumore. tee hee.

9 said...

u shud try try calling up cust. serivice ppl with my name..

"huuuu.. aper?"

9 said...

bukan kau pernah ku nodai ke sebelom ini?.. oh blom lagi. hehe

my kajian is from what i read.. i never pergi and study the bonobos mcm peeping tom. heh.

Ms J said...

dude, you got waaayyyyy too much time in your hands! now cummere and givus a shag and shut up!

(figure of speech your realise!)

Invader Voobee said...

Mana lu punya blog update? Keco le lu brader.

anisism said...

happpdeettt laaaaaaaaaaa. saya tak reti baca la bebende ni.

9 said...

i suck at taking hints and take everthing at face value.. :p

sabor la, wei..

hehe, so d very cute la u nih..

suzequatro said...

i demand an update from this blog. thank u. peace.

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