Thursday, March 30, 2006

Our Adventure of Finding Graffiti


One of the endearing trait of a selected number of Malaysians is the ability to scribble/deface public property. Usually, any public edifice (usually secluded and away from the athorities' eyes) would be fair game for these artsy individuals.

Of course, we all know about the fanciful artwork which can be found behind the cubicle doors of our infamous public toilets. Not contended with being an OSHA violation, it also provides a venue for these aspiring public artistes to express their talents as well as providing us with reading material whilst on the crapper.

As I found out last Sunday, it seems that our repressed art-loving society have not limited themselves to the khazis. It was in Bukit Gasing whilst on my hike with Babe and KA, that we chanced upon a watch tower, which had fell 'victim' to these artsy individuals. The tower’s main objective of providing a scenic view of the surrounding hills and valleys, was literally eclipsed by the amount of graffiti adorning it. Every bloody inch was covered in artwork.

Most of the scribbling were amorous in nature; it seems that Malaysians are wont to announce their feelings towards their other-halves in a literary manner. It’s not enough to just verbally express such feelings; one has to inscribe one's undying love, preferably at a public place for the entire world to see.

"Hu Ling *heart* Syamsul"

A more jiwang karat version would have an arrow through the *heart* . We did notice however, that some of the 'love pledges' had one of the names cancelled out. The weird thing was not of the break-up itself but the obvious fact that one of the couple had actually remembered to come back to the watch tower (in which they had originally expressed their love) and had cancelled his or her name off.

The scribbling weren’t limited to amorous couples though; it was also the venue for one to express anger. Why, in the first place, would someone, who is obiously pissed off with something, take the effort to climb all the way up Bukit Gasing (armed with a liquid paper, the essential tool of graffiti artiste ), and express their angst on the tower?

“Mati kau Cikgu Razlan botak!”

Now, I have no idea what Cikgu Razlan to deserve such accolades, but suffice to say it may have been something really, really horrible. This particular announcement was followed by a request to burn the follicle-challenged person's car. This particular artiste was helpful enough to include the car’s plate number.

Finally, there's our favorite graffiti. The sex offers.These are offers made by some aspiring p.i.m.p. daddy who, I suspect, after soliciting the wares himself, was kind enough to share it with his fellow Malaysians. Berkongsi amalan mulia indeed.

“Kong**k free, sedap giler”

According to KA, one of the numbers was the infamous 017 errr… services. I was tempted to ask how she knew about it.

However, the most hilarious and I believe deserves to be in a genre of its own is the services providing a free punch-up.

“Kalau nak gaduh, anytime boleh”

This was followed by a list of names of the wannabe kaki pukul, ( no Messrs Norton or Pitt though) ever ready to kick your arse at a time and place of your choosing. Included in the graffiti was the contact numbers, and methods in which you would like your arse kicked.

Malaysia is a nation of multi-ethnicity, religiously diverse and culturally wealthy. From the cries of Malaysia Boleh in support of the nation’s struggle for sporting excellence to the annual haze filled days, courtesy of our neighbors, Malaysia is indeed unique in its own right. Chuck in the crappy graffiti culture in and you will find that there is no place like home in Malaysia.

Think of how much this lot save on advertising fees.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

My Adventure of Being a Married Man II

Strange things have been happening around the house recently. Incidents which I cannot explain but strangely enough, resulted in the same, exact response from the wife. After a few days of deliberating on it, I have finally come to the conclusion that it might be from my own doing.

Though I don’t see the problem in the first place, the wife has been getting annoyed at me for actions of mine, which I find to be normal. Maybe someone out there could tell me what & where I did wrong here because I just don’t see it.

Incident #1.
Me: Do I look good in this tie?
Wife: Yes, very handsome.
Me: All the chicas mesti tergolek-golek caiir nengok I smart camni
Wife: *snarl*

Incident #2.
Wife: Sayang, tolong sidaikan baju yang I baru basuh tu.
Me: Ait.
Me: Shite! *after dropping one of the wife’s pants on the muddy ground.*
Wife came to check..
Wife: Eh, apa pasal kotor ni.
Me: *with innocent look on face* Eh, bukan memang macam ni ke?
Wife: Jangan nak menipu, you jatuhkan tadi ke?
Me: Heheh
Wife: Nak cuba tipu I pulak! *snarl*

Incident #3.
Wife: What are you doing with that? *pointing at my bantal busook*
Me: I can’t sleep without it la.
Wife: Dah besar2 macam ni pon, nak pakai bantal busook lagi. Dah khawin pulak tu. Peluk la je I.
Me: I peluk dua2 la.
Wife: Meh sini bantal ni, I buang malam ni jugak! *making a grab for it*.
Me: Nooooooo… *trying to save my pillow but to no avail*

I still don't see whats all the fuss is about. :(

Monday, March 20, 2006

My Adventure of Being A Married Man

When you make a sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. - Joseph Campbell (1904-1987), American professor, writer and orator.

I’ve been playing husband for a month now. I say ‘play’ because I have no bloody idea of how to be a husband. I do have references with my friends who have been married for the last couple of years but their advices are more to the lines of how to effectively and effectively shag the wife. In other words, they’re advise for me are all but completely bloody useless on other matters which relates to having a successful marriage. This has somewhat resulted in me, making things up as I go.

Previously, all I knew was that my days of frolicking and galavanting with other multiple female species, were over (YM notwithstanding). That being said, I had expected that I’ll be more domesticated, to which I was prepared for.

However, there were several other issues which I wasn’t.

The first issue we had to tackle was our financial quandry. The missus can be considered ‘in-between ‘ jobs right now, so at the present moment, she’s a full time house-wife, which makes me the sole bread-winner of the family. I was never known to be a follower of budgets, which is ironic really, considering what I do for a living.

First week-in, the missus had us compiling a family budget which had me sacrificing a lot of stuff. There went my Magic: The Gathering trading cards budget, had to wave goodbye to my monthly ‘subscription’ to DC/Marvel comics. Even my membership at the Gym had to go. We also had to cut down on our travelling, which releates to fewer nocturnal excusrions.

Living in the middle of nowhere did not help the cause that much. With the government conspiring against me by reducing their petrol subsidiary, I had to find alternatives to get to the office. The petrol and toll cost was bloody murder.

In summary, we had to sacrifice a lot of stuff, things which I had enjoyed duing our bachelor/bachelorette days. I am so fortunate that the wife is a great cook. To quote my mum, “Fiza ni campak batu dengan kayu dalam periuk boleh jadi sambal tumis”. At the very least, we’ve saved a lot on food and groceries. Most of the time we eat in. Which also explains the sudden increase in the girth of my tummy.

*sigh* To think that I’ve cancelled my gym subscription.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

My Adventure During Raptor Watch III

Being the jolly, observant chap I am, I could not fail to make some interesting observations while at Tanjung Tuan the other week. I thought I was barfing mad at first but after 3 events, and having a repeat of the same premise of observation, I was able to come to some sort of conclusion.

Humans tend to flock together, much like antelopes would when they knew that they were being stalked by a pride of lions in the african savannah. Most notably;

#1. Hardcore Birders

These are the individuals who wake up at 5 bloody am on a Sunday morning to drive 50 bloody kms (give or take a few km) in order to go for bird-watching. The experienced ones are walking bird-dictionaries, able to precisely identify the species of a bird from sight and sound.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):

Have the ability to fly.

How to spot them:
Can be found sporting camo fatigues, the mandatory towel around the neck and their RM8,000 Swarvoski scopes.

#2. Volunteers (Specialist)

Then you have those specialising in certain areas like Marine, Botany or Caving etc. They tend to chip in once in a while when they themselves are either; not indisposed with their own activities or not being quick enough to come up with an excuse when asked to assist.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):
Depending on their speciality, has the ability to walk on water, sprout ferns from the ears or generate stalagmites out from the ground.

How to spot them:
Being experienced has it downside as most are asked to man the booths or take charge of a particular activity i.e. nature walk, lucky draw, selling the t-shirts or being the MC for the day.

#3. Volunteers (Ordinary)

Every event need cheap labour. If Rock & Roll bands have roadies, well we have the volunteers. People, who, when instructed run around like, and I quote, ‘demented avian-flu inflicted chickens’. One good thing about this lot is they they require not a bloody much to maintain. You don’t have to feed them or better yet, pay them. They feed on enthusiasm and get their energy directly from the sun.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):

Powers still yet to develop.

How to spot them:
Since someone has to do all the dirty work, can usually be spotted being ordered to carry out the odd jobs.

#4. Herpetofauna Coordinator

By golly, the most charming and good-looking chap at the event. During his bachelor days, spent most of his time chatting up the cute volunteers and visitors. Once believed that the female visitors are there to see him, and not the raptors.

Conservation/Mutant Power(s):

He has the uncanny ability to avoid work at all times.

How to spot him:
The chap sitting under the tree with a glass of drink in his hand.

* Yes, he knows that he missed much of the action this year but is even now making preparations for next year’s event so that he can yet again bum off.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

My Adventure During Raptor Watch 2006 II

We were late. Very late. 18 hours late according to trusty assistant. The missus and I were only able to undertake our little excursion to PD only on Sunday afternoon.

Apparently, I got my wish of not having to volunteer, as at the time of reaching Ilham resort, the other volunteers were already starting to pack up. The irony of it is that my intentions of lazing about underneath a tree somewhere went up in smoke as well.

Only a flock of Crested Honey Buzzards, catching the late afternoon’s thermals were my only reward for my tardiness. They circled around above us a couple times and then sped off to continue their journey.

As of today (and after Liverpool got dumped out of the Champions League due to their lacklustre donkey performance), the count was 2674 raptors sighted. Not a bad count for this year, although I was told the majority of the raptors were sighted over various other places except for Ilham Resort itself and over the period of one week. Maybe I did not miss out much after all.

Even as we speak, Hardcore birders (read; people who have no ther apparent life or day job) are still serving as spotters are in PD . Expect the number to increase by the weekend.

What did I learn from this year's Raptor Watch, considering I was there for only 3 hours? The next posting awaits.

Friday, March 03, 2006

My Adventure During Raptor Watch 2006

It is that time of the year again where a few hundred people (including yours truly, along with the missus) converge down to Tanjung Tuan, Port Dickson to wait for the fly-back of the migrating birds-of-prey.

Since it gets a bit chilly up there in the Siberias during winter, these raptors take a trip down to the sunny south to catch a bit of sunlight. Once spring comes, our feathered friends then make the return leg back their natural habitat way up north or thereabouts,by way of the straits of Malacca.

The best place to catch a glimpse of them is at Pee Dee itself. This year, I have yet again opted out of volunteering at the event. Nothing beats lazing about on my arse, under a the shade of a palm tree with a drink in hand as I watch the other volunteers run around like demented avian-flu infected chickens.

Being the resident Herpetofauna expert, I expect ONLY to be disturbed if there’s a sighting of a lizard, snake or frog.

Anyone who is free and wouldn't mind taking a sojourn down to Port Dickson, the event is held tommorow and the day after. Entrance is free and there are a crap-load of activities to participate in.

If you do decide to come, don't forget to seek out the good- looking chap lazing-about underneath a tree and give him a wave.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

My Adventure of Tying the Knot

One half of me is yours, the other half yours mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours, and so all yours.
("The Merchant of Venice", 3.2.17-9)


It’s been a long road, getting from there to here. I’ve closed a chapter of my life, and opened a new one. Looking back, I have not the faintest idea on how I survived all the bumps to reach where I am now.

The dust has finally settled. I came out pretty much intact, physically and mentally. Though, I may need some time to recover the damage done to my pockets.

It is a terrific change yet terrifying at times. I’ve followed where my heart has led me and it has taken me here. From this point, whatever happens, I know that I’m not alone.

Wish me luck in this new adventure of mine.

I do apologise of failing to invite those species under the family of blogidae for the wedding. Due to contraints with regards to time and guest quota, I was unable to disseminate the invites in an efficient and effective manner. You were sorely missed.