Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Gimli9's Adventure of Cleaving You With His Battle Axe

Och Ay! I’ve gone & tied up Nain in the bleedin’ closet. Quit yer worrying. He’s all right and he’ll be back sooner than yer can say, ‘Torin’s Balls’. Although, why yer want to be saying that is beyond me.

So yer having to contend with me, Gimli9, 'the protector of illegaly traded wildlife and urban forest reserve'. Before any of you softy elvan-lovers start to question why a dwarf is loving nature, shut yer pie hole before I will cleave yer in two with me Battle Axe!

I don’t usually leave me Dwarven stronghold fer nothing unless it’s really bleedin’ important. Dwarves don’t say much. We growl most of the time and cleave filthy Orcs once in a while, so yer better pay attention of what I have to say.

Recently, yer had been celebrating yer Chinese New Year. I have nae problem with that but I’ve heard from some hobbit friends of mine of disturbing news. The wee lads had told me that you lot have been enjoying yer feasting a bit too much. Yer have been naughty little Orcs, haven't you? Feasting on dishes made from endangered animals, and it's not just the Chinese either, the other races in the country are gettin' into it as well. Aye, talk about racial harmonisation.

Aye laddie, those dishes yer been gobbling down, are they made from sustainable or legal produce? Tsk Tsk Tsk, I have gouged an Orcs eye out for lesser reasons. Since yer all Nain's friends, I'll give yer another chance. Make sure yer be more careful in the future, especially when you're hosting a feast. If yer ignoring me advice,

"I will cleave yer in two with my Battle Axe! "

So before yer start buying, think of my axe and remindr yerself;

Abalone – If yer buying, buy carefully. It may be popular, but watch out. Illegal harvesting and trade could have a severe impact on the survival of the species, and could result in the closure of legal fisheries and the loss of hundreds of jobs.

So before yer be buying it, yer better interrogate the merchant if their abalone has been legally sourced . If it is not, yer can proceed to cleave him with your Battle Axe!

Shark’s fin – Be yer very careful with eating shark’s fin soup. In fact yer don’t have to eat it at all. Nowadays it is not only the Chinese are eating, the Malays and Indians have started liking too.

Finning, involves cutting the fins and then throwing the rest of the shark back into the sea, is widely practiced. We only do that to Orcs and other Mordor scum, not sharks. If this continues, Gondorian alchemists are fearing shark populations will disappear entirely.

‘Health’ tonics containing endangered species –Yer to make sure that whatever potions yer buying does not contain or made out of endangered species such as wild ginseng, Asian freshwater turtles, seahorses, saiga antelope, pangolins, geckos, tigers and all of these species are subject to overexploitation and uncontrolled trade.

Those sea-horses on the hand, it is estimated that 24 million seahorses are taken from the wild every year, for use in traditional Chinese medicine, or sold live for the aquarium trade.

Yer not helping the tiger as well, laddie. With only around 5,000 tigers left in the wild, all international trade of tiger products is illegal, thus wines or tonics containing tiger bone are strictly prohibited.

Yer better be careful laddie. The least of yer worries would be having a Rider of Rohan striking you from behind with his spear. ....

The worst? You might end up like this. *Gruff*

What!? You ate Shark's Fin? Die Moria Scum!


Invader Voobee said...

Wise words indeed you smaller errthian. What good is planetary conquest if you don't have local wildlife to enslave upon. We must maintain their numbers.

Oh and you remind me of Flintlocke the dwarf. Are you of kin?


9 said...

do not confuse me with ur words. i'll cleave yer in two invader scum!

lilyliverbird said...

men would eat pig's dong if it promises longevity in the nether region.

Keropok said...

Wots all this here nonsense about? Let's find some food!

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

hello pendek!

for someone shorter (shorter than me), you sure know how to talk.

9 said...

think they wud eat my old underwear if i started a rumour that the pair cud enlarge their dongs?

insolent fools! taste my axe!

Doreen said...

ooooh, short hairy men running around with axe and cleavers in their hands. me likey.

i've stopped eating sharks' fins since last year. and i've been labelled stupid when i pass up the bowl of fins at wedding dinners. It doesn't take long before someone says, "Oh dowan ah? I eat I eat!"

princesswaffzonkle said...

am i the only one who thinks this is sexy talk?

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

weih pendek. your kapak plastic bought at toys r us don't scare me at all!!!!

9 said...

i hv been offered turtle eggs before but the difference is when they call me stupid, I cleave them in two with my battle axe.

puteri ulit mayang:
it's the beard, isn't it? heh.

who are you calling 'pendek', wench?

although, if u can grow a beard and with your height you'd make a lovely dwarf woman. *wink*

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

YOU!!! hahaha!!! dwarves are pendek. even more pendek than them hobbits!!!

Keropok said...

Off wit yer head, m'lad... off wit yer head!

Man U vs Liverpool tengok kat mana?

9 said...

are u implying that u are a hobbit? :p

nengok kt umah la. bini aku aku tak kasi aku keluar sorang2. takut kena ngorat dgn aweks2 di luar sana. heh.

A Babe Of Very Little Brain said...

hobbits are cute. whereas the likes of you, ie dwarves, are ugly.

ps. takut bini ye? hehehehe ... so how to date you summore like this?

9 said...

aku tak takut bini la..

bini aku tak takut dgn aku jerr..