Most Merciful God,
I know I haven't been a good boy lately in fact I have been quite notty.
I have been missing too many prayers, especially the morning ones. My fasting hasn't been fastidious (no pun intended, oh Ruler of Heaven and Earth) and those which I have missed, intentionally or otherwise, I have yet to replace, as per your instruction.
I haven't been paying the zakat (except for the fitrah but that was only because the Zakat Chap was sitting right beside gaming store) even though you have provided me a crapload from your endless bounty over the years.
Oh, Most Compassionate. I am ashamed of the fact that even though I have lacked my duties towards You, You still find it in your infinite wisdom to still grant me my health, good looks and charming disposition. You have granted me a hottie wife in which I am not deserving. You have made me a babe magnet which has resulted all the hottie chicas, inlcuding the not so hottie ones converge upon my blog.
However, I promise to be Your most humble and bestest servant if you could return Liverpool FC's English and European domination, in which You bestowed unto them during the 60's, 70's and 80's. Currently, us Scousers, Your most humble servants, have noticed that you are more inclined towards that scum team from Manchester (you, in your infinite wisdom would know which one).
I gave You thanks for the treble in 2001. I am so grateful for that night in Instanbul. A miracle in which only You can bestow as well as the other various cups you have allowed us to win during the new millenium.
I still give You thanks for those blessing above now.
I am sorry that some of us have taken to give a nickname to one of our own as 'God', even though he is old, not very good looking and is not a heavenly being or control the fate of the universe at his whim, much like You. Those who have done so have strayed from your path, they know not of what they do. I know that you are the only One in our hearts and in our mind. Do not punish the rest of us for the transgression of a few.
Oh, and I'm so sorry too for having that infidel water as our main sponsors.
I am sorry for that Scouse hottie, Lily the Liverbird as well. For reasons I know not but still... sorry just in case.
Therefore, if it's not too much to ask and I know there are other people in this world who are more in need of your attention, but could you, upon your compassion, please bestow upon Liverpool FC your baraqah and its players the ability to score and defend well for the rest of time. Have us win the Championship another 18,000 times and the European Cup another 500 times. We are not greedy, Oh Most Glorious. You can toss the other Cups for the rest to scavenge upon.
Furthermore, please turn your back upon that other team from Manchester, or smite each one of those gay buggers with your thunder... or swallow them up into the very pits of hell during a game. Either one should be fine, we're not choosy.
As a measure of respect and goodwill to your Greatness, I will promise to be a good boy and do thy bidding from now on.