My Adventure in Blogging Incoherently

I'm currently suffering from nicotine and caffeine withdrawals. Food I can go without. Water is not a problem. It sucks to be a coffee drinker and smoker during Ramadhan. I'm guessing that the main symptoms of this particular problem is to blog incoherently; and post a fav movie's list. No, don't worry. It's not a meme and I'm not tagging anyone.... yet. Heh.

Top 5 Personal Favourite Yet Awesomely Bad Classic Movies

5. Commando

What’s it about? :

Colonel John Matrix (Arnie) has retired and is living with his 10 year old daughter (a very young Alyssa Milano) in a nice cabin in the middle of nowhere. Long story short, some South American kidnaps Alyssa and is holding her hostage. The rebels wants Arnie to assasinate the president of a their country so that big-boss rebel can take over the country. Why Arnie? Dude, do you really need to ask that question?

It’s obvious that the rebels have yet to see Terminator or Conan yet, else Arnie would be the last person on earth for them to piss off. It's just not healthy. So, being rebels and not being very bright, they managed to piss our hero off and it’s not long before Arnie gets angry and goes on a killing spree.

He kills his minder on the plane and then finds himself in a race against time i.e. He has to find out where the scumbags are holding Miss Milano, before the plane of his lands and rebels find out that he's flown the coop. With the aid of a stewardess he befriended/kidnaps (?!?), he raids a gunshop for suppliers and steals a plane to get to the rebel's hideout.

The movie's concept then takes on a consistent pattern.

Arnie killing everything that he sees.

Why I love it? :

It’s just brainless violence. This was Arnie at his best. Don’t try to figure out on the logic though, just accept the fact that the rebel's aim sucks big time, and Arnie is bullet-proof, and just sit back and enjoy as this walking gun store punishes the bad guys for laying their grubby hands on Alyssa Milano.

4. NICO: Above the Law

What’s it about? :
Before he became obese and started to make movies with rappers, he was the Man! This was his very fist movie and did he kick some serious arse! This is when the world was introduced to Aikido. Screw the roundhouse kicks, Steven showed us that it’s cooler to meet your opponents in close-range combat… and proceed to fracture their fibulas.

Steven plays Nico Toscani, a cop who used to work for the CIA (don’t they all) during the Vietnam War. He gets into some tough shite with the bad guys when he finds out that someone is smuggling C4 explosives, which is kinda worse than drugs.

Surprise! It’s his old pals from the CIA who’s been cashing in the drug trade and they have friends in all the right places. Suddenly, he finds himself being thrown-off the case and none of his cops pals want to help him.

No worries, being the bad-ass that he is, he tells everyone to go stuff it and proceeds to lay some Aikido smack down on the bad guys.

Interestingly enough, Sharon Stone (pre Basic Instinct) plays the "Man's" wife in this movie.

Why I loved it? :

It’s Steven’s first movie and we are introduced to a new style of martial arts. Practically ends Chuck Norri's carreer and his roundhouse kicks. Oh, and if your Aikido instructor informs it otherwise tell him to go stuff it!

Aikido was indeed created by Steven Seagal. Where did you think that Morehei Ueshiba learnde Aikido. He bloody watched this movie.

3. Waterworld

What’s it about:
The polar ice caps have melted, and the earth is covered by water. Well, serve them right for not taking care of the planet properly. Reduce, Recycle and Reuse!

So anyways, the surviving people live and travel on the seas, because dry land is now practically a myth. The people are living on man-made atolls and calling themselves Drifters. The bad guys are led by the ever menacing Dennis Hopper, who has adopted the Exxon Valdez * as his official residence.

Kevin Costner is the Mariner, a mutant freak (not to be confused with Freak & Geek) who has webbed hands and feet which makes him a bloody good swimmer. His ride? A very cool Trimoran. He minds his own business most of the time but due to some unforeseen events finds himself being the guardian of a little girl, who by chance, happened to have a map of dry land on her back tatooed on her back.

Now, Dennis wants the directions to dry land because let's face it, living on a rusty oil tanker sucks big time. So then it becomes a chase, whereby Kevin tries to protect the little girl and her hottie minder as well as trying to find dry land before Dennis gets his filthy hands on them.

Why I like it? :

I’m a sucker for post-apocalyptic themed movies, the idea of a post-devastated earth because mankind has screwed-up the planet and now the animals are in charge.
* 1989 Prince Willian Sound, Alaska. Ring any bell?

2. Dark Angel

What’s it about? :

Dolph Lundgren works vice in the city of Houston, ridding the city of drug dealers. His previous partner died during a drug bust and they’ve replaced him with a geeky, pencil-pushing FBI agent to investigate some mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead.

The culprit is actually an alien drug dealer from outer space! WTF?! He goes round and pumps alien narcotics into the body of his victims and then extracts the by-product from their brain. WTF?! Apparently, that stuff is some good shite there. The alien bloke doesn’t say much though, only ‘I come in Peace’ a lot, before killing his victims. WTF?!

Oh, and he has a big freaking gun which, from the looks of it fires artillery shells while those tossers at the PD only provide our heroes with only a 9mm. No fret, as it turns out, alien drug dealer is being chased by an alien cop. When the former gets killed off, Dolph was able to get hold of the alien cop's cool gun. We're all even now? Good, let the smackdown begin.

Why I loved it? :

It’s a murder mystery in itself, and it’s original. You’ll be exclaiming” WTF?!” throughout the movie but it’s quite entertaining. The movie takes the concept of your usual Cop v Drug Dealers scenarios and SCI Fi-ed it. Furthermore, how on earth can you not love the dialogue?

Alien baddie: I come in peace
Dolph: …and you go in pieces (Ratatatatat!)

1. Universal Soldier

What’s it about? :
What happens when you take two bad-asses, namely Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren and have them duke it out?

An Awesomely Bad Classic Movie!

Jean Claude and Dolph are two soldiers serving in Vietnam. Dolph is a bit mental because he likes the killing a bit too much and starts a hobby by taking trophies off the bodies of dead Viet Cong, ears, nose, and such. Both are killed during a village raid when Jean Claude tries to prevent Dolph from massacring the whole population.

Listed as MIA, they are actually flash-frozen and shipped to a top-secret facility where a team of scientists turn the two, along with other select specimens, into super-soldiers known as "UniSols”; reanimating the dead bodies of its dead soldiers to create a more a powerful and unique form of weapon.

Obviously, someone has forgotten to remind the military the shit always hits the fan when you screw around with the natural order of things.
Well the shit does hit the fan when Jean Clause starts to have flashbacks and suddenly he remembers who he was and goes AWOL from his chums. Dolph also remembers that he was a complete psychopath in his previous life, takes over UniSols and chases after Jean Claude to finish what they started years before.

Why I loved it? :

It has Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren! What more can you ask for. The acting is shite of course but it's an action movie about zombie soldiers, what do you expect. It has Dolph and Jean Claude beating the crap out of each other. Ahhhh.. bliss. :p

My Adventure Doing Some Charity Work

Young Reef Explorer 2006 @ Aquaria KLCC, 9th September 2006.

It was probably due to the fact that most of us were broke and couldn't afford to go off on a dive trip somewhere, or it could be that we were bored and had nothing better to do. Thus, we decided to do a bit of charity work. Not any charity work, but something interesting that would benefit us financially as well.

We decided to take some underpriviliged kids and introduce them to SCUBA. We also decided to have someone else bear all the expenses. Clever eh? *wink*

Therefore, under the banner of the Malaysian Society for Marine Sciences (MSMS) we approached Aquaria KLCC and pitched the idea to them. The powers-that-be at Aquaria thought that it was a bloody good idea and promised us the use of their facilities as well as sponsoring us with the expenses. We then approached Yayasan Bakti Khidmat Masyarakat of Malaysia to provide us with 20 kids, aged between 12-15 years, to introduce them to SCUBA under Aquaria's Dive with Sharks programme.

Well, to cut a long story short, the kids had tons of fun, eventhough the basis of the event was chucking them all into Aquaria's main tank with the sharks, and err... manta rays. I had the dubious honor of taking the kids on a tour of aquarium but unfortunately, I was only able to provide them an explanation on the herpetofauna species while the fishes were limited to, "ikan nih goreng pon sodap".

Aquaria was so pleased with our contribution in making them look good that they pledged RM50K for our future scientific projects. Currently, we have one Reef Check Project off the waters of PD slated for the end of the year, and a Crown-of-Thorns clean-up in Tioman next year when the season opens. Our financial quandries are sorted out as both projects are fully sponsored. Aren't we all a bunch of clever buggers, then. *wink*


The project committee members and participants.


"Really.. I AM a babe magnet!".


"See how they try to bite my fingers off everytime".


The universal sign while having your pic taken.


See what I mean?

My Tribute to a Fallen Comrade

(Steve Irwin, 22 Feb 1962 - 4 Sept 2006)

He started the whole TV wildife conservationsist phenomenon; common sense-deprived, hyperactive individuals who chased after animals which were more than inclined to bite your head-off based on general principles, and they all did this in the name of conservation. Steve Irwin shared his excitement about the natural world through his exploits on TV. He was concerned with conservation of endangered animals as well as the threats to them, most notably on the loss of habitat for these animals.

Even before Animal Planet brought his infectious enthusisasm to the couch potatoes the world over, Steve was already knee-deep in his conservations efforts and had already boughta a crap-load of land in his native Australia, Vanuatu, Fiji and US. He turned them all into nature preserves. He had urged people to take part in considerate tourism and not support illegal poaching through the purchase of items such as turtle shells, or sharks-fin soup. He built the Australia Zoo to be one of the most famous zoo in the world which concentrated in educating and creating awareness amongst the public.

His death on 4 Sept 2006, was a massive blow to the wildlife community, however he had already built the foundations in which his work can be continued, not only by his family and friends, but by ordinary folks like you or I. As such, we should not mourn his death far too much but to celebrate what he did in his life and to take up the work in which he left behind. I never met the man personally. Now, I never will. However, I believe he still lives on, in the hearts of those who carry on the torch of wildife conservation.

Crikey! *wink*

My Adventure at the Turtle Hatchery

The WWF/Malacca Fisheries Turtle Management Centre (26-27 August 2006)


MNS volunteers posing for a grop shot.


Sarah's entourage, Me and the Centre's Caretaker (chap in white)


The rescued Hawksbill & Green residing in the Centre's Pool.


The Turtle Hatchery itself.

We released about 113 Hawksbill hatchlings during the 2 day stint, with the hope that these unique & wonderful creatures will continue to survive. We were joined by 20 from Taylor's college to add to the 10 MNS volunteers I brought along with me.

Unfortunately, there were no nesting females that night, but we did receive 90 hatchlings in the early hours of sunday morning. The massive thunderstorm prevented us from releasing them that night. We had to wait till 6am till the rain stopped before releasing the current batch (the 90 was joined by another 2o or so late 'diggers' ).

We're probably going again after Hari raya, so any of you out there who are keen to help out and do your bit for conservation, drop me a line then. Let's save our natural heritage before it's all gone.

My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged IV

I saw this meme at absolutely-fuzzy's blog, and thought it has been bloody ages since I did a Meme, so here goes. I would very much like to tag eveyone who reads this but I couldn't be bothered.

I'd very much prefer you lot giving me money.

Can you name 21 people (immediate family exempted) you can think of right off the top of your head? Don’t read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people. Ready, Start!

1. Fiza
2. Os
3. Ruby
4. Zuardi
5. Ene
6. Izeman
7. Reena
8. Loretta
9. Sheema
10. Lillian
11. Chris
12. Nissa
13. Lizzie
14. Zamwal
15. Anna
16. Selena
17. Ajan
18. Shariz
19. James
20. Ahmad
21. Sarah

THE QUESTIONS:

How did you meet 14?
We met in UiTM Melaka in 1995 . We were best mates right up till our graduation from UiTM Shah Alam in 2000, he left for the UK for further studies and communication was lost every since.

What would you do if you never met 6?
I probably shoot myself in the head or something to that effect as life wouldn’t be as colorful and lively as it is now. Village idiot and Court Jester rolled into one.

What would you do if 20 and 9 (the no. on the list) dated?
Oh, this is interesting. Well actually, at one point, I was egging them both on but No. 9, for some reason, said that it could never work out. It didn’t help when No. 20 was chasing this other particular skirt at that time.

Did you ever like 5?
I had a thing for her once, all for the wrong reasons, especially when she alrady had a BF. :p We’re best buddies now. She was the one who introduced me to the Missus.

Yes.. the irony amazes me too.

Would 3 and 12 make a good couple?
I’m sure they would. I have certainly not against any girl-on-girl action but It’d be weird though *Oh crap, now you’re giving me ideas.*

Describe 8:
Dedicated. She buggered off from her nice, cushy job as an NST reporter to go freelance and save the Malayan tigers.

Do you think 13 is attractive?
As much as I adore her to bits, she’s quite plain looking, more so with No. 15 around. *Sorry Liz!*.
Furthermore, she’s more like a little sister to me. Yup, a younger sister who’s 6 foot tall and bigger than you. Heh.

Tell me something about 17:
The typical old-fashioned, family man. He could also be a pain-in-the-arse as most of the time, you wouldn’t know whether to strangle him or laugh at his jokes.

Do you know any of 4’s family members?
I once met 2 of his devil nephews. Suffice to say that I never came back for another visit.

What’s 21’s favorite color?
I have no bloody idea.

What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she liked you?
Well, he should. I was his best man at his wedding.

What language does 20 speak?
Malay & English and occasionally, the language of love…. or so he thinks. Wanker! :p *Wei cepatlah khawin*

Who is 9 (the no. on the list) going out with?
Eugene. Futsal buddy and currently with an organisation that monitors illegal wildlife trade in the region. So unfortunate he’s a Gooner.

What does 16 do?
Marketing officer at Zoo Negara.

When’s the last time you talked to 13?
Ages ago, before she went to New Zealend to study Whales. Did I mention that she has her own boat, which was used in an ice-cream commercial?

What perfume does number 2 use?
I haven’t the faintest clue. *Oi, What wanking perfume do u use, mate?*

Would you ever date 7?
I could but for some reason it never happened. She lived a couple of rows from my rented apartment in Shah Alam. We became best of buddies , but the chemistry for romance was mysteriously absent.

Would you ever date 1?
I’m married to her, so … Yes? :p

Is 15 single?
No, she’s not… and all the men of the world can mourn. Your typically hottie Swedish babe, blonde, blue-eyes, and bloody gorgeous.

No. 11 and I have been plotting the BF's death for ages now. *kidding!!*

What is 19’s last name?
Rice.

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 11?
Fark! No thanks mate, even if he was a girl.

He has a hottie sister though.

What school does 3 go to?
I haven’t the faintest clue.

Where does 10 live?
Tropicana apartments, PJ.

What’s your favorite thing about 10?
Trusty frogging assistant, until she buggered-off and joined the MNS Committee. Looks hot in a bikini? Heh. :p

Have you seen number 13 naked?
No, but I wouldn't mind. Heh. :p *sorry Liz*

My Adventure with the Croc Doc

Dr Barr doing what he does best on Nat Geo channel

Dr. Brady Barr, is an expert on the modern crocodilian species and has conducted field research on crocodiles and alligators on four continents. He is the only known man to capture (for scientific purposes of course) all 23 species of crocs and alligator in the world. He is the resident croc expert of Nat Geo channel and has hosted serveral shows i.e. Croc Chronicles, Reptile Rules, on the channel.

Last week, he was in town for a few days on his asian road trip to talk about his experience in chasing crocs around the globe. So, in the capacity of the Herp Group Coordinator of MNS Selangor, I dragged 2 of my volunteers to the zoo, where he was giving his talk. I could see he was knackered from having 3 shows a day for the last 2 days so wasn't able to really sit down and chat with him. I was only able to introduce myself to him, and stopped short of trading bite scars or crazy stunts done with dangerous reptiles. Furthermore, I didn't want to impose myelf on him seeing how tired he was. (3rd rudest city in the world, my arse).

We stayed for his show, and I could see why he was so exhausted, seeing as how animated he was in giving the talk. Here's hoping for his next visit, where hopefully we would be better prepared to receive him.


9, Dr. Brady Barr, Yanti & Khatijah at Zoo Negara

My Adventure of Saying Goodbye

As we travel Life's weary journey,
And plod through the gathering years,
With our burdens of care and sorrow,
O'er a pathway bedewed with tears.
If, perchance, for a fleeting moment,
Our hearts should with rapture swell,
We have added but one more sorrow,
When we bid the glad time "Farewell".
- Thomas E. Spencer

You had been there with me, through the thick of it. You were my companion, friend and confidante. I realize now that it has been to many sunsets that we've shared together. Now it seems that it has been one sunset to many. Too many times of seeing the red sun descending to its home in the glowing west and too many times have I welcomed the stars appearing in the night sky with you (wtf?!?). Our destination was anywhere and everywhere. We have journeyed together, laughed and cried. It had been a long road to get here.

You had been with me in Sydney. You were with me in Royal Belum and Temenggor. You were with me when I got married, (although, I had we had to be discreet about it). You enabled me to blog, to express my ramblings, thoughts, sorrow and care to the world. .

We have arrived at the crossroads of our lives. Greener pastures awaits. You were never mine, and never will be. This is where we part company. We had played together, but those days have their end, 'this why I bid goodbye to you and farewell Amanah Captital Partners Equipment Tag: COM 0025.



Sekadar gambar hiasan. Bukan model sebenar.

My Adventure In Light of PM's Warning

KUALA TERENGGANU: The Prime Minister has issued a warning – those who spread untruths and slander on the Internet will face the law.
If information in blogs, websites and online portals were incorrect, bordered on slander, caused disturbance or compelled the public to lose faith in the nation’s economic policies, their authors would be detained for investigation, said Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi…..

Now, let’s do a checklist on the whether Nocturnal Excursions conforms to the rebellious conducts which the government is trying to stamp down.

#1. Online portals are incorrect

“There you have it, I wish you, my brothers the very best of luck in your quest to pick up the chicks and become a babe magnet like yours truly”..... Excerpts from My Adventure of Giving Sound Advice

I AM a babe magnet. Seriously, I am. Kenapa? Tak Percaya ka?

#2. Caused disturbance

“Please be informed that any future attempts of trying to get either me, or the missus, to join your shite downline , will be met with a swift back-handed slap” .... Excerpts from My Adventure of Disclaiming Two-Legged Parasites.

It’s those damn MLM salesperson who are the ones causing all the disturbance. Where’s the FRU when you need them? A healthy dose of that stinky yellow water from that cannon of theirs should do nicely. Eh, how do I know that its yellow and stinky.. oops!. :p

#3. Compelled the public to lose faith in the nation’s economic policies.

“Saya memohon kebenaran untuk membawa ahli-ahli Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia, Cawangan Selangor untuk sebuah lawatan ke Padang Kemunting Turtle Management Center”.... Excerpts from My Adventure in Corresponding In My Mother Tongue.

See, I compel the public to support the various government agencies which are involved with wildlife and the environment. Unless the policies themselves are detrimental to Mother Nature, then we'll see how controversial I can get.

So, suffice to say, this blog is pretty much Cemerlang, Gemilang and Terbilang.

My Nocturnal Excursion Invite To Babe & KA

Excerpt from the MNS monthly newsletter for Aug 2006;

Sat, 5 Aug: Night Walk @ Kota Damansara Community Forest Park, Selangor

This is a Herpetofauna Group activity organised for Selangor Branch members and residents of Kota Damansara (and the Coordinator’s blog buddies -9). The park offers an easy trek through the forest trail. You will search for herplife, namely frogs and snakes.

Meet in front of SMK Section 10 Kota Damansara. Wear suitable outdoor clothes and hiking shoes. Bring insect repellent and torchlight. Refer to the May issue of the newsletter for the map to the park (I’ll post it up later when I figure out how to use the office scanner thingy -9)

Time: 8pm
Please contact the Group Coordinator; Hurnain Hamid at mns_herpetofauna@yahoo.com.my

Attention: Since both of them only want me for themselves, this invite is only in exclusive for Babe and KA. (Pssst.. the rest of you are invited as well but don't tell these two that I invited you guys as well.... make it like you're there by accident .. heh)

My Adventure of Breeding Rodents II

It has been almost 3 months now since I ventured into the rodent breeding excursion. Much has happened and almost akin to an episode of one of those South American (SA) soap operas, it has had murder, death, heartbreak, cover-ups etc. Remember the two hamsters we had, Bart & Ene? Remember I mentioned that we had suspected that Ene was pregnant. Well, our suspicions were true. She was.

Then Bart died.

How Bart died was a mystery in itself. I woke up one late Saturday afternoon to find Bart dead, half his body trapped between the cage-door. Now, we had made it habit in leaving the cage outside our room because hamsters being nocturnal, would be making a bloody racket around 3am – 6am, playing on their wheel and such. We suspected foul play. The suspects were the Missus’ nephews, whom her mum baby-sat for on weekends. Further investigation revealed nothing. No one was talking. Everyone denied knowledge. We smelled a cover-up.

I buried Bart outside our bedroom window.

We were worried that Ene might die of heartbreak as it is the norm for hamsters of this particular species but fortunately, she gave birth the very next day. And thus, for the next 2 weeks, she had been a single mother, raising 5 children on her own. We watched them grow up, hand-fed and tamed them till the point that they’ve recognized our voices.

Then the owner wanted them back. The initial agreement was to breed them and we would get one hamster as service fee. Demmit! We had to return them, minus one. We stalled the owner as long as we could, for almost 3 weeks in fact but the day came when we had to face the reality that we had to be parted from the whole family.

So, now we’re left with only one. The Missus had grown attached to on hamster, a male and the largest in the litter. We aptly named him Chubby. Chubby was the most tamed, and closest to the Missus and thus we had negotiated to have him.

So, today the Missus and I are going to look for a girlfriend for Chubby as well as new accommodations. We intend to breed more cute 'lil hamsters but this time round, the hamsters will be ours… and our alone.

My Adventure of Being a Petaling Street Hooligan

picture courtesy of Hantu Bola & S-kay

Yesterday, the resident surfers of Hantu Bola blog, Petaling Street Hoolies came together to play Futsal in our very own, 1st Futsal Meet at the Sports Barn in PJ, to finally put our money where our mouth were.

Try being the first one to arrive and going to the Sports Barn staff,

“Boss, ada booking untuk Hantu Bola tak pukul 7 nih?”

Fortunately, he didn’t take it as strange and was rather non-committal in hearing such a weird (and funky) name. Either the blog is reaaally famous or most of his customers use weirder names to book the courts. So here’s a bit of observation from last nite’s futsal session;

#1. The lads were polite. Which is quite strange if you think about it really, considering that we give stick and tear into each other, prominent individual players of various clubs and a certain local footie pundit on TV? It was all, ‘How do you?’, ‘Looks like rain, old chap’ scenario.

#2. Naz is bigger in real life.

#3. S-kay is thinner in real life.

#4. Anttyk plays right midfield, gammy leg and all.

#5. KY is a guy and not a chick.

#6. KY always tries for a screamer (even passing to a teammate 3 yards next to him)

#6. Eyeris has the skill and stamina but couldn’t hit a cows’ arse with... you know the saying. :p

#7. That was Scorkes last nite!?! Duh!

#8. That was Suanie last nite?!? Duh!

#9. I’m out of shape and my fitness is koyak.

#10. Din’s fitness is more koyak than me. Heh.

So, here’s to our next Futsal meet, where I’ll try to play up-front, being ‘9’ and hopefully remember to bring along my contact lenses. I was partially blind for most of the time last night. *cheh, last shot at excuse for being koyak*.

My legs hurt, and my back is killing me. I need a back rub from the Missus. Now, where’s that minyak gamat of mine.

My Adventure in Writing About Sex

One of my loyal and avid readers of my humble yet extraordinary blog, namely the Babe (who actually started all this emo closure of personal blogs), complained that I should start writing on juicy, illicit, erotic sex stories in here. Being the nice, accomodating (not forgetting good-looking) person that I am, I have decided to adhere to her lucid requests.

I'm sure everyone has a mate or two who are more inclined to brag about their shagging conquests. In fact, any man worth his salt will occasionally blow his own horn on how good he is in the sack and on the countless of women he had pleasured. The women, though less vocal than the men, are not exempted. In any group, you will always find a character of such sort.

Bloody annoying, innit? Especially for those of you who are phallus-challnged or can’t even score in a bloody brothel (this includes you, Crouchy), much less at the very least get someone who’s either, blind, mute and plain stoopid to sleep with you. No worries as the next time Mr. Brag-a-Lot starts sharing his sordid sexcapades with you, sort out his sexual ego by giving him some of these animal facts. These will sure bring him back down to earth as he, or she will find out that there are others whose sexual prowess and habits eclipses theirs.

Wild Sexual Habit #1.








Tens of thousands of red-sided garter snakes emerge from their underground hibernation dens and engage in “mating balls.” The male red-sided garters emerge first and wait patiently for the females to follow. Each time a female appears, the males surround her. The ball of snakes will writhe and sometimes even roll over land, until one male finally mates with the female.

Wild Sexual Habit #2.

Male Bottlenose Dolphins have been observed working in pairs to follow and/or restrict the movement of a female for weeks at a time, waiting for her to become sexually receptive. The same pairs have also been observed engaging in intense sexual play with each other. Studies that have shown the dolphins later in life are bisexual and the male bonds forged from homosexuality work for protection as well as locating females to reproduce with.

Wild Sexual Habit #3.

It has also been recorded that certain species of mole will impregnate newborns of their own species, the biological advantage to this is that when those moles mature and become fertile, they will become pregnant with the sperm of the mole that had mated with them at a very young age. Not sure whether this is forceful though.

Wild Sexual Habit #4.

This one is a cut above the rest. The Bonobo monkeys are found exclusively in the humid forests south of the Zaire River, sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, as it is being used as;

#1. A greeting (“Good morning, Boss” *shag*),

#2. A means of conflict resolutionn (“Aper? Perempuan tuh mintak you hantar dia balik umah? Tak boleh naik teksi ke?” *shag*),

#3. Post-conflict reconciliationn (“Ok, ok, I janji tak contact minah tuh lagi” *shag*),

#4. Favours traded by the females in exchange for food, (“Abg 9, mintak French fries you skett”? *shag*).

Interestingly, Bonobos are the only non-human apes to have been observed engaging in: face-to-face genital sex (most frequently female-female), tongue kissing, and oral sex.

Soooo... there you have it. If this doesn't shut Fabio up, nothing will, well, except for a good bloody thrashing.

My Adventure During the FIFA World Cup 2006

This is the only animal I'm interested in this month

Apologies for the decrease in postings of late. The greatest show on Earth has occupied much of my time. I understand that most of my loyal readers can't get enough of this blog, and I don't blame them. Sometimes, I can't get enough of myself as well.

Be rest assured that I have no intention to stop blogging, unlike some emo bloggers out there. Therefore, for those of you who terribly miss my ramblings, you can click yourselves to chitchatbola.blogspot.com in order to melepaskan rindu yang terbuku di hati selama ini.

You can find my ramblings there for the time being. Yes, the World Cup is first priority, as it always have been in the past, in the present and will continue to be in the future.

My Adventure of Giving Sound Advice

The sexual struggle is of two kinds: in the one it is between the individuals of the same sex, generally the males, in order to drive away or kill their rivals, the females remaining passive; while in the other, the struggle is likewise between the individuals of the same sex, in order to excite or charm those of the opposite sex, generally the females, which no longer remain passive, but select the more agreeable partners. --Darwin, 1871

Hobo had lamented his poor luck with the opposite species. You have to admit after reading his luahan hati of crashing out again and again; it is a surprise that National Geographic has yet to give him a special documentary piece on their Air Crash Investigation series.

Being the ever so helpful blogger buddy of his (aren’t we all a happy family in blogwerld?), I thought I’d share some interesting observations I had made from my experience and knowledge of the animal world. My analysis is made by identifying the common dating behavior of men with the traits of certain animals during their mating rituals. It is hoped that Hobo, as well as Jules and Awang, could use this guide to successfully pull up a bird.

Animal fact v Human Behavior #1.

The male peacock is elaborate and showy, mustering its physical resources to woo potential mates with its enormous, colorful and gaudy, fan-like tail plumage. This is apparent with most birds whose males are of different, more beautiful color than the females of the same species.

Notice those flashy buggers in their flashy cars*, attired in their sharpest Armani silk shirt and D&G pants. Their habitat would vary between the mating grounds of Jln. Telawi as well the watering holes of Jln P. Ramlee, on Saturday nights. The more expensive they look, the better their chances of attracting a mate (for mating, not a mate for sat nite footie).

So, now you realize why your faded Lois jeans, and t-shirt bundle aren’t attracting more attention from the ladies? About bloody time to mortage-up dad’s kebun durian, and get fitted with the latest fashion accessory. If you have friends, who are fashion models (maybe you’re not a sodding loser after all), try calling them up and ask for tips. In addition, try switching on Channel 8’s Lakme to see whats hip and happening at the moment (doesn’t hurt to look like John Abraham).

*Not to be confused with Ah Bengs or Mat Keta, who are not classified under this as they are more willing to hump their cars than their girlfriends.

Animal fact v Human Behavior #2.

Male frogs showcase their incredible vocal sac ability, as their cacophony of calls and chirps fills the night air to attract a mate. The call is unique to the species, and will attract females of that species.

This explains the existence of groupies. I’m sure Steven Tyler has lost count on how many times he’s had knickers (of varying sizes and types) thrown to him while he’s performing (luckily we’re too conservative to be pelting that chap Mawi with our undergarments).

Unfortunately for you lot, AF’s (Akademi Fundek) auditions have closed (better luck next time, losers!) but do not fret. I’m sure there is some vocal teacher out there stup err... willing enough to take you in as a student. Before long, you’ll be belting those ballads as well as Yusry or that masked bloke from Amuk (Yey Yearghh!).

A chick digs it when you sing to her soft, romantic ballads and it’s just a matter of time before she sings into your ‘microphone’.

Animal Fact v Human Behavior #3.

The bowerbird's most notable characteristic is the extraordinarily complex behaviour of males, which is to build a bower to attract mates. This bower is a complex structure of sticks and leaves - usually shaped like a walkway, a small hut or a maytree -, into and around which the male places a variety of objects he has collected.

Any chick who says that she can never be bought or doesn’t like presents is either pulling your leg (when you wished she was pulling some other part of your appendage) or mental. Your ability in providing for her by buying expensive gifts will adhere her to you. Never underestimate the power of a Tiffany bracelet. The downside is when your salary is peanuts like mine right now, then you’re screwed (in the negative sense).

Animal Fact v Human Behavior #4.

The North American elk are big-shouldered beasts with majestic sets of many-tined antlers. During breeding season, fight rituals occur between males in order to determine who is entitled to breed with the available females.

Fortunately for us, we don’t have to go ala Royal Rumble just to get the girl. The above-mentioned behavior is only applicable when a rival male tries to move in on your lady.. However, at times like these, you are expected to be the gentleman and not treat the lady like an object or an item to be squabbled over. To make it worse, the bugger has read this blog and utilised the 1st 3 guides mentioned above. Shite. What do you do?

Playing fair and square are for tossers. All is fair in love and war, remember. This is where those voices in your head which you’ve been hearing come into play. Go on, listen to them . Go clean that shotgun of yours. If you’re severely lacking in fire arms, don’t worry, remember that tyre iron in your car boot.? A few good shots to the back of the guys’s head when he’s not looking should do the trick, and for heaven’s sake don’t tell the girl. They’ll be pissed for some reason.

There you have it, I wish you, my brothers the very best of luck in your quest to pick up the chicks and become a babe magnet like yours truly.

Disclaimer: The above posts should be read in jest, with a pinch of sarcasm to it. For heaven's sake don't go clobbering some mate of yours in the back of the head just because he was checking out your girlfriend. In addition, I would like to add that I have no prejudicial personal agendas with the bloggers mentioned in the above. I am sure that Hobo, Jules & Awang are strapping lads who can woo a girl only by winking at them.

My Adventure on Sea Turtle Conservation

The Green Sea Turtle, Chelonia Mydas is listed under Appendix I of CITES (Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species). This means that if you were an animal species listed under this particular category, you're royally screwed. Only animal species which are critically endangered and about to be buggered are placed under the 1st Appendix. You are allowed certain protection once you're under the 'about to be buggered' category though, as those pesky human gits are only allowed to trade, either you or any of your species only in exceptional circumstances. This basically means that there shall be no trade (read: capturing you in the wild and sticking you in their backyard) of your species (egss included) whatsoever, unless of course some of those gits are conducting scientific research on you.

Life for a sea turtle nowadays look pretty bleak. Not only there are threats to the species' survival like habitat destruction on their beaches, being accidentally tangled in fisherman’s nets, some wanker poaching their eggs, trash pollution in the oceans and getting whacked by muppets on watercrafts. Then there is also the danger of artificial lighting on nesting beaches, which confuses the hatchlings and lures them toward roads instead of toward the sea where they should go.

Again, if you were one of the Chelonia species, it would take you about 30 years to mature. 30 loooong years, or about 7 world cups to pass before (if you're a hot chicas adult female sea turtle) to return to the same beach from which you hatched originally to lay your eggs. Furthermore, this can take place every two to four years in maturity which produces on average about four to seven nests per nesting season. Being a little juvenile turtle is no easy kickabout in the park either. Your mortality rate is very high as only, at most, 1 in 100 of you will be successful in making it to adulthood. Shite, half your siblings would get picked off one by one from the sand by seagulls as they try to reach the ocean after hatching. Then there's sharks and morays and whatever else is waiting to gobble you up in the ocean.

SEATRU (our local Sea Turtle Research Unit based in Redang) reports that the nesting density for green turtles in Terengganu showed year to year fluctuations. Average annual nestings shows a decline of almost 62% from 10 year ago. Nonetheless, the size of the green turtle population in Terengganu is the most significant, compared to the other species.

Therefore, it was only apt that last week, during my honeymoon-cum-dive trip, we were holed up at Turtle Beach in Pulau Perhentian, a secluded yet quaint stretch of beach overlooking a little cove. The beach is in actual fact gazetted as a turtle nesting site by Marine Parks and yet a resort had been in operation for the last 2 years. Another proof of government apathy at its best. Considering that it was not the operator’s entire fault as they were not informed by the government of the gazette, they are now working closely with SEATRU on how best to mitigate the risks.

Marine Parks had even opened up a turtle hatchery site on the other side of the island and so each night, some of their staff patrol the beach to collect and transfer the eggs to the assigned site for better protection against poachers and predators.

However, even with the strict efforts done by the respective government agencies and NGO alike, there were still incidents which showed that turtle conservation in Malaysia has a long way to go.

Case #1.

On the first night at about 11pm, we heard the unmistakable sound of a Chelonia dragging its heavy body up the beach. She was huge, the snout-to-vent length alone was about 1 metre. The width was half of that. We spied it from afar. No lights and no sound.

Together with the Marine Parks staff, we tried as best as we could to cordone the area off in order to give the animal some personal space. Since poaching is still a major problem even with the existing regulations, we had swept the beach to hide the tracks of the turtle. (Poachers spotlight the beaches to look for tracks which would indicate a turtle landing had taken place.).

Then came the problem. During the nesting, a boat operator from the local village came in with a boatload of tourists and started to converge on the nesting site. The culprit who had brought in the tourist was a local, much influential it seemed as the Marine Parks staff didn’t dare to raise a finger to stop him. Stopping short of getting into a fight with the Wanker, I tried to explain how disturbing a nesting mother would deter it from ever landing on the beach for nesting ever again. My argument fell on deaf ears. They had surrounded the poor creature and were taking pictures of her, flashes and all.

Case #2.

Whilst in Kuala Terengganu, the Missus wanted to visit the local flea market to do a bit of shopping, and there, even with strict CITES guidelines and Fisheries legislation, were rows upon rows of turtle eggs, being openly and blatantly sold.

In conclusion, common sense and logic dictates it simply that if an animal is being threatened by extinction, the best thing that people can do is to stop all activities which can reduce its population even further. It was fortunate enough that the nesting mother was able to finish the job and return to sea, even with a bloody mob around her. I mean, you wouldn’t like it if someone stuffed a bloody camera up your arse while you’re giving birth, would you? Will you return to the same bloody hospital for your 2nd birth? I should think not.

Consuming the eggs of an endangered species wouldn't help it's critical situation either. it's not like it tastes good anyway, very bland and minging (hey, I was 6 years old). Remember, stop the demand and the supply will follow suit too.

My Adventure of Breeding Rodents

A hamster is a rodent belonging to subfamilyy Cricetinae. The subfamily contains about 18 speciess, classified in six or seven generaa. Most have expandable cheek pouches, which reach from their cheeks to their shoulders. Because they are easy to keep and breed in captivity, hamsters are popular pets. Oh and they're also nocturnal by nature.

Exactly two weeks ago, a friend of mine, Bart, had asked the Missus to take care of his two pet Campbell's dwarf hamster (Phodopus campbelli), with the main intention of breeding them. Apparently the missus, before meeting God’s gift to women, had been a rather succesful hamster breeder. She was so good that at one point, she was putting up hamsters- for- sale- signs around the neighbourhood because she was running out of space to put them all up in her house.

Bart, who has had some experience over the years in keeping hamsters, has nominal success in propagating his hamster popluation. As such, he had asked whether the missus was interested in adopting them for a while, with the hope that his two babies, Papa and Kecik, would produce a large number of offsprings.

Bart supplied us with all of his hamster-ing equipment and the two rodents have been at the house for the last 2 weeks. One thing about this particular species is that, unlike their larger cousins, Dwarf hamsters are very unfriendly towards strangers. Unless a person has been handling and taking care of one since it was a juvenile, their reponse to any fool (ini this case, the fool would be me) would be with extreme prejudice.

It so happened that the Missus was ill the first week when we received the two and so it fell to me to do all the washing, feeding and playing (read: getting my fingers bitten off). My first task had been renaming them, much to the chagrin of Bart as I had named the larger male, Bart, after its owner and the smaller female, Ene, after Bart’s RL girlfriend (also a good friend of ours).

Due to the risk of severed digits I face everyday, I noticed that as of yesterday, the two little shites have started to show some affection towards me. More so with Ene. Although Bart still tries to remove a finger or two , I’m now able to hand feed him without too much trouble.

I have also noticed that Bart have started, and I quote; “mengejar si kecik dari belakang dengan rakusnya sekali”. After a few days of chasing, I further noticed that Ene have been easily lethargic and spends most of her time inside her small plastic house. A quick with Bart’s (human version) hamster handbook revealed that the females, during gestation, would not allow the male to copulate with her and is very passive. Ditto.

Ene, (the hasmter) if pregnant, would gestate for about 16 to 18 days. Therefore, in about 3 weeks time, hopefully we would hear the tiny patters of hamster feets running around the cage.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to replace the bandages on my fingers.

*until Ene (the human) sends me the pics of the hasmters, we will have to make do with a plagarised version from Wikipedia's.

My Adventure of Corresponding in My Mother Tongue

If you're wondering where the hell are my new postings, well I've been very the busy. Work, Life and MNS takes a heavy toll on my creativity to write. Even more so when I had letter to a government agency to write too. Till now, I have no idea how I got an A2 for BM during my SPM.

Pengarah
Jabatan Perikanan Negeri Melaka,
Batu Berendam,
75050 Melaka.

2 Mei 2005

Tuan,

Per: Lawatan ke Padang Kemunting ‘Turtle Management Center’
________________________________________________________________

Saya memohon kebenaran untuk membawa ahli-ahli Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia, Cawangan Selangor untuk sebuah lawatan ke Padang Kemunting ‘Turtle Management Center’.

Butiran lanjut mengenai aktiviti tersebut adalah seperti berikut:-

Tarikh : Sabtu, 22 Julai 2006 – Ahad, 23 Julai 2006
Bil. Peserta : 20 orang
Tujuan : 1. Mempelajari dengan lebih mendalam mengenai usaha-usaha ‘Turtle Conservation'
2. Membantu pegawai Tabung Hidupan Liar Sedunia (WWF) dengan tugas-tugas
harian beliau.

Saya amat berbesar hati sekiranya permohonan saya dipertimbangkan.

Terima Kasih.

Yang benar,

Hurnain Hamid
Penyelaras Kumpulan Herpetofauna
Persatuan Pencinta Alam Malaysia
Cawangan Selangor

It took me about 2 hours to write the bloody thing, I shite you not.

My Adventure of (Not) Getting Tagged III

I would be lying if I said that nothing's been happening lately. There was the Frogging trip in FRIM last Saturday and my trip to the Aquaria the Saturday before that. However, I've decided to save those write-ups for a rainy day. For the time being, you lot have to be satisfied with this particular tag which is going around, created by people who have nothing better to do;

My ex and ‘Paybacks’ have something in common…. their both a BITCH.

Maybe I should grow up because I’m driving the missus crazy with my immaturity.

I love it when Liverpool scores. Especially in big-arse games like the one on Sunday morning. So, thank you Messrs Garcia & Arne Risse. You two made a lousy weekend so much bearable.

I don't understand why the Missus thinks that playing the PS2 is a waste of time, when I’m perfectly going to cut the grass after I finally beat that annoying Level 8 Boss. When? Dunno yet. Maybe in one day, or a week or two or even a month. Hey, you really can’t plan these things.

I lose my temper easily, especially during rush hour traffic. Thus, the excessive use of a certain appendage as well as the colorful language utilized.

People say that I can be selfish at times. I easily burn bridges only to regret it later. I’m sure that my life would be richer if I didn’t have done that.

I could've borrowed money of them.

Love is when you wake up to a disheveled-looking missus, air liur basi et all and still think that she’s a total hottie.

Somewhere, someone is cutting a perfectly good tree down.

I will always perceive David Beckham as a twat. Not because he's an ex-Manc.

No, really.

Forever is my love for my wife.

I never want to go through another of our wedding reception. Three…. yes, three receptions were enough. Any more and I’ll have to commit myself to one of those established mental institutions, which is going to suck because I don’t think they have internet facilities there.

I think the current US President is a tosser. The US foreign policy has never been worse since the 60s. His decision to invade Afghanistan and Iraq were unjustifiable, but then being the tosser that he is, he wouldn’t give a crap of what I think anyway.

When I wake up in the morning, I wished that I could go back to sleep again.

My past was filled with ups and downs. More ups than down, and I’m not talking about the time when I went on that roller coaster in Genting.

I get annoyed when the missus sulks. Sulking should be banned or made illegal. It doesn’t matter if I had initially spilled that glass of iced Coke on her favorite carpet. Unjustifiable, I say.

Parties are for yuppies. Why waste a perfectly good Saturday night in Jln. P. Ramlee, spending it with drunken Mat Sallehs when I could go off on one of my nocturnal excursions, chasing wild animals in the jungle.

My dog would be a hybrid between a Bull Terrier and a Shitzu. I'll name it Bullshitz.

My cat is in Sg. Petani with my family. I miss the little shite a lot.

Kisses are an important relationship tool and always should be accompanied with roses, especially when one has spilled that glass of iced Coke on wife’s favorite carpet.

Tomorrow Never Dies is a title of a Bond film which I caught on satellite TV last two weeks.

I really want to snog Kat McPhee. She’s hot. She’s not as hot like the missus is, but still hotter than your mum.

I have low tolerance for minah gedik-gedik. One of these days, I’m really gonna lose it and run one over with a Caterpillar. Except for Kat McPhee of course. She can gedik-gedik all she wants.

So, I'm tagging Kat Mcphee and The President of the United States of America. I'm sure they read my blog all the time.

My Adventure of Being an Eejit II

With an audible groan, I reached out and switched off the annoying alarm clock. Groggily, I opened my eyes and saw that it was already 6.30 am .

Rising quietly as not to disturb the missus, I shakily made my way to the bathroom. I was still not fully awake and spent at least one minute staring at the shower head. After suffering the freezing waters, I towelled myself dry, and went to claim my working attire from the cupboard, where the missus had hung them after kindly ironing them the night before.

After performing the Subuh prayer, (express version as usual), I collected my laptop, various other office documents and started up the car. I let the car warm up a bit before making my way out. It was still dark, and the housing area was deathly quiet. I thought none of it as I continued to the Bukit Mahkota toll booth and on to the KL-Seremban highway.

10 minutes later, I noticed that the traffic was lesser than usual. Still, I thought none of it.
I became suspicious when I reached the Sg. Besi toll booth when I saw PLUS had only opened up 2 ticket booths. I thought that it was highly inefficient of them to do so due to the heavy load of traffic entering KL on weekdays. I had driven about 1km past the toll booth, when I definitely knew something was amiss. There was absolutely no bloody cars on the road that morning. Usually, this particular stretch would be choc-a-bloc full of other commuters. Immediately, I ejected my CD and switched on the radio. I managed to catch 'public holiday' at the end of the DJ's sentence.

Ah.. sudah.

I quickly called my mum up, and asked her the most stupidest question I have ever asked her......

Ma, hari ni Malaysia cuti ke?

She replied by laughing her head off.

How in the hell did I not know that it was Maulidur Rasul yesterday? Suffice to say in my defence that I had a 3 day seminar last week, and I was on Annual Leave on Monday. In addition, I had one of those stupid calendars which did not show the public holidays in Malaysia. But still....

Agak terasa bodoh la jugak semalam.

My Adventure of Disclaming Two-Legged Parasites

Disclaimer:

All MLM agents, please be advised.

I would like to make known that I, Hurnain Hamid, along with the Missus, have NO intention in joining a Multi-level marketing program. Furthermore, after Friday nite’s events where we were ambushed by representatives of such an organisation, we are of the opinion that Mutli-level Marketing companies are parasites and an annoyance to the general public.

We are also of the opinion, in response to your annoying and consistent bullshite effort that;

#1. Sitting at maplehs in full office attire at 12am and calling it ‘going to work’ is not to my liking. There is another term for it. We call it, ‘being a LOSER’.

#2. Please do not regale me of how you bloody used to ride a Kap Chai and now you drive a Merc C class. Yes, I am aware that you have parked it in the middle of the bloody road for the whole world to see. It is called ‘POYO’ and is a catalyst for my disinterest, and my foot down your throat.

#3. Please do not start a conversation with, “Apa beza kau dan aku?”. Statements such as these and many more implies that you think that you are better than me. I am well aware that you have a big fat car. You receive tens & thousands of ringgit in a month (as seen from the cheques that you showed me) as compared to my own pathetic salary.

So fucking what? I am not as materialistic as you.

#4. Please do not assume that I am stupid by trying to convice me that your organisation is not an MLM and you are not a salesman. The fact that you tried to rope me in as your downline just adds fuel to my fire of suspicion, that your company is indeed an MLM company. Furthermore, you were trying to sell me pills of unknown origins. What do you call that then? A bleedin' pharmacist?

#5. Getting a total stranger to sit for 3 hours and making them listen to you and your colleagues drone on and on about your wonderful company, is not advisable to your health. Just know that I was giving my friend ‘face’ by pretending to listen to the all the bullshit your were talking about.

Perhaps the hints which I did, i.e. playing with my phone, reaing that magazine & watching the footie match on the mapleh’s telly, was clear indication that I was not at all interested.

In summary, I can only conlude that;

#1. You lot only live on other people’s efforts. Your company, pays you a shitload based on how many people you can bloody recruit. Your only effort for the business is tyring to convice people at maplehs in joining your damn organisation………and annoying the shite of me.

That is not what I call a business. That is NOT the method in which I would like to get rich.

*2. I am heavily invloved with wildlife conservation. So is the wife. Therefore, I have no time to go off and do your MLM shite. Tak paham ke bila aku cakap aku takde masa? Bodoh ke apa kau ni?

#3. Please be informed that any future attempts of trying to get either me, or the missus, to join your shite downline , will be met with a swift back-handed slap.

You can throw yourself out of a tall building for all care. In fact, please do.